Disclaimer: Young Americans does not belong to me, and I am not making any money out of this. It's for my own fun (and hopefully yours, too). Jake and Ham aren't mine either: I just borrow them to play with (and torture a lot, in Ham's case, because it's just so fun to see him squirm).
Summary: The fourth Young Americans episode "Cinderbella", written from Jake and Hamilton's point of view with (more than) a little personal tweaks. Enjoy!
A/N: This is my first time writing YA fanfiction, and as such, I'm rather nervous. So please read and review! It would mean a lot to me.
Keirah: thank you again for your review! It warms my heart to know you're enjoying this. I hope this chapter won't disappoint you!
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Jake was troubled by Hamilton's reaction for the rest of the day. She didn't understand it. He said he was okay with the fact that Lena liked her. Nevermind that there was nothing going on between the two of them – she still didn't understand his reaction.
So he liked Lena; she got that. But he shouldn't have looked so betrayed; he seemed so furious, back than when he saw Lena get out from her room.
She sighed. She'd just have to find him, sit him down for a talk and slowly explain once and for all – since he didn't seem to get it up until now – that she wasn't into Lena, and that Hamilton was free to make a move.
And it didn't matter if she didn't like the idea one bit.
She headed out to the lawn a few minutes before Finn's class was due to start, hoping to catch Hamilton alone. Sure enough, she spotted him sitting under a tree, looking deep in thought.
He jumped up to his feet as soon as he saw her, his expression turning nervous. "Jake –" he started.
"Hey," she said quietly.
"I'm really sorry," he continued "I was a jerk yesterday, telling you I was okay with it and then acting like you did something wrong when you actually made a move –"
"Hamilton," Jake interrupted him "it's okay. I was the jerk – I knew you liked her and I shouldn't have –"
"No, no!" Hamilton insisted "you were the one she wanted anyway, and if you wanted her, too –"
"I don't!" she said quickly. "I don't; that's what I said to her yesterday, actually, when she was in my room".
"Oh," he said, staring at her.
"Yeah," she nodded "I should've just told you that yesterday when you came to talk to me, instead of letting you think I'm going to ask her out or something. So she'll all yours!" she added brightly, giving him a fake smile.
"You're sure," Hamilton looked confused.
"Of course," she smirked "you saw her first, after all. Finders keepers, right? 'Sides, she's not really my type anyway". Too female. And I'm currently not into redheads…
"Okay," he frowned, giving her a long, calculating look. She tried not to show how uncomfortable it was, having him look so intensely at her.
"What is your type, then?" Hamilton asked, still frowning.
"What?" she stared at him, caught off guard.
"Your type," he repeated.
"Oh," she looked around furtively, hoping he wouldn't notice, and her eyes caught a pretty blonde walking behind him. "Blondes" she said quickly "I'm into blondes. You like redheads, right?" she waggled her eyebrows suggestively.
"No," he answered shortly, turning away as the Literature class starting arriving and sitting around them "I'm actually into brunettes, usually".
She looked after him in puzzlement as he walked away and sat down next to Will and Scout, then shrugged and went over to join him.
Today Finn had them read a poem by Browning. She quite liked it, although maybe that had to do with the fact that it was Hamilton who had read it aloud. He has such a nice voice, she mused, low and deep. Mature, for someone who isn't even sixteen yet.
"What does this poem mean to any one of you?" Finn asked, then called out "Scout!"
Scout tore his gaze away from his – new girlfriend? She smiled. Good for him. So he had listened to her speech after all.
"Yes?" Scout asked, obviously not having followed the lesson.
"So you like these co-ed classes," Finn raised an eyebrow.
Scout smirked, looking smug "ah-ha".
She laughed, hearing the others chuckle, too. Finn spun around to face her.
"Jake," he smiled, and she froze. Shit. "Had a crush lately?"
She avoided looking at Hamilton, who sat opposite to her, or at Lena, who sat a few feet to her right. "Ah, maybe," she answered casually.
"Ok, well, what poem – no - what song makes you feel?" Finn asked.
She though for a second "I try, Macy Grey. Makes me cry".
"Let's hear it" Finn said. "You don't have to sing it, just recite it".
"Okay" she frowned, trying to recall the words perfectly. "I keep my cool, but I'm feigning. I try to say goodbye and I choke. Try to walk away, and I stumble. Though I try to hide it, it's clear – "
Lena's voice interrupted her and she quickly turned around as the other girl recited the last line "my world crumbles when you are not here." She looked around defensively as everyone stared at her. "What? It's a good song".
Jake laughed uncomfortably, not meeting Lena's eyes.
"These words comfort us because we personalize them" Finn said to the class. "Now, let's personalize browning. Mr. Krudski".
Jake tuned out Will. She looked back at the main building; some guys were hanging up large banners, but she couldn't make out what was written on them. She'll just have to look later.
-----
Hamilton started regretting his behavior as soon as he left the school building. No matter his personal feelings, he shouldn't have acted like that. He was going to tire Jake out, at this rate, always getting angry and storming off. The last thing he wanted to do was lose Jake as a friend. He had never met someone he felt so… connected to, physical attraction aside. Jake just seemed to get him, no matter what he did or said.
Besides, if he didn't learn to control those sudden bouts of jealousy, and quick, someone was going to figure out it wasn't about Lena at all. And that was something he never wanted to face.
He wasn't going to let himself get tagged as 'gay', ever. He didn't even think he was gay; he was attracted to only one guy, at least so far. It was not unheard of, developing a crush on your best friend; it also went away, usually. He'll just have to wait it out.
He was just about to get up and go find Jake to apologize when he saw the boy in question approach him, looking determined. He scrambled to his feet quickly "Jake –" he started urgently, afraid his friend had come to blow him off once and for all.
"Hey," Jake gave him a small smile; he didn't seem angry, and Hamilton let out a sigh of relief.
"I'm really sorry," he continued swiftly "I was a jerk yesterday, telling you I was okay with it and then acting like you did something wrong when you actually made a move –"
"Hamilton," Jake cut in, looking surprised. "It's okay. I was the jerk – I knew you liked her and I shouldn't have –"
It was typical of Jake to forgive him so easily; Hamilton was starting to suspect it was typical for him to take the blame, too, whether he was guilty or not. "No, no!" he answered "you were the one she wanted anyway, and if you wanted her, too –"
"I don't!" Jake announced. "I don't; that's what I said to her yesterday, actually, when she was in my room".
"Oh," Hamilton stared at him; he looked sincere, but was he only saying it because he was a good friend and he though Hamilton had a crush on her, or because he really wasn't interested? Hamilton hoped it was the latter, but he knew it was probably the former. Jake did say he thought she was hot yesterday.
"Yeah," the dark-haired boy nodded with enthusiasm "I should've just told you that yesterday when you came to talk to me, instead of letting you think I'm going to ask her out or something. So she'll all yours!" he beamed at Hamilton, but something seemed off about it.
"You're sure," Hamilton said flatly.
"Of course," Jake grinned, raising an eyebrow. He seemed sincere now "you saw her first, after all. Finders keepers, right? 'Sides, she's not really my type anyway" he added, shrugging.
"Okay," Hamilton frowned. As dazed as he was from the effect of Jake's smile at such close range, he almost missed the last statement. He shook himself. "What is your type, then?" he asked, genuinely curious.
"What?" Jake asked.
"Your type".
