Young Americans: a Slightly Different Look

by White-Lily-Blossom

A slightly AU rewrite of the eight aired episodes, focusing on JakeHamilton

7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Young Americans does not belong to me, and I am not making any money out of this. It's for my own fun (and hopefully yours, too). Jake and Ham aren't mine either: I just borrow them to play with torture a little.

Summary: The seventh Young Americans episode "Free Will", written from Jake and Hamilton's point of view. As usualy, I tried to keep it as close to the script as I could, but understandably there are a few necessary changes. Enjoy!

A/N: Please read and review! It would mean a lot to me. This is my longest chapter yet; no matter what I do, they just keep getting longer and longer. I'm sorry if this episode's beginning is going to be a little awkward; I couldn't really make it flow the way I wanted it. It gets better though, I promise, especially at the end – finally, there's some action! I know you've been waiting for it smirk only one more episode to go, and then the epilogue, and this story's finished. I'm getting rather excited!

Jakeline: I'm glad you liked it! I love stories based on sexual tension. The only problem is, a lot of the times it stops being interesting once the tension is solved. But not in this case, I hope!

Keirah: I'm glad the whole skating thing worked for you, I wasn't sure how well it fit with the flow of the story. I'm glad you enjoy my writing so much – I hope you'll enjoy this chapter as well!

Avella: thank you for your kind words! I'm glad to hear I'm doing a good job; I'm always really worried about that. I can't wait for Hamilton to discover she's a girl either. He's in for a hell of a shock! But no worries, he's young, he can take it smirk

SkyEyes: it's nice to meet a new YA fan. Your review made me feel so awesome, thank you. I'm glad you find my Jake in character; I do try, but I'm not always sure I'm pulling it off! Hearing you say this is your favourite YA story really means a lot to me, especially since there are many fan-fics out there that are far better than mine. I hope you continue to think so even after this chapter.

Makini: another new face! It must be my lucky day beam Thank you for reviewing my story!

Frogflute2: of course they'll get together in the end, they're soul-mates, it's destined and written in the heavens above nod-nod thank you for reading my story and for reviewing, I hope you'll continue to enjoy it!

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"You should have seen it, mom, it was amazing," Hamilton said through a mouthful of toast. It was just his mother and him that evening, since his dad apparently had to much work to spare half an hour for dinner with his family. Hamilton swallowed and continued "I've never seen anyone skate like that outside of television".

Kate smiled, moving a tomato piece around on her plate with her fork "you and Jake became very close over the last two weeks, didn't you?" she asked.

Hamilton gave her a beaming smile "yeah, we have. He's great, mom, really – and he's a straight-A student, so even dad can't disapprove," he added, a tad bitterly, and got an apologetic look in return. "He's really smart, too – not just grades-smart, I mean. He knows all kind of things, like psychology and computer science, and he's always surprising me – like this skating thing, which I had no idea he could do. In fact," he admitted a little sheepishly "he makes me feel a downright idiot sometimes".

Kate frowned "that doesn't sound very nice".

"No, no, not like that," he assured her hurriedly "he's a nice guy, really, he doesn't make me feel like that on purpose. It's just hard not to feel under-accomplished next to him sometimes, that's all. It doesn't bother me".

Kate leveled a thoughtful look at him "you've got nothing to feel bad about, Hamilton. Grades aren't everything in life, despite what your father may say," she smiled a little "and it's not like you're doing bad in that department. More than that, you're a very talented young man, and I'm not saying that because I'm your mother" she added at his look. "You know colleagues of mine are very impressed with your photographs. Not many your age can photograph that well."

He gave her a warm smile; It was nice to hear, even if he did think she was biased.

His mother suddenly winked "besides," she said "you're much more handsome".

He knew she only intended to make him laugh, but he found himself frowning instead "you think so?"

Kate narrowed her eyes, amusement gone from her face "you don't?"

Hamilton shrugged, not really wanting to start a debate on Jake's attractiveness with his mother, of all people. But apparently, his mother thought different.

"I wouldn't call Jake handsome," she said, still looking at him strangely. This piqued his interest, though; he had already realized guys found the boy in question attractive, but he assumed girls were just as interested in him. Lena certainly was.

"Then what would you call him?" he asked her, half heartedly buttering another slice of toast.

"He's… aesthetically pleasing, I'll give him that," Kate said carefully "very pleasing, even. But handsome? Maybe in a few years, if he grew and broadened a little. But now he looks… twelve".

"He's almost sixteen," Hamilton raised an eyebrow "so he's a little on the thin side – I don't know how since he can eat like the devil – but I wouldn't go as far as to say he looks twelve. Girls our age seem to like him fine enough, anyway".

"Oh," his mother still wore that careful expression "he has a girlfriend?"

"No," Hamilton shrugged "he certainly could've gotten one already, if he wanted to; god knows he's had the opportunity. But he said it was stupid to get into a relationship just for summer session".

"I see. So he's not planning to come back to Rawley for the school year?" his mother asked, innocently enough, but the question made Hamilton feel ill all of the sudden. He didn't really think about what would happen after summer session was over. Despite everything Jake said, he just assumed Jake would be here. He'd become such an important part of his life in the last two and a half weeks – ridicules, really, when you think about it, two weeks were practically nothing when it came to life-altering friendships - that he couldn't imagine a day without Jake anymore.

But of course he shouldn't have taken it for granted. Jake never said he would stay – evidence even pointed to the exact opposite of it. Hamilton had barely stopped him from taking off in the middle of the session, and what was it Jake said – I'll stay until the end of the summer session. He said Hamilton was important to him, too, but that didn't stop him from nearly disappearing forever without even saying goodbye.

Hamilton pushed away his plate, suddenly not hungry anymore. "Thanks for dinner mom, it was great," he said, standing up and giving her a fake smile she obviously saw through, if her expression was anything to judge by. "I'm going to the dorms for a bit, there's a wrestling match coming up the guys have been talking about".

"Hamilton –" his mother started, getting up, but Hamilton hurried out, throwing a "see you later, mom!" over his shoulder as he slammed the door behind him. He walked briskly across the lawn to the dorms. There was a wrestling match on TV tonight, that wasn't a lie; however, Hamilton had no desire to watch it. He had intended to spend the rest of the evening in his darkroom, developing some recent pictures he took, but his mother's words caused a swell of uneasiness within him, that only one person could calm. Or worsen, but Hamilton wasn't about to ponder that right now.

It was only after he knocked on Jake's door that he realized Jake might not be in; maybe he was in the common room watching the match with everyone else, or maybe he went out for a walk or a ride. His growing worry was cut short by a muffled voice calling out "who is it?"

Hamilton wondered if anyone else was visiting Jake beside himself. Jake wasn't all that close to the other students here, except maybe Will and Scout. And somehow, Hamilton had the feeling neither of them was going to willingly be alone with Jake in his room. "It's Hamilton," he answered nevertheless.

"Just a minute!" Jake called, and there was a noise from the room, followed by some barely audible cursing. Then he heard the lock click and the door opened, Jake giving him a bemused look.

"Hi," he said "isn't it a bit late?" but he stepped aside to let Hamilton enter. Hamilton did, noting that Jake seemed to be limping a little; that explained the noise and the cursing, at least. "I was bored at home," he said, then added quickly "I'm not bothering you, am I?"

"No, of course not," Jake answered, smiling, and Hamilton relaxed (as much as he could, at least, with his mother's words still fresh in his mind). "I was just reading" he motioned to a small book that was placed open face-down on his bed. His unmade bed that he had obviously just been laying in. Hamilton blushed and averted his eyes. "Oh," he said instead "what are you reading?"

Jake gave him an amused look "Lady Windermere's Fan" he said. Hamilton must've looked as blank as he felt, because Jake smirked and added "it's a play. By Oscar Wilde. My mother got the leading role, so she sent me the script".

"Oh," Hamilton said again, feeling like an uncultured swine; he'd heard of Oscar Wilde, of course, but only in a general sort of way. Jake probably wouldn't recognize an Ansel Adams, he told himself. He wasn't sure if he actually wanted to test that. "Is it any good?" he asked instead, and Jake shrugged. "It's okay," he said "I'm not really all that into plays, I just read them because of mom".

One more thing to talk about with her, Hamilton realized, but he didn't say anything. Instead he sat down in the chair next to Jake's desk, and after a brief hesitation Jake came and sat on the bed, facing him. He tucked one leg under him, and Hamilton noticed he wore mismatched socks. "So…" Hamilton started, at a loss. He came here for a reason, but he couldn't just outright ask. He had to ease into it or it would seem far too rude and abrupt to a private person like Jake.

"So," Jake echoed, raising an eyebrow. He was clearly waiting for Hamilton to make the next step. Hamilton fiddled with his sleeve, not exactly uncomfortable – not anymore than he usually was around the other boy, at least – but not really knowing what to say. He cast about for something, finally settling on "so, that was quite a show today. I didn't take you for a big sports fan. I mean, obviously you're the coxswain, but I didn't think you were all that big on the physical aspect of sports".

Jake seemed amused again "just because I don't row?"

"Well…" Hamilton started, sheepish, but then the other boy added with a smile "we can't all be big, strong boys like you, can we? My arms would fall off if I tried rowing for as long as the rest of you".

And there it was again, that feeling that Jake was almost… flirting with him. But Hamilton knew he was most likely reading too much into it; Jake was probably just being sarcastic as usual.

"Right," he said instead "and skating isn't physically exerting?"

"In other ways, yes, but being small isn't a hindrance. It's actually an advantage sometimes, even".

"So you do that a lot, back home?"

Jake shrugged "not so much. A few of my friends skate, so sometimes we meet and go skating together".

"I see," Hamilton said, getting curious. Jake never really talked about his friends or his home life; mostly Hamilton knew that his mom sucked. "So you have a lot of friends, in New-York? You must get to know a lot of people, changing schools all the time".

Jake laughed "I don't stay enough time at any school to bother with friends, actually," he admitted "most of my good friends are people I know from childhood, who have the same life as me; children of directors, of actors, children I used to play backstage with when I was little and just kept on playing with when we grew up. We all get shuffled around a lot, so we're kinda the only teenagers constant in each other's life. We don't see each other much, but we keep in touch, getting together when we're near each other".

"Ah," Hamilton said. It seemed kind of lonely, but also logical. And Jake didn't seem bitter about it. "I don't have many friends," he confessed, feeling awkward but alright with talking about it "I was home-schooled most of my life, so I mostly knew the kids of the teachers here, and the kids of my parents' friends. No one real close, though".

"That's doesn't sound all that fun," Jake said softly "I don't get why parents home-school their children. It's a sure way to fuck up a childhood".

Hamilton met his eyes "and boarding schools aren't?"

The other boy held his eyes for a moment, his gaze intense, and then he broke away, smiling dryly. "Hey, it's my choice," he said "it's not like my mother cares".

Hamilton sensed this was his opportunity "do you prefer boarding schools? To living at home and going to a regular school in New-York, I mean".

Jake pulled at his shoulders "it doesn't really matter. I guess I prefer home – my own house, my friends, my city. Then again, here I don't see my mom because I'm not there, not because she isn't".

"So you're planning on spending the next year in a boarding school, too?" Hamilton asked, trying not to sound eager.

"I don't know, I haven't really thought about it yet, but I guess so, yes" Jake seemed a little confused at the direction this conversation was going, but Hamilton felt the tension leak out, replaced by a content calm. If Jake was planning on going to a boarding school, then he was probably going to be at Rawley. After all, he liked the school well enough, he was an integral part of the school's main sport team, and he had made friends here, Hamilton and Bella and Will and Scout. And didn't he admit that he usually didn't bother making friends because he was going to leave anyway? But he had made friends here. And hadn't he said Hamilton was the best friend he had ever had? And there was Bella to think about, too. Surely Jake didn't want to leave her; they seemed so close.

