Disclaimer: Young Americans does not belong to me, and I am not making any money out of this. It's for my own fun (and hopefully yours, too). Jake and Ham aren't mine either: I just borrow them to play with (and torture a lot, in Ham's case, because it's just so fun to see him squirm).
Summary: The fifth Young Americans episode "Winning Isn't Everything", written from Jake and Hamilton's point of view with (more than) a little personal tweaks. Enjoy!
A/N: This is my first time writing YA fanfiction, and as such, I'm rather nervous. So please read and review! It would mean a lot to me.
Keirah: thank you for your review! It's really nice to know that no matter what, I'm going to get at least one review for each chapter I actually have a lot of fun writing Jake and Bella together – they have such great chemistry. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter at least as much as you enjoyed the others.
Ness: thank you so much for viewing! Hamilton is always adorkable, he doesn't let you write him otherwise I'm glad I'm managing to pull this alternating points of view thing off, sometimes I wonder if it's too much, since I'm basically repeating their whole conversation twice. I'm glad you like Jake's insights – it's very challenging to write her, Hamilton is in fact a lot easier, so it surprises me you actually like her side of the story more. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!
Jaya137: I have nothing against crazy stalkers, if they're the right kind! I'm glad you're enjoying this. I'm actually really new to the fandom, but it's got me good, hook and sinker. It's sad that hardly anyone writes for it anymore – I'm telling you, there aren't enough J/H fics out there! I'm glad my writing appeals to you – English is not my first language, so I always worry I'm messing it up. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, too!
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Jake woke up rather earlier than she would've liked; she was in the middle of a rather interesting dream, and she had no crew practice or class. But once she had opened her eyes, a thousand thoughts appeared, all clamoring for attention, and sleep was made impossible.
Nearly all of those thoughts were Hamilton-related; she almost blushed as she recalled some of the juicer parts of the dream. She wasn't sure how she could look him in the eye now without becoming a little bit flustered, which would probably prove very awkward.
Pushing the images away, she dressed quickly, brushed her teeth, and then sat by her laptop and opened her mail, as she did every morning. She wasn't expecting anything; her friends wrote erratically at best, and her mother and Meagan both neglected to email her as of late.
Therefore, it was a shock when she saw the three little words "you've got mail" appearing on her computer screen, followed by the name of the sender: Monica Pratt.
She opened it, apprehensive, and paled; the message was short and to the point.
"Jacqueline dear,
I'll be arriving tomorrow in the late morning for the Parents Weekend. Meagan has already booked me a hotel, so don't worry.
I'll see you soon!
Love, Monica"
She stared at the text, unable to move. Her mother was coming. Her mother actually took the time out of her busy, important schedule to come to Parents Weekend. By tomorrow, this was going to be over, for better or for worse.
"Oh no," she whispered; she was so not ready for this.
She did the only thing she could think of doing, damn being independent and self-reliant; she needed to talk to Bella, or she would never have the guts to go through with this. She didn't even know what she was going to do, really! She hadn't actually planned it this far ahead.
She locked the door and ran as fast as she could, almost tripping down the stairs. People were giving her strange looks, but she couldn't care less at this point. She was slowly but surely panicking, and she needed someone to talk to before she would just explode, or run away.
She was good at running away from things.
She crossed the lawn at a sprint, and almost fell over when someone caught her arm, halting her. She turned to see Hamilton and stared at him, too anxious to even blush; that dream was the last thing on her mind at the moment.
"Let go," she snapped, not in the mood for interruptions.
"Jake, is everything all right?" Hamilton asked, looking at her in worry; he seemed alarmed.
"I need to go, so let go," she tried to pull her arm free but he tightened his grip.
"Where are you going?" he asked quickly "what's wrong?"
"I really need to talk to Bella," she said, not thinking.
His face hardened, and he released her hand. "I see," he said flatly.
"I'll talk to you later," she told him, and made to go, but he caught her arm again, his face curiously expressionless.
"Can you give me a ride to town?" he asked.
Jake gaped at him "what?"
He shrugged "I feel like an ice-cream, and since the garage is right near the diner…"
She passed her free hand through her hair, agitated, and decided quickly "yes, but hurry, I'm really in a rush".
She turned and walked away briskly, not waiting to see if he'd follow, and heard his footsteps behind her.
They arrived at the hiding place in silence; she pulled her bike out from between the bushes and climbed on, handing him the extra helmet. "Hop on," she told him.
He put the helmet on quickly and got up behind her, holding on to her waist, and they were off.
His hands tightened as she accelerated, and for the first time since she'd opened that email, she was distracted enough to actually notice him; how he was pressed up behind her, his hard chest against her spine and shoulders, strong fingers grabbing none too gently at her waist, as though he was alarmed by the speed she was going at. She could feel his knees brushing against her thighs, his breath on the back of her neck, and wondered what he would do if she leaned back into him.
She leaned forward, just in case.
The ride was over almost too quickly, but as soon as she parked near the garage her panic returned full force and she forgot all about Hamilton. She didn't see Bella outside, but she did see Grace; at her questioning look, the girl sighed and pointed at the diner. Jake nodded her thanks and hurried over, followed by Hamilton.
Bella and Scout were the only ones in the diner; they seemed tense, heads close together as they talked, and jumped as they heard the door open.
"Hi," they said in unison, sporting identical fake smiles. Then Bella frowned, looking at her closely "Jake, is everything all right?" she asked.
Jake glanced at Scout and Hamilton, who were frowning at her, too. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" she said.
"Sure," Bella got up, walking over. "What is it?" she asked Jake quietly.
Jake shot Hamilton a look and he got the hint, heading over to the counter. "My mom's coming tomorrow for Parents Weekend," she told Bella quietly.
Bella blinked at her for a few moments, before the realization dawned on her face. "But that's good," she said slowly. "That's what you wanted, right?"
"Yes, but –" she glanced at the two boys who looked far too interested in the discussion; she stopped talking and grabbed Bella by the hand, pulling her outside after her, towards the garage. Grace wasn't there anymore.
"I never actually thought this would work," she admitted, agitated. She started pacing back and forth "she never came before; why should she come now? In a way, this was just supposed to be the final straw – something to prove once and for all that it's hopeless, so I could finally stop all those crazy plots – except she's coming, and now I actually have to meet her as a boy, and I'd never thought it would be this hard –"
"Breathe," Bella advised, seizing her wrists and stopping her in place "It'll be all right. You didn't go through all this trouble just to back out in the last minute. You're going to go there tomorrow and meet your mother – though I suggest you do it somewhere secluded, you don't want anyone hearing her call you Jacqueline," she smiled, and Jake managed a weak smile back.
"And she'll be surprised at first, but she'll probably be shocked into listening – and you can say everything you ever wanted to say and never had the chance, and maybe it'll work and maybe it won't, but at least you'll know, right?" Bella finished her speech, looking at Jake expectedly.
Jake nodded, letting out a breath "I can do this. I can do this. God," she hugged Bella, suddenly, surprising them both; she wasn't usually comfortable with displays of affection. "What would I do without you?"
"Luckily, you don't have to find out," Bella answered, laughing, and hugged her back.
Jake stepped back, smiling, and glanced at the diner. "I think I freaked Hamilton out a bit earlier," she said.
"You freaked me out," Bella told her "you looked so panicked when you came in".
"I should probably go and explain it was nothing," she sighed, then frowned as the shrill ring of her cell phone started. "Wait," she said to Bella, her frowned deepening as she saw the caller ID "it's my mom's assistant".
"Hi," she said as she answered.
"Jacqueline, how are you?" Meagan's too cheerful voice came, and she tensed. She just knew she wasn't going to like this.
"I'm fine, how are you?" she answered flatly, wanting the other woman to get to the point.
"That's great, just great," Meagan answered, and faltered.
"Just spit it out," Jake said, her mood darkening by the second.
"Monica won't be coming to your Parents Weekend after all," Meagan said in a rush, than added quietly "I'm sorry".
"How surprising," Jake bit out, feeling as though someone punched her, even if she had half-expected it "what is it this time? Let me guess – she has an important audition. Or maybe there's some famous producer in town that she's having dinner with. Or –"
"Vogue wants to make a story on her, but they can only send the reporter this weekend," Meagan admitted. Jake could make out the pity in her voice, and didn't want it.
Even if she didn't have her mother, she still had her self respect left.
"Don't worry about it," she told Meagan coolly. It wasn't her fault, after all. "I'm used to it. Have a nice day".
