Yes, chapter eight is here. I know most of you gave up on me continuing this – I did, too. I guess it doesn't really matter why I stopped – suffice to say something happened in my private life that made it hard to concentrate on anything else for a while, and when I came to terms with it I couldn't really write this anymore. It seemed cliché and over-done and badly written, and I felt like I lost whatever voices I did have. I thought about continuing it once in a while, but I never knew how to pick it up again.

And then, two days ago, it just happened. I had some of this chapter written already, but I lost it when my computer crashed a while back, so this isn't really what I've intended to write at first. I planned on writing the whole road-trip part, and Ham finding out the truth in a different way, but this was the story that wrote itself instead. I hope you'll find it good enough, and that the characters aren't too ooc – after all, it's been more than two years since I've touched them.

So here it is, the long overdue eighth chapter, and yes, I am already in the middle of the epilogue, and this time I will upload it in a few days, I promise.

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Jake sat up in her bed, startled into awareness by the screeching of her alarm clock. She pressed a button, making the noise stop, and blinked, looking around her. The light streaming in from the windows was blue-gray and faint, giving the empty room a strange, otherworldly appearance; it was barely sunrise, and she needed to get up. She needed to leave.

Her head hurt from crying, and her skin still felt the phantom touch of Hamilton's hands, scorching fingerprints all over her body like ghostly bruises. It was so painful, yesterday, tearing herself away, seeing the look on his face as she rejected him, a look that was burned upon her eyelids and torturing her just like his fingers that were burned upon her body.

She had to reject him, had to before he could reject her; she had stepped into this trap with her eyes wide open, believing she could control it, believing she was stronger, and now she had to break him before he could break her. He would heal, with time; she would not. She knew she had finally gotten herself into the one mess she could not solve, nor run away from.

Not that she wasn't running away. Though she knew it was futile, she still had to try, still could maybe save something of herself that she didn't already give to Hamilton, to keep forever.

Hamilton. He would hate her, when he found out she was gone; he probably hated her already, but he would still find it in his heart to forgive Jake, eventually. He would be bitter and confused, yes, and he would wish he'd never met him, but in the end he would come to accept Jake's choice. Maybe he would even learn to look back at his memories of this summer fondly, with time.

He would never forgive her, though; she knew it just as truly as she knew she would never stop loving him. She had deceived him, from the very beginning, she who pretended to be his best friend; she took all of his secrets and offered only dishonesty in return. It didn't matter that everything she told him was true, that she gave him more of herself than she ever dared give anyone before; the basis of their friendship was a lie, and that was the only way he would ever see it.

Maybe he would've been able to forgive her, in the end, despite all that, if it wasn't for one thing; she took away Jake. He was in love with Jake the boy – she could see it now, finally, when it was too late – who had never actually existed at all. You couldn't get over someone who wasn't even real, you couldn't say goodbye to ghosts and make peace with them. If she told him, she would not only condemn herself to his eternal hatred; she would condemn him to something far worse.

She got dressed quietly, in her boy clothes, for the last time; she didn't cry. She had no tears left, at least for now. And in the end, despite everything, despite how it turned out, she couldn't regret it completely. She was glad she had met Hamilton, even if it was for a just little time.

She took a quick look around the room; empty and unlived in, no traces of her left at all, like no one had ever even lived here. How fitting. No one ever did live here, as far as anyone outside the immediate area was concerned. Jake Pratt didn't exist, after all.

She picked up her backpack, the only thing she didn't already send ahead, shouldered it, and left Jake's room, closing the door softly behind her. She walked the halls silently, barely more than a ghost herself, and all around her boys slept, unaware. Exit Jacqueline, she thought bitterly curtains closing, the show was a success. Mom would've been so proud, if she knew. There would be no encore.

It took her half an hour to get to New Rawley; she didn't dare risk taking a shortcut through the woods and getting lost, so she followed the road instead, which was the longer way. The garage was still closed; in fact, the whole town was still deserted. The sun only just rose high enough above the horizon to colour everything golden; in another half hour it would start to get hot. She hoped she would already be on her way back to New York by then.

She settled against one of the garage's walls, in the shade, legs gathered to her chest, and took a calming breath; she would not cry.

She must've drifted to sleep because the next thing she knew she was blinking up at the tall figure of Charlie Banks. He raised an eyebrow at her, his face unreadable, and said "Jake, right? What are you doing here so early?"

Jake got to her feet awkwardly; she had hoped Bella would be the first one she saw. She knew her eyes must be red and puffy, and that she probably looked like hell; she was grateful Charlie didn't say anything about it.

"I was hoping my bike is ready," she answered; her voice sounded scratchy and weak. "I brought it in yesterday, there was a problem in the vacuum line, and I need to leave as soon as possible".

Charlie nodded, studying her face; his expression turned faintly sympathetic, as though he thought she had heard bad news from home or something of the sort. "I see," he said, motioning her to follow him "Bella worked on it yesterday, but if it's only the vacuum line it shouldn't have taken her too long, it's probably ready".

She was relieved, but her relief quickly turned into dismay as Charlie opened the garage and she saw her bike. It was definitely not ready; parts were strewn all over the floor like the metal intestines of some strange beast, and Charlie's face let her know it was not as easy or quick as he believed at first.

"Shit," she said quietly, biting her lip; she needed to get out of here before Hamilton woke up and came looking for her. It wouldn't take him long to figure out where she went. "How long do you think it would take?"

Charlie gave her an apologetic look "I'll start working on it immediately, but it'll be at least a few hours. It's not just the vacuum line". Jake dug her nails into her palms, the sudden pain grounding her. "I can't wait that long," she said, almost steady "I need to leave right away. When's the next bus out of here? It doesn't matter where, I'll take any bus".

Charlie seemed even more sympathetic. "Sorry, kid," he said "the next bus is only at noon. There was a bus to New York at six AM, but…"

She felt her mouth drop in shock. It was half past six. To think she could've gotten on that bus and been well on her way home right now, and she didn't know. How stupid she was, not thinking about it earlier, last night; and now she had to wait until noon or until her bike was ready, whatever came first, and it would be too long.

She felt her lower lip tremble, and got herself together with effort. "It's okay," she said, thinking furiously "I'll just – I'll just walk to Carson, I bet I'll hitch a ride in no time, and I can take a bus from there or something –"

"Out of the question," Charlie interrupted her sharply, and she looked at him in surprise, which quickly turned to anger. "I'm sorry?" she asked, narrowing her eyes "who are you to tell me what to do or not to do?"

His eyes narrowed as well "I'm not letting a fifteen year old walk alone to Carson, or hitch a ride there. It's dangerous, and besides, if your mother won't kill me, Bella will".

"I don't believe I need your permission," Jake said coldly, shouldering the bag that she had put down before "so I'll be going now. I'll talk to Bella later and figure out how to get my bike back to New York. Thank you for your time".

She turned to leave, but Charlie moved to bar her way. "Wait," he said "at least wait until Bella gets up, and she'll take you to Carson".

Jake was still angry - and she planned on staying angry, it was so much better than being on the verge of bursting into tears – but the idea did have its merit. "When will she be up?" she asked, and saw Charlie relax a little.

"She said eight," he answered, and Jake instantly tensed again. An hour and a half – too much. "I can't," she said "I need to go". This time he caught her wrist, reminding her painfully of Hamilton, who did it all the time; but of course it was different with Hamilton. "Let go," she told him angrily, twisting her arm, and he did, but he looked ready to grab her again if she so much as took a single step. "It'll take you hours to walk to Carson if you won't hitch a ride," he said, placating "it'll be much quicker if you just waited for Bella".

Jake eyed him, suspicious, and then reluctantly admitted "it's not so much that I have to get home as that I have to get out of here".

Charlie looked at her in surprise, mouth opening and closing, and then asked "are you in trouble with the school?"

"It's none of your business," Jake answered immediately, hostile again; she had always thought he was a nice man, until now, but clearly she was wrong. Bella had obviously gotten her good character from her grandparents, or the family cat she used to have as a child, or something.

"Look," Charlie said. He seemed lost. "If you're hiding from something or someone -" she tried not to look guilty "- you can just wait inside the house until Bella comes down. I won't tell anyone you're here".

She looked at him doubtfully, considering; if he would indeed tell no one, she would be safe even if Hamilton came to look for her; but she didn't understand why he was so against the idea of her walking to Carson. She was an almost sixteen old boy who drove a motorcycle all around the place and lived in New York; surely she could take care of herself. Why would he even resort to lying, just to keep her here? She didn't understand it at all, and a certain suspicion started to form in her mind.