He got up, almost giddy with relief. "I'll get going; it's already late. I'll see you tomorrow, yes?"

Jake nodded, standing up as well. He still seemed a bit bemused, but didn't say anything, only smiled at Hamilton and locked the door after him.

Hamilton tried to enter his house as quietly as he could, but his mother was still down in the living room, reading a book. She lowered it as she heard him and gave him a piercing stare, but all she said was "how was the match?"

"The match?" Hamilton blinked and then remembered his excuse "oh, the match. It was okay". He quickly added "I'm going to take a shower and go to bed now, so I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Night". He heard his mother reply softly as he headed up the stairs.

He slept well that night.

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Jake was laying on her bed, one hand holding down the script she was reading, her chin resting on her crossed arms, when someone knocked on her door. She frowned, glancing at the alarm clock. It was rather late. "Who is it?" she called.

"It's Hamilton," came the reply, and Jake rolled her eyes, putting the book face-down on her pillow and getting up. "Just a minute!" she answered, looking around for a sweater; she started to pull it over her head as she was walking towards the door, which turned out to be a rather stupid decision; she knocked her knee into the side of a chair while she couldn't see. Cursing, she rubbed her painful knee, then limped the rest of the way to the door, opening it.

Hamilton stood on the other side, looking very anxious. She blinked at him "hi," she said "isn't it a bit late?" he entered at her invitation, fidgeting. "I was bored at home," he answered, than his eyes widened as a thought occurred to him "I'm not bothering you, am I?"

Puzzled by his obvious nervousness, she quickly answered "no, of course not. I was just reading". "Oh," he seemed to relax a little, asking curiously "what are you reading?"

"Lady Windermere's Fan," she answered, not really expecting him to recognize the name. She hadn't really heard of it herself until her mother got the main role. He gave her a blank look, so she added with a smile "it's a play. By Oscar Wilde. My mother got the leading role, so she sent me the script".

"Oh," Hamilton said again. He was silent for a few moments, than asked "is it any good?" she could see he wasn't really interested and was just saying it to have something to say, but answered "it's okay. I'm not really all that into plays, I just read them because of mom". Hamilton nodded, looking around the room in unease, before crossing over to the chair near her desk and sitting down. Jake came and sat on her bed opposite him, waiting.

"So…" Hamilton said, drumming on his knee in agitation. It was obvious he came for a reason, and that something was bothering him, but she chose not to press him. He would get to it when he felt ready. Instead she only echoed "so".

"So," Hamilton started "that was quite a show today. I didn't take you for a big sports fan. I mean, obviously you're the coxswain, but I didn't think you were all that big on the physical aspect of sports". She didn't think that was what was troubling him, but decided to indulge him nonetheless.

"Just because I don't row?" she asked. "Well…" he blushed, and she added peevishly "we can't all be big, strong boys like you, can we? My arms would fall off if I tried rowing for as long as the rest of you". With a start, Jake realized she was flirting with him, and the smile slipped of her face. She hoped he didn't take it that way.

He didn't seem to, muttering "right," before asking "and skating isn't physically exerting?" she shrugged "in other ways, yes, but being small isn't a hindrance. It's actually an advantage sometimes, even".

He frowned "so you do that a lot, back home?" she shook her head "not so much. A few of my friends skate, so sometimes we meet and go skating together". "I see" he nodded, looking at her thoughtfully "so you have a lot of friends, in New-York? You must get to know a lot of people, changing schools all the time".

She gave a small laugh "I don't stay enough time at any school to bother with friends, actually. Most of my good friends are people I know from childhood, who have the same life as me; children of directors, of actors, children I used to play backstage with when I was little and just kept on playing with when we grew up. We all get shuffled around a lot, so we're kinda the only teenagers constant in each other's life. We don't see each other much, but we keep in touch, getting together when we're near each other".

"Ah," Hamilton said. It seemed to touch something in him, for his face turned serious and he said quietly "I don't have many friends. I was home-schooled most of my life, so I mostly knew the kids of the teachers here, and the kids of my parents' friends. No one real close, though".

"That's doesn't sound all that fun," Jake said sympathetically; there was a loneliness in his voice that made her heart ache for him. "I don't get why parents home-school their children. It's a sure way to fuck up a childhood".

Hamilton met her eyes, his own intense "and boarding schools aren't?"

She held his eyes for a moment, but the intensity with which he was staring at her made her uncomfortable and she broke the contact with a small, fake chuckle. "Hey, it's my choice," she said "it's not like my mother cares".

She could still feel his eyes boring into her "do you prefer boarding schools?" he asked "to living at home and going to a regular school in New-York, I mean".

She shrugged, not really considering the question "it doesn't really matter. I guess I prefer home – my own house, my friends, my city. Then again, here I don't see my mom because I'm not there, not because she isn't".

"So you're planning on spending the next year in a boarding school, too?" Hamilton pressed; there was a subtle sort of eagerness in his voice that confused her; maybe she was just imagining it. "I don't know, I haven't really thought about it yet, but I guess so, yes" she answered, suddenly nervous. She felt the question was more important than it seemed to be, but for the life of her she couldn't understand why.

It seemed to be what Hamilton wanted to hear, though, for he smiled, getting up, the tense set of his shoulders gone. "I'll get going; it's already late" he said, out of the blue. "I'll see you tomorrow, yes?"

She could only nod, completely baffled by this strange conversation, and locked the door after him, staring at it, as he left as suddenly as he appeared. She then went back to her bed, sitting on it, going over the conversation in her mind. She knew Hamilton came for some reason, but no matter how much she reviewed their talk, she couldn't understand what it was.

Her sleep was restless that night, and Hamilton's face kept coming up in her dreams.

Jake planned on sleeping until late the next morning, as she didn't have class or crew practice until the afternoon, but an insistent knocking that woke her up at eight proved her wrong. She lifted her head from her pillow, staring blearily at the door, blinking a few times until things came into focus. She then groaned and pressed the pillow over her ears, intent on going back to sleep, when Hamilton's voice started along with the knocking.

"Come on, Jake, I know you're not really asleep, open the door already!" he sounded illegally cheerful.

"Well of course I'm awake now, genius!" Jake yelled, sitting up in her bed and glaring at the door, knowing she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep at this point. Still… "Go away and bother someone else! Go break down Will and Scout's door; I'm sure they'll appreciate the gesture!"

"Stop whining and open the door," he answered, sounding amused, and Jake's eyes narrowed. The nerve of him! "Everyone's awake, we're having a football game, are you coming?"

Football? Hell no. She liked her bones whole, and there was far too much tackling involved in such games for someone her size. "Beat it!" she yelled back, hoping that would be the end of it but knowing Hamilton far too well to actually believe that. True to form, his voice came a moment later, obnoxiously smug "don't make me pick the lock and drag you out, because trust me, I will".

That made her sit up in alarm. She was dressed only in boxers and a t-shirt, and if Hamilton really decided to barge in, her secret would be out in a flash. "Wait!" she replied hurriedly "I'm coming, wait a minute". Quickly, she scrambled to her feet, grabbing her corset and a shirt, putting them on, followed by jeans, a pair of socks and a sweater. She stuck her feet inside her trainers, almost tripping in her haste, and, passing a hand through her hair to flatten it, opened the door.

Hamilton raised an eyebrow "I wouldn't have actually picked your lock, you know," he said, reproaching. "Oh," Jake answered, feeling stupid, but also annoyed. Now you tell me… then he shrugged, breaking into a smile "well, as long as you're out," he grabbed her wrist "let's go, they've probably already started without us" and he started pulling her after him.

Jake flicked his forehead, making him start and drop her wrist "can I at least brush my teeth first?"

In the end the game wasn't so bad. Hamilton had a habit of grabbing her round the waist and pulling her out of harm's way if things got too rough, and although she protested vehemently (it was hardly manly, after all) she was actually grateful. Afterwards they sprawled on the grass beneath their tree, out of breath and red-faced but smiling. Hamilton rolled over to his side to look at her "we have a couple of hours 'till practice. Wanna come over to my place and play some video-games?"

Jake smiled "you're over your latest defeat so soon?" Hamilton kicked her half-heartedly, getting up "I'm so going to kick your ass this time". Jake smirked, getting up as well "that's what you said the last three times, Flemming, and the only ass that got kicked so far was yours". He shoved her, almost toppling her over, and said good-naturedly "shut up. This time's going to be different. I can feel it".

Jake shoved back, and of course he didn't budge even an inch "dude, the only thing you're feeling is your upcoming demise". They exchanged insults until they reached his house, and Jake entered curiously; this was her first time visiting the Dean house.

It was large and elegantly furnished, with an impressive amount of paintings and photographs and a lot of books. "Nice house," she said approvingly. "Thanks," Hamilton answered, smiling, and led the way to a staircase "my room's up on the second floor". She followed him up the stairs, silently admiring the view he presented her with. His room was large and less messy than she would've expected; there were a few posters on the walls, one of "Third Blind Eye" and three more of films, and a few framed photographs. He had a large desk and wardrobe, an even larger bed with a pristinely made-up bed-spread (probably thanks to his mother, she thought in amusement), and an expensive-looking guitar rested on the wall near it. In the corner there was a large television, with a beanbag in front of it.

"Sit down," Hamilton said, gesturing to the beanbag, but Jake declined, choosing to sit crossed-legged on the carpet instead. Hamilton shrugged and sat on it himself, asking "so, what game do you want?" They played for some time – of course Hamilton was loosing spectacularly, just as Jake said he would – when Kate Flemming's voice came from downstairs "Munchy? Are you home?" Hamilton jerked, startled, and Jake took advantage of that and finished him off.

"Damn," he muttered, a slight flush on his face, before calling out "up here, mom, and stop calling me that!" they heard her clicking footsteps on the stairs, and then she poked her head in, a smile on her face. It faltered a bit when she saw Jake, making her feel uncomfortable immediately, but Kate recovered after a moment and Hamilton didn't seem to notice. "Hi boys," she said "do you want something cold to drink?"

"No thank you," Jake said, at the same time Hamilton answered "yeah, sure, thanks". Hamilton gave her a puzzled look, and Jake got to her feet "actually, I'd better get going. We have crew practice soon and I need to get ready". Something about the way Kate Flemming was looking at her, although her face was nothing if not friendly, made her want to get out of there as fast as possible. Hamilton frowned at her "we have half-an-hour until practice," he said, grabbing her wrist, and Jake saw Kate's face tighten. She pulled her hand free "I really need to go, Hamilton. I'll see you at practice. Goodbye, Mrs. Flemming". She was out the door before Hamilton had the chance to protest or grab her again.

She didn't know why, but she was absolutely sure of one thing – Kate Flemming really didn't like her.

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Hamilton was woken up rather early by the strong sunlight coming in through his window, feeling refreshed and happy. He took a quick shower, got dressed and grabbed a quick breakfast before deciding to head out to the dorms. Maybe Jake was already awake, too. On the lawn, however, he ran into Will, Scout and a few other guys from his year. "Ham!" Scout greeted him "good morning. How about a game of football?"

"Football?" Hamilton asked, and saw Will raise a ball he was holding. He smiled "sure. Now?" Scout nodded "in a few minutes. Eddie just went to get Dean and Max, and then we'll start".

"Great," Hamilton said "I'll go get Jake, then".

"Cheers. See you in a bit," Scout answered, turning to the others. Hamilton continued on his way, and upon arrival, proceeded to knock loudly on the door. After a minute or two he concluded that Jake was ignoring him, and called loudly "come on, Jake, I know you're not really asleep, open the door already!" a few more seconds of silence, and then Jake's irritated voice came "Well of course I'm awake now, genius! Go away and bother someone else! Go break down Will and Scout's door; I'm sure they'll appreciate the gesture!"

