A/N: This chapter gets a bit angsty. It probably seems a bit OOC, but then again, it is an AU. A reminder that when people are angry, they tend to say hurtful things that they don't really mean and also lose their reasoning (in theory at least).

Deserted of Memories

Chapter Four

(Eiji's POV)

Fuji was worried. Hell, even that Tomoka girl was worried and she had only met me for what, a couple of hours at most? I mean, just because I wasn't bouncing up and down in joy didn't mean that I was suicidal or anything. In fact, I would say that had a right to be miserable. It's not every day that someone finds their village, their whole life destroyed in a single moment. And the dangers of infiltrating an enemy base weren't helping much either.

Fuji should have expected me to become cold, frozen in anguish and hate. He should have known that I would drift around in my grief, needing only to make those responsible suffer. What did he want? For me to continue smiling, joking, laughing, pretending I was fine, and accept all the misfortunes that fate would throw at me? I didn't want concern, I didn't want sympathy; I just wanted revenge.

But the anxiety that clouded his eyes was killing me.

I didn't want him to worry over me, I never did. I had always been an elated, bubbly mass of optimism, enjoying all the possibilities life could offer. I wanted to radiate happiness to all those around me and make others smile just as vibrantly as I tried to. That's why the months after my family's disappearance had been the worst in my life. The whispers of understanding, the pitiful glances, they all felt so suffocating. Their compassion had always worked before, so they couldn't comprehend that what I needed was some brightness to dispel all the dismal moods that smothered me.

I hated it when people worried over me, because their worry would drag my mood down too.

Yet Fuji had no way of knowing this. He had only known me for a few weeks and he had his own amnesia to stress over. And even though I am thought of as having an energetic, open personality, I had long mastered the art of hiding my dark feelings. Compassion only went one way to me I could give it to others, but I would never accept it and the gloom that came with it.

Perhaps someday that would change. Perhaps someday I could trust someone enough to reveal my deepest emotions. But not now. No, right now I was perfectly fine in handling my sorrow by myself. Let them wonder. Let Fuji wonder all he likes. I'll go back to my usual self and he'll forget all about this phase in my life.

(Fuji's POV)

It seemed like he hated me. The way his eyes would narrow every time he glanced at me. And who could blame him? I had lost nothing, maybe a home, but it was too temporary to count. I had no connections to anyone, I had no memories of anything other than some vague dreams, I could never be hurt in the same way he was. In fact, there were several reasons why Eiji could have hated me. I abruptly settled in his life, took up the time he had with the rest of the village and was now a constant reminder of what would forever be lost to him. And because we had to walk the hundred of so kilometres of barren terrain to the castle, I had all the time in the world to try to decipher the new negativity that had now taken hold of Eiji.

Maybe I was just deluding myself.

For all I knew, Eiji was usually a dejected person. Maybe all the cheerful I had seen was just a fake personality. I hardly knew him, I couldn't know anything about how he usually is. We were just strangers who met by coincidence and who had only just become friends.

Then why does the thought of him hating me hurt so much?

I didn't want Eiji to hate me, to despise me. A world without his vivid smile, his tinkling laughter seemed so dull and bleak. Perhaps it was simply because he was the only person, excluding Tomoka, that I knew in this world. Without him I would be lost, without him I simply couldn't survive. I needed him, maybe more than he could ever realise.

On the topic of Tomoka, the girl was also very quiet. This created a tense silence between the three of us, interrupted only by the faint howling of the wind. The moon, the stars were practically non-existent, as thick, gray clouds covered the sky. I felt like I was walking towards my execution, the brisk pace set by Tomoka leaving me breathless as the night wore on.

That was when I truly began wondering over our mission. Tomoka claimed she knew several hidden passageways within the castle, yet with no real plan, how could three kids, including a 10 year old girl, ever hope to be successful against a whole castle of enemies? It was truly a path to self destruction, but my two companions seemed too distraught and possessed by thoughts of retaliation to even care. It was then that I decided that I would stop this hopeless suicide. Even if it meant I was hated. In fact, I was already hated. A spiteful Eiji was better than a dead one.

"We should stop."

My words were like a couple of brittle twig struggling to survive in a hurricane.

Doomed to fail.

I tried again. "Three kids aren't going to be much use against trained professionals."

More useless twigs.

"Look. It's foolish to throw away your lives away in the heat of the moment. I understand that you're angry but you still have to make rational decisions."

"No, you don't."

The quiet mutter of Eiji took me by surprise. Not because he was finally speaking, but because of his tone. The hostility was like venom soaking into the atmosphere, staining all with a harshness that I had never imagined before. He turned around to glare at me and suddenly, it was like we were in a world of our own, a world full of bitterness.

"You don't understand. You don't understand anything. No one important to you has died, the people you have known all your life, the place you spent your whole life in has not just up and perished. You will never get it, because you don't have anyone to care about. You don't have to worry over anyone, stress over anyone, because you have no one. You've forgotten them all and you don't know how lucky you are not to be caught up in such complicated feelings."