"Bella told you," she said, guessing, and was sure as soon as she saw the guilty expression on his face. She stared at him, startled and livid; how dare she! He raised a hand, as though to stop whatever tirade she was about to start. "She didn't tell me," he said quickly "I realized it on my own, and she just confirmed it. She didn't tell me why though, or anything really, so don't be angry at her, she didn't betray you".

She calmed down a little, though she was still mad. It wasn't without curiosity, though, that she asked "how did you guess?"

Charlie gave a small laugh, starting to relax, too. "I've got eyes," he said, almost smirking "and I'm not stupid. There's more to being a boy than short hair and a male name. I didn't even need to look twice; you walk like a girl, your voice is too high, and there's no way that face of yours would ever belong to a man. Also, you and Bella are way too close for you to be anything but a girl. You didn't fool me for one second."

She blushed at having been seen through so easily, and muttered rebelliously "you were the only one who wasn't fooled, then". She was a little proud with how she had managed to fool everyone, even if it did get her into this mess. It was the actor in her blood, she supposed.

Charlie's objection made more sense now, though. "Okay," she decided, and he gave her a surprised look before smiling "I'll wait. I'll just go up to Bella's room, then, I don't think she'll mind. Just don't tell anyone I'm here".

"You do that," Charlie agreed "and I'll get to work on this beauty of yours" he gave the bike an admiring pat. Jake thought that maybe he wasn't such a bad man after all. She smiled at his back and headed into the house, going up the stairs to Bella's room.

Bella was asleep, borrowed in her blankets, more angelic-looking than ever with her face serene and her gold hair spread like a shining halo around her head. Jake gave her a fond look before settling down on the carpet for a nap herself, using her backpack as a rather lumpy pillow.

She was awakened some time later by a gentle hand on her shoulder, and opened her eyes to see Bella crouched next to her in a t shirt and boxers, her face surprised. "What are you doing here?" she asked as Jake sat up, turning her head this way and that way to get rid of the stiffness in her neck.

"I ran away," Jake answered truthfully; Bella's eyebrows almost disappeared in her hairline. "Your dad let me in while he works on my bike. You didn't tell me he knows, by the way".

"I didn't think it was important," Bella said, frowning "what do you mean, you ran away? Aren't you supposed to leave today, anyway?"

"I ran away from Hamilton," Jake answered, looking down and fiddling with her sleeve "I got here a little before six, and your dad found me sleeping against your office door at half past. He said I could hide in here until my bike was ready, or maybe you'll give me a ride to Carson and I'll take a bus to New York from there".

Bella blinked. "Why are you running away?" she repeated, still stuck on that question "I thought things were okay between you two – you seemed fine last night".

Last night. She wasn't sure she wanted to tell the blonde about what happened last night after the party. Bella wouldn't understand – she would just be smug and say "I told you so" and try to convince Jake to tell Hamilton the truth, even though Jake was the one who really knew him. She wouldn't understand.

"We're okay," she lied, still not meeting Bella's eyes "I just – I don't like saying goodbyes. It gets sentimental and mushy and you know that's not my thing, and Hamilton wouldn't understand that – so I left him a note with my email address, and I'm hiding in case he decides it's not enough".

She finally looked up, only to meet Bella's nonplussed look. "You're such a rotten liar," she said flatly, getting up "something happened yesterday, and don't try to deny it; it's written all over your face". She turned her back on Jake, rummaging in her closet and taking out some clothes, before starting to get dressed. "I don't care; it's your mess. Just don't expect me to lie for you".

Jake's jaw dropped. "Don't you dare," she started, low and furious and terrified suddenly "tell Hamilton I'm here. Or I swear, I will never so much as look at you again".

Bella turned around at that, eyes wide, face flickering between bewilderment, annoyance and curiosity before settling on a sort of careful sympathy. "Sorry," she said, offering a small smile "it's none of my business. I won't say anything to him, if he even tries to find you. Don't worry".

Jake stopped clutching her backpack quite so hard. "Thank you," she said, and offered Bella a careful smile of her own "I appreciate that". She got up as well "could you give me a ride to Carson? I know it's not exactly around the corner, but your dad said fixing the bike could take hours, and… something did happen yesterday," she admitted finally "and I really need to get away before Hamilton finds me".

"I'll think of how to fix it at home," she quickly added because Bella seemed ready to rebel again, and this time the blonde didn't realize she was lying "but for now I need to get away".

"Okay," Bella said, accepting her words at face value, and Jake almost felt bad for deceiving her – she had never lied to Bella before. But this was a necessary lie, and more than that - it meant nothing next to the lie she had told Hamilton. "I'll take you to Carson," Bella continued "I need to take care of a few things first, though. Did you have breakfast yet?"

Jake shook her head, and Bella smiled "then join me. I'll close the curtains, and Grace slept over at a friend's anyway, so you'll be quite safe".

Jake agreed – she was rather hungry, even though it seemed ridicules that at the height of her emotional crisis she'd be subject to such a primitive need. Bella did as she promised and closed the curtains in the kitchen, and Jake managed to almost enjoy breakfast.

Of course, all good things must come to an end.

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Hamilton set his alarm clock to six. He knew Jake well enough to know that he would probably try to avoid him, and he had no intention of letting that happen. He also knew that Jake loved his sleep almost more than anything, so he assumed he wouldn't get up and try to sneak away before seven, at least.

He got up and dressed quickly, gave his teeth a good scrub, and after hesitating briefly, dabbed on a bit of the cologne him mom gave him for his birthday the year before. It smelled nice, at any rate, so it couldn't really be a bad thing.

Everything was quiet as he walked towards the boys' dorms; it was barely a quarter past six, and even his parents were still asleep when he left. He made the familiar way to Jake's room, getting more and more anxious as he neared it, even though he kept telling himself there was nothing to be worried about. Jake had kissed him back, after all. The thought made him smile giddily even through the nervousness, was what kept him from going to pieces yesterday after Jake left. Because if Jake kissed him back, that meant he had feelings for Hamilton, even if they weren't nearly as strong as Hamilton's feeling for him.

He ran away because he was afraid, because he was hiding something he didn't want anyone to know about, because he was afraid Hamilton would reject him because of it. Hamilton thought he'd never heard anything more stupid in his life. No matter what it was Jake was afraid of, it wouldn't matter. As long as he felt the same way, nothing else mattered. Hamilton wasn't even afraid of admitting he was gay anymore – hell, he'll shout it from the rooftops, if only Jake would kiss him again. Nothing that felt as perfect as this could ever be wrong.

He stopped in front of Jake's door, stilling himself, before knocking quietly on the door. No answer. He knocked a little louder, saying "Jake, are you there? It's me". Still no answer. Hamilton knocked a third time, stronger still, the wood rough against his knuckles, and the door gave a little creak and opened.

It was only a hairline crack, but it sent Hamilton's stomach plummeting, because Jake always, always locked his door. Heart beating painfully, he pushed the door open, already knowing what he'll find but still hoping it was all some slip-up on Jake's part.

The room was empty. It was more than empty; it looked like it's been empty since the start of the summer session. There was not a trace of Jake left, not even a stray piece of paper lying forgotten in a corner or a stain on the floor. Nothing to suggest he was ever here.

Hamilton leaned against the doorframe, suddenly unable to breath; the room blurred before him, and it took him a moment to understand it was because of the tears in his eyes. He was too late. Clearly, he had underestimated Jake one time too many. And clearly, Jake knew him a lot better than he knew Jake.

Somehow, until this instant, he had not actually believed Jake would run away. He knew it was the logical conclusion, but he didn't believe it. He thought what they had between them was stronger, in the end, than whatever fear there was in Jake's heart. Obviously, he was wrong.

He stared at the room for some time, not really seeing anything, just giving in to the grief he felt. Then, all of the sudden, he was angry. Livid, even, because how dare Jake decide for him? It was not his choice to make. He couldn't just decide Hamilton wouldn't understand and leave, it wasn't fair, it wasn't how you did things. You talked about your problems, and you found a solution, and you worked for it, and maybe things wouldn't turn out the way you wanted them to, but you tried. Running away disregarded everything that had happened in the last weeks, implied their whole friendship wasn't worth it, and that thought made Hamilton so furious he wanted to punch something, preferably Jake.

He straightened, holding on to his rage, because it was better than feeling miserable, and went to find Jake. And when he found him, he intended to make him see things Hamilton's way. He didn't know how much time he wasted at Jake's room, but the light was considerably brighter now; he couldn't afford to lose any more..