She heard Meagan's urgent "Jacqueline –" before she hung up, staring at nothing.
"Bad news?" Bella asked cautiously, and flinched as Jake turned to face her and she saw her expression.
"Nothing new," Jake said, still staring at nothing. She could feel the anger bubbling, taking over. "As usual, I'm the least important thing in her life. Well," she gave Bella a grim smile "at least I know the answer to my question now, don't I? And we didn't even have to talk".
"Jake," Bella said soothingly, putting a hand on her arm, and Jake shrugged it off.
And suddenly she was furious, and couldn't – didn't want to – control it anymore. She threw her phone as hard as she could against the wall, and it broke upon impact, plastic bits flying everywhere. Bella took a step back, startled.
"I can't believe her," Jake yelled, looking around for something else to throw "I can't believe I actually thought I could fix this!" she kicked a bucket near her, and it tipped over, spilling soapy water all over their feet.
"Hey –" Bella started, frowning. "Stop –"
"But there's nothing to fix, is there?" Jake continued shouting, kicking the bucket again "because she just doesn't care. It would be better if she hated me – at least then there would be a reason – but she doesn't care enough about me to feel anything! I'm just an inconvenience in her life that she gets rid of by sending me to boarding schools and –"
Bella slapped her. Jake stopped mid rant, staring at her in shock, her cheek starting to burn. Bella looked back evenly "calm down now," she said "and stop destroying the garage".
Jake stared some more, then looked down, flushing in humiliation as she saw the bucket and their shoes. "Sorry," she mumbled.
Bella's face softened and she opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the sound of running footsteps. They both turned to see Scout and Hamilton running over, identical angry expression on their face.
"Shit," Jake and Bella said in unison.
"What did you say to her?" Scout demanded, seizing Jake by the front of her shirt and practically lifting her off the ground. Hamilton grabbed his arm and twisted, and Scout immediately let her go with a pained grimace.
"Get your hands off him," Hamilton told him, face hard.
"Get your hands off me!" Scout answered heatedly, shoving Hamilton, and Hamilton immediately shoved back.
"Stop it!" Bella said, grabbing Scout's sleeve "Jake didn't say anything to me, everything's all right, I just did it to snap him out of his –" she glanced at Jake, who was torn between fuming and feeling bewildered. "- Something" she finished lamely.
"Right," Scout said suspiciously, but he and Hamilton stopped glaring at each other, and he was no longer giving Jake threatening looks.
"Right," Jake echoed, fed up with everything; with her mom, with lying, with this town that was quickly becoming a reminder of yet another failure. She wanted to get away, and fast; and she wanted to cry, but she couldn't do it here, with everyone watching.
"I'll be off then," she said, turning and heading to her bike; she paid no attention to the crushed remains of her cell phone, lying on the ground. "It was nice meeting you all and everything".
"What?" the three of them said together, blinking at her.
"Bye," she said, and got on the bike. Bella shook herself and hurried over, followed by the others.
"What do you mean?" she asked, frowning "are you leaving?"
Jake shrugged, wanting this to be over "no point in staying, really, is there? No point in coming here in the first place, so the sooner I remedy that, the better".
"You can't leave!" Hamilton shouted, and when they turned to look at him, perplexed, blushed a dark red. "I mean –" he said more quietly "I mean – what about the Regatta? You can't leave a day before the race!"
Scout frowned and turned to look at her "that's right," he said "you can't screw us over just because you seem to have some issues. You shouldn't have joined in the first place if you weren't planning on coming through".
"They're right," Bella echoed, giving her a sharp look.
Jake narrowed her eyes, outnumbered. And they did have a point. She didn't want them to hate her, even if she didn't plan on seeing them ever again.
"Fine," she said. "I'll stay for the Regatta".
"Good," Scout seemed satisfied, but Hamilton looked at her in worry "you're still planning to leave?"
"I'll leave tomorrow, after the race," she answered shortly.
"Oh," he mumbled quietly, and then said "but you've already paid for the entire summer session. You won't get the money back".
Jake gave him a look. What was he on about? "I. Don't. Care," she said slowly, and he flushed again, looking down at his feet. He seemed hurt, and she felt a pang of guilt.
"I –" she started, not meeting anyone's eyes, and then gave up. It didn't matter anyway. "I'll see you later," she finished, put on her helmet, and drove away.
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Hamilton tossed and turned all night, thinking about the way Jake looked earlier on the deck, the paleness of his throat in the dark, collarbones tempting him to follow with his fingers, the sharpness of his beautiful face in the moonlight. No matter how he tried, he couldn't think of anything else; his mind kept playing out his fantasies, Jake turning to him and smiling, leaning close, kissing him. Hamilton's hands – shaking – on the buttons of his dress shirt, opening them gently, tracing a narrow shoulder down to the fragile wrists, twining with Jake's hands; then moving down, across ribs, caressing a jutting hipbone, before coming to rest on the zipper of his trousers –
He sat up abruptly, trembling, shoving his blanket away; this was getting so out of hand. He glanced at his bedside clock: three A.M.
Cursing in a low voice, he got up and went to take a cold shower. He has a feeling he would need a lot more of those from now on.
In the end he managed to sleep for a few hours, but woke up feeling tense and even more tired than he was when he went to bed; his fantasies haunted him in his dreams, too.
He decided to go out for a walk; maybe the fresh air would help him clear his head, and the lake always seemed to calm him, until now. As he walked he thought – of course – of Jake. What was he going to do? His feelings – whatever they were, he wasn't about to dwell on them any more than necessary – weren't waning. They were just becoming stronger.
Being around Jake was uneasy at best, and he guessed it would only become more uncomfortable; however, not being around Jake was even worse. Even though he had only known the other boy for a short time, he felt like something was wrong when Jake wasn't there. Like something was missing, as though Jake was a piece of a puzzle that he'd never known was absent until he appeared in Hamilton's life.
And he didn't want to lose that piece, no matter what.
Just then he saw the boy in question sprinting across the lawn, a few feet from him. His face was pale, panicked, and he didn't seem to notice Hamilton, not even when Hamilton called out to him.
Hamilton grabbed Jake's wrist, halting him, and almost pulled his shoulder out of its socket. He winced and loosened his grip, but Jake didn't even notice. "Let go," Jake snapped, barely even acknowledging him; something was definitely wrong.
"Jake, is everything all right?" he asked, worried, and Jake looked through him with wild eyes, mouth in a tight line, and tried pulling himself free. "I need to go, so let go," he said flatly, and Hamilton tightened his hold almost to the point of bruising.
"Where are you going? What's wrong?" he asked, and Jake pulled again, harder this time "I really need to talk to Bella," he snapped, and Hamilton abruptly let go, the other boy almost toppling over. Jealousy reared its ugly head; he knew he had no right, no claim, but that didn't change anything. "I see," he answered, almost coldly.
He didn't think he had ever hated anyone or anything as much as he hated the blond girl right now. It wasn't even the fact that maybe Jake was in love with her – even though he denied it – as it was the fact that she was the person Jake ran to when something was wrong. Jake met Bella at the same day he met Hamilton, and still, he trusted Bella and not Hamilton. He didn't tell Hamilton of his problems with his mother – though Hamilton knew he had them – or of his issues – which he clearly had a lot of.
But Bella obviously knew; Jake was comfortable with her as though they've known each other for their whole life.
"I'll talk to you later," Jake promised him, evidently realizing something upset Hamilton but too much in a hurry to stay and find out what it was. As he turned to go an idea struck Hamilton and he stopped him again. Jake glared at him like he was about to punch his lights out, but Hamilton swallowed and still asked "Can you give me a ride to town?"
Maybe he would understand what was wrong when they got there, maybe he would overhear something; in any case, he had to try.
"What?" Jake said, staring at him.
"I feel like an ice-cream, and since the garage is right near the diner…" he shrugged defensively, knowing how stupid it sounded, and how it must've annoyed the other boy.
Jake passed a hand through his hair, almost tearing it out, then snapped "yes, but hurry, I'm really in a rush". He turned and walked away quickly, not even bothering to see if Hamilton was following. Hamilton hurried after him, and they walked in an agitated silence until they reached the place where Jake had hidden his bike. He pulled it out of the bushes and climbed on, handing Hamilton a helmet before fastening one on his own head. "Hop on".
Hamilton quickly climbed behind him, thinking that despite several invitations this was the first time he was actually riding Jake's bike. Shame it wasn't when Jake was in a better mood. Still, he couldn't complain.
Jake turned on the engine and took off in a rush, and Hamilton yelped, quickly moving forward and clutching at Jake's waist.