"Oh," the other boy nodded, thinking, then shrugged. "Blondes. I'm into blondes. You like redheads, right?" he smirked at Hamilton, obviously still thinking he had a thing for Lena.
"No," Hamilton said curtly, his mood souring. He didn't feel like playing this game anymore "I'm actually into brunettes, usually".
He turned around and went to join the rest of the class that had meanwhile arrived, leaving the brunette behind him to think whatever he wanted. A few seconds later, Jake came and sat next to him, obviously thinking nothing of his comment.
Finn started with a short lecture about Browning, before pulling out a book and glancing around him. "Hamilton," he said, and Hamilton looked up, startled "read this, please".
He took the offered book, looking at the poem Finn pointed at, before starting to read. He could feel Jake's eyes on him, but couldn't decide if he enjoyed it or not. It made him uncomfortable, nevertheless.
Finn waited a few seconds after he finished, letting everyone absorb the words, before asking "What does this poem mean to any one of you?" he turned, calling sharply "Scout!"
Scout tore his eyes away from the breasts of the girl he was sitting next to "yes?" he asked, bewildered.
"So you like these co-ed classes," Finn smirked.
"Ah-ha," Scout grinned in self-satisfaction, while the girl next to him giggled. The rest of the class laughed as well, Jake's throaty laugh standing out. Hamilton turned to look at him, captivated by the way the grin dimpled his cheeks. He felt himself smiling as well.
"Jake!" Finn said loudly and a little smugly; Hamilton saw the smile freeze on the dark-haired boy's face. "Had a crush lately?"
Hamilton's own smile dropped as he waited for the answer.
Jake's face was expressionless. "Ah, maybe" was all he said. Hamilton couldn't decide if he was disappointed or not. What exactly did he expect Jake to say?
"Ok, well, what poem – no - what song makes you feel?" Finn continued.
"I try, Macy Grey. Makes me cry" Jake answered without blinking. Hamilton stared at him. Firstly, it was a chick song, and what guy who respected himself would say something like "it makes me cry"? It was practically committing social suicide.
"Let's hear it" Finn looked at Jake expectantly. "You don't have to sing it, just recite it".
"Okay" the boy wrinkled his brow, obviously trying to recall the lyrics. "I keep my cool, but I'm feigning," he started, and looked straight at Hamilton. Hamilton felt his breath catch in his throat as Jake continued "I try to say goodbye and I choke. Try to walk away, and I stumble. Though I try to hide it, it's clear – "
"My world crumbles when you are not here." Lena's voice cut in almost rudely, startling them both; Jake looked away, breaking the eye-contact between them, and while Hamilton felt the loss of it keenly, he was also relieved. He didn't know what to think of the last minute. Had Jake recited those words just for him, or did he just happen to look at Hamilton while he said them?
"What? It's a good song," Lena announced when everyone looked at her. Jake laughed and turned away from her, but he didn't look at Hamilton again.
"These words comfort us because we personalize them" Finn said when he had everyone's attention again. "Now, let's personalize browning. Mr. Krudski".
As Will started talking, Hamilton sneaked a glance at Jake, hoping to catch his eyes again, but the other boy was looking back at the school, a puzzled frown on his face. Hamilton followed his gaze and saw the banners that were being hanged.
Cotillion, he though, his mood darkening. Great. As if he didn't have enough on his plate already.
Jake acted completely normal during crew practice, which led Hamilton to believe he just happened to look at him while he said his poem. Really, it was stupid to even assume anything else.
Today it was their turn to put away the equipment, and they worked in a comfortable silence, both not in a rush to be anywhere else. Hamilton picked up all the heavier stuff himself, leaving the lighter gear to Jake, although he didn't think the other boy had noticed. They were almost finished when Hamilton accidentally whacked Jake with an oar.
He turned around in alarm as he heard Jake's muffled cry of pain, and saw him bend forward, one small hand pressed to his ribs. He winced "oh, dude, sorry! Are you alright?"
Jake straightened, quickly smoothing the pain in his expression away. "Yeah, I'm tougher than I look, I'm fine," he said lightly, but Hamilton wasn't buying it. He felt the oar vibrate at the impact, and knew it was a rather strong strike; and anyway, Jake was tiny, probably even smaller than he looked because all those sweaters he wore were so big and wide. Hamilton remembered the feel of Jake's wrist in his fingers; it was almost painfully thin, and fragile, as if he could break it with one hand. The rest of him was probably just as frail.
He winced again, feeling like an idiot. It was probably blossoming into a spectacular bruise as they spoke.
Jake didn't seem to notice his troubled thoughts. "So," he said, finishing with the last of the equipment "are you renting or do you own?"
Hamilton blinked at him. Renting what? He thought quickly. What do you rent or own? A house. Why would he rent a house? He frowned "Neither. Still mooching off the parentless".
Jake stopped, staring at him, then burst into laughter. Hamilton felt himself blush. He had misunderstood something, yet again.
Still chuckling, Jake clarified "I meant a tuxedo".
"Oh," Hamilton said, flushing even darker. Of course that was what he meant, you idiot. "For the cotillion? I'm gonna do the dinner jacket thing. You know, like Boagie in Casablanca".
Jake nodded "not bad".
"You?" Hamilton asked. Somehow, it was strange to think of Jake in a tux. It just didn't seem to fit.
Jake shrugged "don't know. If I go at all it'll probably be a drop by solo kind of thing".
Hamilton nodded, feeling oddly relieved. So Jake really wasn't going with Lena. "Yeah, me too, solo," he said.
Jake gave him a lopsided smile "could be fun".
Hamilton rolled his eyes "yeah, lots of chicks in taffeta".
Jake started laughing again, but this time Hamilton joined in. It felt good, making Jake laugh, and for once not because he said something stupid.
Then Jake sobered, looking at Hamilton as though he just thought of something. "Um, why don't we just go solo together?" he asked, oddly shy, as though he wasn't sure how Hamilton would take it.
Hamilton smiled "yeah, okay". It would be fun, hanging out with Jake. Cotillions were usually quite a boring affair, in his experience, even if you got to dance with some girls.
Jake smiled back "great, it's a date". He gave Hamilton a high-five, ending with a snap and a point, and walked away, completely oblivious to the effect his last words had on Hamilton. Hamilton stared after him. A date? As in a 'couple' date? He shook himself. Jake couldn't have meant it as anything other then two friends going together, just to ensure they had someone to hang out with. He was into girls, not into Hamilton, right?
-----
Jake found out quickly that the banners were announcing a cotillion that was about to take place the next night.
Great, she thought demurely, just my luck. Put on a tux, dance with girls, watch Hamilton dance with girls – I'd rather just call in sick. Maybe I should start coughing, just in case.
She couldn't wait to be a girl again. Being a boy had its perks – no one got annoyed or insulted when you beat them in video games, for a start – but she missed having breasts, or reading Seventeen, or even just having heads turning after her as she passed in the street. She never though of herself as vain, or as especially girly, but she found she missed wearing makeup or nail-polish, missed being able to smile at guys without making them think she was a freak, missed talking to girls without being hit on. That was one thing she really missed.
You're just feeling miserable because you want Hamilton, an inner voice suggested. Jake frowned, waving it away. So what if she did? It was only natural, when confronted with a cute guy, to want to do something about it. She knew she couldn't; she was here for one purpose and one purpose only. But it was still nice to daydream sometimes.
That subject aside, she still needed to figure out what to do with the cotillion.