He wasn't sure where to look for Jake, at first, until he remembered him saying something about the bike being broken and that he left it at the garage. A grim smile crossed his face; he'd bet his camera that Jake was holed up at Bella's.

The walk to New Rawley took him barely more than ten minutes; he cut through the woods, and his large steps and brisk stride carried him a great deal faster than he usually walked. He reached the garage still angry, but there was some doubt starting to creep in; what if Jake didn't like Hamilton as more than a friend? What if he thought that last night - what happened between them - was a mistake, and he was avoiding Hamilton because he didn't know how to reject him? What if he stopped being his friend?

He stopped to consider that, biting his lip while gazing at Bella's house nervously; to the far left, he could see a man working on something. Probably Bella's father. He didn't think Jake would stop being his friend even if he knew now that Hamilton loved him, but didn't feel the same; maybe he would feel awkward around him, and it would take some getting used to, but he wouldn't push Hamilton away, Hamilton was sure of that. And if he didn't feel the same – well, Hamilton couldn't say the idea made him happy, but he could deal. He'd be a bit heartbroken – okay, more than a bit – but he could accept it, as long as he still had Jake as a friend.

Satisfied with his conclusion, he headed towards Mr. Banks. As he neared him, he saw he was working on Jake's motorcycle, and a small smile twisted his lips; at least now he knew Jake was still here somewhere, probably in Bella's house. He couldn't go anywhere without his bike, so all Hamilton had to do was wait. By the bike, that is. Jake was bound to venture out eventually.

Mr. Banks looked up as Hamilton stopped next to him, frowning. "Can I help you?" he asked, straightening from his kneeling position.

"I hope," Hamilton said, and tried his most charming smile – the one that worked on everyone, even on Jake. Mr. Banks didn't seem all that impressed. "I'm looking for Jake," he continued, his smile dropping "Jake Pratt. He's a student from Rawley, a good friend of Bella's, that's his bike -"

"I know who Jake is," the man cut in, looking at him with a far too shrewd look that Hamilton didn't like at all. Did Bella talk to him? "Haven't seen him," Mr. Banks added, interrupting Hamilton's suspicious train of thought "this bike's been here since yesterday".

"Oh," Hamilton answered. The man didn't seem to be lying. "Thank you. Do you have any idea when he'll be here to get it?"

Mr. Banks kneeled again to continue his work, his face turned away from Hamilton. "I have no idea," he said, browsing through his tool box "I think Bella said something about him leaving this morning on the six o'clock bus to New York".

Hamilton stared at his back, horrified. It felt like someone grabbed his heart and squeezed. And used the other hand on his throat. Why hadn't he thought of that possibility? Jake had already proved he was ahead of Hamilton where mind games were concerned; he could predict Hamilton easily, and Hamilton was always a step behind him. He just didn't think it would matter so much, suddenly.

"You okay, kid?" he looked up to see Mr. Banks before him, face worried "you look a little pale, all of the sudden".

"I'm – I'm fine," he stammered, even though he was obviously not. He felt frozen, and almost welcomed it, because he knew that when he would start feeling again it would be so very painful. Through the numbness he wondered what he was going to do now; he could go to New York, of course, he could get the correct address from his father, but it would be so different than what he had planned. Confronting Jake here was easy – relatively speaking – and immediate. Confronting Jake in New York would be something entirely different. It would take time to convince his parents to let him go to New York, a few days at least – and all this time they would both stew in their own juices, and god only knows what sort of crazy ideas Jake would get in the meanwhile. It could be over before it had even begun.

Not to mention that Jake could be half-way to a boarding school in Switzerland by now, and Hamilton would never catch him if he really wanted to disappear.

He leaned against the wall of the garage, looking but not seeing. "Are you sure he left already?" he asked, barely recognizing his own voice. Mr. Banks seemed startled, hesitating, and finally he said "no". Hamilton looked up at him, not really daring to hope in case he would just get another blow. "I'm not sure," Mr. Banks repeated "I only said I think Bella said that, but I'm not positive. Maybe Jake's still at Rawley, or maybe he's wandering around town, who knows".

"Okay," Hamilton said, starting to calm down a little "thanks. I'll just… I'll just go look for him, then". The more he thought about it, the more it made sense – he knew just how possessive and protective Jake was of his bike; there was no way he would just leave it behind, even if he was running away. He was probably around here somewhere. Maybe he was even at Bella's, as he first thought, and her father just didn't know about it.

He walked back to the front of the house, and saw Scout standing before the diner, unlocking the door. Scout saw him and waved cheerfully, motioning him over. Hamilton really didn't feel like talking to him, but he couldn't think of an excuse not to join Scout, and at least there was a perfect view of the garage from Friendly's. It wasn't like Jake could come and get the bike while his back was turned or something.

He headed over, plastering a fake smile; it turned out he wasn't very convincing, because Scout – who wasn't all that perceptive – stopped smiling and asked "is everything's okay, man?"

Hamilton nodded, sitting on the counter across from Scout, one eye on the garage "It's nothing," he said.

"Okay," Scout shrugged, easily satisfied. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

"I'm waiting for Jake," Hamilton answered shortly, not really interested in talking about it. Of course Scout didn't get the hint. "Why are you waiting here instead of at the school?" he asked, wiping the counter lazily and not very efficiently.

"Because Jake isn't at the school," Hamilton answered, getting annoyed.

"Yeah, right," Scout laughed "it's only eight. Jake would sleep at least until ten, even though everyone's leaving today. He hates getting up early".

"I know that," Hamilton snapped; if anyone here knew Jake, it was him, not Scout, who seemed to finally get he was stepping on dangerous ground. "He left early. I was there at a little past six, and his room was empty".

"No way," Scout said, and Hamilton was wrong; he obviously wouldn't recognize dangerous ground unless it bit him in the ass. "Why were you at his room so early? Why was he gone so early?"

"It's none of your business," Hamilton said, aggravated beyond politeness, and Scout seemed startled, before his expression darkened. "Fine, be that way, see if I care," he muttered, and Hamilton wanted to strangle him. He fought the urge, though, and was starting to calm down when Scout piped up "so, is it a lovers tiff?"

Hamilton stared at him, embarrassed and shocked and bewildered all at once. "Excuse me!" he demanded, not sure if he had heard right, and Scout wilted a bit under his glare but still answered, a little defiantly "did you have a fight last night? You seemed a little awkward for the last few days, I thought maybe you guys broke up or something".

"Broke up?" Hamilton could only echo Scout's words stupidly. Did he mean break up, like a couple break up? He couldn't mean that. Maybe he was only saying it as a joke, because the two of them were always together.

"Yeah, broke up?" Scout continued, but he was getting a look on his face, like he was starting to realize something was wrong "like, you were dating, and now you're not? Or are you still together?"

"Let me get this straight," Hamilton said, grabbing the counter so hard his fingers turned white, and Scout gave him an alarmed look "you think Jake and I are a couple? As in romantically involved? With each other!"

"Ye-es…" Scout started, before an expression of horror dawned on his face "oh my god, you're not?"

"No," was all Hamilton managed, shocked by the fact that Scout's assumption was much too close to the truth for comfort.

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry, I never should've said that!" Scout started apologizing very quickly, not paying any attention to Hamilton who tried to get him to stop "Will's always saying I speak before I think, and I guess I do – I mean I know I do – but I was so sure – I mean, that's what everyone's saying, and I just assumed, but –"

"Scout, shut up!" Hamilton half-shouted, startling Scout out of his babble, and the other boy stared at him, apprehensive and pale, as though expecting Hamilton to start beating him up any second.

Hamilton opened and closed his mouth a few times, at a loss now that Scout actually stopped talking, and then his brain seized the first thing that crossed his mind. "What do you mean, that's what everyone's saying?"

Scout swallowed nervously "it's a rumor that's been going around. That you two are together. You seem a little too close, I guess".

"And you believed it?" Hamilton demanded. He didn't think he was so obvious – Jake hadn't cottoned on, so why would anyone else?

"Err, yeah…" Scout said, shrinking "sorry. I mean, I wasn't absolutely sure – about Jake, at least - but you sure act like it sometimes…" he trailed off nervously, before squeaking "sorry!" again at Hamilton's glare.

"I can't believe this," Hamilton muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. "So you're saying people think I'm gay and have the hots for Jake?" Scout nodded. "But they're not sure about Jake," he continued, and Scout nodded again and answered meekly "because of Bella, I guess. And Lena". It seemed this rumor was mostly true, disregarding the 'couple' part; Hamilton was completely gay for Jake, but he wasn't sure if Jake felt the same.