Shit. So Jake really was still asleep. Still, since he already woke him up… "Stop whining and open the door," he answered, picturing Jake's eyes narrowing as he looked for something to throw at the door "everyone's awake, we're having a football game, are you coming?"

Nothing hit the door, fortunately, but he did get a rather vehement "beat it!" He grinned, and called out jokingly "don't make me pick the lock and drag you out, because trust me, I will".

The other boy, however, took it seriously. His nervous "wait! I'm coming, wait a minute," made Hamilton frown; he was a bit insulted that Jake didn't know him enough to realize that he respected the other boy's privacy. Jake's alarm bothered him as well; what was he hiding, exactly? Even if he did actually have scars or whatever it was, did he really think it would matter, at all?

He was still a little hurt when Jake opened the door, with his hair standing out in every direction and a pillow crease on his face, so he said a bit tersely "I wouldn't have actually picked your lock, you know". "Oh," Jake answered, looking sheepish, although he was still giving Hamilton the evil eye. Hamilton shrugged, starting to smile; that pillow crease was absolutely adorable. "Well, as long as you're out," he said "let's go, they've probably already started without us".

He hadn't noticed he had grabbed the other boy's wrist until Jake flicked his forehead, and he started, opening his fingers. "Can I at least brush my teeth first?" Jake asked petulantly, and Hamilton blushed, rubbing the back of his neck and answering with a blush "sure, of course".

He saw why Jake objected to playing football as soon as they started; since Jake was shorter than most of the guys and less than half as wide as the rest of them, he was an easy target when it came to tackling. Since it was Hamilton who had, well, threatened him into joining in the first place, he took it upon himself to guard the other boy and keep him out of trouble. Jake didn't really like it, but Hamilton had the feeling he wasn't all that annoyed as he pretended. And Hamilton greatly enjoyed having the other boy pressed against him every time he lifted him out of harm's way, even if it was only for a few precious seconds.

Afterwards he invited Jake over for a few games, and it was only when Jake entered after him and commented "nice house" that he remembered Jake was never at his house before. Nor did he see Hamilton's room, even though Hamilton visited Jake's dorm room numerous times. He watched a little anxiously as Jake surveyed his room, but he seemed to approve, and in no time they were already sitting in front of the television and Hamilton was getting his ass kicked.

They played for a little more then an hour, Hamilton sneaking glances at the boy next to him and smiling every time the other boy smirked or called out in triumph, when he heard the front door open and his mom's voice call "Munchy? Are you home?" the interruption made Hamilton lose his concentration, and Jake ruthlessly used the opportunity to finish him, beating Hamilton for the seventh time in a row. "Damn," he said, hiding a smile as the other boy let out an evil little cackle, then called "up here, mom, and stop calling me that!"

"Hi boys," his mother half-entered the room with a smile, and Hamilton watched with surprise as Jake's face immediately closed "do you want something cold to drink?"

"Yeah, sure, thanks" Hamilton answered, but Jake said at the same time "no thank you". He stood up "actually, I'd better get going. We have crew practice soon and I need to get ready". His face was expressionless, polite, but Hamilton could tell from his body language that something made him uncomfortable. Without thinking, as he seemed to do lately, he grabbed the other boy's wrist, saying "we have half-an-hour until practice". He didn't understand why Jake was running away suddenly. Jake pulled his hand free, giving Hamilton a short glance before heading out the door, throwing "I really need to go, Hamilton. I'll see you at practice. Goodbye, Mrs. Flemming" over his shoulder. Hamilton heard his trainers thudding down the stairs as he hurried out, and looked up to his mom, frowning. He didn't know why, but he got the feeling Jake didn't really like his mother.

"That was weird," he commented, confused, and his mother looked back at him, her eyes oddly troubled. But all she said was "he wanted to get ready for practice, Munchy, there's nothing weird about that. Maybe you should get ready, too". She turned to go, then turned back to face him as though a thought just occurred to her. "By the way, you never told me what happened with Lena," she said.

Hamilton blinked at her, surprised by her randomness, than shrugged "nothing happened. I wasn't interested in her, she wasn't interested in me, and we parted as friends. Why?"

His mother smiled "just wondering. So is there anyone else you're interested in at the moment?"

"Mom!" he protested. There was nosy and there was nosy. His mother raised her hands in surrender "I just asked. No need to give me that look, I'll go now". She left, and Hamilton rolled his eyes after her, before getting ready for practice.

At practice Jake acted completely normal, not even mentioning his awkward escape from Hamilton's house earlier. When they stopped in the middle of the lake, Finn noticed Hamilton's distraction and therefore selected him to read that day's book. Hamilton reluctantly took it, and at first he read it monotonously. But then he noticed Jake's eyes on him and started to put a little more effort into it.

"- I was astonished to see him in Baghdad, for I had an appointment with him tonight in Samara," he finished, raising an eyebrow. "Intense".

Fin smiled "yes, it is. So what do you make of it?"

Hamilton blinked "the guy thought he could outsmart death by running off to Samara, but learned Death is just one of those things you just can't escape".

Finn gave him a look. "Nice summary," he said, and Hamilton flushed a little "but what's it really about?"

"Destiny" Will piped up, as everyone had expected him to. "Life is predetermined. Nothing you can do can alter your fate". Hamilton frowned. That's gloomy.

Finn nodded "believe that?"

"Sometimes," Will answered, shrugging.

"I'd like not to," Scout said suddenly, his face clouding. Finn turned to look at him "why's that?"

"I'd rather have control over my own life" Scout replied. Hamilton could identify with that all right.

"Wouldn't we all," Finn smiled, a rather cynical smile. "But there are some things you just can't change".

"That's often because you don't know how to change them," Scout argued, and Will added "or just how to deal with them". He gave Scout a pointed look, which the other boy ignored.

"But let's explore this," Finn said thoughtfully "what can't you change?"

Who you fall in love with, Hamilton thought, just as Jake said "your height". Everyone smiled, even Finn, who said "okay" encouragingly.

"Your personality," Hamilton said, and Jake made a face "questionable".

"Your parents," Scout said suddenly, and Hamilton saw Jake's mouth tighten in agreement, but he didn't say anything. Finn nodded soberly "true. That you definitely can't change".

That ended practice on a rather glum note, and everyone was quiet as they rowed back. When they climbed out of the boats and onto the docks, Will said "Jake, Ham, wait a minute". They stopped and looked at him curiously, then followed him and Scout to the lawn. Will turned to face them, looking particularly at Jake.

"Today is Bella's birthday," he started, and Jake's mouth fell open. "It is?" he said, surprised "she didn't tell me!"

Will smiled "it is. Anyway, Sean is throwing her a surprise party the day after tomorrow at the diner at seven. So you'll be there, right?"

"Of course," Jake said "god, sweet sixteen". His face suddenly paled "I've got to get a gift!" he turned to Will, who was watching him with amusement "say, Will, are there any good jewelry shops in town, or do I need to go to Carson?"

Hamilton and Will blinked at him "jewelry?" they echoed. "Yes, are there?" Jake answered impatiently.

"Seriously, you're getting her jewelry?" Will asked again "isn't that a little…" he struggled for the right word, and Hamilton provided "boyfriend-y?"

Jake crossed his arms "jeez. It's her sixteenth birthday. You've got to give a girl jewelry for her sixteenth birthday, that's like practically a rule". He turned to Scout imploringly "back me up here".

Scout nodded "he's right, you know. You give jewelry for sixteen, eighteen, twenty, thirty and so on, and also for engagements, weddings, and anniversaries. There are rules for this".

"I haven't heard of them," Will muttered, and Scout answered quickly "I doubt she's expecting jewelry from you, Will. Whatever you got her, I'm sure it's fine, and of course Hamilton doesn't know her all that well, so something small would be more than appropriate".

"Did you get her jewelry?" Will asked him suspiciously. Scout shrugged "as a matter of fact, I did".

"Oh, what did you get?" Jake said anxiously "I don't want to give her the same thing".

"A bracelet," Scout promptly answered. "What were you thinking of getting her?"

"Oh, that's all right then," Jake smiled "I think I'll get her earrings. Small ones, though, since I'm just a friend. What do you think of diamonds?"

Will and Hamilton watched this exchange, growing increasingly baffled as Jake and Scout discussed the advantages of diamonds versus pearls, and the appropriate price range for a sixteenth birthday present. Will's face grew increasingly sour during that particular talk. At the end he muttered "rich kids" and turned to go, throwing a "see you later, then," over his shoulder.

The other two stopped talking, Scout saying "wait, I'm coming with you. See you later!" he waved to the two of them and hurried after Will's retreating back.

Jake was still looking thoughtful, which in turn made Hamilton disgruntled. As childish and stupid as it sounded, he hated seeing Jake pay so much attention to anyone that wasn't him. The earlier conversation, though, except from irritating him, had also notified him of a certain important fact: he didn't know when Jake's birthday was.

He cleared his throat, and Jake jumped, interrupted. He turned to Hamilton "you said something?"

"No," Hamilton answered "I just thought of something – you never told me when's your birthday".

Jake blinked "neither did you," he pointed out.

Hamilton smiled "right. 2nd of August. Your turn".

"That's really soon!" Jake said, startled "why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm telling you now," Hamilton answered "and you're avoiding the question".

"No I'm not," Jake said quickly "December 29".

Hamilton frowned "you're already sixteen then?" Since they met, he had just assumed he was he himself was older. It was almost disappointing to discover that wasn't the case.

"No, I'm still fifteen," Jake answered "I skipped a class in school".

"Oh," Hamilton said. That made sense. That also made him almost half a year older than Jake. He smirked "you're practically a baby," he said, and watched as an angry blush stained the other boy's cheekbones prettily "are you sure it's legal that you're riding that monstrous bike everywhere?"

"Shut up," Jake said, punching him in the arm "I don't feel like talking to you anymore; I'm leaving".

"I didn't even feel that," Hamilton told him, enjoying himself immensely; he rarely got to tease Jake, and he was just so cute when he was embarrassed. "But don't worry, I'm sure that in a few months you'll get stronger" he continued, before adding "baby".

"Leaving now!" Jake said loudly, turning his back on Hamilton and walking away quickly. Hamilton hurried to catch up with him, noticing that the blush was even darker now.

He laughed "okay, I'm sorry, I'll stop now". Jake gave him a dark look "I don't like you anymore. Go away".

Hamilton grabbed his wrist, halting him, and leaned close "come on, I was just kidding. You make fun of me all the time; you're just being a hypocrite now".

He was making his puppy-eyes expression again, and sure enough, he saw Jake's mouth twist as though he was trying to fight a smile. Eventually it won out, and Jake averted his eyes, still blushing "jeez, stop making that face, you look like an idiot". Hamilton shrugged "we can't all be smart-asses like you". He then threw an arm over Jake's shoulders, stirring him towards the main building "let's go to lunch, I'm starving".

---------

Jake was a little worried come practice, but Hamilton didn't say anything, even though he kept sending her puzzled looks. She was still too bothered with what had happened over at Hamilton's house to pay complete attention, but as Hamilton started reading she found herself drawn as usual. He wasn't that good at reading out loud, but still, sometimes she thought she could listen to his voice forever and not get tired. They finished practice with a rather somber discussion, which did nothing for her already uneasy mood.

As they left the docks, she heard Will call from behind them "Jake, Ham, wait a minute". They both stopped and waited for him and Scout. "Today is Bella's birthday," Will said, and she stared at him. "It is?" she exclaimed "she didn't tell me!" So not on, Bella…

Will smiled at her "it is. Anyway, Sean is throwing her a surprise party the day after tomorrow at the diner at seven. So you'll be there, right?"

"Of course," Jake answered, still not over her surprise "god, sweet sixteen". A thought crossed her mind "I've got to get a gift!" frowning, she turned to Will "say, Will, are there any good jewelry shops in town, or do I need to go to Carson?"