His first thought was: I think this was a very bad idea. He was pressed against the other boy like a magnet to metal, and he couldn't move back because then he would fall off. Jake's shoulder blades were digging into his chest, Hamilton's legs wrapped snugly against his hips. He was evidently even smaller then he seemed, because Hamilton could feel fabric bunching in his hands as he gripped his waist, and couldn't help thinking: he's tiny. Like a girl. Another though he couldn't stop was this feels so right.
The ride was over much too quickly, although perhaps it was for the best as things were starting to get awkward for Hamilton, and he had no doubt that Jake would find them awkward as well. The other boy parked near the garage, and they both got off.
Bella wasn't outside, but the brown-haired girl Bella fought with at the cotillion was, and Hamilton guessed they were sisters. She pointed at the diner before leering at them both, but Jake paid no attention, hurrying to the diner, with Hamilton on his heels.
Scout and Bella were sitting at opposite sides of the counter, holding what seemed like a tense conversation. The jumped apart as Jake and Hamilton entered, smiling hastily. Then Bella noticed Jake's expression and frowned, asking "Jake, is everything alright?"
Jake glanced at Hamilton, obviously not wanting to talk about it in front of him, and Hamilton felt a flash of hurt. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" Jake asked the blonde.
Bella came over "sure," she said "what is it?"
Jake glanced at Hamilton again, and Hamilton scowled, but went to join Scout at the counter. The other boy was looking at Jake and Bella curiously.
Hamilton strained to hear what they were saying, and barley made out Jake's quiet "my mom's coming tomorrow for Parents Weekend". He frowned: that was the big deal? So they had some issues, but was it reason enough for the panic Jake seemed to be in? Was he hiding something from his mom?
"But that's good," Bella answered, just as quietly, and it seemed like she, too, didn't understand what Jake was worried about. "That's what you wanted, right?"
Jake took a deep breath "yes, but –" he started, then shot the two boys at the counter a worried look. He grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her out of the diner, and Hamilton's scowl deepened. He couldn't follow them out. He looked up and met Scout's eyes; the other boy seemed just as annoyed. He'd been eavesdropping, too.
They exchanged a look, smiling sheepishly, before turning to look out, to where Jake and Bella were standing. Jake was pacing, clearly agitated; he was pulling at his hair as he talked.
"He's such a strange guy," Scout said. When Hamilton frowned, he quickly added "he's a great kid, don't get me wrong, but he's strange. And he and Bella together – I can't keep thinking there's more to it than meets the eye".
Hamilton nodded "I know what you mean, but Bella has a boyfriend, doesn't she?"
Scout's expression darkened, but all he said was "yes, she does. That's not what I meant, anyway. Look at them," he gestured at the two, who were now hugging "they're like – like two girls".
Hamilton narrowed his eyes, watching them. "You're right," he said slowly, as Jake answered his phone "I've never thought about it like that, but you're right".
He didn't know what that meant. Maybe it was just because Jake and Bella became such good friends, but maybe it was because – how did they call it – the best gay friend? It was a possibility. Jake's sexual orientation was still as confusing as ever, despite his statement that he was straight.
The boy in question chose that moment to smash his cell-phone against the garage's wall. Hamilton and Scout jumped to their feet, gawking. Obviously, that phone call wasn't the nicest thing that happened to Jake lately.
Jake kicked a bucket that stood near him, sending it flying and spilling water all over the concrete; Bella jumped back, looking angry, as Jake waved his arms about. It seemed he was shouting.
"What's he doing…?" Scout muttered, irritated. Hamilton put a hand on his arm to calm him, and then Bella slapped Jake, and being calm suddenly became the last thing on his mind.
They both ran out, though probably for different reasons; Jake and Bella turned to see them, both with expressions of "oh shit" on their faces; Jake had a vivid red hand print on his cheek.
Scout got there a second before Hamilton, and grabbed the front of Jake's shirt, growling "what did you say to her?"
Hamilton didn't think; instead, he grabbed Scout's arm and bent it as hard as he could as he snapped "let go of him"; it was let go or let it break, and sure enough, scout immediately let go, wincing. He turned to Hamilton, face red, and said loudly "let go of me!" before shoving him. Hamilton shoved back. He had no doubt that if it came to blows he could squash Scout like a bug, and he rather felt like hitting him now.
"Stop it!" Bella shouted, grabbing Scout; she probably understood he was about to get bitten to a pulp. "Jake didn't say anything to me," she continued "everything's all right, I just did it to snap him out of his –" she hesitated, and finished lamely "something".
Hamilton wasn't buying it – you don't slap someone when everything's alright – but if Jake and Bella wanted to keep it between them, it was their right. Maybe he could get it out of Jake afterwards. Scout had evidently thought along the same lines, because he relaxed, saying "right".
They all stood there awkwardly, until Jake echoed "right". Hamilton looked at him; his expression was strange, a mix between hurt and fury and a deep bitterness he couldn't understand, but he didn't have to understand it in order to know that it bode ill.
"I'll be off than," Jake continued, voice flat, his face shutting down; emotionless. "It was nice meeting you all and everything". He turned and walked to his bike.
Hamilton gaped after him. What did he mean, 'it was nice meeting you all'? It sounded like – but he wouldn't, wouldn't he…?
"What!?" he said, dimly registering the same word from Bella and Scout. Jake shrugged, not looking at them. "Bye," he offered, almost in indifference, and put on his helmet. Just like that.
"What do you mean? Are you leaving?" Bella asked, confused, even though it was obvious that's just what he was doing.
"No point in staying, really, is there? No point in coming here in the first place, so the sooner I remedy that, the better" Jake answered, his voice not quite free of anger. He looked at Bella as he said this, and it seemed she understood what he meant, but Hamilton didn't. Was there a point to Jake being here? He said, earlier, that he was just waiting for someone to notice. Was that it? Did someone finally notice? Or, perhaps, did he give up on someone noticing?
Whatever it was, Hamilton knew he couldn't just let Jake leave like this. He wouldn't let Jake just discard him as though their friendship meant nothing.
"You can't leave!" he shouted, and then felt his face grow hot as the other three turned to look at him. But he only had eyes for Jake, had to make him stay. Desperately, he tried to think of something that he could use, until – of course - "I mean –" he continued "I mean – what about the Regatta? You can't leave a day before the race!"
He hoped it would work. Whatever problems he had, Jake was a good kid, he knew that at least. He was not one to walk away from obligation, not when someone was counting on him.
"That's right," Scout said, instantly indignant "you can't screw us over just because you seem to have some issues. You shouldn't have joined in the first place if you weren't planning on coming through".
"They're right" Bella said quickly.
Jake's face tightened, momentarily, and then he said "fine. I'll stay for the Regatta".
"Good" Scout relaxed and turned away, but Hamilton heard what Jake didn't say, and demanded "you're still planning to leave?"
Jake spared him a short look "I'll leave tomorrow, after the race," he answered.
"Oh". A heavy weight settled in Hamilton's stomach. Jake was still leaving. He had bought himself a day – but that was it. "But you've already paid for the entire summer session. You won't get the money back" he tried, and knew how stupid it sounded even as he said it.
"I. Don't. Care" Jake gave him one of those looks, the ones he gave Hamilton when they had just met, the ones that made him feel like an inadequate five year old. But this one was worse, because it seemed like Jake was looking through him, already not there in spirit, if not in flesh.
He looked away, and heard Jake sigh. "I –" the other boy started, then seemed to change his mind "I'll see you later" he finished, and drove away without a glance backwards.
Hamilton stared after him; beside him, he dimly noticed Bella's unhappy face, mouth pinched tightly. He knew how she felt. Scout let out a whistle. "Strange guy," he said, and then chuckled "I swear, he's such a drama queen sometimes".
Bella shot him a glare. "Shut up, Scout," she snapped, before storming away.
Scout gaped after her, then turned to Hamilton, puzzled "what did I say?"
Hamilton wasn't feeling all that patient himself now, so he didn't bother to reply. Instead, he turned and started heading back towards Rawley, leaving Scout to figure it out for himself.
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Jake was locked up in her room, angrily shoving her belongings into a suitcase, when a hesitant knock on her door sounded, and Hamilton's voice asked "Jake? Are you in there?"
She debated whether to answer or not; she wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, least of all Hamilton – she was feeling confused and guilty enough as it was. Still, in the end it was guilt that made answer "what do you want?", though perhaps a little more sharply than necessary.