"Great, just great," Hamilton clenched his hands into fists, and Scout eyed him nervously, jumping when Hamilton suddenly ordered "you're not going to repeat any of this to Jake, Scout. Not a word".

Scout nodded hurriedly "of course".

It would be a disaster, if this got back to Jake. If Jake didn't feel the same, this rumor would only pressure him. More than that, he was an intensely private person; people speaking so freely about his sexual orientation, about him and Hamilton – it didn't matter if it was true or not – that would surely freak him out even more than he was currently. And that was the last thing Hamilton needed.

"Where is Jake, anyway?" Scout said, over his caution now that the danger seemed to have passed, and Hamilton narrowed his eyes, but answered "I suspect he's hiding at Bella's".

"Oh, so you did have a fight," Scout concluded, and Hamilton shot him a disgusted look. "God, Scout, don't you ever shut up?" He got up and stormed out of the diner without waiting for Scout's answer, affirmative or not.

He was just about to go and knock on Bella's door, fed up with everything and still angry enough at Scout to not think ahead, when the door opened and the girl in question herself walked out, stopping in surprise when she saw him.

"Hi Bella, is Jake here?" Hamilton asked, and Bella stared at him, her face turning red, and exclaimed "Hamilton!" loudly – a little too loudly – before saying "no". At the same time there was the sound of something breaking inside, and her face flushed even more.

"Liar," Hamilton said, eyes narrowing "did he ask you to lie to me?"

"I'm not lying," Bella answered, still very red "he's not here".

"Yeah, right," he glared at her "I know he's here. Even if the sound of that mug or whatever it was breaking didn't clue me in, you're the one he runs to whenever something's wrong".

"Grace broke that; we just finished breakfast," Bella insisted, but she was obviously uneasy and it wasn't very convincing.

"Next you'll tell me it was the cat," Hamilton snapped "stop trying to cover for him and tell him to get his ass out here already".

"Go away, Hamilton," Bella said, crossing her arms. She looked annoyed now, but nothing more than that, and he suddenly realized Jake didn't tell her about yesterday.

"You don't know, do you?" he said, watching her face "why he's running away like some big coward. Do you want me to tell you?"

"Not interested," she answered flatly; he had to give it to her, she didn't seem a bit curious. "If Jake wanted to talk to you, he'd talk to you. So just let him be, and when he's finished thinking about whatever it was that happened between you two, he'll come back. It won't help you to pressure him, you'll just scare him away".

"You don't know anything," Hamilton told her, angrily, before raising his voice "Jake, you coward, stop hiding in the kitchen like a big baby and get out here!" he knew Jake had heard him; Scout probably heard him, even inside the diner.

He waited, but there was no answer. "Come out or I'm coming in!" he tried again, and Bella moved to block his way "forget it, Hamilton, stop acting like a jerk".

He stared at her, almost amused "I'm the jerk? I think you've got your facts mixed up, Bella". He gave it a last shot "if you won't come out, Jake, I'm going to stand right here and tell everyone exactly why you're hiding!"

That seemed to have the desired effect; a few seconds later the door banged open behind Bella, and Jake appeared, furious and frightened all at once, and as beautiful as always. Hamilton felt his anger fade, no matter how hard he tried to hold on to it; it was hard to be angry at Jake, no matter what he did, and it was even harder when he could see in Jake's eyes that he'd been crying.

"You wouldn't," Jake said, voice low and eyes narrowed and flashing, and Hamilton felt something inside him twist at the look on Jake's face. "I wouldn't," he agreed quietly, taking a few quick steps, and grabbed the other boy's wrist before he could retreat back inside.

Jake's wrist in his hand reminded him of an injured bird he held once; bones tiny and fragile, something he could easily shatter if he wasn't careful, pulse fast-wild-erratic against his fingers, like the fluttering of a broken wing. Jake tried to twist out of his grip, full mouth twisting as well, but Hamilton wasn't about to let go; Jake would manage to break his wrist before he managed to wrench himself free.

"Stop it, Hamilton," Jake ordered, angry and quiet, and if it wasn't for the nervous jump of his pulse Hamilton would've almost believed he wasn't panicking. As it was, he knew how to recognize it, laced in the anger of his snarl, in the taut line of his shoulders.

"I'm not the one making problems," he said, much softer than Jake but in no way budging an inch; Jake started trying to pry his fingers loose, not above using his nails, which damn hurt. Hamilton tightened his grip to the point he was probably stopping the blood flow, and saw Jake's mouth twist further, in pain now. "You're hurting me!" he said, furious and almost desperate, nails digging in enough now enough to actually pierce the skin, and Hamilton grimaced and caught his other wrist, but loosened his hold just a little. "I only want to talk to you," he accused, as Jake glared at him with dark eyes, looking as though he was about to start kicking "why are you being so stubborn?"

"Maybe I don't want to talk to you," Jake deadpanned; with his lips pulled back over his teeth he looked almost hateful, and Hamilton had to remind himself that there was fear underneath it, it looked so real. "I don't care," he answered, trying to stay calm "I'm not going to leave until we'll talk; we can stand like this all day for all I care".

Jake's eyes opened impossibly wide, the panic in them evident, and then they narrowed "let go of me or I'll hurt you, I swear," he said, which Hamilton found faintly ridicules – as Jake was barely half his size – and also quite annoying. "What makes you think you haven't already hurt me," he answered, bitter, his temper flaring again.

Maybe Jake would've kicked him, if Bella hadn't chosen that moment to intervene. "All right, that's enough," she said, voice hard, pulling at Hamilton's arm "let him go, Hamilton, violence doesn't solve anything and you're about to break his wrists". When Hamilton didn't even look at her, still staring at Jake, and raised her voice "I swear to god, Hamilton, if you don't let go now I will go get my dad and then you can try being all macho, if you feel like it!"

Hamilton glared at her, but recognized she was serious and let go. Jake immediately stepped back, rubbing his wrists and not looking at Hamilton, and Bella shot him a worried look. "Jake, go inside," she said gently, touching his shoulder, and when Jake raised his head quickly, about to protest, she smiled. "Go inside and put some ice on that, I'll deal with him".

Jake hesitated for a minute, shooting Hamilton an anxious look, and Hamilton hoped he would stay, but then he nodded and headed back inside, the door closing behind him. Bella turned to Hamilton, her eyes blazing "you are the biggest jerk I have ever met," she started, an edge to her voice despite its deceptive quietness "how dare you treat him like that! You can't force him to talk to you by blackmailing him and you sure as hell can't hurt him like that!"

"Shut up, you don't know anything!" Hamilton almost yelled back; she didn't know what she was talking about at all. Even if she knew he was in love with Jake – and he suspected she did – she didn't know just how much, how frightening the thought of losing Jake was, and how he knew that if he didn't find some way to talk to him, now, he would never see him again. And how that would kill him for sure. He didn't like hurting Jake – what did she think he was, some kind of abusive boyfriend type? He would kill anyone who'd so much as touch him without blinking, but grabbing him was the only way to make him stay long enough to talk.

Now thanks to her, he didn't even have that.

Bella wasn't done "I'm going inside now, and don't you dare try following, because I swear I will slam the door on your fingers. Go away!" she stormed inside, slamming the door so hard the windows rattled.

Hamilton glared after her, furious and worried to death and feeling like Jake was slipping through his fingers despite his best efforts. Face hardening in determination, he crossed his arms and sat down on the front steps to wait. He wasn't going anywhere.

00000000000000

Jake helped Bella wash the dishes from breakfast, and then Bella made her a cup of coffee in the biggest mug they had. "Stay here and drink your coffee," she said, nudging the morning paper towards Jake "I'll go and do the things I need to, and then I'll come back and take you to Carson. Will you be okay alone for an hour?"

Jake rolled her eyes "I'm not a kid Bella, I can entertain myself for an hour. Don't worry, go and do whatever it is you need to be doing".

"Okay," Bella said, dropping a kiss on her head, and left. Jake smiled to herself, hearing the sound of the door close, and then she heard Bella's voice, surprised and loud "Hamilton!"

Jake dropped her mug in shock, and it shattered on the floor, sending china shards and scalding coffee all over her shoes. "Shit!" she said, not sure if she was more agitated because of the mug or because of Hamilton, and looked around her for something to wipe the floor with, trusting Bella not to expose her.

A few seconds later, though, she heard Hamilton shout, loud and clear inside the house "Jake, you coward, stop hiding in the kitchen like a big baby and get out here!" He sounded angry, and she didn't blame him. She was a coward, much more than he knew. And she wasn't going to come out.