Will's smile vanished "jewelry?" he and Hamilton asked. "Yes, are there?" she repeated, not really understanding why they looked so bothered by the thought.

"Seriously, you're getting her jewelry?" Will couldn't seem to wrap his mind around the idea "isn't that a little…" he hesitated, and Hamilton piped up with a strange face "boyfriend-y?"

She crossed her arms, glaring at Hamilton. Sometimes it seemed she was destined to repeat the same conversations over and over. "Jeez" she said "it's her sixteenth birthday. You've got to give a girl jewelry for her sixteenth birthday, that's like practically a rule". She didn't expect Will to know that, but Hamilton seemed just as blank. With a roll of her eyes she turned to Scout "back me up here".

He shrugged, nodding "he's right, you know. You give jewelry for sixteen, eighteen, twenty, thirty and so on, and also for engagements, weddings, and anniversaries. There are rules for this". At least in some social circles.

"I haven't heard of them," Will muttered, and Jake felt sorry for him; sometimes he seemed really bitter about being the poor kid in a rich school. Scout must've had the same thought, for he answered quickly "I doubt she's expecting jewelry from you, Will. Whatever you got her, I'm sure it's fine, and of course Hamilton doesn't know her all that well, so something small would be more than appropriate".

"Did you get her jewelry?" Will narrowed his eyes. Scout seemed to take this as a challenge of sorts, and his voice was almost defying as he answered "as a matter of fact, I did".

"Oh, what did you get?" she asked "I don't want to give her the same thing".

Scout smiled "a bracelet". She nodded in approval; it was a neutral yet special gift. "What were you thinking of getting her?"

"Oh, that's all right then," she said, relieved "I think I'll get her earrings. Small ones, though, since I'm just a friend" it felt weird to explain herself, even when she reminded herself that they all thought she was a straight guy. "What do you think of diamonds?" she asked. Scout was probably more familiar with the etiquette than her.

Scout said that usually diamonds were more appropriate for a romantic gift, but also said that in his opinion, in Bella's case they would fit her more than pearls or other gemstones. He also suggested that she would keep them rather modest, not more than a hundred dollars worth, or people could take it the wrong way. Their conversation was cut short by Will's rather petulant "see you later, then."

They looked over to see him already walking away. Scout gave her an apologetic smile before calling "wait, I'm coming with you!" he waved at her and Hamilton "see you later!"

She was deep in thought when Hamilton cleared his throat loudly, and she turned to look at him "you said something?"

"No," Hamilton replied "I just thought of something – you never told me when's your birthday". She frowned at him "neither did you". Hamilton blinked, than smiled "right. 2nd of August. Your turn".

She stared at him, startled "that's really soon!" she didn't even know what to get him as a gift. Summer session was ending in just a few days – should she give it to him before she left, or should she send it on the actual date? "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm telling you now," Hamilton raised an eyebrow "and you're avoiding the question".

"No I'm not," she denied "December 29".

His smiled vanished "you're already sixteen then?" he asked. He seemed almost insulted. She smiled "no, I'm still fifteen, I skipped a class in school".

"Oh," Hamilton said. He seemed to relax, and then said in surprise "you're practically a baby". She felt herself blush as he suddenly smirked "are you sure it's legal that you're riding that monstrous bike everywhere?"

"Shut up," she punched him in the arm, feeling a pout coming up "I don't feel like talking to you anymore; I'm leaving". Jake hated it when he treated her like a little brother; she most definitely didn't think of him as her big brother, and when he acted like this it took tremendous self-control not to grab him and kiss him until she changed his mind. She didn't mind when he teased her, but she hated when he made her feel like this, even though she knew it was no one's fault but her own. No one ever said love was rational, did they?

"I didn't even feel that," he said cheerfully, and for a moment she considered kicking him somewhere where he was sure to feel it. "But don't worry," he added, eyes twinkling with suppressed laughter "I'm sure that in a few months you'll get stronger". He gave her a pointed look "baby".

Her face felt on fire. "Leaving now!" she announced, not looking at him, and started to walk away. Of course he followed, now laughing openly. "Okay, I'm sorry, I'll stop now" he said, but she refused forgive him "I don't like you anymore. Go away".

She knew she sounded like a spoiled child, and Hamilton didn't take her seriously. He caught her wrist in what was quickly becoming a familiar gesture, and stepped into her personal space, so close she could feel his body heat. The look he gave her was so intense her heartbeat almost doubled. "Come on," he said in a low, quiet voice that made her breath catch, a half-smile hovering at the corners of his mouth "I was just kidding. You make fun of me all the time; you're just being a hypocrite now".

And it was hard enough to think of something else but kissing him, not to mention stay angry at him, and she finally said "jeez, stop making that face, you look like an idiot" just so she'll have an excuse to look away. Hamilton shrugged, his smile becoming more pronounced "we can't all be smart-asses like you". He put an arm over her shoulders, pulling her tight against him, and she made a face even though she actually liked it. "Let's go to lunch," Hamilton said, haulling her along "I'm starving".

Lunch took rather long, as Hamilton wasn't kidding when he said he was starving; he left four plates squeaky clean by the end of the meal, and had three helping of dessert, not to mention the few bites he stole off hers. When he finally deemed himself satisfied he offered they'd take the bike and head out to New Rawley or Carson, to look for gifts for Bella.

Jake thought it was a good idea, but since she left the keys in her room they needed to make a stop there first. When she tried to turn on the light, though, the room remained dark, and she sighed in annoyance "damn, the light's gone". She turned to Hamilton "do you know where I can get another light bulb?"

He nodded "yeah, sure. Come with me".

-------

After they finished lunch, Hamilton suggested they'd take a trip to town or to Carson to buy Bella's birthday presents. Not that he was particularly enthusiastic about Bella's birthday, but an excuse to spend more time alone with Jake was always good. Besides, if Jake went alone some girl could hit on him or something, and before Hamilton could blink, Jake would've acquired a girlfriend, God forbid.

They needed to stop by the dorms to get the keys, though, and when they entered the room the found out that the light bulb needed to be replaced. Hamilton, of course, knew where the supply room was and how to pick the lock, so in no time they were back at Jake's room, and Jake was dragging his spinning chair into the middle of the floor, underneath the light.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Hamilton said nervously "that chair doesn't look all that stable to me". Jake rolled his eyes, climbing up on the chair, which swayed dangerously. "Of course I'm sure," he said "I've done this plenty of times, stop being such a nag". He stretched up, unscrewing the ruined bulb quickly, and Hamilton tried not to be too obvious about staring, but his eyes just kept coming back to the tiny line of skin revealed between Jake's jeans and sweater. He was wearing black boxers, and Hamilton suddenly remembered what they said about girls wearing black underwear, and wondered if it meant the same thing for boys. He looked away quickly, just a moment before Jake looked down at him and said "hand me the new light bulb, will you?"

Hamilton gave him the bulb, and watched as that tantalizing strip of skin appeared again. He could help but imagine what it would feel like to run his finger along it. That was the precise moment the chair wobbled, and Hamilton suddenly found himself with an armful of Jake, that quickly became a lapful as Hamilton's knees gave way under the unexpected weight.

His arms tightened automatically, even before he fully comprehended the situation. Then, of course, he blushed horribly. Jake, who landed with one leg folded awkwardly under him and one leg thrown over Hamilton's thigh, was rather red himself. He quickly moved his hands from Hamilton's shoulders. "Sorry," he said, not meeting Hamilton's eyes "I guess that chair wasn't all that stable. Are you hurt?"

As always when the other boy was close, his smell drove Hamilton crazy. But now it was with the added torture of Jake actually sitting in his lap, and if he didn't get away this second, Hamilton was going to finally snap. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Trying not to breathe, and tried again and managed to croak "can you get off please?" it wasn't all that polite, but manners were the last thing on his mind right now.

"Oh, right, of course," Jake almost jumped up, taking a few steps back for good measure. "Are you okay?" he asked worriedly "you didn't hit your head or something, did you, because you look a bit dazed…"

Hamilton concentrated on breathing deep, calming breaths, not looking up. His whole body itched with the desire to grab Jake and pull him back into Hamilton's lap, where he so obviously belonged. Instead he pulled himself to his feet, almost trembling, bit out "I need to go" from between clenched teeth, and escaped from the room, not daring to looking back.

When he got home he locked himself in the bathroom, and had the longest, coldest shower he managed to bear. There was no way he could see Jake again today. He needed some time to think about things. This was becoming too much for him, and he didn't know if he could stand it much longer. As much as he hated to admit it, he needed a break from Jake, and soon.

It was than that he actually started thinking about the date, and realized with surprise that summer session was over in only four days. Hamilton relaxed a little. He only had to hold himself together for the next three and a half days, and then he'd have a whole month to sort himself out before Jake came back. He couldn't afford to screw this friendship up with his feelings, or worse, his desires.

One thing he knew for sure, though. He was not coming out of the house today; he couldn't risk running into Jake.

------

Jake was rather amused by Hamilton's worried objections as she climbed her chair to get to the light. Who knew he was such a mother hen deep down? She carefully unscrewed the burned bulb, then held out her hand for the new one. She had to stand on her tiptoes to give it the final turn, and she must've leaned a little to much to the side, because the next thing she knew, the chair unbalanced and she fell… into Hamilton's open arms.

They both toppled over, and Jake found herself in the lap of the one boy she couldn't stop thinking about kissing since she first saw him. She blushed furiously, feeling very awkward. "Sorry," she said quietly, not looking up; she didn't want to see the uncomfortable and maybe a little disgusted expression Hamilton was probably wearing. "I guess that chair wasn't all that stable. Are you hurt?"

Hamilton removed his hands from her waist and said in a flat voice "can you get off please?"

Jake flushed even harder, but this time from humiliation "Oh, right, of course," she managed, quickly getting up and opening a little distance between them, just in case. "Are you okay?" she asked, because Hamilton still didn't get up, and when she looked closely, he seemed a little shaken "you didn't hit your head or something, did you, because you look a bit dazed…"

Hamilton stood up; his face was tense and closed, and he wouldn't look at her; he just said "I need to go" in a cold voice and left, closing the door after him.

Jake stared after him, and then sank to her knees, burying her face in her hands, fighting back tears. Just when she thought they were over all this, that they finally had an easy, comfortable, good friendship, something had to happen and fuck it all up. And it wasn't even her fault this time! She didn't do anything, and still Hamilton had looked at her with that face, with those flat eyes, and she felt like they were right back in the time just after she kissed him, only now it was so much worse because he had come to mean the world to her.

If only she hadn't kissed him that time on the roof! That was the one mistake that forever came back to haunt her and ruin everything. She rubbed at her eyes angrily; it was stupid to cry, over a guy no less; she had promised herself that she would never be one of those girls, and yet, here she was, about to bawl her eyes out because she was stupid enough to pose as a guy in an all boys school and fall in love.

Well, if she was going to bawl out her eyes, she might as well do it as a girl. Giving her eyes a final wipe, she grabbed her keys and hurried out, on the way to her bike and Bella.

When she parked next to the garage it wasn't Bella or Grace outside, but, surprisingly, Charlie Banks, Bella's father. She saw him before, of course, but they've never actually talked. She gave him a small smile and was proud when it didn't tremble even a little.

"Good afternoon" he said, nodding at her. "Jake, right?"

"Good afternoon, Mr. Banks," she replied "is Bella home?"

He smiled "she's over at the diner".

"Thank you," she answered politely and headed over to the diner, hoping neither Will nor Scout were there. She really didn't want to see anyone else right now; she wasn't really sure how long she could hold off the tears.

She pushed open the door, just in time to hear Scout's frustrated voice "no, I care about you!" She stopped, unsure what to do, as Bella answered angrily "then act like it". She was just about to turn around and leave when Bella came storming out of one of the corner booths. The blonde froze when she saw Jake, an annoyed expression on her face, and then it suddenly changed. "Hey, Jake, are you okay?" she asked softly, coming closer.