Hamilton sounded almost pitiful when he said "can I come in?" and her guilt increased, enough to make her sigh and open the door, not before checking to see if anything discriminating was in sight. Hamilton stood on the other side, looking forlorn and serious, his blue eyes unhappy. "Hi," he said quietly.
Jake stood aside to let him enter, then quickly closed the door after him. He took in the open, half-packed suitcase, her various clothes and belongings scattered about the room, and turned to her. "You're really leaving," he said, a tad accusing.
She shrugged, not quite meeting his eyes "yeah, I am," she answered, than added hurriedly "but only after the Regatta, I promised".
Hamilton still looked dejected, and she stopped, for a minute, to think that perhaps she owed him an explanation. He was a friend, after all. But before she could make up her mind about it, he looked up at her suddenly, eyes intense and face determent. "Come with me," he told her, and started for the door.
"What? Where?" she asked, confused "I need to finish packing".
"Leave the packing!" he almost shouted, then continued calmer "you can finish that later, you still have an entire day. Come with me, I want to show you something. Please?"
It was the please that won her over; when he was looking at her like that, like there was nothing else in the world at the moment, she found it almost impossible to refuse him. "Okay," she said.
He smiled at her, face suddenly bright and happy. "Great," he said, and stepped out into the hall, waiting for her to lock up. "Come on".
He led her out, across the lawn and into the trees by the lake. "My dad bought this a summer ago" he said.
She frowned, following him as they walked farther from the school, along the shore "bought what?"
"This," he said, stopping, and gestured proudly at a small speedboat. "Isn't it cool?"
Despite her dark mood, her interest was piqued. She had always thought speedboats were a bit like the motorcycles of the water, although she supposed most people would compare motorcycles to jet skis. "Yeah, it's cool," she agreed.
"Hop in," he told her, climbing into the boat, and when she hesitated, he added "I'll show you how to drive it".
That won her over quickly enough, and she climbed in after him, her mood brightening by the minute. Hamilton maneuvered the boat smoothly into deep water, and she almost laughed at the feeling of the wind on her face. "Can you make it go faster?" she asked, smiling, and he smiled back and complied.
He slowed to a stop as they neared the center of the lake. It was quiet, deceptively so; although she could just barely make out the docks and the people on them, she still felt as though they were alone in the lake. It was a rather nice feeling.
Hamilton turned to look at her, his face serious again. "You seem to be in a better mood," he observed.
Her own face darkened as she remembered exactly why she'd been in a foul mood before, and Hamilton winced and said hurriedly "never mind, forget I said that. Let's just – I'll teach you how to drive this".
He launched into an explanation, which was rather too long for something not all that difficult, and she grasped the basics soon enough.
She appreciated Hamilton's attempts to cheer her up; he was really such a sweet guy, and she felt she owed him an explanation, at least. She stopped the boat, and when he turned to look at her questioningly she sighed and passed a hand through her hair.
"Hamilton," she said, biting her lip "I'm sorry about earlier. I was – angry. I'm sorry if I was a bit short with you".
He nodded, and asked "do you want to talk about it? I mean, it must be something big, if it convinced you to leave Rawley all of the sudden".
She picked at her sleeve, not looking at him. "It's – never mind".
Hamilton smiled at her gently "I promise I won't laugh or anything, if that's what you're worried about".
Jake looked down, focusing on the water; anywhere but on Hamilton. "It's – ever since I was little, I felt as though I was in second place, where it concerned my mother. I never lacked anything material – clothes and toys and pocket money – but she was never there. Our house keeper was the one who actually took care of me – woke me up when I had a nightmare, took me to the doctor when I was sick – my mother probably couldn't even say what my favourite food is".
She was aware of the bitterness in her voice, but didn't try to hide it. It was liberating, in a way, to talk about this – and Hamilton was a good audience, looking at her with those thoughtful blue eyes, not judging anything she said, just listening.
"Ever since I was little, I did wild – and often stupid – things to get her attention, but it never worked. And now I'm almost sixteen, and it's like – she doesn't even know me. And this – " she waved her hand about, not sure if she meant Rawley or herself or both "this is the stupidest thing I've done yet. This –" she tugged on her sleeve "this isn't who I am. And she was supposed to notice – finally, this was something she couldn't ignore – but then something came up, again".
"I don't know why I'm even surprised anymore," she added resentfully "after all those years I should have expected it; but I thought – maybe, just this once, she would make the effort. But there's always something more important then me – a director or an audition or a party – and that's never going to change".
Hamilton stared at her, before asking hesitatingly "she bailed out on Parents Weekend?"
She nodded, giving a short laugh, devoid of humor "of course. After she said she was coming. And she didn't even tell me that herself – her agent called me. I think I talk to Megan more than I talk to my mother".
Hamilton bit his lip "but what's that got to do with you leaving?"
Jake frowned "don't you get it? Coming here – this was just another ploy to get her attention! I don't belong here, and this is just another failure –"
"Are you sorry you came?" he asked. His voice was flat, his mouth tightening as he looked at her.
"Sorry?" she echoed, and answered without really thinking "yes".
Hamilton narrowed his eyes, his expression turning cold, and then he said "thank you". He turned the boat and started back in the direction of the shore.
"Hamilton…" Jake started. She hadn't thought about it, but it was obvious he was hurt. Why wouldn't he be? 'Jake', who was his friend, just said he would've rather not met him. "Look, I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean – I'm glad I met you. It's just – this made me realize I might as well give up on my mother, and that's something I could've lived without".
Hamilton glanced at her, but his face lightened. "It's okay," he said. "I understand. I'm –" he stopped as they neared the shore, and concentrated on stopping the boat.
"You what?" Jake asked, curious, as he helped her out of the boat.
"I'm –" he smiled nervously "this is going to sound sappy. But I'm glad you came, it doesn't matter why. I know we only met a short time ago, but – but you're the best friend I've ever had. Please don't leave."
She was touched. She could tell he was sincere – it made her wonder if his life was really that lonely, that he grew so attached to a boy he hardly knew. It made her guilty as hell, too – because that boy didn't really exist. But she could understand what he meant – in a way, he was the best friend she ever had, too.
"Thanks," she said "you're – the best friend I had in a long time, too. But – Hamilton, I never intended to stay here. It was just –"
"To get your mother to notice you, I know. But would it make a difference if you go back home or stay here?"
Of course it did – in New-York she wouldn't have to pretend to be the wrong gender, for a start – but she couldn't tell him that.
"Just stay until the end of the summer session," he said hopefully. "You've already paid for it anyway".
He was looking at her that way again, making it harder than ever to refuse. She hesitated. Would it really be so bad, if she stayed till the end of the session? Not run away for once? Pretending aside, she was actually enjoying herself here, with Bella, and of course Hamilton. She could afford to tie her loose ends for once.
"Okay," she said, and his face broke into a wide grin so bright it nearly blinded her. "I'll stay until the end of the session".
"Great," he said, grabbing her wrist and pulling her after him "now let's get to lunch, I'm starving".
------
Hamilton stood nervously before Jake's locked door. He knew the other boy probably didn't want to see anyone just now; but he couldn't just stand and let him leave. Taking a deep breath, he called "Jake, are you in there?"
A few moments of silence, and then a voice grudgingly answered "what do you want?"
Hamilton refused to be daunted. "Can I come in?" he asked.
Jake didn't answer, but he heard a few sounds from the room, then brisk steps, and the door was opened. Jake stood before him, his face impatient and a little cold. His eyes were red-rimmed, as though he'd been crying, but Hamilton didn't think it was the time to mention that. He was pretty even with the red eyes and the puffy nose, but Hamilton didn't think it was the time to mention that, either. Ever. "Hi," he said.
Jake didn't say anything, just stood aside to let him enter, and closed the door after him. Clothes were strewn around the room, and a half-packed suitcase sat on Jake's unmade bed. He turned to stare at Jake; "you're really leaving". He didn't really believe it until now.
"Yes, I am," Jake answered, raising his eyebrows, as though he didn't know why Hamilton was surprised, as though he should've learned by now that Jake didn't say things he didn't mean. "But only after the Regatta, I promised" he added, as though that was the problem. For all his brains, Jake could really be dense sometimes.
Hamilton stared around the room again, biting his lip, before an idea popped into his head. He had noticed by now that Jake used to go ride his bike whenever he was in a bad mood, so maybe – "come with me," he said.
Jake frowned "what? Where? I need to finish packing".