She pondered about it all through crew practice, though she didn't think too hard; she was actually starting to enjoy herself. She knew she was good at her job, knew they would've been a mess without her. It made her feel like part of something, of a team, for almost the first time in her life.
As long as she didn't have to swim, she added wryly.
It was her turn to stow away the equipment after practice. Luckily, it was Hamilton's turn, too, so at least she would have nice company.
They worked leisurely, smiling at each other occasionally. Jake noticed he was leaving her all the easy stuff, picking up the heavier gear himself, and she was grateful, even if it seemed as though he did it unconsciously.
She was just tidying inside the boat when something hard crashed into her side. She cried out in pain, bending forward, and pressed a hand to her ribs; nothing seemed broken though, just very painful. Jeez, she thought, blinking away tears, what was that!?
"Oh, dude, sorry! Are you alright?" Hamilton called, worry evident in his voice, as he hurried to her; he was holding an oar in his hand.
She hurriedly straightened, schooling her features into a calm mask. She had years of practice in hiding away pain. She smiled and said flippantly "Yeah, I'm tougher than I look, I'm fine".
Hamilton didn't seem convinced, so she added quickly "so, are you renting or do you own?"
Hamilton looked adorably confused "neither" he said slowly. "Still mooching off the parentless".
She couldn't help it; she giggled, and it turned into a full-fledged laugh as she saw him blush darkly. What did he think she was talking about, exactly? "I meant a tuxedo," she said.
"Oh," Hamilton looked mortified. It was awfully sweet. "For the cotillion? I'm gonna do the dinner jacket thing. You know, like Boagie in Casablanca".
"Not bad," she nodded. She could already see he would look gorgeous in it.
"You?" Hamilton asked, looking at her expectantly.
She shrugged, her good mood evaporating "don't know. If I go at all it'll probably be a drop by solo kind of thing". Seeing as there's no way in hell that I'm going to ask a girl out.
To her surprise, Hamilton nodded "yeah, me too, solo". She would've thought he wouldn't have any problem getting a date.
She brightened, and smiled at him "could be fun".
He rolled his eyes "yeah, lots of chicks in taffeta". He obviously didn't think too much of this kind of dances. Neither did she; she didn't like them as a girl, and she doubted she would find them more enjoyable as a guy.
She laughed, then stopped as an idea struck her. Maybe… would it be out of line to ask? She had nothing to lose, right? "Um, why don't we just go solo together?" she said, hesitatingly.
Hamilton didn't look as though he found her suggestion odd. He smiled "yeah, okay".
She beamed at him "great, it's a date". She gave him a manly high five and walked away, almost skipping. Maybe this cotillion business wouldn't be so bad after all.
Jake stopped half the way to her room, suddenly hungry. The memory of that fantastic burger from the diner in New Rawley surfaced, and her stomach rumbled loudly. "Right, food" she said to herself, before deciding to back and ask Hamilton if he wanted to join her. When she arrived back, though, he was no where in sight.
Another time, then.
She parked by the dinner, and as she entered she saw Bella sitting next to the counter, talking to Will, the restaurant empty except them. They both seemed to be in high spirits.
"Hey," she said as she entered, smiling; they both turned to look at her.
"Hey," Will said, nodding, but Bella came over, giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
"Ugh, grease stains," Jake said jokingly, rubbing at her cheek, and Bella hit her playfully on the arm. "Shut up" she said, smiling "or it'll be a lot more than just that".
Jake laughed "are you threatening me, Banks?" she asked.
A loud cough from Will interrupted them before Bella could answer, and they both jumped, blushing, and turned to him.
"Sorry, I forgot," Bella whispered, trying not to move her lips.
"Yeah, me too" Jake whispered back.
Will was still looking at them suspiciously, so Jake said, overly cheerful "hey Will, how about a burger and a coke?"
"Coming right up," Will nodded, though he was still giving them an odd look.
"Bella, you want one, too? On me," Jake asked, and when Bella hesitated, she added "come on. I could use some company, I hate eating alone".
"Oh, so you just want to share the calories," Bella laughed "in that case, yes, I'll join you".
"Great," Jake said, and called "Krudski, make that a double, okay?"
She jerked her head to a corner booth, one which was far enough from Will to ensure they could talk unheard. "Let's sit over there".
They both sat down opposite from each other. "So," Jake smirked "how's Sean?"
Bella smiled "he's prince charming".
"So you're okay?" Jake asked cautiously.
"Yeah, I'm good," Bella answered, obviously catching the reference to Scout.
"Good. You know, Scout's got a girl," Jake tried slowly.
Bella nodded "I know, Paige. She's nice".
Jake blinked at her "you've met her?"
"Yeah, she stopped by at the garage, her car had a problem. She's really nice, and pretty".
"She's not as pretty as you," Jake assured her loyally, and Bella laughed.
"Thank you, but you don't need to say that".
Just then two plates and two glasses and landed on the table, and they both looked up, startled. They didn't even hear Will come near. Judging by his expression, he had heard the end of their conversation and didn't like it much.
"Thanks," Jake said, to ease the awkward silence.
Will nodded, seeming to hesitate, then blurted suddenly "Bella's got a boyfriend, you know".
They both stared at him, dumbfounded, and burst out laughing.
"Yeah, I know," Jake said, trying to catch her breath. "Sean. I've met him, he's a nice guy".
"Right," Will said, looking confused and somewhat suspicious. "And is he okay with…" he waved between them.
They started laughing again. "Will, as much as I appreciate your loyalty to Sean," Bella said "I think I can have lunch with a friend without you chaperoning us".
"Right," Will said again, flushing. "So I'll just be…" he motioned to the counter, and walked away.
They giggled some more. "God, is this the most bizarre thing or what?" Bella asked, grinning "I can't understand how they don't realize you're a girl. And I always forget – I can't think of you as a guy at all, it's just so obvious. And now Will was practically accusing me of cheating on Sean with you!"
Back at the counter, Will frowned as he heard their laughter once again. He didn't understand what was so funny, anyway. They were acting so suspicious around one another, he had every right to be worried for Sean. And that Jake has a really girly laugh, he added rather viciously, somewhat offended by the knowledge that they were laughing at him.
Jake took a sip from her glass "so tell me, what have you been up to?" she asked, raising an eyebrow suggestively.
Bella smiled, then said "actually, I'm going with Will to the cotillion at Rawley tomorrow".
Jake was surprised "really? You and Will? Is Sean okay with that?" she glanced at the counter, where Will was scrubbing with a petulant expression. "He doesn't have a thing for you, does he?"
"No, no, of course not," Bella said hurriedly "there's this girl that he wanted to ask, but she's already got a date, so –"
"You're coming with him to make her jealous, and then he'll leave you to try and win her over?" Jake filled in the rest "that's sucks".
"It was my idea," Bella admitted "well, not that I'd go, but that he'd take another girl. And then he asked me, and, well, I didn't have the heart to say no".
"Hey, you get to wear a dress, at least," Jake reminded her. "I need to wear a tux and dance with members of my own sex. I think you've got the better half of the deal".
"Oh, right," Bella exclaimed "I – again – didn't think. I'm sorry, really. You're still going to go, though?"
Jake shrugged "I though about skipping, but Hamilton said he was going solo, so we're going solo together".
Bella frowned "what, like together together?"
"No!" Jake waved her hand, as if banishing the idea "just, you know, going to hang around together. It'll be fun." She smiled "if you're there, it'll be even more fun".
Bella gave her a long stare.
"What?" Jake asked defensively.