Jake cast a worried look at the direction of the booth Scout was still occupying "do you have a few minutes?" Bella frowned, leading the way out of the diner "sure, what is it?"

"Can we go to your room?" Jake asked, feeling the tears start to come back. Bella nodded, and they both entered the house and climbed the stairs to Bella room. As soon as the door closed, Jake started crying. Bella stared at her in astonishment, than crossed the room quickly, wrapping her arms around Jake. "Hey, what is it?" she asked gently, guiding her to the bed while still hugging her.

"He hates me," Jake said, her voice weak "he hates me, and I hate it, and I hate the way he looked at me, and I hate that I'm crying over this like some stupid little girl that got her heart broken but I can't stop, I can't, and I really feel like my heart is breaking and I hate that too!"

"Who?" Bella asked, overwhelmed.

"Hamilton, who else!?" Jake said, raising her head for a minute to give the other girl and incredulous look, and Bella took advantage of this and handed her a tissue. Then her face turned disbelieving "what!?" she exclaimed "where did you get that silly idea? Hamilton does not hate you".

"Yes he does," Jake insisted "I saw how he was looking at me".

"Okay, back up" Bella held up a hand "what exactly happened?"

"I was changing the light bulb in my room, and I stood on my spinning chair to do it," Jake sniffed and blew her nose "and then I lost my balance and fell, and he caught me, but I sort of ended in his lap, on the floor". Was it just her, or was Bella trying to hide a smile!? "And then I apologized, and he just told me, in this cold voice, to get off, and his face was all flat and tense, and then he just left! Without even letting me explain or anything! He was so disgusted by actually having to touch me in some way that was more than just strictly friendly, that he just left! And – what are you laughing for!?" she demanded angrily, for Bella had actually started to laugh "I fail to see how this is even remotely funny. Did you not understand that my heart is breaking here!?"

"I'm sorry," Bella managed from between fits of rather wild laughter "but for a smart girl you can be so incredibly stupid sometimes".

Jake stared at her, tears forgotten. "Excuse me?" she asked coldly.

"He doesn't hate you, Jake," Bella said, finally calming down "in fact, it's quite the opposite. I wasn't going to say anything about this, but since you've worked yourself into such a fit I guess I have to".

"What are you talking about?"

"Hamilton's totally in love with you," Bella stated with supreme confidence.

Jake stared at her. "Have you been drinking?" she asked suspiciously.

"Of course not," Bella said, rolling her eyes. "It's so obvious, Jake. He's even more into you than you are into him. He wasn't disgusted by you; he was embarrassed. That's why he ran away so quickly".

"No way, you are out of your mind," Jake said, narrowing her eyes. "I don't even know how you came up with this stuff".

"I didn't come up with anything, it's true," Bella insisted. "I suspected it since the first time I saw him, but yesterday clinched it. He was so jealous when he heard that we were going together, just the two of us, to ice-skate. And he got really annoyed when I said you'll be too busy helping me to help him. And when you skated – Jake, I never saw anyone look at someone else like that".

"Like what?" Jake asked, curious despite herself. Not that she was beginning to believe Bella or anything.

"Like he wanted to grab onto you and never let go," Bella answered simply. "Like it was the hardest thing he ever did, staying where he was, letting everyone look at you and admire you and not going over and taking you away".

"You are crazy," Jake said, almost awed. Then she caught up "wait, what do you mean, letting everyone look at me?"

Bella smirked "your little performance on the ice caught everyone's attention. You looked very feminine and pretty, by the way. Every guy there was looking at you and drooling, and Hamilton really didn't like that".

"What do you mean, feminine?" Jake asked in panic "do you think the guys figured it out? Shit, that's so bad! But they didn't act like something was different…"

"Relax, sheesh," Bella said "they didn't figure anything out. People see what they want to see. They think that you're a guy, so unless you'll strip in public, they'll continue to see you as a guy, because that's what their brain tells them to see".

"Right," Jake said, relaxing "that's good. I still think you're delusional, by the way".

Bella sighed "I swear it's the truth. You can ask anyone, it's not possible to miss the way he looks at you. You're the only one who manages not to see that".

"Let's agree to disagree, shall we?" Jake said, but her mood brightened considerably "as long as you think he doesn't hate me, it's okay. You don't have to resort to lies to make me feel better. I'm glad even if he's just my friend". She got up, wiping her face a final time with a tissue.

"I'm not lying," Bella said tiredly "but I see I'm not going to convince you, no matter what. So I'll just sit back, enjoy the show and say 'I told you so' when one of you finally breaks".

"That's not going to happen," Jake said "because I'm not going to say anything. Besides, you do realize that if Hamilton does have a thing for me – which is a ridicules notion that I don't believe for even a second – that means he's gay?"

"No it doesn't," Bella objected "you're a very confusing guy. Hamilton's probably not the only guy that finds you attractive; he's just the only one so obvious about it".

"I'm not listening," Jake said in a singsong voice. She smiled "thanks for everything, though, you made me feel a lot better". She then blinked, paling, as something suddenly occurred to her "shit! I didn't even say happy birthday yet! Happy birthday!" she hugged Bella.

Bella laughed, hugging her back "you're a funny person, you know that?"

Jake shrugged "there are worse things to be. I'll see you later. Have a good birthday. Bye!"

"Bye," Bella said, shaking her head and smiling, and Jake waved and left. It was already dark by that time, so she decided to pros pone the search for Bella's birthday gift until tomorrow. Maybe by then Hamilton would've calmed down, and then they could go together, like he had offered.

---------

By the next day Hamilton felt more collected and in control. He had, however, reached a decision; for the next three days, he was going to have to avoid being alone with Jake. And he was going to have to be very subtle about it, so Jake wouldn't feel like he was being brushed off.

He managed to avoid him for the first half of the day, but during lunch he saw Jake sitting with Will and Scout when he entered and couldn't avoid coming over. He took his time loading his plate, hoping they would've finished by the time he did, but no such luck. Eventually he came and sat next to Scout; unfortunately, that put him across from Jake. "Hi ham," Will and Scout said, but Jake looked at him with worried eyes before quietly saying "hey".

Hamilton immediately felt awful. Until now, he had only thought of yesterday's incident in relation to himself; he didn't even pause to think how Jake must've taken it. By the looks of it, he'd taken it rather badly, and no wonder. Hamilton just stormed out without saying anything.

"Hi," he said, smiling and doing his best to look Jake in the eyes. Jake looked at him for a minute, and then he seemed to relax, smiling back and making Hamilton's heart contract painfully in his chest.

"So," Scout asked, between mouthfuls of chicken "did you buy Bella's gift yet?"

Jake shook his head "I meant to go yesterday, but something came up. I'll go today". Hamilton looked down guiltily. He knew exactly what Jake meant when he said 'came up'. He also knew that Jake had probably waited for today so they could go together, like Hamilton had suggested. And he was going to have to come up with a good reason to refuse.

"The surprise party is tomorrow," Will said, frowning.

"I know," Jake answered calmly. "I have plenty of time. What did you get her?"

Will shrugged, looking down "I got her a book".

Scout snickered, but Jake smiled warmly "that's a really thoughtful gift. I'm sure she'd love it".

Will raised his head, surprised, and then he smiled back "thanks".

"By the way," Scout said, waving his fork "tomorrow's the last day of classes, and we all – or some of us, anyway" he corrected himself with a quick look at Will and Hamilton "-leave the morning after, so why don't we do something to celebrate? I mean, I guess we can raise a toast to it or something during Bella's birthday party, but it seems inappropriate somehow".

Hamilton nodded "that sounds nice, I guess. What exactly did you have in mind?"

"I don't know," Scout answered, shrugging "I'm the one who suggested it, you think of something to do".

"Okay, okay, I just asked," Hamilton said, turning away.

"I think I saw a bowling alley somewhere in town" Jake said "we can all go bowling in the morning before we leave, ask Bella and Sean to come along with us…"

"Sean?" Scout asked, making a face, and Jake gave him a reprimanding look "be nice, Scout. He is her boyfriend, after all, and we didn't invite him last time when we went ice-skating".

"Oh, yeah," Will said suspiciously "you wouldn't happen to be a bowling-prodigy too, would you?"

Jake gave a mysterious little smile "you'll just have to wait and see". Then he grinned at their disgruntled expressions "I'm just kidding. I'm adequate, nothing more".

"Bowling's fine with me, then," Will announced, brightening, and they all laughed. Hamilton was actually beginning to feel comfortable, for the first time since yesterday.

"It's a date then," Scout said, and both Hamilton and Jake started, giving each other quick looks. That particular phrase brought back memories. For Hamilton, it seemed impossible that only a short while ago he was still denying that he had feelings for Jake. That it was even possible for him to deny it. Three weeks ago, he would've laughed at anyone who would've told him he could fall in love in such a short time. With a guy, no less. Now, it seemed as though it's always been this way, as though he and Jake knew each other for so long it was practically forever.

"I finished" Scout declared, pushing his plate away, and Will nodded. They both got to their feet. "See you two later" Will said, and Scout clapped Jake on the shoulder and said "thanks again, man". Jake remained seated, though, and Hamilton started to get worried. It was fine while they were still at the dining hall, but afterwards… it was such a fix. If only Hamilton had better self control. If only Jake wasn't so beautiful, or did not have such a sweet smile. If only.

Jake seemed to feel awkward, too; he drummed his fingers on the table, pushing the food on his plate around without actually eating it, and the he suddenly said "are you angry with me, Hamilton?"

Hamilton looked up, startled. He was dreading this moment. "No, of course not," he said, trying his best to smile. Jake looked at him seriously "really? Because yesterday –"

"Can we forget about yesterday?" Hamilton interrupted him. He did not want to talk, or even think about yesterday. Not while Jake was with him, at least.

"Yes, of course," Jake replied quietly, looking down; he seemed sad, and Hamilton longed to reach out and gather him in his arms and make him happy again, but of course he couldn't. Instead he looked down at his plate, his appetite gone. He waited for Jake to offer they'd go gift-shopping, but Jake didn't say anything, and after a while, he got up.

"I'll see you later," he said softly, and walked away before Hamilton could say anything. Hamilton sighed, and got up himself. He was already regretting his decision, even though he knew it was the right one.

-------

Jake didn't see Hamilton until lunch the next day, but she wasn't really worried anymore. Even though Bella had said a lot of crazy things, she did convince her that Hamilton didn't really hate her, and that it was all just some weird misunderstanding.

She met Will and Scout on her way down to lunch, and the three of them walked together. When they entered the dining hall Scout looked around, suddenly puzzled, and asked "hey, where's Hamilton?"

Jake shrugged, and the other two frowned at her as she said "I haven't seen him since yesterday afternoon". "Really?" Will said, surprised, and Scout added "that's strange. Aren't you two attached at the hip?"

Jake gave him a cool look. "No," she said shortly, and Scout narrowed his eyes "don't tell me you had a fight". Jake glared at him some more, but when that didn't have any effect she gave up and answered "not exactly. It's more of a slight misinterpretation".

"Right," Scout said as they sat down, but he didn't press for more details. Instead he said "hey, Jake, maybe you can help me. I had a, well, a fight with Bella again –"

She sighed "what was it about now?"

"I knew I could count on you," he smiled "she got a package from her mom. And I was sort of –" "Pressuring her to talk to her mom, and she accused you of only caring about finding out whether you're related or not, and not about her?" Jake interrupted him calmly, taking a sip from her drink.

Scout stared at her "how do you do that?" he demanded. Jake shrugged "you're predictable". Plus, she added to herself, I heard the end of your argument, and I can put two and two together. "So?" Scout asked her impatiently "what went wrong this time, and how do I fix it?"

