Will Be Later to Win
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.
'The Times They Are A-Changin'' – Bob Dylan
They sat in the mess, three identical men in a huddle.
At their arrival, there was too much panic for them to be paid much attention. As things calmed slightly, they were given fearful looks. It was not the first time; they were soldiers, they were used to looks of fear. Fear of what they could do, fear of what they brought with them. As time progressed even further, they received looks of what they realized was shock, then something akin to awe.
They were clones who had disobeyed. No one had heard of such a thing. And the order they had disobeyed had changed the galaxy.
Prying eyes would dart towards them, mouths would gossip. They didn't know where to go, or what to do. It was unnerving. They were used to existing in a sea of anonymity and sameness.
The mess was safe. They occupied themselves with food and their familiar faces, turning their backs to onlookers.
A chair scraped outward, and Ahsoka plopped herself down. They looked up, startled at the sudden company. She laced her fingers together, set them on the table and announced, "I have a proposition for you guys."
Two babies lay in a cradle.
One was asleep. The other was looking straight upward, arms and legs flailing, trying to kick off the soft blanket, and succeeding only in entangling the fluffy pinkness more tightly around her. Round cheeks began to puff up and redden.
"Shh, shh," Ahsoka said, leaning down and untangling the little girl. She stopped squirming, blinked and made a puckering motion with her lips, as though startled at the sudden absence of the annoyance. Her brown eyes closed as she burbled happily. Chubby arms reached outward, hands flailing.
Ahsoka looked around. A droid-nurse was busy nearby, though didn't seem to be paying attention. There was no rule she had heard that she was not allowed to touch them. She reached out. "You want up?" she asked.
Leia squealed happily, and Ahsoka smiled, carefully scooping her out of the crib and holding her cautiously. She bit her lip as Leia, with very little motor control yet, promptly banged her head into Ahsoka's injured shoulder as she settled. It was still stiff from healing. Leia was squirming happily, no longer trapped into either bed or blanket. A plump hand repeatedly smacked the nearest lekku.
She looked down at the baby. So much was resting on these two children. Leia was dark eyed and dark haired, tufts blooming around her head like a wispy chocolate halo. "Hi there," Ahsoka said, and Leia stopped her squirming for a moment to look up and blink. "I guess, from a certain point of view, I'm your Aunt Ahsoka, huh?"
Leia made another happy noise and an attempt to grab Ahsoka's nose.
"So you're what happens because of attachment," she said, lifting her nose out of reach. Leia frowned and waved a hand furiously. Ahsoka laughed a little, and offered her a finger instead. Newborn, chubby fingers batted at it for a moment, then grasped, curling firmly around. Ahsoka smiled down at her.
It was hard to be angry about the babies. She could only pity Padme. She did not know what to think of Anakin. Her feelings were too conflicted. She thought she would have supported him, even covered for him, had she known, wrong as it was. Why hadn't he trusted her? She would have sympathized, at the very least. Try as she might, she could not bring herself to feel that falling in love was such a terrible thing. She did not really understand how this could have happened. Master Skywalker had always been a little wild, a little too eager for action, even a little too protective. But those were understandable faults. How had they combined to create this disaster? What Master Kenobi had reported to her, ashen faced, was horrific beyond reason. It was impossible to reconcile the man she knew with the catastrophe he had brought about. The deaths. The betrayal. The destruction. She took a shuddering breath, refusing to give in to tears again. Later. Not now. Later.
She feared for the future. The Emperor had already shown his colors with the synchronized murders of the Jedi. There was only the question of how long it would take for the rest of the galaxy to recognize this.
Palpatine. Emperor. Sith. The name was a hiss in her mind. She knew who was to blame. A means to an end. This end. He cared for no one and nothing but his own power. He had no compassion, no kindness, no attachment to anything other than hate and revenge and destruction.
She feared that the Jedi rule of non-attachment was far more correct than she had thought. She had, at times, challenged it in her mind, turning the arguments over in her head. Wondered why, wondered if it was really as dangerous as she was taught.