"You're totally into Hamilton," Bella stated. "Heads over heels".
"No I'm not!" Jake said loudly, and then glanced quickly at the counter to see if Will heard. "I'm not," she insisted, more quietly.
"Yeah right," Bella smirked "I'm onto you, you can't lie to me".
"It doesn't matter," Jake said, giving up. "He thinks I'm a guy, and I'm not going to tell him, so… can we change the subject, please?"
"Don't think you're getting out of it that easily," Bella waggled a finger at her, but stood up. "I need to get back, anyway, I've stayed here way too long. I'll see you tomorrow, then?"
"Yep," Jake answered, getting up too.
The two of them waved to Will, who was in the process of tidying up. "Hey, Jake, wait," he called, and Jake turned to look at him, puzzled.
"You're going back to the school?" Will asked, and when Jake nodded, said "wait up for me, then, I'm just closing".
Jake waited as he passed a look over everything and nodded to himself. "Right," he said, and followed her out, locking behind him.
"Come on," he said, "I know a shortcut".
"Actually," Jake hesitated "can you keep a secret?"
"Sure," Will answered, looking confused.
Jake pointed at her bike, just a few feet from them. "Need a ride back?" she asked.
Will's face lit up. "Wow," he breathed, an admiring look on his face "that's yours?"
She patted it proudly "yep. But I'm not supposed to have it on school grounds so don't tell anyone, not even Scout".
"Of course," he said eagerly, and when she seated herself and patted the space behind her, he hurriedly climbed on, too.
"Hold on tight," she said, and sped off out of New Rawley and towards the school.
She could hear Will's excited laughter as he tightened his grip on her waist, and smiled. "Enjoying yourself?" she yelled over the wind.
"Yeah!" he yelled back.
He seemed disappointed as they reached the hiding spot and parked.
"That was so cool," he said excitedly, grinning like a little boy, as he took off his helmet and helped her stash the bike.
"It's the way to get around," she agreed, taking off her own helmet and passing a hand through her locks to get rid of helmet-hair "but it gets a bit drafty during the winter".
"I'll bet," Will winced in sympathy. "Still, I'd take that over my bicycle every day".
They walked back to the school in a good mood, chatting all the way.
-----
It was the morning of the day of the cotillion, and Hamilton was wondering around next to the lake, deep in thought. He was actually supposed to be studying – he even had his book – but he found he couldn't concentrate. As usual of late, he's thoughts continuously drifted to Jake. In the end, he decided that maybe a little walk will help clear his head.
A loud "hey," startled him, and he turned around, seeing Lena walking briskly over to him.
"Hey," he answered. Now what?
"So, who are you going to the dance with?" she asked, coming to a stop beside him.
"No one," he answered.
Lena frowned "you're not taking Jake?"
Taking Jake? I'm going solo with Jake, but I doubt that's what she means. "No!" he said, flustered. Was he really that obvious? "Why would I take Jake?"
"I don't know," she answered "I mean, I was gonna ask him but he doesn't seem like he's interested in either one of us".
Hamilton stared at her. He doesn't seem like he's interested in either one of us… could she mean – did she really think – "what are you talking about!?" he demanded.
Lena didn't notice his agitation. "Anyway," she said, clearly not about to answer his question "I don't have a date, if you don't either we could go together" she looked at him hopefully.
Just then he heard footsteps behind him, "Um, to the cotillion?" he asked Lena, as they both turned around, and froze. Jake was standing behind them, looking between them suspiciously.
Lena plowed on determinately, not noticing or even ignoring the awkward tension in the air "yes," she answered "you and me, at the cotillion…"
Hamilton glanced at Jake; the dark-haired boy met his gaze, his face completely devoid of expression. Hamilton couldn't tell what he was thinking.
"Hey Jake," he said nervously, trying to buy more time. He didn't want to go to the cotillion with Lena; but it would be the answer to all his problems.
"Hi," Jake answered quietly. He turned to Lena "hey".
"How's it going," she answered shortly. It was a complete change from the way she acted around him earlier. She seemed almost… hostile.
"Great," Jake said, still frowning "just great".
He didn't sound great. He sounded confused.
"Perfect," Lena said, before turning to Hamilton "so I'll call you later?" As she did with the driveway earlier, she ignored the fact that he hadn't actually agreed.
Well, that was decided, then. "Oh, okay," he answered, to her already retreating figure, and then nervously turned to face Jake.
"Found a date, ha?" Jake asked, voice and expression completely blank. Hamilton couldn't read a thing from him – not if he was annoyed, or relieved, or even jealous. Not likely, he thought, but he couldn't get Lena's earlier words out of his mind. Could Jake really be interested in him?
Hamilton looked at the other boy uneasily "yeah, well, she was going alone".
Jake nodded, looking away "I get you," was all he said.
Hamilton felt like a jerk. "So," he tried "you decided to ask anyone?" maybe if Jake had a date, too, he would feel better, even if it meant, well, seeing Jake with a date.
Jake shrugged, kicking the ground with the toe of his shoe "no, think I'm gonna skip it".
"Oh". Now Hamilton felt like the biggest idiot there ever was. Jake obviously didn't like this kind of things, and he'd been counting on Hamilton to make it worth-while. And now, after Hamilton had agreed to hang out with him at the cotillion, he suddenly went and got a date. Jerk.
It wasn't as though he even liked Lena.
"Besides," Jake said suddenly, glancing at Hamilton "the only person I had my eye on is going with someone else…"
Hamilton felt rooted to the spot, staring at Jake, caught in the intensity of his eyes. Did he mean… Could he mean Hamilton? It was ridicules, wasn't it? Even if he had kissed Hamilton that one time, he was obviously into girls… right?
His head was a mess. At first Jake suggested they'd go together, and now when Hamilton suddenly had a date Jake bailed out, saying the person he wanted to ask was already going with someone. And Jake had asked him, sort of, didn't he?
They were still staring at each other. Jake's expression was curiously anxious, and Hamilton thought he saw some flicker of emotion in his eyes. What emotion, he had no idea. As always, when this close to Jake, Hamilton was almost unbearably aware of his scent, of the pink shine of his full lips as he bit them nervously, of the way his long, thick lashes cast dark shadows over the top of his cheekbones –
He stepped away quickly, unable to form a coherent thought, but knowing that if he didn't get away from Jake this instant he was going to just grab him and kiss him, damn the results.
"Well," he said, appalled at the way his voice cracked, and Jake's face closed immediately, his expression turning indifferent, his eyes guarded. "I'm – history" Hamilton muttered, brandishing his book, and walked as fast as he could away, not daring to look back.
He agonized about it for the rest of the day, so much in fact that when he was standing in his room, staring at his reflection, twenty minutes before the cotillion was due to start, all he wanted to do was go find Jake and apologize.
He didn't, though. He put on his tux, and fixed his hair, and went to meet Lena over at the girl's dormitories.
When Lena met him she took one look at his expression and sighed. "You're not going to act like this all night, are you?"
Hamilton shrugged, and offered her his arm. She was his date, after all, whether he wanted it or not, and he was brought up to act like a gentlemen.
He was almost blinded by the lights as they entered, and almost deafened by the loud, quick music. Lena grinned, tapping her foot to the bit. "This is great!" she said, pulling him after her "you want to dance?"
They danced two dances before Lena led him away from the dance floor. "You want something to drink?" she asked.