"You were a little inconsiderate," Jake said "take it from someone that has serious mommy issues – I know what I'm talking about. Bella's mom abandoned her ten years ago, without a warning or an explanation, and they haven't heard from her since. And now she suddenly sends Bella a gift? That's a huge thing, Scout. There's so much going on with it – first of all, there's the anger Bella still feels, towards her mother – anger that she left, anger that Bella had to grow up without a mother, anger that she had to be a mother to Grace and to work and to assume a vast responsibility since a very young age," she speared a piece of meat on her fork.

"Then there's the disappointment and anger Bella feels towards herself – maybe mom left because of me, maybe I wasn't good enough, maybe I'm not worthy enough of love – perhaps if I had just tried harder, helped more, hugged more, told her that I loved her more, she would've stayed. Maybe if I was good enough after she left, she would've come back. All very irrational, of course, but we can't help what we feel". She ignored Scout's gob-smacked face "then of course she feels awful for feeling that way, because she thinks it's unfair towards her father – that she still loves her mother despite the fact that he's the one that stayed. And naturally, she feels there's something wrong with her for still loving her mother after all she's done".

"Then there's the resentment she feels because of you – that despite not even being here her mother still managed to ruin the best thing that ever happened to her, and in such a harsh way, too. And then there's the fact that she spent the last ten years trying to force herself to forget every memory she has of her mother, and that package must've made everything surface at the same time". She calmly poured herself another glass of water "and after all that, you come up and so cluelessly suggest that maybe it's a good idea to put all that behind her and go meet her mother. And between the two of us, we both know you said that mainly because you're not over her and you're desperate to know if you're related or not". She leveled a look at Scout "now do you understand why she got angry at you?"

Scout blinked at her, completely dazed. "Yes, I think so… although I may need a little time to take it all in. I hadn't realized it was so complicated".

Jake raised an eyebrow "obviously. Just apologize next time you see her and tell her you know it's her decision and you support her no matter what she decides to do".

"Thanks, Jake," Scout said, still thoughtful; it seemed he would be in this state for some time. She saluted him jokingly "anytime. Someone needs to clean up your messes".

"Hey, Hamilton," Will said abruptly, pointing; sure enough, Hamilton was coming their way with a loaded tray. He sat down next to Scout and in front of Jake. Scout looked up "Hi ham," and Will nodded in greeting, but Jake looked at him anxiously. He didn't seem angry, but she suspected he was avoiding her eyes. Finally he looked at her, and his expression turned almost guilty. "Hey" she said carefully.

"Hi," Hamilton smiled at her; he seemed worried. But he smiled, and that was the important thing. It seemed Bella was right of one thing at least. They made small talk for a few more minutes, until Both Scout and Will announced they were finished and got up. Scout smiled at her and touched her shoulder before leaving, thanking her again for her help. It made her feel warm inside, to know that Hamilton wasn't the only friend she had here, even if without him everything else was meaningless.

They two of them sat quietly together for a few more minutes. Hamilton wasn't unfriendly, but he didn't exactly go out of his way to talk to her like he usually did, either. Eventually she had enough. "Are you angry with me, Hamilton?" she asked.

Hamilton looked up; he seemed surprised. "No, of course not," he answered, giving her an awkward smile; he sounded sincere, but something was obviously wrong. Things haven't felt so uncomfortable between then since the day she had kissed him. She met his eyes "really? Because yesterday –"

"Can we forget about yesterday?" he interrupted her, his expression turning tense. He looked down again, playing restlessly with his food; it was almost as effective as asking her to leave.

"Yes, of course," she replied, feeling tears prickling at her eyes again. He wasn't angry; instead, he was almost indifferent, and it hurt just as much. She was wasting her time here, that much was obvious. She got up, said "I'll see you later," and left before Hamilton had the time to offer her a fake "sure, later," in return.

She headed to her room, and upon entering, looked around, not really sure what she was looking for. Her gaze fell on her wardrobe, and a sudden, surprising urge made itself known. Without hesitating, she crossed over, opened it, and picked up a different backpack than her usual one, which rested on the bottom shelf of the closet. She shouldered it, pausing only to grab her wallet and her keys, and hurried out. In no time, she was fast on the road to Carson.

Jake stopped one on the way in an abandoned looking gas station, and slipped into the women's bathroom after peeking inside and making sure no one was there. She locked herself in a stall, lowered the cover of the toilet seat and placed her backpack on it. Then she pulled out a pair of knee-length form-fitting jeans and a blue sleeveless shirt, which she quickly changed into, stuffing her 'boy' clothes inside the bag. She discarded her trainers and socks for a pair of plain sandals, wiggling her toes in delight at the feeling of air on them. She missed that. She missed being herself.

The trainers went into a plastic bag, then followed the rest of her 'Jake attire', and she existed the stall, feeling completely relaxed for the first time in weeks. She stopped in front of a mirror to apply a liberal amount of dark eye-pencil to her eyes and carefully put on some bright red lipstick, tousled her hair in a more feminine manner, and then, announcing herself satisfactory, returned to her bike and the road.

This was her third time in Carson, and she was already beginning to know her way around; figuring there ought to be at least one jewelry store at the mall, she headed there. She parked in the shade, making sure to secure her helmet to the bike, and entered. She wondered around for a while, looking at window shops, until a sparkling display caught her eyes, and she went in, curious.

The shop was small, but obviously expensive; necklaces and earrings in various sizes and shapes winked at her from locked cases on the walls, and rings glittered upon dark velvet in closed glass boxes. A small, polite cough startled her, and she turned around to see a young man standing behind her.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't see you," she said, smiling. He was maybe two or three years older than her, and very handsome, although not as much as Hamilton. He grinned back at her "it's okay. Can I help you?"

Jake nodded "yeah, I'm looking for a pair of earrings –"

The guy held up his hand "say no more. I have something that would be perfect for you".

"It's not for –"

"Please," he cut in again, giving her a warm look "indulge me". He went to the counter and took out a velvet covered tablet on which an assortment of earrings was tastefully arranged. Jake rolled her eyes, giving up, and came closer. He held up a small, dangling earring inlaid with a few green gemstones "this one. It would go perfectly with your beautiful eyes".

Jake blushed at his words; he was definitely flirting with her, and she hadn't realized how much she had missed that until now. "Thanks," she told him "but I'm actually looking for a birthday present for a friend".

The guy blushed as well, suddenly looking very awkward. "Damn," he said sheepishly, "and here I thought I was being very suave and charming. Instead you're probably thinking I'm a total dork".

"Maybe a little," Jake admitted, laughing "but you're a charming dork". He gave her a cute smile "phew, saved. So what exactly did you have in mind?"

"Something small," Jake said "I was thinking, clear diamonds, maybe".

"Wait just a minute," he muttered, bending and pulling out a second, smaller tablet; this one displayed a lot of small earring with only a gemstone or two, in every color she could name and a few she couldn't. "Those are nice," she said, pointing at a pair of such a light pink hue it was almost white. The guy nodded "excellent choice. Flawless pink diamonds, vary rare, very elegant".

"It's her sixteenth birthday," Jake said, as he took out the earrings and put them in a small, pretty box. He looked up at that, seeming almost disappointed. "You're sixteen?" he asked.

She frowned "in a few months".

He raised an eyebrow, mouth quirking "that's a shame, you look older".

Her frown deepened "I don't really follow you…"

"I was going to ask for your number," he told her, grinning uneasily "but I'm afraid you're a bit illegal, since I'm nineteen".

"Oh," Jake said, blushing again. "I'm… sorry?" she added, not really knowing what to say. She was flattered, even if she wouldn't have given him her number had he asked for it. Despite the fact that he was rather attractive.

"Hey, it's not your fault," he shrugged as he took her credit card and ran it in the cash register, then gave her a sly look "though I must say breaking the law sounds really tempting at this point".

"Right," she said dubiously, taking back her card and the little bag that he put the jewelry box in. She was starting to feel a little uncomfortable. He must've caught it, for he quickly said "I didn't mean to be rude or anything, sorry. You're just really stunning".

Jake blushed for the third time in a row "thank you". She hesitated "I'll be going now…"

"Wait," he said "can I at least ask you for your name? I'm Jonathan, by the way".

She tugged at her hair, considering it, but eventually said "Jacqueline".

"Nice to meet you, Jacqueline," he smiled at her again "tell you what. Here's my number," he quickly scribbled something on a piece of paper and held it out to her "and if you ever get lonely, call me".

She looked at the paper uncertainly, and he suddenly seemed anxious "shit, you have a boyfriend, don't you?" he dropped the number on the counter "I'm such an idiot; of course someone like you would have a boyfriend". He looked around nervously "he isn't here, is he? Only this store has a lot of fragile things in it, and my dad would kill me if something got broken".

Jake almost felt like laughing; he acted like he had two separate personalities: one was a confident gentleman, and the other one was a complete dork. "Actually, I don't have a boyfriend at the moment, so no one's going to beat you up, you can stop worrying".

"Really?" he straightened, relaxing "then would you like my number after all?"

She shook her head "I think I'll pass. It was nice meeting you, though, Jonathan".

"You too," he said, and she left, feeling like she was going to start giggling every moment now. She felt happy, even with Hamilton on her mind; after she had a while to think about it, she understood that he just needed a little time to reaffirm his masculinity before he'll feel comfortable around her again. She just hoped it would be before summer session ended.

--------

Hamilton felt rotten for the rest of the day. There was nothing he wanted more than to run after Jake and apologize and make everything normal again; but he knew that there was, finally, no more 'normal'. If Hamilton were to kiss Jake, that would be the end of everything. He was pretty sure by now that Jake was straight, or that if he wasn't, he wasn't interested in Hamilton as anything more than a friend.

He spent most of the afternoon in his dark room, developing picture after picture; most of them were landscape shots - the lake, the campus, an interesting couple of trees – but a surprising amount of them were of Jake, which confused him. He didn't remember taking most of them, and he wondered what else he did without noticing. He suddenly panicked; what if he gave himself away somehow, and someone told Jake?

The other boy didn't give any indication that he knew of Hamilton's feelings for him, and Scout was rather oblivious, but Will was fairly sharp – though he tended to be self-centered, so maybe he was safe in that aspect. But Bella – Now that he thought about it, she was always looking at him with that speculating, thoughtful look, as though she could see right through him…

"Oh, god," he said out loud, paling. That would be such a disaster… he fervently hoped that if Bella suspected anything, she would keep it to herself.

-------

Morning found Jake sitting in the common room with Scout, Will and Hamilton, immersed in a lively game of poker. The atmosphere was friendly, and Hamilton acted almost normal; it seemed things were just fine between then as long as they weren't together alone. Much to everyone's surprise, Scout turned out to be a poker wiz, and it was just as well that they were playing without money, or they would've been broke by now.

"And I win again!" Scout crowed, displaying his third full house in a row, and the rest of them groaned. "I swear you're cheating," Jake said for the fifth time, and he stuck out his tongue at her "suck it up, Pratt. You can't be the best in everything".

"Wanna bet?" Jake asked petulantly "I'm going to figure out how you're doing it, you know, and then you're going to be sorry".

"Bla-bla-bla," Scout smirked, just as Will looked up and said in surprise "Sean!"

They all turned to see Bella's blond boyfriend standing nervously in the doorway. "Hi," he said, and Will started to get up, but Sean raised his hands "it's okay Will, I actually came for Jake".

They all frowned in puzzlement as he came closer. "Can I help you?" Jake asked him, confused; she didn't know him all that well, and couldn't really guess what he wanted from her.

"I hope so," he said, giving her a charming smile "I meant to call you at first, but Bella said your cell-phone got broken…?"

"Yeah, sort of," Jake said sheepishly, remembering that particular incident. "Anyway, you know about Bella's surprise birthday party this evening, right?" he asked.

"Yeah…" she answered, still not following.