"Leave the packing!" Hamilton exploded. He wasn't sure if Jake really didn't understand, or if he was just trying to get rid of Hamilton. He told himself to calm down – it didn't matter. "You can finish that later," he said "you still have an entire day. Come with me, I want to show you something. Please?"
The other boy hesitated, looking at Hamilton as though he didn't really see him until this moment, before nodding. "Okay," he said, and Hamilton grinned, suddenly ridiculously happy.
"Great," he said, as Jake stopped to lock his door "come on". He led them out, to the lakeshore near his house, where his dad had tied the speedboat he bought last year. He was suddenly very happy he insisted on learning how to drive it.
"My dad bought this a summer ago" he told Jake.
The other boy raised confused eyes to him "bought what?"
He saw the boat ahead "this," Hamilton said, and stopped next to it "isn't it cool?" maybe not as cool as a motorcycle, but as cool as a car, at least.
Jake smiled lightly, almost indulgent "yeah, it's cool" he agreed.
Hamilton climbed in, turning to the other boy; "hop in". But Jake hesitated, unsure, obviously thinking of his room and the half-full suitcase waiting in it. "I'll show you how to drive it" Hamilton added, and relaxed as Jake climbed in after him. His father may kill him, but it would be worth it.
He maneuvered it away from the shore, before starting for deep water at a respectable speed. Jake stood next to him, closer than usual; the wind whipped at his hair, made his cheeks flush attractively; he gave Hamilton a beautiful, delighted smile, and as always, Hamilton couldn't help but smile back. "Can you make this go faster?" Jake asked, and Hamilton readily agreed, even though he knew his dad would never let him drive the boat again if he saw him just now.
He looked beside him, at Jake's happy face. "You seem to be in a better mood," he said, and immediately regretted it when Jake's expression soured. Great going, Hamilton, he berated himself, remind him exactly of what he's trying to avoid! "Never mind, forget I said that. Let's just – I'll teach you how to drive this" he said quickly, and launched into an explanation before Jake had the time to say he wanted to go back, or something of the sort.
Jake understood it easily, though Hamilton supposed he shouldn't be surprised by now. Until now he had never seen Jake have trouble understanding anything. Before long, though, Jake slowed the boat to a stop in the middle of the lake. He bit his lip, a gesture Hamilton found enchanting, and he had to tear his eyes away as the other boy said "Hamilton".
He looked up questioningly, and Jake continued, a bit uncomfortably "I'm sorry about earlier. I was – angry. I'm sorry if I was a bit short with you".
Hamilton supposed that since it was Jake who'd brought up the subject, it was okay to ask about it. "Do you want to talk about it?" he said "I mean, it must be something big, if it convinced you to leave Rawley all of the sudden". It would be nice if Jake would confide in him, for once, and not in Bella.
"It's –" Jake started and Hamilton waited hopefully, but then the other boy muttered "never mind" and looked away as though embarrassed, picking at his sleeve with thin, pale fingers.
Maybe that was the problem. "I promise I won't laugh or anything, if that's what you're worried about" he told Jake, and Jake looked at him, startled. But then he nodded and, looking away, started talking quietly.
"It's – ever since I was little, I felt as though I was in second place, where it concerned my mother" Jake said. "I never lacked anything material – clothes and toys and pocket money – but she was never there. Our house keeper was the one who actually took care of me – woke me up when I had a nightmare, took me to the doctor when I was sick – my mother probably couldn't even say what my favourite food is".
He gave a bitter little laugh at that, and Hamilton's heart clenched inside, instantly hating Jake's mother although he had never even met her. He knew Jake and his mom had problems, but he didn't realize they were this, well, big.
"Ever since I was little, I did wild – and often stupid – things to get her attention, but it never worked. And now I'm almost sixteen, and it's like – she doesn't even know me. And this – " Jake waved his hand about, indicating the general area of the lake "this is the stupidest thing I've done yet. This –" he tugged on his sleeve "this isn't who I am. And she was supposed to notice – finally, this was something she couldn't ignore – but then something came up, again. I don't know why I'm even surprised anymore," his voice shook momentarily "after all those years I should have expected it; but I thought – maybe, just this once, she would make the effort. But there's always something more important then me – a director or an audition or a party – and that's never going to change".
Jake finished talking, still not looking at Hamilton, an unhappy frown on his face. Hamilton's heart went out to him; his own feelings for Jake aside, it sounded awful. Even though he had his own problems with his parents – he had always complained that his mother was too controlling and his father too wrapped up in being the Dean to actually act like a father – he had never doubted that they loved him. But Jake sounded resigned to the fact – or so Hamilton understood – that his own mother considered him an inconvenience in her life.
"She bailed out on Parents Weekend?" he asked, because he remembered Jake's wild look of panic as he told Bella "my mother's coming!" it must have seemed like a miracle, and then that phone call…
Jake gave that bitter little laugh again "of course. After she said she was coming. And she didn't even tell me that herself – her agent called me. I think I talk to Megan more than I talk to my mother".
Hamilton understood why Jake had thrown his phone against the wall after that, understood his tantrum at the garage; it must have been the slap to end all slaps.
He still didn't comprehend, though - "but what's that got to do with you leaving?"
"Don't you get it?" Jake said flatly "coming here – this was just another ploy to get her attention! I don't belong here, and this is just another failure –"
"Are you sorry you came?" he asked, and didn't really expect to hear Jake's confident "yes". He said it as though he would've erased the time that had passed since the beginning of the summer session, and everything that had happened with it. Hurt welled within Hamilton, deeper than anything he had ever felt before, and he barely managed to bite out a sarcastic "thank you" as he turned the boat back towards the shore, needing to hurt Jake back.
"Hamilton…" Jake said, surprised, his face apologetic. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean – I'm glad I met you. It's just – this made me realize I might as well give up on my mother, and that's something I could've lived without".
Hamilton's relief was astounding. "It's okay," he said, mood brightening in a second "I understand. I'm – " he stopped, horrified that he was going to say something girly and embarrassing, and used the parking of the boat as an excuse not to continue. But Jake had other things in mind.
"You what?" he asked, as Hamilton climbed out of the boat and offered him a hand to help, without thinking, as he would to a girl. He was about to snatch it back, blushing, when Jake took it. His grip was surprisingly strong, his hand small and cold in Hamilton's, and he didn't seem aware that he did it. Or maybe he didn't think there was anything wrong with it.
"I'm –" Hamilton started, blushing even harder and letting go of Jake's hand regretfully "this is going to sound sappy. But I'm glad you came, it doesn't matter why. I know we only met a short time ago, but – but you're the best friend I've ever had. Please don't leave." Even though it was true, he felt like a fool for saying it.
But Jake only smiled at him, oddly shy "thanks," he said, then frowned "you're – the best friend I had in a long time, too. But – Hamilton, I never intended to stay here. It was just –"
Hamilton cut in "to get your mother to notice you, I know. But would it make a difference if you go back home or stay here?" he didn't understand why Jake was insisting on leaving. His mother wasn't going to pay attention to him in New-York either, was she? He didn't say it, though, as it would've been completely tactless. "Just stay until the end of the summer session," he added. "You've already paid for it anyway".
He could see Jake was hesitating, and knew there wasn't much of a chance that he'll change his mind; he was stubborn almost to the point of self-harm.
But then Jake eased, the tension leaking out of his shoulders, and said "okay. I'll stay until the end of the session".
Hamilton stared at him, feeling his face break into the widest, stupidest grin he had ever wore, so wide he was surprised his face wasn't splitting in half.
"Great," he said, even though he wanted to shout, to kiss Jake who was smiling back at him, to do something because he felt like he was going to explode. He grabbed Jake's hand and started dragging the other boy after him, saying "now let's get to lunch, I'm starving," just to say something.
It occurred to him that touching the other boy was okay, if it was like this, and Jake didn't seem to mind; he was smiling as he stumbled behind Hamilton, and Hamilton, basking in his revelation, threw an arm around his thin shoulders, pulling him close, and ruffled his dark hair vigorously. "Were going to have fun," he said, as Jake protested, laughing, and tried to push him away "you'll see".
------
Jake was in a good mood as she got back to her room; Hamilton seemed to have that effect on her. She was glad she decided to stay, even if it meant lying and pretending for a bit longer. She wasn't very hungry, but it amused her, to see Hamilton wolfing down plate after plate.
"What?" he pouted as she raised an eyebrow at the stack of empty plates steadily growing before him "I'm a growing boy; I need to eat. You should eat too," he added, jabbing a not so careful finger in her side and making her yelp "you look like a girl".
She missed a heartbeat at that, but Hamilton, thankfully, didn't notice.