That struck a nerve.

"You think I'm lucky? You think it's good to spend hours constantly trying to find clues, trying to find something to show that you existed, that you had a life, looking for anything that can tell you who you really are? Do you know how it feels like to want to know something so bad it hurts, but so scared that what you might remember is something so traumatic that it caused you to lose your memory in the first place?"

I was losing my composure so fast. Why was I not in control of my own words? But I had continue, once I started, I found I just couldn't stop.

"Can you even imagine what it's like trying to suppress all the doubts, all the worries you have, simply because strangers know you better than you do yourself? Where you have no idea on how you're supposed to feel, how you're supposed to act? Where you feel so excluded from the rest of the world, but can't say anything about it because that will just make you more of a burden than you've already become?"

Silence.

Was that a cue for me to continue?

I took a deep breath. Spoke in a calmer, quieter voice.

"Sometimes I hate myself. I wonder how I was stupid enough to get in a situation where I lost my memories. Even if it was just a knock on the head. Because if only I had been more careful, I would have never ended up in a situation like this. "

"So?"

Emotionless. Pitiless. And just so cold.

"Why should I care?"

(Eiji's POV)

I often wonder how I never saw the signs. How I never realised all the psychological torment Fuji was constantly putting himself through. Not on purpose, but the loss of his memories caused him to be unsure, unconfident, so self-doubting. He hid his troubles too well, behind that beautiful close-eyed smile of his.

But I was angry. Whether it was from my village's destruction, or simply the idea of just giving up, I was furious. And because of that, my reactions towards Fuji, towards the words in which he contained all his fears and insecurities, towards the moments where he let me glimpse his very soul, were detached, brutal and cruel. Every one of those sickly sweet words was a stab at his already defenceless heart. And a smile, full of malice, to accompany them.

"Why should I care? You said so yourself, indirectly or not, you caused your own pain, your own suffering and you only have yourself to blame. You deserve what you got. But that's just you. People died in that explosion, people who were my life, who were so important to me that frankly, I don't care what happens to me now, as long as I can do something, anything, to make up for their deaths. I just don't have anything worth living for anymore."

"Not even me?"

In that instance, I truly hated him. How did he know the only way to make me lose my resolve? Those sincere words, laced with that trace of hope, he would never know how much they affected me. In my inner turmoil, those words were the light that opened up a new path of optimism. And I hated him for that.

This wasn't supposed to happen. I had promised myself that I would no longer be affected by him, that my world would not go spinning out of control, reacting to everything he did. It was wrong of me to be crushing on someone amnesic and vulnerable, and another boy at that, but no matter what I tried, I couldn't make myself apathetic, I couldn't treat him like anyone else. All I did just seemed to hurt him.

You're more important to me than you think.

"We should get a move on if we want to reach the castle before dawn."

Ah, that soft, timid voice. Tomoka. I had completely forgotten about her. And from Fuji's expression, he did too. Shows how much we think of her.

However, the long argument I had just participated in, I decided that a compromise was necessary.

"We should revise our plan. It's best if we infiltrate the castle when we're as prepared as possible. We're nearly there anyway, so let's make the best plan we can as we walk."

The rest of the walk was spent between an even faster pace, and the discussions of the hours to come. First, we would enter the castle by means of a secret passageway connecting the outside of the castle to the kitchen. Since Tomoka was so familiar with the castle, she also explained several different routes we could take to reach the royal chambers, where the safe containing the documents was held.

"We have the advantage of surprise," Tomoka reminded us. "They would not expect that anyone would infiltrate the castle, let alone children. As if everything goes by plan, we should arrive while most of the enemy are still sleeping."

And as the sky was finally beginning to brighten, we reached the castle.

The first thing I was aware of was the smell. Blood. Thick and fresh, and there seemed to be so much of it that I felt my head with full of that warm, sticky substance. Then, when we finally reached the top of the hill we had been climbing for the past several minutes, at last I was able to see for myself the carnage that had happened at the castle. It was sickening.

Mangled bodies lay everywhere, red liquid still oozing out from wounds that had been proven fatal. Faces contorted with terror, their last moments spent in agonizing panic, with no mercy in sight. Most of the corpses seemed to belong to the castle's original battle force and they had either been caught unawares or simply overpowered. The grass had been stained crimson with the bloodshed, the soil soaking up the remnants of life. And this was just the outside. Who knew what sort of slaughter had taken place inside the walls, were the only people in there were defenceless nobles and servants.

And this was the enemy we were going to have to go against.

A/N: So the first part of this was just basically angst. Then not so much. Then it goes gloomy again. But I hope you enjoyed it anyway. (Is that wishful thinking on my part?)

Either way, if you liked it, hated it, please review! Tell me how I could improve and I'd also be interested to hear what you think will happen later in the plot.