Hamilton was just starting to answer when a black-haired figure across the room caught his eyes. Jake saw him at the same time and their gazes locked, sending something almost like an electrical shock through Hamilton. Suddenly, everyone in the room except the two of them disappeared, and they just stood there, staring at each other.
Then Jake turned away, breaking the almost trance-like connection between them, and everything in the room rushed back in, making Hamilton almost stagger from the light and the noise. Jake was talking to a guy from the crew team, Eddie, but he kept glancing at Hamilton while he did so.
"Yeah, he's cute," Lena said from beside him, and he tore his gaze away from Jake to look at her. He forgot she was even there.
"What?" he asked.
"Jake, I've got a crush on him too" she said calmly, as though she was just saying it was going to rain tomorrow. "Hell, I'm a 15 year old girl, I've got a crush on you. Look at you, you're gorgeous, you both are. You're also in love with each other, it's like so obvious".
He gaped at her, too stunned to even be insulted by her "hell, I've even got a crush on you". He and Jake, in love with each other!? That was ridicules. Love?
"Wait," he hissed, looking around to see if anyone heard her "we're not, and stop saying that, god!" in a room full of people, no less. As if he needed anyone to hear that.
As usual, she plowed on without even listening to him "I had this freshman girl fantasy that I would somehow end up with one of you, but it's crystal clear that it's not going to happen".
"I don't know what I was thinking when I said yes to this" he muttered, resisting the urge to just run away out of the dance. He ditched Jake for what was turning into one of the most boring nights of his life, and now not only was Lena outing him (which was way off track, thank you very much!) in a room full of judgmental teenagers, she was also saying he was in love with another guy – which was completely stupid on its own, of course.
He stopped as he absorbed her last sentence. She had also said Jake was in love with him. Didn't she? And if she could correctly see he had a thing for Jake, maybe she could also correctly see, if Jake really had a thing for him…
Meanwhile, Lena was continuing with her train of thoughts. "Stop thinking," she smiled at him. "Sometimes you just have to throw caution to the wind, take the leap while you're still young. Its time to follow your heart". At his incredulous look she added "I know, that's so clichéי". She patted him on the arm "go be with Jake. I'll be over by the punchbowl; there are some guys who've been giving me the hairy eyeball all night".
With that, she gave him one last smile and disappeared.
He looked over at Jake, who was still talking to Eddie. Their eyes met, and Hamilton felt the same weird shock from before. He turned around and walked away, deciding he could use some fresh air. He was feeling dizzy all of the sudden.
------
Jake slept in late on the morning of the cotillion, enjoying the novelty of having no classes or crew practice. She got up, stretching, and glanced out the window; it seemed like such a sunny, lovely day outside, and so she decided to go take a morning walk by the lake.
She was just walking along the shore when she spotted Hamilton in the distance, obviously doing the same. She smiled and headed over, but slowed her steps as she saw a redhead - which when she came closer turned out to be Lena – approach him.
She caught Hamilton's confused voice as she came near "um, to the cotillion?"
The smile dropped from her face. Was he asking Lena to the cotillion? Well, obviously it was his right, but he'd already said he'd go with her…
They both turned towards her as she came to a stop near them; Lena gave her a cool glance, but Hamilton looked guilty.
He should be, she thought to herself, a little harshly.
"Yes," Lena said, focusing on Hamilton "you and me, at the cotillion…"
Oh, so she was asking Hamilton out. That made Jake feel a little better, but she knew Hamilton would probably say yes. He liked Lena, didn't he?
"Hey Jake," Hamilton said, finally acknowledging her. He seemed uncomfortable, eyes darting between her and the redhead.
"Hi," she answered, before turning to Lena "hey".
"How's it going," Lena barely looked at her, her attention on Hamilton. It reminded Jake of the first time they all met. Lena obviously hadn't taken her rejection so well.
"Great, just great," Jake answered. Or at least it will be as soon as you'll step away from Hamilton…
"Perfect," Lena said flatly, before asking Hamilton "so I'll call you later?"
He blinked at her, obviously not minding that she didn't even wait for him to agree before making plans. "Oh, okay," he said, as Lena walked away.
He turned to look at Jake, biting his lip. He seemed so nervous, as though he was afraid she'll take it badly and get mad at him. She couldn't, of course; the girl he wanted asked him out, it was only expected that he'll prefer that to going with his guy friend.
"Found a date, ha?" she said, careful not to let any jealousy or hurt into her voice. Even if she was so jealous she wanted to punch Lena in the face at the moment.
"Yeah, well, she was going alone," Hamilton said, obviously trying to make it sound like an excuse. He really was sorry, she could tell, even if he wasn't sorry enough to actually say no to Lena.
"I get you," she assured him. She didn't want him to feel bad because of her.
"So," he said awkwardly "you decided to ask anyone?"
Not likely, she though sourly. Well, I did ask you, but we all know how that went… "No, think I'm gonna skip it" she answered. Like she wanted to spend all the evening watching Hamilton and Lena make out and dodging girls' invitations to dance.
"Oh," Hamilton said, looking uneasy.
"Besides," she said suddenly, struck by a sudden urge, and looked him straight in the eyes "the only person I had my eye on is going with someone else…"
She regretted it immediately, panicking. How stupid could she be!? She practically told him she was interested in him. If he even believed she wasn't gay in the first place this would definitely make him reconsider!
Sure enough, a vaguely alarmed expression appeared on Hamilton's face as he stared at her. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, but nothing came out, and than said hoarsely "well," he cleared his throat and held up his book "I'm – history…"
Jake nodded and watched him escape as fast as he could without actually breaking into a run.
Shit! Why did you have to be such an idiot, Jake? She berated herself, resisting the urge to hit her head on a nearby tree. How do you get yourself into such a mess every single time?
She wanted to go and find Bella to talk to her, but shot that idea down instantly; Bella probably had a lot to take care of, especially since she was going to the cotillion herself, and besides, Jake was starting to rely on her too much. It never did you any good, becoming too dependent on someone, trusting them too much… it was a sure way to get hurt. No, she could solve this on her own.
She stared in the direction Hamilton went; that was a sure way to get hurt, too. Oh, get a grip, she told herself, and headed back to her room.
She didn't feel like coming out for lunch; in fact, she didn't feel like coming out at all. Maybe she'll just stay in her room until the next morning; it wasn't like she had anyone waiting for her anyway, thanks to Lena.
She wiped away a tear angrily. It wasn't worth crying over. But still, the tears came, and she couldn't stop them.
It wasn't fair; Lena didn't even want Hamilton. But after tonight she would probably change her mind; how could she not? Hamilton was sweet, and handsome, and he had a way of looking at you that made you feel like the most important person in the world – no, like the only person. He made the rest of the world disappear. And what girl wouldn't want that?
And Hamilton wanted Lena. Stupid, dyed-hair rude Lena, who would probably treat him like she had treated him until now. What was it about her anyway? Sure, she was pretty, and intelligent, but…
Jake stood up suddenly, angrily stripping, almost tearing the binder in her haste to get it off. She couldn't stand to wear that thing anymore.
She wiped away another tear and looked at herself in the mirror; it was already getting dark outside, but she didn't bother turning on the light.
Her reflection stared back, a skinny, rather tall girl, with dark, shortly chopped hair and huge, red-rimmed eyes. Currently, she had a dark, purple bruise on her side, where Hamilton had accidentally hit her. She had no breasts to speak of, but that had never bothered her before. She had always felt attractive, if not pretty, had always felt confident in her ability to charm and flirt with the opposite sex. She had certainly never felt ugly, until now.