"Come out or I'm coming in!" he shouted again, and she froze; surely he wouldn't just barge in. Bella wouldn't let him, and he wouldn't do it despite her objections. Sure enough, a moment later he called "if you won't come out, Jake, I'm going to stand right here and tell everyone exactly why you're hiding!"

Jake's heart missed a bit. What was he, completely stupid? It would utterly ruin him! She was the one who was going away, she wouldn't have to face anyone again, but Hamilton was going to spend the next three years here, she couldn't ruin his life any more than she already have.

She ran out, barely registering the door banging against the wall, furious at him for being so stupid, for forcing her to come out after all, and frightened so very much that she wasn't going to be strong enough to push him away. Hamilton glared at her, blue eyes narrowed and an angry flush in his cheeks, and she gasped out "you wouldn't!"

"I wouldn't," he said quietly, the anger disappearing from his eyes to be replaced by something that looked like sadness, and she almost winced but controlled it; he thought she was ashamed. Well, let him think so; it would make things easier, and she really shouldn't be talking to him, anyway. Of course she forgot than Hamilton was even more stubborn than she was, and knew her quite well; before she could blink he had already grabbed her wrist, preventing her from fleeing back inside, and his touch immediately brought back yesterday. If she wasn't so busy panicking, she would've blushed, for it awakened all those phantom fingerprints on her skin. She instantly started to struggle, desperate to end this contact between them before she would do something stupid, before he would make her forget all the reasons she was leaving. Like he made her forget yesterday, with the touch of fingers on her face and his warm breath on her mouth; made her unable to do anything but kiss back when she should've been smart and rejected him, and now look where that brought them.

"Stop it, Hamilton!" she snapped, but he wouldn't let go no matter how she twisted, holding her as easily as she would hold a child's arm. Hamilton gave her an almost calm look, a sharp contrast to her own increasingly anxious struggle "I'm not the one making problems," he said, rebuking. He wasn't about to free her, that was for certain, and with a sudden flare of anger that overcame her fear, Jake started trying to pry his fingers off her wrist, not above using her nails if that was the only weapon she had.

She saw him wince and his grip tightened, to a painful degree; he was mindless of his strength sometimes, wasn't careful with it yet; boys don't break as easily as girls, after all. His hand kept tightening, she could feel the bones of her arm twist, and she gasped "you're hurting me!" and redoubled her efforts, now more worried about him actually breaking her wrist than just getting away. Hamilton grimaced as her nails cut his skin and caught her other wrist, too, but he loosened his grip just enough so she could breath again. It still hurt, but not as before, though she knew she'd have bruises later.

"I only want to talk to you," he argued, leaning close, eyes flashing and mouth a tight line. Luckily she was angry enough not to be caught by the look in his eyes, desperate and furious and pleading all at once. She knew that if she lost her control for just one moment, she would lose everything.

"Maybe I don't want to talk to you," she shot back, trying to make it as cruel as she could; anything to make him go away. Hamilton, once again, seemed to see through and his expression turned even more determent. "I don't care," he answered, his face carefully controlled "I'm not going to leave until we'll talk; we can stand like this all day for all I care".

She knew he was serious, and she also knew she would lose in this battle; she was barely holding on to her fury as it was, could already feel it starting to slip between her fingers. "Let go of me or I'll hurt you, I swear," she ordered, trying to twist free again, and in response Hamilton tightened his hold again, pressing in on her already bruised skin, and she bit her lip to keep a pained gasp in.

"What makes you think you haven't already hurt me," he deadpanned, glaring again, his accusation like a punch to the gut; she knew she had hurt him, it was unavoidable, but this was for his own good, too, not just for herself. She felt tears welling up in her eyes again; being near him made it hurt to even breathe. She wanted nothing more than to kiss him and hold him close and tell him that she loved him more than she ever believed she was capable of. Most of all, she wanted him to stop looking at her like she was breaking his heart.

"All right, that's enough," Bella's voice broke through, and she jerked back as the blond grabbed Hamilton's arm, trying her best to pry it off and having as much effect as a fly would. She continued, her voice hard and worried "let him go, Hamilton, violence doesn't solve anything and you're about to break his wrists". Hamilton didn't look like he even heard her; he just kept staring at Jake, like there was nothing else in the world.

"I swear to God, Hamilton, if you don't let go now I will go get my dad and then you can try being all macho, if you feel like it!" Bella shouted, her hands curling into fists; she looked like she was about to punch Hamilton, but Jake was more worried about Charlie. She gave Hamilton a panicked look. Please let go… She didn't want to see him hurt any more, she had no doubt Charlie would win. Please, just give up…

Hamilton gave her a long, angry stare, but then Bella's words seemed to finally sink in, and he reluctantly released her. She felt the blood starting to flow back into her fingers, gathering in stains under the skin of her wrists, and rubbed them nervously.

Bella touched her shoulder softly, startling her, and Jake gave her a wild look. The other girl looked at her and said quietly "Jake, go inside". Jake opened her mouth, ready to object – she could see Bella was angry, and she wanted to be sure she wouldn't call for Charlie after all. Bella seemed to understand, and gave her a calming smile, obviously trying hard not to do just that. "Go inside and put some ice on that, I'll deal with him," she said, and Jake knew she wouldn't do anything to him. Well, except maybe scold him a little. She nodded, not daring to look at Hamilton, and fled inside.

Through the walls, she could hear Bella's and Hamilton's raised voices, though she could not clearly make out what they were saying, and then the door slammed and Bella came storming into the kitchen, cursing under her breath. "That jerk!" she announced, and then stopped as she saw Jake, still standing up in the middle of the room.

"Jake? Why are you standing?" she asked, then gave her a sympathetic look. "You're shaking. It's understandable, of course. Just sit down, and I'll get ice, okay?" she pushed Jake gently into a chair, then went and got a bag of frozen peas from the fridge. "Here, give me your hands," she said, reaching out, and pressed the bag against her skin; Jake hissed in surprise at the cold, and Bella winced "sorry".

"It's not your fault," Jake said quietly, suddenly very tired and unable to keep the tears in. "It's okay".

"No, it's not okay," Bella said, and Jake stared at her "he could've really hurt you! Even now, you're already starting to bruise, but he could've broken your arm if I hadn't threatened him! He's such a jerk! I've always thought he was nice, I can't believe I misjudged him so much! Ugh, I just want to go out there and punch him in that perfect nose of his!"

"Don't," Jake said, withdrawing her hands, and Bella stopped, her expression turning surprised "it's not his fault, he didn't do anything wrong".

"I can't believe you're protecting him," Bella said flatly "after how he's treated you".

"He didn't do anything wrong," Jake repeated, staring at the floor "he had every right. If he had hit me, it still wouldn't make up for all the things I did to him. I was the one who was wrong. And anyway, it's not like he thought he was seriously hurting me. He thinks I'm a guy, remember? Guys are tougher".

"He could see he was obviously hurting you," Bella huffed, not mollified. "He should've stopped. Oh, jeez, look at this," she said as she lifted the ice from Jake's wrists, revealing already distinct spots of darkening skin. "I'm going to go outside and kick him in the balls –" she made as though to get up and Jake grabbed her."What!"

"Don't," Jake repeated, and then it all came in a rush "he kissed me, last night, and I kissed him back. And then I ran away".

"You what?" Bella stared at her, then sat down heavily, the peas dropping forgotten to the floor. "He still thinks you're a guy? Jake, you have to tell him, you have no right to mess with him like this! He isn't some toy you can pick and drop when the mood strikes you –"

"I know!" Jake yelled, feeling the tears reappearing "don't you think I know that! I love him, okay? I love him more than I've ever loved anyone, and I hate that I'm hurting him so much, I've never hated myself more than I do at this moment, but I can't tell him the truth!"

Bella stared at her, lips thinning, and the look in her eyes was icy "you are a coward," she said softly, ignoring Jake's flinch. "He has the guts to chase you even though he thinks you're a guy, even though it'll make him the laughing stock of everyone at Rawley, and you can't even tell him that you're a girl? This isn't love, this is just you being a selfish little girl too chicken to fix her mistakes!" she glared at Jake, standing up again "I knew you had a lot of problems, but I never thought you were a bad person, until now".