"I'm in a little trouble with a few things," Sean admitted "the local store is out of Balloons and stuff like that, and I don't have a car myself, and I can't exactly ask Bella to drive me to Carson to get them, and since you're the only friend of Bella I know that has his own vehicle…" he trailed off, looking hopeful.

"You want me to take you to Carson?" Jake asked.

"Yes. Can you?"

She shrugged "sure, anything for Bella's party. I have class in half an hour, but I can meet you next to the diner in two hours. Does that sound okay?"

He beamed at her "it sounds great. Thanks a lot, Jake!" he waved at them and left.

Scout chuckled "somehow it seems everyone ends coming to you for help," he said, and she smiled "I don't mind. Besides, he seems like a really nice guy, and I'd like to get to know him better. He is, after all, dating one of my closest friends".

Literature class that day was more of a conclusion to the last three weeks than an actual lesson, and in the end Finn bid them farewell and told them he hoped to see all of them back in a month. Jake got up, stretching, and said to the others "well, I'll be going now, I don't want to keep Sean waiting. I'll be back in a few hours".

"We'll see you at the diner," Will said, "we promised we'd help decorate the place" he pointed at Scout and himself.

"I'll see you there," she smiled, and left.

Sean was already waiting when she arrived, and he climbed behind her with obvious admiration. "That's an amazing bike," he said, taking the helmet she handed him and fastening it on.

"Thanks," she grinned at him "are you holding on tight?" at his nod, they were off. It didn't take them long to do all of their shopping, and they ended up buying a huge amount of balloons, plus all kinds of glittery tinsel chains to hang around the place. She drove a little slower back to Rawley, since Sean was holding onto her with only one hand; he was holding all of their shopping in the other. Half-way back her bike started to make strange noises, but it held together until Jake dropped Sean off at his house.

"Thanks," he said as he got off "I think we wore your bike out a little".

"Better now than later," she answered "tomorrow it's supposed to take me all the way back home. I guess I'd better take it to the garage".

On her way there she spotted Bella coming out of a coffee shop, and stopped next to her. "Hey," she said.

"Hey, Jake" Bella smiled at her.

"I was on my way to see you" Jake told her. "Something's wrong with my bike - the engine keeps racing, and I'm riding it back to New York tomorrow". Bella frowned, coming closer "that's some ride". She revved the engine a few times, before asking "so what are you planning for the rest of the summer? You never told me".

Jake shrugged "going home, seeing my friends – mom's away, so I'll probably do everything I'm not supposed to do". They laughed, and Jake added "you should come visit me, it'll be so fun".

"Maybe," Bella smiled "I need to see if dad can spare me for a few days".

"C'mon, say you will. We can go see a play on Broadway, I'll take you to all the hip clubs… please?" she clasped her hands together, making her best puppy-eyes impression.

Bella swatted her "okay, okay, I'll ask him, just stop making that face". She suddenly stopped laughing, and looked behind Jake; then she smirked "that cute guy is so checking you out," she said, nodding in his direction. Jake looked over as well, and the guy looked back at her with obvious interest. She turned back to Bella with an embarrassed grin "yeah, but as a guy or as a girl?"

"Oh right," Bella blinked "um…"

"It's gets really confusing. And disconcerting," Jake told her, and they both exchanged amused looks. Then Bella revved the engine a last time "I think it might be a kink in your vacuum line" she said. "Can you leave it with me until tomorrow morning?"

"Yeah," Jake said. "Hop on; I'll give you a ride back". As Bella climbed on behind her, Jake started telling her about Jonathan from yesterday, emitting some discriminating details.

-------

Hamilton looked at the growing pile of balloons at his feet, and then at the amount he still had to inflate; it didn't seem to lessen. A few feet away from him, Jake was standing on a table, shoeless, taping one end of a tinsel chain to the wall. Scout was hanging another one, and Will and Grace, Bella's sister, were tying balloons to a long string. A few other townies he didn't know were also helping, and next to Will, blowing more balloons, stood Caroline Baussy from Rawley Girls. Hamilton had seen her and Will together a few times before, but it still surprised him. Sean had left a while ago to distract Bella, and it was almost seven o'clock by now; they were nearly finished decorating.

Jake jumped from the table, putting his trainers back on, and wondered over to Hamilton. "You need help?" he asked with a raised eyebrow, and Hamilton nodded, smiling around the balloon in his mouth. Jake grinned at him and picked one from the waiting pile.

A short while later they were done, the lights were turned off, and they were all waiting quietly as Sean led an unsuspecting Bella over. The two of them appeared at the door, Sean with his hands over her eyes, and they all yelled "surprise!" at the same time as he removed his hands and the lights came on.

Bella stared at them, completely shocked, and then her face broke into a bright smile; she started laughing. Sean put his arm around her, and she kissed him, obviously adoring him, before everyone came over to hug her. Hamilton shook her hand, and she gave him a strange smile, making his inside tightened in worry; but she didn't say anything. Instead she turned to hug Will, and then Jake.

Jake kissed her on the cheek, one arm around her waist, whispering something in her ear; Hamilton was struck again by how close they looked. It seemed he wasn't the only one. Sean, Scout, Will and Grace were obviously already used to it, but he could see the surprise on the faces of the townies. Then Jake handed Bella a little bag, and she took with a curious smile. Inside was a little velvet covered jewelry box, the sort used for rings, and Bella seemed rather surprised; then she opened it, and an expression of awe came to her face. She threw her arms around Jake and kissed him.

"They're beautiful!" she said "help me put them on". Grace gave Jake an appreciative look. "Are they real?" she asked. Jake seemed affronted "of course they are". Bella beamed "does anyone have a mirror?"

Caroline, who was also looking at Jake with a newfound respect, produced one from her purse "here". Bella looked at herself in the mirror, tilting it this way and that way, before laughing in delight, kissing Jake a third time and saying softly "thank you". Jake gave her a dazzling smile in return.

That was the point Hamilton wondered off to get a beer.

That beer was followed by a second, then a third and a fourth; and four hours later, he was pleasantly fuzzy, and in a much better mood than he had been for the last week. Everything was smudged and golden under the diner's lights, especially Bella's hair; the diamonds in her ears glittered like little stars every time she moved her head.

At some point everyone started to tidy up, and soon after Bella was hugging everyone goodbye. Hamilton waved at her good-naturedly, and Jake, who was standing near her, frowned at him. "Hamilton, are you drunk?" he asked.

Hamilton shrugged "not really. Just a little… fuzzy". He wasn't really drunk; he didn't have trouble speaking or walking straight, at least. He just couldn't seem to remember why he wasn't supposed to talk to Jake. It seemed like such a stupid idea.

"Right," Jake said skeptically "let's go, then; I'm sure Will and Scout will help me get you home in one piece".

"I'm okay," Hamilton insisted, but he didn't object when Jake grabbed his arm. Jake called out to Will and Scout, and the four of them, accompanied by Caroline, started walking back to the school. Hamilton was aware of the talk around him, but didn't feel any need to join, or even listen; instead he held on to Jake's sweater as he stumbled along.

Well, maybe he was a little drunk. But just a little.

"You okay there, Ham?" Scout asked, and he nodded. Then Jake turned to him and said worriedly "do you think your parents are still awake? Because I doubt they'll be pleased to see you like this". Hamilton tried to think, and eventually he said "everyone's leaving tomorrow, so dad's probably still at the office. And I think mom is already asleep at this hour".

"That's good," Jake said, as they reached the lawn. They all stopped, looking at each other, and then Will said "I'm going to walk Caroline back to the girls' dorms, so…"

"Bye," Jake and Scout said, and Caroline waved at them, before Will and she walked away, holding hands. Jake hesitated "maybe I should walk Hamilton back, just in case". Scout nodded "do you need help?"

"I don't have to carry him;" Jake said, shaking his head "just make sure he doesn't walk into a tree or something, so I'll probably be okay alone. I'll see you tomorrow".

"Okay, good night," Scout replied, and then it was just the two of them. "Come on," Jake said, pulling at his arm "let's go, I'd like to go to sleep myself at some point this night".

Hamilton nodded; he thought he was perfectly capable of getting home on his own, but he was enjoying Jake's company so he didn't say anything. They reached his house quickly, and Jake said "there aren't any lights on downstairs". Hamilton looked at him "I told you so".

The front door was unlocked, and they entered quietly, Jake making sure Hamilton wouldn't bump into anything, and when they reached the stairs he hesitated. "How drunk are you?" he asked.

"I can probably manage the stairs," Hamilton decided, but Jake still held onto him anxiously as they climbed. At last, they reached Hamilton's room, and Jake gave a sigh of relief. He turned to Hamilton "I think you'll be okay now, so I'll be going". Hamilton grabbed his wrist "stay," he said, leaning in; Jake's eyes widened, and he licked his lips nervously, making the soft light catch on his wet mouth. "I really should go," he started to say, and Hamilton kissed him, because he couldn't remember why he shouldn't.

Jake made a soft, surprised sound, and then he stepped back, pushing a hand against Hamilton's chest. "Hamilton, wait," he said, casting a nervous look at the door "your parents could walk in any minute, and this isn't right, we shouldn't –" Hamilton closed the door with his foot and caught Jake's mouth again, one hand grabbing at his waist and the other coming to rest along his jaw line. For a minute Jake resisted, and Hamilton licked at his mouth, pressing him against the door, and then Jake seemed to give in; his body relaxed against Hamilton's, and he opened his mouth, his fingers coming up to tangle in Hamilton's hair.

Hamilton sighed into his mouth; he had never imagined that kissing anyone could feel so perfect. He pressed closer against the other boy, as close as he could, the contact making him burn everywhere, and bit at his lower lip before kissing him again, but it wasn't enough. Without breaking contact, he grabbed Jake by the hips and hoisted him up, guiding his thighs until Jake wrapped them tightly around Hamilton's waist. This put Jake's head on level with Hamilton's, and Hamilton took the opportunity to suck at Jake's neck.

He felt the other boy's entire body jolt, and Jake's head fell against the door with a loud thud as he let out a low moan that sent Hamilton's blood on fire. Hamilton was past caring about the noise at that point; all that mattered in the world was the utterly exquisite feel of their bodies moving together, the way Jake's thighs clenched almost painfully around him as he bit down on his neck, the way Jake scratched at his back and pulled at his hair and gasped. And it still wasn't enough.

Hamilton found Jake's mouth again as he stepped away from the door, one hand nestled protectively against Jake's back and the other supporting him from bellow. He stumbled over to his bed and they fell on it together, Hamilton immediately climbing on top of the other boy and continuing to kiss him. He pressed down as hard as he could, needing to have every single inch of them touching, and Jake locked his legs behind Hamilton's back as they rocked together, panting into each other's mouths.

Hamilton jumped when he felt Jake's cold fingers creep under his shirt, leaving trails of fire across the bare skin of his back, and he grabbed them, lacing their fingers together and bringing them to rest above Jake's head. He felt the other boy smile momentarily against his mouth, and in that second he was struck by how amazingly right this felt; right here, with Jake writhing under him, biting at his mouth, was perfection. This was something you couldn't step back from, ever.

At that moment, he knew there was never going to be anyone else for him but Jake Pratt, for as long as he lived.

He released Jake's hands to cup his face, kissing him almost savagely, and then, without really thinking, pushed his hand under Jake's shirt; and that was the instant everything went wrong.

The sudden stiffening of Jake's body under him was all the warning he got before he was suddenly pushed off, landing on the floor in a painful heap. He stared up incredulously at Jake. The other boy was breathing heavily; his clothes were wrinkled, his hair was a complete mess, and his mouth was swollen and red and glistening. His dark eyes were wide and wild, huge in his pale face, and he stared back at Hamilton with complete panic. Hamilton had never seen anything so beautiful, or so out of his reach.

"Jake –" he started, getting to his knees and reaching out to the boy on the bed, but Jake shook his head violently, jumping up, and he was out the door before Hamilton even understood what was going on. Then he got up and ran after him, only to run into his father at door. "What the – Hamilton?" his father said, blinking down at him "where do you think you're going at this hour?"