She turned away from the mirror, furious with herself for actually trying to do something this crazy, furious with her mom for forcing her to such desperate measures; furious with the world for being so unfair.
She scrubbed at her face angrily. Stop crying, you stupid girl. You'd think the world was ending. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, get up, get dressed, and go to the cotillion. You have only two more weeks and then you can go back to your pitiful former life, but until then, finish what you've started.
So she got up, put on her binder, got dressed in that awful tuxedo, and after washing her face carefully to remove all tear-tracks, went to the cotillion.
It was loud and noisy and so ridicules, like something straight out of the sixties. Girls in white dresses – one girl had a yellow sweater on, for god's sake, what was this, Pleasantville? Punch in big bowls, swing dancing, for crying out loud. Every club in New-York was better, even considering the cigarette smoke and the overly priced alcohol.
She spotted Hamilton right away; he was standing with Lena at the opposite side of the room, looking bored. Their gazes locked and she felt like she was drowning in his blue eyes, the world fading around her; until someone pulled at her sleeve and she turned, startled.
A smiling face met her eyes, and she smiled back automatically. "Hi Eddie," she said.
The guy seemed intent on holding a conversation; he was probably feeling as awkward as she did, and latched on to a familiar face. Unfortunately for him, she wasn't really listening; her attention was focused on Hamilton and Lena, who seemed to be having some sort of fight. At least, Hamilton was looking pissed. And they both kept glancing back at her as they talked.
If he told her about today I'm going to die of embarrassment, she thought anxiously. That didn't seem to be it, though; Lena patted Hamilton on the arm, smiling, and with a last look at Jake, turned and disappeared into the crowds, leaving him on his own.
Hamilton gave Jake a long, intense look; he seemed nervous about something, and also very annoyed. She turned back to Eddie apologetically "you know, I'll see you later" she told him, and started after Hamilton. Who had meanwhile disappeared.
She sighed; great. She turned back to Eddie, but then caught sight of a blonde beauty standing by the drinks table, talking to some senior Jake didn't know by name. A smile spread on her face as she hurried over.
"Bella, you look stunning," she told her, touching her on the arm. Bella turned to face her, a radiant smile lighting her face. Jake could see the senior glaring at her darkly from behind the blonde, but ignored him.
"Jake," Bella hugged her "you look very cute yourself" she added, winking.
"Yeah, tux are definitely my thing," Jake answered wryly "so… manly".
They both laughed; Jake could feel her bad mood starting to disappear.
"So," Bella said, looking around "where's Hamilton?"
Jake's smile vanished "he went with Lena in the end" she admitted.
"Really?" Bella frowned "that's kind of rude".
"No, it's okay," Jake shrugged "he has a crush on her, she asked him after we said we'd hang out together; it's perfectly acceptable".
"You cried, haven't you?" Bella asked her quietly.
"What?" Jake said "no!"
"Liar; your eyes are red".
"Look, it's no big deal, leave it," Jake said. "So where's your date?"
Bella shrugged "he went after Caroline. That's the girl –"
"Yeah, I remember. So, why aren't you dancing with anyone else?"
"I didn't feel like it," Bella said, then smirked "why, are you offering?"
"No way in hell," Jake laughed "talk about awkward".
Bella smiled, but she seemed distracted. "Hey," she said suddenly, grabbing Jake's arm "is that Hamilton?"
Jake turned around quickly "what?" sure enough, he was talking with someone across the room, while sending the two of them dark looks. "Yeah, that's him. How did you know?"
"Dark hair, blue eyes, gorgeous… Wasn't too hard to guess," Bella said dryly, then frowned "plus, he's been sending me death glares ever since he walked into the room".
"No, he's probably glaring at me," Jake sighed. "He had some fight with Lena earlier, and now I'm standing here talking to you so he can't come over and hang out like we intended… he's just sulking".
"I don't think so…" Bella said, thoughtful "he's practically giving me the evil eye; and I'm pretty sure he's directing it at me, not you. In fact, he seems almost…" she trailed off.
"Almost what?" Jake asked, glancing at Hamilton again, but he was ignoring them now, back turned.
"Almost… Jealous," Bella said, then quickly added "but I'm probably just misreading it".
"Clearly," Jake blinked at her, then smirked and waggled her eyebrows "unless he's jealous that I've bagged such a good-looking babe and he didn't".
Bella hit her on the arm "stop it, that's so weird".
Jake laughed "yes, it is".
Suddenly Bella tensed beside her "oh my god, I'm going to kill her," she snapped, and Jake followed her gaze and saw Grace Banks, in a skimpy red dress, draped over some guys near the door.
She followed Bella as she strode over, apprehensive.
"Grace, what are you doing here?" the blonde demanded.
Grace rolled her eyes "knitting a sweater. What does it look like I'm doing?"
Bella looked furious "what about the gas delivery!?"
Grace gave her a scornful look "that's at like midnight," she drawled "chill".
Bella was actually starting to turn red "that's great Grace," she bit out "'cause we've got a whole six minutes!"
Grace frowned and grabbed for one of the guys' wrists, checking his watch "what?"
"You are unbelievable," Bella told her.
Grace shrugged "I'll call them up, they can come tomorrow".
"They're not delivering pizza, Grace!" Bella almost yelled "god, it's gonna take days to get another appointment, we can not afford this right now!"
She almost ran out, obviously heading back to the garage.
"Bella, wait!" Jake called, running after her "I'll give you a ride!"
Bella slowed down to a brisk walk, shooting her a grateful look "thanks," she said.
"No problem. Anyway, it's not like you can run all the way back to town with those heels on, right?" Jake grinned.
Bella smiled back, but it was a tense smile that disappeared as soon as it came.
"Right, wait here," Jake told her when they were out of the building and near the road "I'll be back before you blink".
She ran as quickly as she could to where her bike was hidden, knowing they would probably never make it on time anyway. Luckily, the hideout was close. It was no more than a minute later when she braked next to Bella, who quickly climbed on behind her.
"Put this on," Jake said, handing her the extra helmet, and they were off.
They arrived a few minutes after midnight; the delivery truck was parked next to the garage, and a figure in a red baseball uniform was talking to the driver.
"That's Sean!" Bella exclaimed, jumping off the bike and running towards them, leaving Jake to park properly.
"Sean, thank god," Bella said "I was afraid I was too late, Grace was –"
"Yeah, I know, I figured she would ditch" he smiled, and then his expression turned awestruck as he took in Bella's appearance. "Wow," he breathed "you look incredible".
Bella smiled back at him, but they were interrupted by the driver grunting "I would really like to leave, so who's signing the receipt?"
"Oh, right," Bella said, and signed quickly. The driver grunted again and climbed back into the truck, driving away.
"So, I'll be going then," Jake said awkwardly.
"Jake! Sorry, I forgot –" Bella blushed.
"That's okay," Jake laughed "I'm just glad everything turned out all right. You two have fun," she winked at Bella.
Bella hugged her "thanks for the ride; it was really sweet of you".
Jake shrugged "no problem. I'll just cash in the favour when this baby breaks down," she patted her bike fondly, grinning to show she was kidding.
"Deal," Bella grinned back. "I'll see you around then? Come visit me when you get bored of your posh school life".
"You can count on it," Jake said, then hesitated "Bella…"
"Yeah?" Bella frowned.
"You still have my helmet," she pointed out helpfully.