Her Master's fall from grace seemed to be undeniable proof of it.
But Master Kenobi spoke of the twins. Of the hope they provided. It left her confused. Did he hope the babies would grow to kill their father, or turn him back to the light? People spoke in platitudes, softer, unclear words. What was to be expected of these children? Were they to be a weapon? A means to another end?
If it was to turn Anakin back to the light, then were they not using his potential attachment to them to achieve that end? A better end? A new beginning?
What was it, then? Evil? Good? Neither?
So she sought out the children. To look at another result of her Master's falling in love.
Leia smacked her hand into Ahsoka's headtail again, as though annoyed she was not being paid enough attention to. "Sorry, little one," she apologized, amused, then began bouncing lightly. Leia's expression switched back to contentment, and she began reaching out for Ahsoka's finger again. Tiny fingers began to curl around the larger, orange one. It was a firm grip.
"What are you, little girl?" she murmured.
Ahsoka looked at the baby's round brown eyes. Something seemed to catch, to hook onto the back of her mind, tug her forward flowingly as though caught in a stream. Quick images passed through her mind too quickly to sort, swirling on a current of Force that eddied between them.
A brown-eyed, brown-haired girl running wildly through elegant hallways, laughing. A fierce voice lifted, indistinguishable words ringing into the air. The sound of a fist striking a table. A young woman standing at the entrance of a large building, arguing. A woman in white with intricately coiled hair, standing tall on a pavilion. A shout of defiance.
Then Ahsoka was looking at a baby's face again. It blinked back at her, questioningly. Her mouth rounded into an attempt at a toothless smile. She squealed.
"I hope we're not expecting too much," said a tired, low voice, and Ahsoka snapped quickly to the side, startled, to watch Obi-Wan step into the nursery area of the medical bay. "They give so much hope."
A fierce voiced lifted. She tried to recall the image that accompanied it, but it passed by like a shadow. She struggled to assemble the images and sounds. She was not prone towards flashes of the future. It was very jumbled. She tried to focus. She had only seen Padme Amidala a few times in real life. A few others in holos. Always proud, regal, sharp. A fierce voice in the Senate.
"This one will be like her mother," she said, tilting her head back towards Leia, who squirmed impatiently. Ahsoka began to bounce her a little again. She did not see Obi-Wan's look of consternation.
"You've seen this?"
Ahsoka frowned a little. "I don't know. I saw…something. Her." She smiled down at the baby again. "You're already a fierce one, aren't you?" Leia bubbled with assent, and tried to eat her fingers. "I saw her growing up. And she was strong."
Obi-Wan stood beside the cradle, looked down on the sleeping boy, then to the girl cradled in Ahsoka's arms. His gaze settled on Ahsoka's face. He seemed to be weighing something. "You've grown up, too."
She looked over at him, smiled faintly. It seemed like praise, almost. She nodded in thanks.
"You should be knighted."
That caused a startled blink, and for her head to snap upward. "Knighted? I…but the Trials, and I…."
"You've earned it." He looked at the light bandage still on her shoulder. "If what you've told me is true, of what you experienced when you woke…I did not take the Trials myself. Sometimes life puts you through tests far more challenging." Obi-Wan stepped closer, looked down at the child Ahsoka was holding. "I'm the last of the Council, save for Yoda. It's my decision to make. You're skilled, Ahsoka, even if you're still young." He lifted an eyebrow, and she saw a bit of Obi-Wan's usual dry humor shine through for a moment. "This is hardly permission for you to be reckless, though."
A smile broke through her surprise. It was a relief to see him, for however short a time, back to himself. She bounced Leia lightly, rocking her gently in her arms. She had always thought Master Skywalker would be there to knight her. She pressed her lips together. They needed Knights. She sensed no deception from Obi-Wan. He meant what he said, it was true. But it was also true there were nearly no Jedi left. Those who survived were broken, scattered, hunted. It was a step that would not be taken in other circumstances. She was needed. Whatever she could do, it would be needed.