"You don't understand," Jake said, suddenly tired beyond belief. "It's not that he'd hate me – I know he will, and I'll deserve it, but it's better this way. I'll go away, and I'll be a first love that betrayed him, instead of the first real friend he had, the one person he confided in, that lied to him from day one. I'll be someone he can forget in time and move on. If I tell him, I'll be taking Jake away from him, and leave him with a stranger he never knew. Look at you and Scout –" she said, continuing despite Bella's stunned and suddenly betrayed look "you're not over him, not really. He'll always be this nagging shadow in your mind, the one loose tie you can't really come to terms with, because the person you fell in love with was someone else, and you loved him. But even though the fact that he's your brother means you can't be together, he's still the same person he was when you met. And it's hard enough," she said softly, not stopping despite Bella's tears "but he's still the same person. But there is no Jake, there never was. I won't be the shadow in the back of Hamilton's mind for every relationship he has. I won't be the reason for him to distrust every guy he befriends and every girl he falls in love with, do you understand?"

She took Bella's hands in hers, willing her to see. Bella wouldn't meet her eyes, but she didn't move away, either, and after a minute or two she nodded. She looked up at Jake and wiped her eyes.

"I'm sorry I called you a coward," she said, and Jake laughed a little, a hiccupy, desperate sort of sound "I understand what you're saying, I really do. But did you consider that maybe you're not giving Hamilton enough credit? That maybe after the initial pain and shock ebbs away, he'll be willing to forgive you? That maybe he loves you enough to forgive you?"

"He doesn't love me, he loves Jake," Jake insisted "and anyway, we're sixteen – well, almost – it's not the love to end all loves. There will be other people".

"Maybe you're sixteen," Bella said gently "but I've seen the way he looks at you, and I've heard the way you talk about him. I know it's crazy to say this at our age, and after you've only known each other for such a short time, but are you sure this isn't it?"

Jake rubbed at her eyes, mouth twisting "no, I'm not! I'm not sure of anything anymore. But how could it be? This isn't some fairytale. There isn't a destined person out there who is the only person for you. There's no such thing as a soul mate and I don't believe in fate!"

"I don't like to believe in destiny either," Bella admitted "because then it would seem someone up there is playing a very cruel joke on me at times, but – can you really walk away without resolving this and just forget about him?"

"No," Jake answered simply, because it was the truth. She had never felt this way about anyone before, this all-consuming feeling of want and tenderness, and she doubted she would ever again. She was simply not that kind of person. Life had taught her to rein in her emotions, to control her need and reliance on other people. With Hamilton, there was no rational thought involved – she just loved him, from the moment she met him, somehow. There was no landmark along the way which she could've stopped at and said "hang on, I don't like the way this is going, let's stop". She knew there was a time when she didn't feel like this, not so long ago; but it felt so natural that she couldn't remember how to be any different. It just was.

"Then I think you should tell him," Bella continued, looking at her earnestly "I know you don't want to hurt him, but you'll end up hurting him no matter what you do. And don't you think he deserves at least the chance to make his own decision? Whatever way it turns out, if you love him you should give him a choice and not lie to him. If he loves you enough, he'll come back to you".

Jake bit her lip, knowing what Bella was saying was true, but – "I'm scared out of my mind," she confessed. "What if he hates me? I don't know if I could forgive something like that, were the situation reversed. How could he?"

"You won't know until you tried," Bella said "and it's not like you'll ever have to see him again, if he doesn't forgive you".

"I'll know that he hates me even if I'll never see him again," Jake was adamant, but she stood up. "Okay, I guess I'd better get this over with".

"Maybe you should do it inside, just in case he takes it really badly," Bella said, giving her a sympathetic look. "I'll wait just outside, if you need me".

"Thanks, Bella," Jake said, pulling her into a sudden, tight hug "no matter how this turns out, you've been the best friend I could ask for, and I'm in your debt".

"You idiot, you're in no one's debt. It's what friends are for. You helped me with my messes, didn't you?"

"I guess," Jake smiled a little, then rubbed her face vigorously, trying to wipe away the evidence of her tears. "Okay, I can totally do this".

She marched to the door and opened it. Her voice only shook a little when she spoke.

"Hamilton".

000000000000000

Hamilton sat on the Banks' front steps, silently steaming. He was thankful he was too angry to think right now; otherwise all the hurt and the worry from before would surface again. He was perfectly capable of sitting here and blocking the doorway all day, until Jake came out and agreed to talk to him. He didn't care if he was making a scene, or that Bella probably hated his guts right now; all that mattered is making this thing right. He was okay with just staying Jake's friend, though he knew the other boy felt at least some of what he was feeling, but he couldn't stand to let Jake go. Not even if the other boy asked him to.

His stomach rumbled loudly, reminding him he's been up for some time and didn't eat breakfast, and he tried to ignore it; it would be just like Jake to slip out the moment he went to the diner to buy something to eat. He glanced at the diner all the same and saw Scout watching him from the window, face troubled. At his look Scout seemed to reach a decision and came out of the diner, striding purposely towards him. "Oh, great," Hamilton groused "just what I needed, Scout sticking his nose in".

"Hi, Ham," Scout said nervously, stopping next to him "is everything all right? Because it seemed like something big is going on between you two…"

"Mind your own business," Hamilton answered shortly.

"Right, just, that seemed a little violent and unnecessary –"

"I swear to God, Scout," Hamilton bit out, standing up threatingly "if you don't go away right now I will beat you to a pulp".

"Chill, man," Scout said hurriedly, backing away a little and raising his hands in an effort to placate him "I get that something happened and that you're angry, but Jake is my friend too, okay? And I didn't like the way you were treating him, grabbing him like that".

"You don't know shit about what happened," Hamilton said coldly. "Anyway, I couldn't care less about what you did or didn't think. And I wouldn't need to grab him if he would just agree to talk to me instead of running away like he always does".

"You can't force him to talk to you, you know. You can't just sit here all day".

"Watch me," Hamilton snapped, sitting back down and folding his arms.

"Ham, come on," Scout smiled a little, coming closer now that it seemed the threat of violence had passed. "Maybe you just need to give Jake a few days to calm down a little, and then he'll see that whatever happened wasn't so bad. I mean, you're his best friend, surely whatever disagreement you had won't ruin it".

"You have no idea what you're talking about," Hamilton repeated, "and you don't know Jake. If I let him go now I'll never see him again. And anyway, didn't I tell you to go away?"

"Aren't you being a little too dramatic?" Scout asked jokingly, but jumped back when Hamilton made as though to stand up. "Okay, okay, I'm going. But I'm watching you, so you'd better behave".

Hamilton ignored him and went back to steaming silently.

A few minutes later he heard the door open and jumped, hearing Jake say his name in a soft voice. He looked a right mess; his hair was all over the place, his eyes puffy, his nose red and his face very pale. Hamilton still thought he was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen.

"Jake," he said, as the other boy opened the door wider; Hamilton could see Bella hovering behind him. She didn't seem angry – if anything, she seemed sympathetic, which was worse. It suggested she had a reason to feel sorry for him. At least Jake seemed willing to look at him now.

"I need to tell you something," Jake said, biting his lip and fidgeting. Hamilton would've thought it was adorable, except he was distracted by how worried Jake seemed. He had a bad feeling about this.

"Yeah, of course," was all he said, and Jake motioned him inside. Bella slipped out the door, putting her hand on his arm briefly, and said softly "just listen to everything he has to say before you decide anything, okay?' and he nodded, though he wasn't sure what she meant. Why wouldn't he listen to Jake? "I'll be just outside" Bella said, and closed the door behind him. It was just him and Jake now, standing there awkwardly in the Banks' living room.

"Jake," he said again, gently, and Jake gave him a watery smile that made him want to gather the other boy to his chest and smooth his hair, but he wasn't sure if he was allowed to just yet.

"Hamilton, there's something I didn't tell you," Jake started, haltingly "and I'm really sorry that I didn't, I never meant to hurt you or lie to you. I started it because of mom, just another crazy plot, and you were never meant to be caught in it – it was never supposed to last this long".

Hamilton stared at him, feeling very confused. What was Jake talking about when he said he didn't mean Hamilton to be caught in it? Did it mean he was using Hamilton in some way? It was hard to believe; even when he was unreadable, Jake always seemed so sincere.

"And then I met you, and you became so important to me, and I didn't want you to hate me, I thought I could leave without telling you and it would be all right, because we'd never see each other again –"

"What?" Hamilton interrupted him, striding over and grabbing him by the arms before he even thought about it. "Why would you do that? Do you hate me that much now?"

"I don't hate you!" Jake said quickly, looking as though he was going to start crying again any minute, and a weight Hamilton wasn't even aware of lifted suddenly "I could never hate you, I didn't want you to hate me, and you will, you will –"

"Jake, listen to me," Hamilton said seriously, taking his hands and looking him in the eyes "I love you, okay? I don't care that you're a guy, I don't care if I have to come out to the entire world, if you say you love me back. I've loved you seen I saw you ride that monstrous bike of yours into Rawley through my camera lens, and nothing you say can make me love you less, do you understand? Even if you say you don't want to be with me, as long as you stay my friend I don't care what you lied about".