"What? Oh, sorry!" Bella blushed darkly, handing over the helmet.
"Bye," Jake said, laughing, and nodded to Sean "nice to see you again, Sean. And just so you know, she didn't get to dance yet".
Jake could hear Bella's embarrassed "Jake!" as she sped off, but when she looked back, Sean was offering his hand to Bella with a grin. She smiled; they were such a cute couple.
She stashed her bike back between the trees and decided against returning to the dance; instead she headed back to the dorms. On her way across the lawn, though, she spotted a lone figure sitting on the docks; she knew it was Hamilton instantly, even if she couldn't see the figure clearly. She decided to go over to him instead. Why wasn't he at the dance?
She was a few feet behind him when he said "hi, Jake," without turning. She was startled; how did he know it was her? She didn't even say anything. She sat down next to him.
"Hi," she answered "why aren't you at the cotillion?"
He shrugged, turning to look at her; his face was serious, almost sad, and his blue eyes shone in the moonlight. She felt a strong urge to kiss him, but resisted. "I didn't feel like dancing," he said "and the noise was starting to get to me".
"I know how you feel," she laughed "dances aren't really my thing either. Was Lena okay with you leaving?"
Hamilton's mouth thinned "oh, she was, trust me".
"You two had a fight, didn't you?" she asked, curious.
"What?" he looked at her, startled.
"I saw you from across the room; it seemed like you were arguing" she explained.
"Oh," he said quietly. "We didn't exactly have a fight; she just said something, which was obviously wrong, and I sort of got annoyed – it doesn't matter, though".
Jake nodded, understanding that he didn't want to talk about it.
"I hate suits," she announced, trying to change the subject, and tugged at her bowtie, pocketing it. She opened the top two buttons of her shirt, breathing in "they're so hot and confining, aren't they?"
Hamilton merely nodded, and did the same.
"What about you?" he asked suddenly, his eyes on her shoes which she was currently untying and taking off "I saw you talking to that blonde girl –"
"Bella?" Jake smiled, peeling off her socks and dipping her toes in the lake's cool water with a pleased sigh "oh, that's good, you should try this".
"You know her?" he asked, still looking at her feet.
"Yeah, she's awesome. Her dad owns the garage and gas station in town".
"So, you asked her to the cotillion in the end?" Hamilton asked, fiddling with his sleeve.
"What? No!" she frowned "I told you I didn't intend to ask anyone. She came with Will".
He nodded, staring at the water, a petulant twist to his mouth. "She's very pretty," he said quietly.
"She's gorgeous," Jake agreed. "However, she also has a boyfriend, so don't get any ideas". The last thing she needed was Hamilton getting a crush on Bella. She paused. Actually, that might not be so bad, as Bella wasn't available. Other girls were.
"Oh," Hamilton seemed confused "she's dating Will?"
Jake bent forward, tracing circles on the water with her fingers "no, they're just friends. She's dating a guy named Sean".
"So you two aren't…?" he left the question hanging, but she got his meaning.
"No, of course not!" she answered, a little more sharply than necessary "I just told you, she has someone". Ugh, bad images.
"Right," Hamilton said quickly.
They sat silently for a few minutes, each lost in his own thoughts, until Hamilton stood purposefully and took off his Jacket, starting to unbutton his shirt.
Jake scrambled to her feet "what are you doing?" she asked nervously.
"I feel like a swim," he answered, shrugging his shirt off his shoulders, and she couldn't help but stare as the fabric slipped off, revealing his well muscled torso, gleaming in the moonlight. She felt her mouth go dry.
"Of course," she said, hoping her voice wasn't shaking; it felt like someone had gripped her throat and squeezed. "I'll just leave you to it then, I have a few things I need to do anyway".
She wanted to stay and watch, of course; oh, how she wanted that. But she knew she couldn't; she would just kiss him again, and now he would punch her for sure.
Hamilton paused, turning to look at her, one hand resting on his half open zipper; she swallowed. "You don't want to join?" he asked "the water's amazing at this time of the year, I promise. It'll be fun".
He looked at her hopefully, and she could feel herself blushing; he was absolutely gorgeous.
"No thanks," she said "I'm really not that fond of swimming, and I have those things I need to – you enjoy yourself, though!"
She waved cheerfully – probably too cheerfully – and turned around, concentrating on walking slowly and calmly and not breaking into a run.
She allowed herself to speed up only when she entered the dorm building; and then she was running full speed to her room, fumbling with the key and cursing; she entered and locked quickly after her, then hurried over to her window which was overlooking the lake; but she didn't see Hamilton in the water, not did she see him near the docks.
Strange… She shrugged, disappointed, and started to undress, folding her tux neatly and wrapping it up.
It had been a long day and she was tired; she got into bed and was soon fast asleep.
------
Hamilton changed his mind after two seconds, turning and going back inside. Lena was right; when you wanted something, you tried to get it. If you failed, you failed, but at least you knew. And he wanted Jake more than anything or anyone he had ever wanted in his life; and if Lena was right, then maybe, just maybe, Jake felt the same way.
He looked around the room for Jake, determent to find him and settle this once and for all, but his resolve faltered when he spotted Jake by the drinks table, talking to a beautiful blond girl who looked vaguely familiar. As he watched the two of them hugged, identical huge smiles on their faces; Hamilton felt as though someone had shot him straight in the heart.
Jake had said he liked blondes, didn't he?
He joined a conversation that was held by some of the boys in his year, but only half-listened to it; his attention was focused on Jake and the girl. They were talking animatedly, touching each other all the time; little touches on the arm or on the shoulder, which spoke of close acquaintance and an obvious ease with each other. Hamilton saw the blonde glancing at him a few times, and glared at her; he didn't know who she was, but he could tell she was probably some airhead whose only advantage was her looks. That he had to admit; she was beautiful.
She must've said something to Jake, because he turned to look at Hamilton, a puzzled expression on his face. Hamilton quickly looked away, but continued to watch them out of the corner of his eye.
He was just about to go over and introduce himself, fed up with the way they were laughing together, when the blonde stopped smiling and hurried over to the door, to talk to a younger girl who was hanging around with some of the seniors. Jake followed her, looking worried.
The blonde and the other girl were obviously fighting; the blonde was annoyed by something the younger girl did. She turned and almost ran out of the room, looking furious, Jake at her heels.
Hamilton excused himself and followed them outside, they walked quickly away from the building, to the road. Hamilton hid behind a tree, jealous but also more than a little curious; The blond girl looked on the verge of tears, and even Jake seemed worried.
Jake said something to the girl, then turned and sprinted away while the girl waited. Hamilton heard the roar of the engine before he saw it; Jake and the bike appeared soon after, stopping in front of the girl, and she climbed up behind Jake, put on a helmet and gripped his waist, and they were off in a cloud of dust. The whole thing didn't take more than two minutes, leaving Hamilton blinking after them.
He sighed and leaned against the tree, looking at his feet; he was feeling very sorry for himself at the moment, and had no intention of doing anything about it. He figured he was allowed some decent wallowing in self pity every once in a while, and this one was long due.
Hamilton glanced at the building where the cotillion was held, lit and bright against the dark sky, and walked away, not knowing where he was going but sure he didn't want to be around people at the moment.
He ended up at the docks, which wasn't all that surprising; he came there a lot to think, ever since he was a young boy, and his feet obviously knew the way by now. He sat down next to the water, looking down; they were dark and soothing, and the silence around him was calming after the last hectic hour.