"Dad, I really, really need to go –" Hamilton said, desperately trying to look over his father's shoulder, but to no avail; Jake was already gone.

-------

Jake waited in excitement in the dark as Sean brought Bella over. As soon as they appeared everyone yelled "surprise!" and jumped out as the lights came on. Bella looked completely surprised, like she'd never expected people would do something like this for her, and Jake rolled her eyes; and she called her oblivious. Bella really didn't realize how much everyone actually loved her.

Bella started thanking everyone, hugging and shaking their hands; when she got to Jake she gave her a huge hug, and Jake kissed her on the cheek, whispering "I had to endure Jonathan for this, so you'd better appreciate it," jokingly in her ear as she handed her the gift. Bella raised an eyebrow at her, and then took the box out, her expression changing to one of curious surprise.

Jake watched her face apprehensively as she opened it; at first she seemed shocked, but then a huge smile came to her face and she almost crushed Jake in a bear-hug, kissing her loudly on the cheek. "They're beautiful!" she said, holding them out to her "help me put them on". As Jake helped her, Grace sidled up to her "are they real?" she asked slyly. Jake gave her a look "of course they are," she answered, offended.

Meanwhile, Bella asked around for a mirror, excited to know how they looked on her, and Jake grinned at her enthusiasm. When she got the mirror she looked at herself from every angle, admiring the earrings. She laughed happily, and gave Jake another kiss, this time with much flair, before saying sincerely "thank you". Jake beamed back at her; Bella's delight was catching.

She enjoyed herself a lot for the next few hours, except maybe the time Grace came up to her, ran a finger along her arm and asked in a low voice "so, Jake, do you have a girlfriend?" Fortunately, Bella came to save her at that point.

A little while after, she noticed Scout sitting glumly in a corner, nursing a bottle of beer. She came and sat next to him, saying gently "what's with the long face, Scout? It's a party, smile!" Scout sighed, his eyes never leaving Bella "It's a little hard to be cheerful, Jake, when the girl I love is so happy in someone else's arms".

Jake blinked "would you rather she'd be miserable?"

Scout shot her a dark look "no, of course not. It's just – she's over me so quickly, and I'm – so not". Jake rested her chin on her knee "she has to be over you, Scout. And you really need to get over her. She's happy now – if you really love her, as you say, then be happy she's happy. If you want her to be depressed just because you are, than you love yourself a lot more than you love her".

Scout gave her a small smile "you're right. I mean, of course you're right. It's just hard. You don't know how awful it is to love someone so much, and not be able to be with them, ever".

Jake narrowed her eyes, her good mood gone "actually Scout, I do. So stop feeling sorry for yourself; it's getting old". She got up in a huff and stalked over to Bella, not even bothering to see if her words had any effect on the pining boy behind her.

It was already past eleven when they started to tidy up, and by the time they finished Jake was already starting to feel tired. Bella was thanking everyone as people started to leave, and when Jake hugged her goodbye Hamilton wondered up to them. He seemed strange, smiling in a slightly vacant way, and when she peered into his too bright eyes a certain suspicion appeared in her mind; "Hamilton, are you drunk?" she asked in disbelieve.

He shrugged, still smiling "not really. Just a little… fuzzy". To her relief, he was more tipsy than actually drunk. "Right," she said, shaking her head and exchanging amused looks with Bella "let's go then. I'm sure Will and Scout will help me get you home in one piece".

"I'm okay," Hamilton said, staring at her in that almost disturbingly intense way he had; it seemed he didn't remember how to blink. Jake rolled her eyes, before calling Will and Scout over. "Wow, is he drunk?" Will asked when Hamilton waved at him cheerfully.

"A little," she said, grabbing Hamilton's sleeve and starting to drag him after her, and he reached out and took hold of her sweater "I think he can walk on his own, though, if I steer him". The others laughed, shaking their heads, and followed her.

They made small talk on the way back, mainly about the party; Caroline seemed impressed with Jake's gift. "That was really lovely and tasteful," she said "it's hard to find guys that have such good taste in gifts". "Hey," Will protested jokingly "are you stealing my girl, Jake?"

Caroline laughed and kissed him on the cheek, but then continued "seriously, though; I was impressed by you, Jake". Jake shrugged, embarrassed "my mom's an actress and an only parent, so I guess you can say I grew up with that".

"Oh, wow, an actress," Caroline's eyes widened "what movies was she in?"

"She's a theatre actress," Jake corrected, smiling. "Mainly in Broadway and such, but lately she's been branching into Hollywood. So maybe you'll see her in a movie some day".

Just than Hamilton stumbled, and Jake caught him. "You okay there, Ham?" Scout asked, having caught his other arm. Hamilton nodded. They were near the school at that point, and an alarming thought crossed Jake's mind; "do you think your parents are still awake?" she asked "because I doubt they'll be pleased to see you like this". She knew how strict his dad was, and she didn't want him getting into trouble on the last day of summer session.

Hamilton brow wrinkled in thought, then he shook his head "everyone's leaving tomorrow, so dad's probably still at the office. And I think mom is already asleep at this hour".

"That's good," she said, relieved. It seemed his mind was starting to clear, at any rate. They stopped as they reached the lawn, and Will glanced at Caroline, and then said "I'm going to walk Caroline back to the girls' dorms, so…" they smiled at each other, and she took his hand. Will blushed.

"Bye," Jake and Scout said as the other two walked away. Jake glanced at Hamilton "maybe I should walk Hamilton back; just in case" she told Scout, and he frowned "do you need help?"

She smiled but shook her head "I don't have to carry him, just make sure he doesn't walk into a tree or something, so I'll probably be okay alone. I'll see you tomorrow".

"Okay, good night," Scout gave her a smile and headed to the dorms. Jake turned to the boy next to her with a sigh "Come on, let's go, I'd like to go to sleep myself at some point this night".

Hamilton trailed after her obediently, and she when they got to his house she said, thankful "there aren't any lights on downstairs". Hamilton smiled slightly "I told you so". She quietly tried the door; it wasn't locked, and she entered as silently as she could, pulling him after her. When she reached the stairs she turned to him and whispered "how drunk are you?"

"I can probably manage the stairs," he told her, but he still looked a little unstable, so she stayed close just in case. She didn't want him to fall down the stairs and break his neck just because he decided to listen to his ego rather than his common sense. They made it to his room safely, and she breathed out in relief "I think you'll be okay now, so I'll be going".

Hamilton caught her wrist, surprisingly fast for someone who was supposed to be drunk, and said "stay". The intensity with which he stared at her made her heart miss a beat, and she stared back at him, completely caught by it. "I really should go," she whispered, but she couldn't move an inch, even though every cell in her body was screaming out this way danger lies, and then Hamilton leaned in and kissed her.

She froze, her breath catching in her throat, and then her mind whispered this must be some sort of mistake and she jumped, pushing him away. "Hamilton, wait," she said, confused and anxious, and then she realized the door was open, and how was she supposed to explain this if his mother suddenly decided she wanted a glass of water? "Your parents could walk in any minute, and this isn't right, we shouldn't –"

Hamilton didn't look like he had heard her. He kissed her again, harder this time, and then he kicked the door shut with his foot; he grabbed her waist with strong fingers while he tilted her chin up with the other. She must've heard the door slam, Jake thought desperately, so she wouldn't have to think about this, wouldn't freak out that Hamilton was drunk and he was kissing her and he was so obviously gay; that everything she wanted was coming true and it was all so horribly wrong.

She tried to push him away again, but he resisted, pressing her gently but firmly against the door with his body, not letting her turn her head, and then he licked at her mouth and all conscious thought fled through the window. Nothing seemed to matter anymore except this feeling, this utterly perfect feeling, and she gave up on fighting it, kissing him back and sliding her fingers into his soft hair like she wanted to do since the day she saw him.

Hamilton sighed into her mouth and bit at her lip, his hands holding onto her almost painfully, as though he was afraid that she would try to run away again in a minute. There was nothing gentle about it, but she didn't mind; she was just as desperate. Then Hamilton suddenly grabbed her hips and pulled her up until their mouths were at the same level, pressing against her hard and pulling at her thighs until she wrapped them around his back. He seemed to support her weight with nothing more than a slight effort.

He made an approving noise, deep in his throat, and suddenly his mouth disappeared; Jake opened her eyes, about to protest, when he lowered his head and sucked on her pulse point. Her head thudded against the door painfully as her eyes fluttered shut, but she didn't even notice the pain; she was concentrated only on the amazing sensations this brought, clawing blindly at his back as her toes curled inside her trainers. She felt him smile against her neck, and then he was kissing her again, hungrily, urgently.

She was dimly aware of the door at her back being replaced by Hamilton's hand, and then suddenly she was dropped onto the bed, her legs still holding Hamilton closed as he leaned over her, not stopping in kissing her for a second. He let the full weight of his body press against her then, and it was even better than before; she grabbed at his back, running her fingers across the hard planes of tense muscles in admiration before inching them under his shirt. His bare skin felt feverish against her palms, and she felt him tremble against her at the contact; then his hands left her face to grab hers, and he laced their fingers together, a startlingly gentle gesture in the middle of all this wild desire, bringing them above her head and pressing them lightly against the mattress, a clear order: not yet.

He left her hands to hold her face again, running his fingers over her neck, and then he slid his hand under her shirt. The first fluttering touch against her exposed stomach brought reality back in a rush, and Jake panicked, pushing at him wildly and throwing him off her. Her heart raced at a million miles an hour; how could she have been so stupid!? If she had stopped him just a second later, he would've encountered the corset, and then everything would've been ruined. He would've found out that she wasn't a guy, that she had been lying to him all this time, and he would've hated her. He wouldn't even look at her ever again. She would've rather died than let that happen.

She looked down at him; he was sprawled on the floor, staring at her with a shocked expression, confusion and betrayal obvious in his wide eyes. "Jake –" he started, looking so lost, and Jake couldn't bear it any more, couldn't see him look at her as though she was breaking his heart, when her own was so clearly shattering to pieces inside her.

She was off the bed and out the door before he had a chance to say anything else; tears were starting to appear in her eyes but she only ran harder, until she was in her locked room, for the last time, and she could cry freely. She knew, then, what she had to do, even though everything inside her rebelled against it; she had to leave, forever, and early, so there would be no chance she would run into Hamilton. She was thankful she had already packed and sent her suitcase today, leaving her only the backpack she arrived with; it would make things easier.

Jake had to disappear from Hamilton's life, so he would not find out the truth; she'd rather have him resent Jake than loath Jacqueline for the rest of his life.

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So, what did you think? Did you like it? I hope so, I put a lot of effort into this chapter. I hope I didn't tire you out by the end of it.

A few notes:

1. What's up with Kate Flemming's behavior? She's starting to suspect her son's in love with Jake, of course; it's kind of hard to miss by now. Jake is a lot better at controlling her emotions, though, so Kate's not really sure if the feeling's mutual – as expected, she's a little resentful towards our favourite little cross-dresser at the moment.

2. Ah, young people is twenty years old herself they're so dramatic all the time. Especially Jake. But then, we all know what a drama queen she is, don't we?

3. About their ages – the show didn't give us their actual birthday dates, so I had to improvise a little. I gave Jake Kate Moennig's real date, and I wanted Hamilton to be somewhat older than her, but not yet sixteen, so I gave him a date at the beginning of August.

4. What did you think of the last scene? I was really happy with it while I was writing it, but then I looked over it again and wasn't so satisfied anymore. But I couldn't find what to fix, so I left it at that.

5. Yeah, I know, I'm so mean to Jake and Ham. But it's good for them, I swear! They're going to suffer a little more, but it'll all turn out okay in the end, and they'll be almost stupidly happy, just you wait.