"Don't say that!" Jake cried, wrenching his hands away. "Don't make any promises until you hear me out…"

"Okay, I won't," Hamilton said, grabbing his wrists back, and saw him flinch. "What is it?"

"It's nothing," Jake assured him hurriedly, but Hamilton was already pushing back the sleeve of his left hand and saw the bruises there, purple and standing out and shaped just like his own fingerprints.

"Oh God, I'm sorry," he said, stunned; he had never meant to hurt Jake, didn't really listen to Bella when she told him to let go, and look what he's done, without even meaning to. No wonder Jake ran away. Was last night like that too? He remembered Jake being just as enthusiastic, but what if he remembered wrong? He was drunk, after all.

"It's fine," Jake said, but Hamilton shook his head, distraught "no, it's not. I'm so sorry, Jake, I swear I'll never do something like that again – "

"It's fine," Jake said again "listen to me, Hamilton. I really need you to listen to what I'm telling you right now, okay?"

Hamilton nodded, still shocked, everything inside him twisting painfully.

"I want you to know that everything was real," Jake said earnestly, his eyes wide and pleading "no matter what you'll think after I tell you, you are the best friend I ever had. And I never, ever meant to hurt you".

"You don't love me, do you," Hamilton realized with a sinking heart. "You're not gay, and this is all about last night –"

"No!" Jake yelled "would you just listen? I love you, I do, but –"

"You do?" Hamilton said, startled, and then repeated in a stunned voice, feeling a huge smile spreading uncontrollably across his face "you do".

"Hamilton!" Jake tried to say something, but Hamilton, still grinning with relief and happiness and giddiness and a thousand other emotions he couldn't be bothered to name right now, pulled him close and kissed him. It was exactly like he remembered, the soft dip of Jake's parted lips, the bump of his sharp nose against his own, the gentle flutter of his eyelashes against Hamilton's cheeks, the press of their bodies together. And then Jake pushed him away. Again.

"I'm a girl!" he gasped, hands still resting on Hamilton's chest.

Hamilton stared at him, the words taking a few seconds to register. "Sorry, what?" he managed at last "I thought you said –"

"I'm a girl," Jake repeated, dropping his hands to his sides. "Female. I hacked into the database and changed my records. I did it to see if my mother would notice. I'm sorry I lied to you –"

"This is ridicules," Hamilton said flatly."It's not funny, Jake, this is not a Joke!"

"I know that! I'm not joking, it's true," Jake said, reaching out to him, and Hamilton stepped back. Jake's eyes filled with tears again, but Hamilton was too bewildered – and angry – to care about it just now.

"I would've known if you were a girl, Jake, I'm not stupid! I spent every minute of the last few weeks either with you or thinking about you, okay? I've kissed you, I've laid on top of you, I would've known –" except – except Jake always wore long clothes, and he wasn't interested in girls, and he threw Hamilton off the minute he got a hand under his shirt.

"Take off your shirt," he said suddenly, and Jake gaped at him. "I said, take off your shirt," he repeated, louder. Jake just stood there, looking at him nervously, and then he nodded and pulled his sweater off. Underneath he wore a large, long sleeved tee, which he also pulled off after a short hesitation. And then he was taking off a weird contraption thing and – breasts. Real breasts, right there in front of him, small but obviously female, temptingly on display in a blue, lacy bra, and –

"Oh, God," Hamilton stumbled backwards. In any other situation this would've been a fantasy come true – what teenage boy didn't want to see a beautiful girl standing in front him in her underwear? And of course this probably meant he wasn't gay, but – "please tell me this is a joke," he pleaded "I don't care, I won't be angry, I don't mind being gay, just –"

Jake just looked at him helplessly, and of course there was nothing he – she – could say, when it was all out in the open like that. Oh, God, he couldn't even think of her as Jake anymore, since of course that wasn't her name, it was a boy's name, and she obviously wasn't one.

"I'm sorry!" she said, tears sliding down her pretty, familiar face, and it all made so much sense now, but at the same time it felt as though the world turned upside down, and he didn't know what was right and what was wrong anymore. How could he have not known? He needed to leave, to get away from her, and then it would all make sense. He couldn't look at her, she looked so much like Jake –

"Don't," he said thickly, backing away and grabbing for the doorknob, and the girl in Jake's skin grabbed for her shirt, quickly pulling it over her head, and stepped closer "just – stay away from me".

The door behind him opened, and he spilled into the street. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Bella straighten from her slouch against the wall, eyes wide, and the girl who looked like Jake hurry out after him. Bella grabbed him, to stabilize him or to slow him down, he didn't know. "Hamilton," she said, giving him the same look from earlier, and he suddenly realized.

"You knew!" he accused, shaking her off. "You knew all along, that was why you two were so close – did you laugh at me behind my back all this time? Did it amuse you, me pining like some idiot –"

"It wasn't like that!" they both protested, but he was done listening. The girl wearing his best friend's face grabbed his arm and he twisted out of her grip, nearly sending her to the floor. "I love you," she insisted, and he turned on her, furious.

"Don't you dare say that!" he shouted "I loved you! You were – I don't know what you were. I don't know who you are anymore –"

"I'm still me," she said, the look on her face pleading and desperate and tugging at his heartstrings, but he couldn't give in; she had played him like a champion all this time, who's to say she wasn't doing the exact same thing now?

"No, you're not", he answered, as her face crumbled further. "You're just a beautiful stranger, and I never knew you at all".

"Hamilton – "

"I never want to see you again," he said, than added in a pique of spiteful cruelty "but then again, that's exactly what you were planning to do in any case, isn't it? So let's pretend that the last few weeks never happened. I wish I'd never met you, anyway".

Without waiting for an answer he turned and walked away, leaving the one person he thought was the love of his life behind. He didn't look back; there was no one to look back at, after all.

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Hamilton followed her inside, smiling gently at her, saying "Jake" softly; she could barely look at him.

She took a deep breath. "Hamilton, there's something I didn't tell you," she said, then continued louder "and I'm really sorry that I didn't, I never meant to hurt you or lie to you. I started it because of mom, just another crazy plot, and you were never meant to be caught in it – it was never supposed to last this long".

He looked at her, adorably confused, and she bit her lip; she felt like she was just giving excuses, even though it was the truth.

"And then I met you, and you became so important to me, and I didn't want you to hate me, I thought I could leave without telling you and it would be all right, because we'd never see each other again –" she halted as Hamilton strode over, grabbing her arms, his face alarmed. "What?" he said, staring at her "why would you do that? Do you hate me that much now?"

"I don't hate you!" she said quickly, an automatic response to the look on his face, and felt another piece of her heart break as he smiled at her, features relaxing "I could never hate you, I didn't want you to hate me, and you will, you will –"

"Jake, listen to me," he interrupted her again, taking hold of her hands gently, and she lifted her eyes to his serious face."I love you, okay? I don't care that you're a guy, I don't care if I have to come out to the entire world, if you say you love me back. I've loved you seen I saw you ride that monstrous bike of yours into Rawley through my camera lens, and nothing you say can make me love you less, do you understand? Even if you say you don't want to be with me, as long as you stay my friend I don't care what you lied about".

"Don't say that!" she cried, stumbling away. She couldn't hear him say it, knowing that in just a short while he will regret saying those words, no matter how sure he was of them now. Knowing almost certainly that he would never tell her he loved her again.

"Okay, I won't," Hamilton said reassuringly, still so gentle, taking hold of her wrists in a familiar and comforting way and unknowingly pressing on her bruises. She couldn't control her small flinch and his face turned worried immediately, leaning close to her."What is it?"

"It's nothing," she said, trying to take her hands away, schooling her face into a smile; she didn't want him to feel guilty, as though sparing him this small pain would make anything better in the long run. He ignored her, as he was wont to do sometimes, and of course he saw the bruises; her skin was always very sensitive, and she's never hated that quality more than at this moment. Sure enough, Hamilton freaked out, apologizing over and over, promising he would never hurt her again – she couldn't be angry at him for making that promise, even though she knew he would hurt her much worse in a few moments. It was not his fault, any of it. Just hers.

She gathered her courage again and said "listen to me, Hamilton. I really need you to listen to what I'm telling you right now, okay?" he nodded, still looking so anguished, and she couldn't help but try to lessen the blow, even though she knew it was probably futile. "I want you to know that everything was real," she said, looking him in the eyes, needing him to believe at least this "no matter what you'll think after I tell you, you are the best friend I ever had. And I never, ever meant to hurt you".