Afterwards she excused herself to go and unpack her suitcase; Hamilton offered to help, but Jake, thinking of the bras and panties tangled with her 'boy' clothes, hastily declined.
As she arranged her clothes neatly back in the closet, she thought back to the morning. She needed to apologize to Bella, and she needed to get a new phone. The phone could wait until she got home – there were only two weeks left, after all – but she'd better fix things with Bella quickly.
She finished arranging everything and after a quick look in the mirror to make sure she was manly (never mind how wrong that sounded) she left the room, intending to head into town and find the blonde.
On her way out she ran into Scout and Will. Will smiled at her and raised a hand in greeting, but Scout gave her a careful nod. "Cooled down yet?" he asked, and she blushed, ignoring the perplexed look Will was giving her.
"Yeah, sorry about that," she said, smiling awkwardly "I kinda regressed to kindergarten for a minute."
Scout shrugged "as long as you're okay with everything. You and Bella fix things up?"
Will looked between them "what exactly is going on here?" he asked, then added, looking at Jake "you and Bella had a fight?"
Jake winced "not exactly. She sort of… got caught in the backlash of some bad news".
Scout sniggered suddenly "and then it was your turn to get caught in the backlash".
"What?" Will seemed even more confused, and slightly worried.
Jake rubbed her cheek jokingly "that girl's got a mean right arm, I'll give her that".
"What!?" Will said again.
"Nevermind, it's between them," Scout said. "And don't try to ask Bella about it, trust me". He turned to Jake "just make sure you clear up everything with her, okay?" at Jake's nod he smiled and continued down the hall, dragging Will with him and throwing a "see ya later" behind his shoulder.
"See ya," Jake muttered, and continued.
She was crossing the lawn when she heard her name called, and turned to see Hamilton who was waving and hurrying over, his dogs in toe.
"Hey," he said, smiling, his dogs crowding around them and almost knocking her over "finish unpacking?"
"Yeah," she answered, trying to keep her balance as an over enthusiastic golden retriever pushed his head behind her knee. "I was just –" she was cut short as another dog rubbed his side eagerly on her ankles and she lost her balance.
Hamilton caught her, one hand on her arm and the other steadying her around the waist. "Sorry," he said, trying to shoo them away with a leg "they get like that sometimes".
"It's okay," she said, stepping away – it felt far too good, him holding her like that – and scratched a dog behind the ear. "I was just on my way to town –"
"Bella?"
"Yeah," she frowned "I wanted to apologize".
Hamilton looked at her thoughtfully, completely stable despite the dogs' best efforts. "You two are really good friends, right?"
"Yeah, we are. Why?"
Hamilton shrugged "It's not all that common, to see a guy and a girl get along so well – especially since you've only just met a short while ago. There's usually too much – sexual tension at our age for that kind of friendship to really work".
Jake let out a laugh. Sexual tension between her and Bella? Yeah right. "Trust me," she said, still chuckling "there's no sexual tension between us. We're as platonic as, say, you and me." she quickly thought that over, remembering that unfortunate kiss, and added "or me and Scout. Or you and Will. You get the picture".
Hamilton nodded, but he looked unconvinced. "I'm just saying, she's not bad on the eyes".
Jake rolled her eyes "haven't we already been through this? Anyway, as I said before, she has a boyfriend".
Hamilton gave her a piercing look. "Say she didn't have a boyfriend," he asked "could you still say just as firmly that you don't feel any attraction whatsoever to her?"
"Yes!" Jake said tiredly "for the hundred and one time, there is absolutely zero attraction between me and Bella. We're just really good friends. What is it with you? Why do you always insist on bringing this topic up?"
Hamilton shrugged, sitting down on the grass. "I'm just curious. You didn't want Lena, you don't seem interested in any of the girls here, and the one girl you actually talk to – you claim you're not interested in, romantically. I just find that a little… hard to believe".
"Oh god," she exclaimed in disgust, kneeling down next to him "is this about the gay thing again? Because I swear I'm not –"
"No, it isn't," Hamilton interrupted her quickly "I said – I'm just curious. Are you in love with someone? Back home, I mean. Is that why you're not interested in anyone? Or are you just – not interested as a general rule?"
I'm very interested in you, Jake thought, but of course she couldn't say it. She sat down properly, thinking. "I guess you can say I'm just not interested, in general. I mean, what's the point? Summer session is so short, there's no point in hooking up with anyone. Not that I have anyone at home – except maybe a few exes…"
"Oh?" Hamilton looked at her strangely "you've had serious relationships before?"
"I dated this older – girl" she caught herself just in time "for a few months last year, but it got a bit too much for me, so I called it off. Surprisingly, we're still rather good friends though, we hang in the same circles".
"What do you mean, too much? How older was she, anyway?" Hamilton asked interestedly.
"She got a little… possessive" Jake said. "It got on my nerves after a while. She was two years older than me, anyway, so at some point we didn't exactly see eye to eye on some things, made it awkward".
Hamilton seemed confused "what'd you mean?"
"You know…" she could feel herself blushing; she couldn't believe she was talking about this with Hamilton, of all people. And as a guy. "She wanted to… you know… have sex, and I didn't," she trailed off, shrugging.
"You didn't want to have sex with her" Hamilton echoed, raising an eyebrow. She suddenly realized it must've sounded pretty weird; a guy her age saying he didn't want to have sex. "Was she ugly?" Hamilton asked, as though that could be the only thing wrong.
"No, she was hot," Jake said. That much was true, at least. "Look, I realize it may sound strange, but it just didn't feel right. I was barely fifteen, she was seventeen –"
"No, I get you," Hamilton hurriedly assured her. "So you've never…?"
"No. I mean, I haven't ever done it" Jake said. She did some other stuff, though, maybe a little more than she was actually comfortable with.
"Me neither," Hamilton said, than quickly added "I mean, I've come close".
Jake studied him. She could believe that, though he probably had had the opportunity. She wondered who it was he 'came close' with, and if he still kept in touch with her. What did he mean by 'came close', anyway? "Really? You haven't?" she asked.
"No. We gotta practice," Hamilton answered, then turned a bright red as he realized what he's just said. Jake was sure she turned pretty red herself as she stared at him.
"Um, I mean," he stuttered "we gotta, we gotta get to practice!" he pointed at his watch.
"Oh, shit, you're right, we're going to be late!" Jake exclaimed as she saw the time. It was getting dark outside, but Finn had insisted they needed one more practice before the Regatta tomorrow. They stood up, Hamilton dislodging one of the dogs that had sat in his lap, and hurried towards the docks.
Jake sighed as she glanced at the sky again. She would just have to talk to Bella tomorrow.
------
Hamilton offered to help Jake unpack – after all, he wanted to make sure the other boy was really unpacking, and not just saying he was to get Hamilton off his back. Jake turned him down, though, saying he was perfectly capable of arranging everything himself. Still, Hamilton intended to drop by his room later, just to be on the safe side.
He played a game or two of soccer with some of the guys, before his mother came up and asked him to take the dogs for a walk, as she had an errand to run in Carson. Regretfully, he waved to the others and headed home, calling the dogs as he neared the house.
They came willingly enough, jumping on him enthusiastically and trying to lick his face. He wondered – as he did rather often – what his parents were thinking when they decided they needed no less than five golden retrievers. Not that he didn't love his dogs, but, well, sometimes they were just too much.
He strolled along the lake for a time, not bothering to stop the dogs from running in and out of the water, before heading to the lawn on his way back home. As he crossed it he glimpsed Jake, walking leisurely in the direction of the forest, probably to his bike. It was a very different sight from that morning, when Jake practically flew across the lawn in his haste.
He called out to Jake, and the other boy stopped, looking around, and smiled when he saw Hamilton. The dogs bounded up to him, butting his legs with their heads and almost drowning him in a sea of blond fur.
"Hey," Hamilton said, hurrying after his dogs before they actually managed to knock the other boy down. "Finish unpacking?"
"Yeah," Jake said, unsteady as the dogs clamored for his attention "I was just-"
At that point one of them actually succeeded in knocking Jake off his feet, and he would've toppled over, to be covered by slobbering dogs, if Hamilton hadn't hastily caught his arm. He put his other hand around Jake's waist. Just to steady him, of course.
"Sorry," he said, wondering if he could teach his dogs to topple Jake at a sign. "They get like that sometimes". It was extremely nice, holding the other boy close like this, and he used the moment to quickly smell Jake's hair. It was as good as ever, even if there was an overall scent of, well, dog.