He didn't know how long he sat there; he only knew that at some point he heard quiet footsteps behind him and knew, without a doubt, that it was Jake.
"Hi Jake," he said, and he heard a surprised intake of breath behind him, but all Jake said was "hi. Why aren't you at the cotillion?" as he came and sat next to Hamilton.
Hamilton glanced at him; as always, he was even more beautiful by moonlight, the silver light and shadows throwing his face in sharp relief; the angles of his face made almost harsh by the play of black and white. "I didn't feel like dancing," he answered "and the noise was starting to get to me".
"I know how you feel," Jake laughed, the sound loud and sweet, awakening the familiar, uneasy heat in Hamilton's stomach and skin. "Dances aren't really my thing either. Was Lena okay with you leaving?"
"Oh, she was, trust me," Hamilton said sourly. She was happy to see me go.
"You two had a fight, didn't you?" Jake asked. He didn't sound gloating, only curious.
"What?" Hamilton asked. How did he know that?
He must've sounded angry, because Jake quickly answered "I saw you from across the room; it seemed like you were arguing".
"Oh," Hamilton said, but he was oddly comforted by it; it meant Jake had been watching him, too. "We didn't exactly have a fight," he explained "she just said something, which was obviously wrong, and I sort of got annoyed – it doesn't matter, though". Like he was going to tell Jake exactly what it was that annoyed him.
Jake nodded, seemingly satisfied, and then said abruptly "I hate suits". Hamilton watched, apprehensive, as he pocketed his bowtie, and then swallowed as Jake popped open the top two buttons on his shirt innocently. "They're so hot and confining, aren't they?"
He swallowed again as he caught sight of Jake's collar bones, sharp under his translucent skin; he could actually follow the path of a vein on his neck, faintly visible, could see where it disappeared into the open shirt collar. Definitely hot, yes, and his tux sure was feeling confining at the moment. He nodded, not trusting himself to speak, and did the same. Air was suddenly a necessity.
"What about you?" he asked, recalling the dance, and then watched, fascinated, as Jake untied his shoes and slipped them off, revealing a pair of small, narrow feet clad in black socks. "I saw you talking to that blonde girl –"
"Bella?" Jake smiled; Hamilton hated that merely the girl's name warranted that reaction. His anger evaporated when Jake removed his socks, stuffing them in his shoes. His feet were white and much nicer than any guy's feet he had seen before; but what really captured Hamilton's attention were the two delicate, perfect ankles connected to those feet. They were just as thin and fragile as Jake's wrist was; Hamilton was sure he could circle them with his finger and thumb.
Jake dipped in toes in the lake, obscuring his ankles from view, and Hamilton fought back a disappointed sigh. Then Jake let out a small moan of pleasure that made Hamilton flush, and said "oh, that's good, you should try this".
"You know her?" Hamilton asked, though it was probably a stupid question, seeing the ease they treated each other with. He didn't dare look at Jake's face; he was currently resting back on his elbows, head tipped back, and the sight of that long white neck, coupled with the open shirt, was something Hamilton wasn't sure he could stand. He opted to continue looking at Jake's feet; they were safe, for now at least.
"Yeah, she's awesome," Jake answered. He was probably still smiling. "Her dad owns the garage and gas station in town".
"So, you asked her to the cotillion in the end?" he abandoned Jake's feet to fiddle with his sleeve.
"What? No!" Jake frowned "I told you I didn't intend to ask anyone. She came with Will".
Oh, so she already had a date. He remembered Jake's words from that morning, the same words which had caused him such inner turmoil. I'm so stupid, he berated himself, of course he was talking about some girl, and here I was, like the huge idiot I am, thinking – hoping – he was referring to me.
"She's very pretty," he admitted softly, in quiet defeat.
"She's gorgeous," Jake agreed, then turned to look at Hamilton, frowning. "However, she also has a boyfriend, so don't get any ideas".
A boyfriend? Hope reared its little head again. "Oh," he said, hoping he sounded calm "she's dating Will?"
Jake leaned forward, tracing patterns on the water with thin fingers, shockingly white against the dark water; his hair fell into his face, obscuring his expression as he said "no, they're just friends. She's dating a guy named Sean".
"Oh," Hamilton nodded, then continued in what he hoped was a casual voice "so you two aren't…?" he couldn't even bring himself to say it.
"No, of course not!" Jake snapped "I just told you, she has someone". Hamilton didn't understand why he was so annoyed by the question; he probably resented the unsaid accusation, that he'd hit on a taken girl.
"Right," Hamilton said quickly, not wanting Jake to be angry with him.
They sat there quietly for the next few minutes, Jake seemingly deep in thought, Hamilton sneaking glances at him and pondering the recent conversation. So what did he know? Lena had insisted that Jake had feeling for him; but she could be wrong. Jake was obviously close to Bella, who was pretty and blonde and going with someone else to the dance; on the other hand, she was in a relationship, and anyway, she was the first girl he'd seen that Jake was actually comfortable with; perhaps it was because she was taken… because she was safe.
He didn't come to any obvious conclusion. The only real evidence to indicate which way Jake was really inclined was that kiss, and Jake had already insisted a few times that it was nothing and he wasn't gay. And so, once again, Hamilton was left guessing.
On a whim, he decided to do a little experiment. If Jake really wanted him, he would react to Hamilton undressing; if he wasn't, he would be indifferent.
He stood up, and removed his jacket, dropping it carelessly on the dock, before moving to the buttons on his dress shirt.
"What are you doing?" Jake jumped to his feet, sounding alarmed, but Hamilton couldn't tell if it was good alarmed or bad alarmed.
He finished with the shirt and shrugged it off slowly "I feel like a swim," he answered, glancing at Jake for his reaction; for a moment he was sure he saw Jake blush, but it was gone before he could really tell, and anyway, it was all very uncertain with the darkness shrouding them.
"Of course," Jake answered calmly. Hamilton wasn't sure; was it just his imagination or did Jake's voice actually sound a little uneven? "I'll just leave you to it then," Jake continued "I have a few things I need to do anyway".
That definitely wasn't the plan. "You don't want to join?" Hamilton asked desperately; than the possibility of Jake actually undressing overwhelmed him and he had to catch his breath for a moment before adding roughly "the water's amazing at this time of the year, I promise. It'll be fun".
"No thanks," Jake answered "I'm really not that fond of swimming, and I have those things I need to – you enjoy yourself, though!"
Hamilton stared at him. It did seem like Jake hated to swim, but was that really the reason for his refusal or was he just using it as an excuse? He thought Jake had sounded a little anxious and uneasy, but that could be caused by the thought of swimming just as it could be caused by the thought of swimming with Hamilton.
Before he could think of another way to convince Jake, the dark haired boy gathered his belongings and walked away, waving good-naturedly at Hamilton. He was left standing like a fool on the dock, wearing only a pair of half-buttoned trousers, and staring after Jake's calmly retreating back.
He was no closer to knowing than he was half an hour ago; what he did know was that he had no desire to go swimming on his own. With a sigh, he gathered his own belonging, dressed quickly, and headed towards his house.
He dreamed of Jake.
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A/N: I know that was probably not the ending you expected, but that was what I meant by "personal tweaks". I feel like the whole cross-dressing thing was resolved too soon, and while it was a good thing (otherwise we wouldn't have gotten all those yummy Jahammer scenes!) I wanted to explore it a little more. But don't worry, it'll all work out in the end!