"You don't love me, do you. You're not gay, and this is all about last night –" he interrupted her, as though this was the only conclusion he could derive from her little speech, as though it was the only possible conclusion, and it broke her heart even more than the thought of him hating her, because if there was anyone worth loving, it was him. "No!" she yelled "would you just listen? I love you, I do, but –"

"You do?" he interrupted her again, suddenly smiling "you do". She hated the way he was looking at her, like she just handed him the world on a platter. It was too much for her; it was too much for anyone. Why did he have to make this so hard? She tried to continue, opening her mouth to tell him the truth, no delays this time, no softening the blow, because she knew that a few more seconds of him looking at her like that and she would lose her resolve. And then he kissed her.

It was perfect, and he smiled against her mouth and stroked her cheek, and seemed so sweet and confused when she pushed him away.

"I'm a girl," she said, and felt his heart stutter painfully against her fingers.

Hamilton blinked at her, then gave a nervous smile. "Sorry, what? I thought you said–"

"I'm a girl," she said, louder this time, and watched his face change "female. I hacked into the database and changed my records. I did it to see if my mother would notice. I'm sorry I lied to you –"

"This is ridicules," he told her, eyes narrowing "it's not funny, Jake, this is not a Joke!"

"I know that! I'm not joking, it's true," she said, half-wishing she could take it all back, and braced herself for his reaction when he flinched away.

"I would've known if you were a girl, Jake," he insisted, even as he was stumbling backwards, away from her. "I'm not stupid! I spent every minute of the last few weeks either with you or thinking about you, okay? I've kissed you, I've laid on top of you, I would've known –" he stopped suddenly, and she could see by his face that he was starting to connect the dots. Then his face hardened, and he said quietly "Take off your shirt."

She stared at him, thrown off, as he repeated his order again. But she understood; he wouldn't take her word for it, even now he still thought this was some joke, hanging to the thought that Jake wouldn't betray him like that. He needed to be sure. She felt so self-conscious, standing like that in front of him, waiting for his final judgment; she thought, somewhat hystericaly, that this was the only situation she could think of in which a teenage boy would be dismayed by seeing her breasts. She fought the urge to cover herself.

She couldn't think of anything to say except "I'm sorry" as he begged her to make this right somehow, just watching helplessly and knowing she lost him. He looked so heartbroken, and it was so awful, watching him stumble away from her as though he was afraid from her, hearing him telling her to stay away.

She followed him outside anyway, just in time to see him rounding on Bella.

"You knew!" he was yelling at her. "You knew all along, that was why you two were so close – did you laugh at me behind my back all this time? Did it amuse you, me pining like some idiot –"

"It wasn't like that!" Jake tried to plead with him, but he wouldn't even look at her, struggling from her grip as though burned. "I love you," she tried, one last desperate effort, and regretted it as soon as he turned to face her and she saw his eyes.

"Don't you dare say that!" he shouted, looking as though he would've hit her if the thought of touching her wasn't so disgusting to him. "I loved you! You were – I don't know what you were. I don't know who you are anymore –"

"I'm still me," she wished he could see this. Even though she understood his reaction, expected it, she never thought it would be like this. A part of her believed him when he said he would forgive her for anything. That he would love her, no matter what.

But all he did was stare at her, the anger disappearing and leaving only emptiness in its place. "No, you're not", he answered, voice like the final nail in the coffin. "You're just a beautiful stranger, and I never knew you at all, and I never want to see you again".

She didn't know what he saw in her face, but his anger seemed to return, as he said with a bitter, humorless smile that looked so out of place on his face "but then again, that's exactly what you were planning to do in any case, isn't it? So let's pretend that the last few weeks never happened. I wish I'd never met you, anyway".

He was wrong, she thought numbly, as she watched him walk away without even a look back. He knew her very well. Otherwise, he would never have known how to say the thing that would hurt her the most.

She felt Bella touch her, hugging her from behind and laying her cheek against Jake's own, murmuring quietly in her ear. It took a few minutes to understand Bella was telling her not to cry, and even more to understand she wasn't crying. "It'll be all right," Bella whispered, "it will get better" and "you did the right thing".

"Did I?" Jake wondered. It didn't feel like the right thing. It didn't feel like anything, except maybe like a giant gaping hole in her chest; she almost expected to see blood gushing out when she looked down, but all she saw was the slight swell of her breasts under her shirt, so odd looking now that she was used to the binder.

"Yes, you did," Bella answered, smoothing her hair gently, and Jake turned and buried her head in the curve of Bella's shoulder, waiting for tears that wouldn't come. She suspected they would come a bit later, when the shock ebbed. At the moment it was like the suspended time between the hit and its aftermath – it took a while for the body to register the wound.

"You needed the closure," the blonde girl continued. "And with time it will be okay again".

"He promised he'd forgive me," Jake whispered into her neck. "I knew he wouldn't. He said he loved me, but it wasn't enough for him to stay, in the end. It never is. If mom won't stay, why would he?" she sighed "still, for a moment, I thought he would. I thought that maybe, just being me was enough…"

"Oh, Jake…" Bella said softly, and Jake raised her head; she was crying. Jake smiled at her and wiped her tears, laughing a little, tiredly. "Don't cry," she told her "it's okay, it's okay, I'm happy that I listened to you and told him the truth. You were right, it wasn't fair to just run away; I had to face my mistakes and come clean".

"I wish you didn't listen to me," Bella admitted, touching her own cheek and making a face "I wish he didn't say those things to you".

"He was right," Jake answered. "He had every right to say what he did. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up in the first place. And it's like you said – I never have to see him again". She wanted Bella to stop crying, even if it meant lying to her; she didn't want her actions to hurt anyone else. She has done so much damage already.

"Jake," Bella gave her a wobbly smile "I'm so happy you came here, I am. I'm so happy we met. You're a wonderful person who deserves love, don't let anyone tell you anything different. And one day you will meet someone who will deserve you, and who will love you without conditions. You're not even sixteen yet. There will be other people. We don't believe in destiny, remember? Hamilton is not the last person you'll love, even if he was the first. Some day you will wake up, and he will be nothing but a bittersweet memory".

"You're right," Jake said, disentangling herself from their hug. Maybe Bella was; even though it felt like the end of the world now, maybe one day she could look back on the weeks she spent here, and just be grateful that she met him and had him to herself, for a short while. Maybe.

"I should go," she said, putting on a calm mask and facing Bella properly. "I'll call you when I get home. You should still come for the summer".

Bella nodded, and hugged her again before smoothing her hair and her clothes. "Of course!" she answered, giving Jake a passable attempt at a bright smile "I'll come and we'll go out and dance till we drop from our feet every night, it'll be the best summer ever, just you wait".

"It will," Jake agreed. She pointed to the house "I'll just go and grab my things".

"I'll go ask dad if the bike is ready, he should've finished fixing it by now".

Jake took a minute to wash her face; it was swollen and red, but no one will see it with her helmet, and she should look normal by the time she reached New-York. She debated whether to put her sweater and binder back on, but decided there was no point and stuffed them into her backpack.

When she came out she found both Bella and Charlie waiting with the bike. Charlie gave her a nod, but thankfully didn't say anything; Bella looked anxious, and Jake hoped her act was convincing enough; she was not the daughter of an actress for nothing.

"Call me when you get home so I know you made it safe," Bella said as she handed Jake her helmet. "I will," Jake promised, and leaned in to press a kiss to her cheek. "Be good".

She took a last look around before revving the engine; for such a small town, it sure turned her life upside down in a big way. She wasn't yet sure if the good outweighed the bad; she guessed she would figure that out with time. For now, she just wanted to be anywhere else but here.

"Bye," she said to Bella and her father, and then she was off, to New York, to home or whatever it was, to start putting the pieces of her heart back together.

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So, I hoped it was what you thought it would be. I'm not sure how happy I am with it; I feel like the characters are a bit ooc, and my writing is so very rusty. But I hope you guys enjoyed it and didn't feel like it was too dramatic or overdone.

I omitted some of the important parts of the last episode from this chapter – the whole thing with Bella's mom and the gas station, for example. I also wanted to give Scout's version of the conversation from what he saw at the diner, but in the end I felt it would've hurt the flow of the story, suddenly adding a third pov in the last chapter.

It will all be resolved in the epilogue, and I promise I'll upload it in a few days – no two years wait for this part.

I'd love to hear your thoughts about this chapter – you've kept up with the story for all this time even though I never gave a sign I'll continue it, so I hope it was worth it.

See ya soon!