"It's okay," Jake smiled, stepping away and out of Hamilton's hold, and Hamilton entertained the brief notion of simply not letting go. "I was just on my way to town –"
"Bella?" Hamilton asked. He didn't see any other reason Jake would go into town, although it was possible that maybe he had just fancied a hamburger.
"Yeah, I wanted to apologize," Jake answered, looking embarrassed.
"You two are really good friends, right?" Hamilton couldn't help but ask. He though back to what Scout said, about Jake and Bella acting like girlfriends.
"Yeah, we are. Why?" Jake frowned at him.
Hamilton shrugged "It's not all that common, to see a guy and a girl get along so well – especially since you've only just met a short while ago. There's usually too much – sexual tension at our age for that kind of friendship to really work". Apparently, there's too much sexual tension for any relationship to work, period, he added silently.
Jake let out a laugh, as though he found the thought actually funny. "Trust me," he chuckled "there's no sexual tension between us. We're as platonic as, say, you and me" Hamilton nearly chocked at that "or me and Scout. Or you and Will. You get the picture".
Hamilton nodded, although he personally thought that if Jake wasn't feeling the sexual tension between them, something was seriously wrong with him. Still, all he said was "I'm just saying, she's not bad on the eyes". It was true; Bella was beautiful. Shame Hamilton couldn't be attracted to her, instead of to his best friend.
"Haven't we already been through this?" Jake asked, rolling his eyes "anyway, as I said before, she has a boyfriend".
Something about the way he said it made Hamilton frown, and he asked "Say she didn't have a boyfriend, could you still say just as firmly that you don't feel any attraction whatsoever to her?"
Jake gave him a look. "Yes!" he almost shouted "for the hundred and one time, there is absolutely zero attraction between me and Bella. We're just really good friends. What is it with you? Why do you always insist on bringing this topic up?"
Hamilton was bringing the topic up a lot. Jake was probably starting to think he had a thing for Bella. Well, as long as he didn't think he had a thing for Jake. He sat, and a dog immediately flopped down in his lap. "I'm just curious" he said "you didn't want Lena, you don't seem interested in any of the girls here, and the one girl you actually talk to – you claim you're not interested in, romantically. I just find that a little… hard to believe".
It made Hamilton hope a little more than was probably wise, too. Jake was just so confusing with all his mixed signals.
"Oh god," Jake threw up his hands in disgust and knelt next to him "is this about the gay thing again? Because I swear I'm not –"
The last thing Hamilton wanted was for Jake to get angry at him and stop answering his questions. Nor did he particularly wish to hear Jake insist that he was straight. "No, it isn't," he said hastily "I said – I'm just curious. Are you in love with someone? Back home, I mean. Is that why you're not interested in anyone? Or are you just – not interested as a general rule?"
Please don't say you're in love with someone, he thought desperately. Jake sat down next to him, annoyance forgotten. He seemed thoughtful. "I guess you can say I'm just not interested, in general" he said, and Hamilton let out a quiet sigh of relief. "I mean, what's the point? Summer session is so short, there's no point in hooking up with anyone. Not that I have anyone at home – except maybe a few exes…"
At the word 'exes' Hamilton tensed again. He hated the thought of Jake's exes almost as much as he loathed the thought of Jake hooking up with someone new. "Oh," he asked, hoping he sounded casual "you've had serious relationships before?"
"I dated this older girl" Jake said slowly "for a few months last year, but it got a bit too much for me, so I called it off. Surprisingly, we're still rather good friends though, we hang in the same circles".
Who stays in touch with their ex? Hamilton thought in annoyance. An older girl, ha? "What do you mean, too much?" he asked. "How older was she, anyway?"
"She got a little… possessive" Jake said. He seemed uncomfortable. "It got on my nerves after a while. She was two years older than me, anyway, so at some point we didn't exactly see eye to eye on some things, made it awkward".
Two years? Hamilton personally thought it was almost pedophilia. "What'd you mean?" he asked. He didn't understand what they wouldn't see eye to eye about. Maybe they couldn't go to the same club? Or maybe the girl wanted a lot of expensive gifts and Jake didn't want to buy them?
"You know…" Jake trailed off uneasily, and was he – blushing? "She wanted to… you know… have sex, and I didn't," Jake finished, shrugging.
"You didn't want to have sex with her" Hamilton echoed flatly. Jake blushed even harder. It was very fetching, but also – Hamilton didn't understand it. He knew Jake was all suave and charming around girls, but surely, he was just as much of a teenage boy as Hamilton was. What kind of guy said no to free sex? With his girlfriend, no less.
"Was she ugly?" he asked, trying to wrap his mind around it. Then he had to stop, because the thought of Jake having sex, girlfriend or no girlfriend, was a little too much for him at the moment. It being a public place and everything.
"No, she was hot," Jake said firmly. Hamilton believed him. Jake probably had a lot of pretty girls trailing after him in back in New York.
"Look, I realize it may sound strange," Jake said defensively "but it just didn't feel right. I was barely fifteen, she was seventeen –"
"No, I get you," Hamilton cut in. if Jake didn't want to have sex with a girl that was probably too old for him anyway, who was Hamilton to object? "So you've never…?" he asked, but couldn't seem to get out 'you' and 'sex' in the same sentence. He was suddenly reminded of that day on the roof, when he talked to Jake about the difference between guys and girls. God, Jake must've thought he was such a dork.
He had said 'I wanna have sex with you' then, but of course, it wasn't serious. He wasn't actually saying it to Jake. If he said it now, though – he couldn't say it jokingly, because he did want to have sex with Jake, boy or no boy – although he didn't actually dwell on the logistics of it. It was still a little – disturbing, despite the fact that he knew he wanted Jake as he had never wanted anyone before in his life.
"No. I mean, I haven't ever done it" Jake said, thus implying he had done many, many other things. Hamilton didn't want to think about it too much, as it made his fists ache. He couldn't help but wonder how experienced the other boy was, though.
"Me neither," Hamilton said, than added hastily "I mean, I've come close". He didn't want Jake to think he was any less experienced that he was. And, well, he had come close, even if they were both pretty wasted at the time.
"Really? You haven't?" Jake seemed surprised. Hamilton wondered if he should be flattered.
"No" Hamilton answered, glancing at his watch. He blanched – they were so going to be late for crew. "We gotta practice," he said in alarm, then froze as he realized what he had actually said. Did he really just suggest he and Jake have sex? He could feel his face heating up, and Jake was looking at him as though he was crazy, which didn't help matters at all.
"Um, I mean," he stuttered "we gotta, we gotta get to practice!" he pointed at his watch frantically, and almost swallowed his tongue as Jake leaned close to see.
The other boy raised panicked eyes "oh, shit, you're right, we're going to be late!" he said as they both scrambled to their feet.
They both took off in the direction of the docks, almost running. Finn was not going to be happy.
In the end they were only late by a minute or so, and the boat didn't leave without them (Jake seemed very relieved at that, and Hamilton recalled that he hated to swim), but they did get a lecture. While rowing, of course.
It was already completely dark when they finished, and after a quick dinner Jake bid him goodbye and headed back to the dorms. Hamilton watched him go, then turned to go home himself.
He didn't see Jake at breakfast the next morning, as he ate at home, and only met him at the docks before the first race.
"So, excited?" he asked, and Jake rolled his eyes. "I can hardly wait," the other boy drawled, tugging his cap lower on his head. "It's just a race".
"It's not just a race!" Hamilton protested, but he smiled nonetheless "it's our honour at stake here! We can let those losers win!" he waved in the direction of the other teams.
"Technically, if they win we're the losers," Jake pointed out, and Hamilton cuffed him on the head, muttering "details, details".
He was spared from retaliation by the arrival of Finn and the rest of the team, and then it was the countdown and the launch and the race. Despite his former cool, Jake seemed almost as excited as the rest of them; he was shouting out orders so loud he was almost hoarse by the end, urging and encouraging the rowers nonstop.
They won, of course, and with everyone's enthusiasm, Hamilton felt secure enough to pull Jake into a one-armed hug.
"Ugh, you're all sweaty, get off me," Jake said, making a face and pushing him away. Hamilton laughed, not too hurt, and stole his cap, putting it on his own head.
"Well that's because I, unlike some people, actually did something, rather than just sit on my ass and yell at other people to row faster" Hamilton said, faking a huff.
"Shut up," Jake muttered, snatching his hat back and jamming it on. "Go take a shower, you stink".
Wisely, Hamilton didn't invite him to join.