Permission to be reckless. She forced the image of Skyguy out of her mind. This was not the time. She would not mention Anakin in front of Obi-Wan. Not now. Not when she was too confused herself. It would only prod at wounds not yet healed. She would think about it more, later. "I would be honored, Master Kenobi," she replied.
Leia waved her hands toward each other in an attempt at a clap, though it ended up mostly being wriggling. It caught the attention of the adults. Simple happiness radiated out from her newborn mind. She had a full belly, she was warm and not in her bed, and the big people were including her in their circle. All was right with the world.
"There must be others," Ahsoka said aloud, looking at Leia, then the sleeping Luke, feeling suddenly protective. She came to see the babies, unsure if she would find any answers. She still didn't know if she had any, but they provided a purpose.
She was a Jedi. She would protect who she could. The rest would take time.
She turned towards Master Kenobi. "If I'm to be knighted, then I want a mission. To learn more about what's happening. To find others. Or at least try to." Her face grew hard. "We're Jedi. They can't kill us all, forever." Her arms tightened around the baby. "There was a holocron with names, once. They'll be going after them."
She did not need to add who 'they' would have to be. Later. Not now. Not in front of the babies, not in front of Master Kenobi. She could weep later when she was alone. Now there was work to be done. This had to be the real meaning of doing what was necessary. She would be the means. Survival for whoever she could reach would be the results. She would do what she could.
"It will be dangerous."
Ahsoka gave him a hard look. Obi-Wan looked weary, concerned, but nodded. Leia patted her lekku reassuringly.
"I'm hoping I won't have to do it alone."
A chair scraped outward, and Ahsoka plopped herself down. They looked up, startled at the sudden company. She laced her fingers together, set them on the table and announced, "I have a proposition for you guys."
Three men looked up from their trays of half-eaten food, uncertain. Fives bent his head and became occupied in bending a fork between his fingers.
"I need your help." Two faces looked back at her, expectant. One pushed remains of food around on his plate. She fidgeted. She knew what she needed to say, but not quite how to say it. Almost all of it felt too blunt, awkward. "I want to begin searching for survivors. I'd like the three of you to come with me. Senator Amidala is to have a funeral on Naboo." She took a deep breath. "I'd like to start by finding a Gungan girl who lives there again."
Rex said, "Gungan girl? A Force-sensitive. You're talking about the kidnapped kids, back with the stolen holocron."
"Yes. I want to start there." She reached up, touched her shoulder lightly. "I want the three of you to come with me. To help. I'm doing it either way, but I'd rather have some men at my back that I can trust." She gave them a hopeful look.
The three clones exchanged glances. Echo spoke first, uncertainly. "You're…giving us a choice?"
Ahsoka looked at him blankly for a moment, then deflated a little. She closed her eyes and passed a hand over them. "Yes. I'm giving you a choice."
She waited, watching the three of them stare at each other for a minute, each looking, to varying degrees, puzzled. As the confusion drew on, she ventured, "There is no more Army of the Republic. There is no more Republic." They had to face this. So did she. She braced herself again. "You three. You can't go back." She lowered her head. "The Empire." She bit her lip. "You know what would happen if they knew you…" she chose a gentler phrase than betrayed them, "were missing in action. You're…free agents, now, I guess. I'm still working out everything, and I need to talk to Senator Organa. But I'd like to have you with me. I know I can trust you. I want to make this work."
"And if we say no?" Fives asked, voice dull and head bowed.
"Then I go on my own," she said simply, standing, chair scraping against the floor. "If you want some time to think about it, please take some. But it won't be long before departure for Naboo."
Fives did not move. Echo looked worried. Rex looked up at her and nodded once, tried to look encouraging. Her face softened, then she left.
It took time for them to come to a decision, for they were unwilling to part ways.
Three men and a woman stood before a long-range transport.
They were changed from what they had always been.
Three lacked armor. They were soldiers no longer.
One lacked a silka bead Padawan braid. She was an apprentice no longer.
She stepped forward with a look of resolve.
Three men followed her.