Instead, he said "well, I'll go take a shower, but afterwards we have a few hours until the final race. I'll meet you back here in half an hour?"
Jake was already walking away, and he said over his shoulder "actually, I've got a few things to do, so I'll see you here around three, okay?" he didn't wait for an answer.
"Sure," Hamilton muttered to his back. It wasn't as though he needed Jake to entertain him, anyway. He was perfectly fine on his own.
He took a long shower – even though he'd probably need another one after the final race – then headed back to the lake. There was bound to be something interesting.
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Jake was the first one down at the docks, with Hamilton close after. Everyone's probably milling about with their parents, she thought a tad bitterly. Hamilton smiled eagerly at her. "So, excited?" he asked, and Jake rolled his eyes. "I can hardly wait," she said sarcastically. "It's just a race".
"It's not just a race!" Hamilton objected "it's our honour at stake here! We can let those losers win!" he glared fiercely in the direction of the other teams.
Jake found all this machoism fairly irritating. "Technically, if they win we're the losers," she said, rather logically. And then Hamilton actually cuffed her on the head! He was treating her as a little brother, which she found fairly annoying, too, but at least he was finally relaxed around her. That was something, at least.
Despite her lack of enthusiasm, she soon got caught up in the excitement, and actually found herself shouting orders and encouragements at the top of her lungs. It felt good to win, although it felt less good when Hamilton decided to hug her and thus transfer all his sweat (and he had a lot of it) to her shirt. Luckily, she managed to convince him that a shower was in order.
She declined his offer to meet back outside in half an hour – she was in no mood to watch all the happy families being sickeningly sweet together all over the lawn and the lake. Hamilton would just have to entertain himself.
She spent the next few hours in her room, reading (it was much cooler inside, too), and about an hour before the final race she headed back outside. She didn't see Hamilton, but she did see Bella, looking very pretty in a short blue dress, glancing nervously about.
She strolled over. "Hey," she said cautiously.
"Hey," Bella greeted back, maybe a little less enthusiastically than usual. She was glancing about her, as though she was looking for someone. She was dressed a little prettier than usual, too.
Jake frowned. "I just wanted to apologize, for yesterday. I was angry and I took it out on you, and that was wrong –"
Bella waved her hand impatiently "it's okay. Just don't take it out on the garage next time".
"I hope there won't be a next time, but I promise," Jake said jokingly, then frowned again as Bella looked away.
"Is everything all right?" she asked "am I interrupting something?"
Bella bit her lip "yes. No. Yes. I don't know, I'm just…"
"What?" Jake asked, putting a comforting hand on Bella's arm "is something wrong?"
Bella looked distressed. She seemed to consider something, and then she took a deep breath "you can't tell this to anyone, especially not to my dad or Grace".
"Okay," Jake said, perplexed "I promise".
Bella stepped closer. "I'm meeting my biological father," she whispered.
Jake stared at her "what?"
Bella nodded "Scout was so – persistent about it, and after a while, it started to seem like a good idea. I mean, it's not like I'm replacing dad, right? He's my dad, my real one. Just – I want this whole 'brothers' thing to be over, finally. I want to be sure".
"Of course," Jake said. "It's – good luck. D'you want me – if you need backup or anything…"
"No…" Bella said slowly "I think this is something I need to do on my own. Thanks, though, I appreciate it".
"No problem," Jake smiled at her. "I'll be right here, if you need me, though. Okay?"
"Okay," Bella smiled back and hugged her "good luck to you too, with the race".
"We'll nail them," Jake said confidently, then gave Bella's hand a last squeeze and left.
She spotted Hamilton lounging about not a long way off, talking to Will; she headed over.
"Hi," she said as she neared, and the two of them smiled in return.
"Is there something wrong with Bella?" Will asked. "She seems kind of anxious".
"She's okay, she says good luck with the race" Jake assured him, and then asked "say, have you seen Scout?"
Will shrugged "he's with his dad somewhere, I think. Why? We'll see them soon anyway, the race is in half an hour". He brightened "did you meet his dad? He's really cool".
"I hope," Jake muttered. She hoped everything would go smoothly for Bella.
"So where are your parents?" Will asked Jake, looking around him.
Jake scowled, and even Hamilton winced. "Well," she said flatly "I don't have a dad, so obviously he's not here; and my mom had an interview with Vogue this weekend, so clearly she isn't here either".
"Sorry," Will said, uncomfortable "my dad isn't here either. We have a rather… strained relationship. That is, we pretend the other doesn't exist".
Jake relaxed. "Sorry," she offered "but your mom's here?"
Will nodded "she said she'll come".
Hamilton tugged on her sleeve "I'm sorry to interrupt your sob stories," he said, smiling to show that he didn't mean to insult them "but we should probably start heading down there".
When they got to the dock almost all the team was already there, except Scout; Jake saw him a little way off, standing with a middle-aged man that resembled him a little. They seemed to be arguing, or at least Scout was. She hoped it wasn't about Bella.
Then the man – who, as she guessed, was Senator Calhoun – left to make a speech, and they all got ready next to the boat.
Finn gave a short pap talk (it wasn't all that inspiring, but they were already nervous and excited so it didn't really matter) and then they climbed into the boat and the final race started.
It was even more intense then before; everyone rowing as though their lives were depending on it, Jake herself shouting orders so loud she doubted she'd have a voice left tomorrow, the crowds cheering and yelling, blurs of colours passing by at a speed far greater than normal.
It was a close call; Rawley and St. Joe were practically nose to nose, everyone grunting and sweating and breathing heavily, and then the Rawley team gave a sudden, collective burst of energy and they won, by a few precious seconds.
Everyone dropped the oars, panting as the crowd clapped and yelled; in the boat, no one had any strength left to scream, but they did exchange tired grins and punched the air limply a few times.
Fortunately the docks were close, or someone would've needed to toe the boat, they had no energy left to row. They climbed out, giving each other hi-fives and slapping one another on the back and in some cases, even risking one armed, manly hugs.
Jake rolled her eyes; they were such boys.
They took a picture together; everyone beaming at the camera and flashing the victory sign; from her place, squashed between Hamilton and Will, Jake smiled, too. All in all, she had enjoyed it.
Now, if only they would stop sweating on her.
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Hamilton looked at his watch, only half-listening to what Will was saying; five past three. Jake was supposed to be here by now. He looked around again, just in case, and sure enough, he could see the other boy coming from the direction of the dorms. He was about to call him over when Jake strode by past him.
Hamilton looked ahead, to where Jake was going, and saw Bella, more beautiful than ever in a blue dress and loose hair. He couldn't help but scowl. He believed Jake when he had said yesterday that there was nothing between them – finally, Jake had managed to convince him. But that didn't stop that tiny, irrational bout of jealously from surfacing.
"Bella and Jake," Will said from beside him, shaking his head "there's something so weird about that".
Bella seemed worried; he could tell that much. She kept looking around as she and Jake talked. Eventually they hugged – they kept doing that, regardless of where they were or who could see them and get ideas (he could practically feel Will raising his eyebrows next to him), and then Jake turned, spotting them, and came over.
Will immediately wanted to know what was wrong with Bella, but Jake shrugged it off. Then he and Will spent a few minutes bitching about each other's parents – ending in a draw and an apology – before they all headed down to the docks.
They won, of course – Hamilton absolutely refused to admit that somewhere, near the ending line, he had a few doubtful moments – but it was a close call, and they were all dead-tired by the end of it.
They took the traditional picture – although this time it was better, since they had actually won – and then everyone broke away from the group to go to their parents.
Scout made to go, too, but then he turned, frowning, and said "wait, Jake – you're leaving now, right?"
Hamilton instantly snapped "no, he isn't" and the other two turned to look at him, startled. "He isn't," he said again "he changed his mind". He wanted Scout to go away – Jake had promised, true, but Hamilton didn't want anyone giving him ideas.
Then Jake smiled, glancing at Hamilton, and said "I'm staying. You're not getting rid of me this easily".
Hamilton smiled back, and then promptly stole his cap, breaking into a sprint, with Jake's indignant "you idiot! Give it back!" echoing behind him as the other boy started chasing after him.
Hamilton's smile widened, and then he was laughing; after all, life was good.
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So, what'd you think? Good? Not so good? This chapter was harder to write than the previous ones, since the first four follow the actual storyline almost perfectly, and here I had to change quite a lot (since, obviously, Hamilton doesn't know). I tried to keep it as close to the episode as I could – the speedboat and their talk about sex and everything. I hope I managed to pull it off!