Ella watched the wisps of white cloud cross the light blue sky, her mind lost in empty thoughts that were not really focused on anything, but he was still there, lurking at the back of her subconscious as Joey would always do. She supposed it was just the way things would be, she had loved the man after all, even if he hadn't been any good for her.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Ella turned at the sound of the warm, welcoming voice and looked up into Doc's face.

He gave a small laugh. "It's what my old employer John Tunstall used to say, he was from England…" He paused, knowing he was about to ramble on, he always seemed to end up rambling around Ella. "Here," he passed her a shawl, "it's gettin' chill out here."

Ella smiled in thanks and wrapped the shawl about her shoulders, glad of its extra warmth. It had been nearly a week since she had returned to Ojinaga and Doc had not left her side, even though he was meant to be reuniting with Call. Ella had begun to enjoy his company, more than she thought she ever could and now she dreaded the thought of him leaving. She had never met a man who made her feel so completely at ease with herself, shared her sense of humor and laughed loud and hard along with her at what most would deem a puzzling amusement. She had caught herself looking at him on the long cold evenings, her mind wandering into thoughts of what it would be like to be his wife, to work alongside him, share each day and enjoy it with happiness and laughter. It certainly seemed like it was possible and with every passing day she convinced herself a little more that Joey would never come back, that she was free. Perhaps Call had already caught up to him, the thought made her shiver and feel sick to her stomach, but she had to admit it was a possibility. Even if Joey did come back Ella highly doubted he would want her and she didn't want him, not now. She had come to see that they had no future together, only more heartache and suffering… perhaps it was time she allowed herself a small piece of happiness in her life. But she couldn't begin this new path with lies, Doc deserved better, her stomach churned.

"You look like you're plannin' a raid" Doc said with a low chuckle.

Ella laughed. "No," she said in a mildly teasing voice, "I'm just thinkin' is all."

"About what?" Doc asked, taking a seat beside her on the wide stone step.

"I reckon just about my life, where it's goin', where I'd like it to go." She gave him a small sideways glance and tried to smile but it came across as a nervous smirk.

"An' where would you like it to go?" Doc asked, pulling out a rolled cigarette and lighting it with a match, he watched the flame a moment before shaking his hand and extinguishing it.

Ella turned to him slightly and tried to look him in the eye but it was a hard task. "Well, bein' around you these last few days… it's been nice," she understated. "It's made me see a lot of things clear, things I've been doin' wrong…"

Doc gave a flicker of a smile but tried to hide it as he took another drag on his cigarette.

"But... if I'm to go any further with you…" She paused and closed her eyes briefly. "I have to be honest with you, and I ain't sure you'll like me so much once I'm finished."

Doc licked his lips and nodded. "Well, you best start talking; it sounds like it's somethin' you gotta talk about." His words were stunted, as if he feared what would come.

"I like you Doc, you know that and I reckon we could have a life together… that I'd like to try to have a life with you, if you'll still have me." She paused again and glanced quickly at him. "I'm sick of always making the wrong decisions and ending up in bad situations and bein' unhappy… an' my heart tells me… maybe we can be happy."

"There's a 'but', right?" Doc said, blowing out a cloud of smoke.

Ella nodded. "I can't just stop my feelin's for the man I was with even though I wish I could… most of what I feel now is regret but…" She paused, not wanting to voice the fact that a small part of her still loved him, she didn't want to hear those words spoken out loud, hearing them would only give Joey power. "I don't want to be with him" she finally managed. "He was bad for me, I see it clearly now but I can't just stop my feelin's, it's gonna take time."

Doc nodded. "Well that seems reasonable" he said a little stiffly.

"But I do also have feelin's for you and I'd really like to listen to them." She paused. "But as I said, I gotta be honest with you."

"There's more?!" Doc said jokingly, trying to lighten the situation but Ella frowned at him.

"I'm scared you're gonna hate me." She took in a deep breath and Doc placed a hand upon her shoulder.

"I can assure you I ain't gonna hate you." He smiled warmly and Ella nodded.

She took another deep breath, steeling herself once again. "Well, you know this is Maria's house."

Doc nodded in confirmation.

"It was Maria's son that I was with."

Doc looked a little surprised but remained silent.

Ella glanced away, not sure how to tell him, she didn't want to but she had to… she knew she had to.

"Maria Garza is her full name…" She paused, finding that the words dried upon her tongue.

"Garza?" Doc frowned. "But there is only one family by the name of Garza in Ojinaga." His brow furrowed further, trying to understand.

Ella nodded. "Yes, there is only one Garza family here… Doc." She paused again, finding completing a sentence difficult. "You're huntin' the man I was with."

Doc's eyes widened. "Joey Garza?! The train bandit?" He laughed, "You gotta be mistaken Ella, that boy is a cold killer."

Ella nodded again. "I know he is, I knew it when we were together… I left with him when he found out Woodrow Call was coming, we went to Crow Town and hid out a while." She studied him as Doc cast his eyes to the ground, his frown still in place. "We left Crow Town when Maria came to warn us Call was close, we travelled a while and Joey killed a man called Judge Roy Bean after your posse had been there only an hour before… but I didn't know you were in the posse Doc, Joey never told me even though he must've seen you all clearly…" She paused, wetting her lips and feeling her heart beating a little harder than normal in her chest. "We had a fight after he killed the Judge, he found out what I did for a living when I was younger and, well, Joey hates whores, finding out I was one didn't please him too well, he got angry and near killed me…" Her hand drifted up to her neck at the remembrance. "But he let me go an' instead just left me alone with no horse or food, that's how Mox Mox found me…" She paused, "I was tryin' to get home."

Ella turned to Doc fully, her heart felt as if it had moved suddenly and was now beating somewhere deep inside her throat making her feel slightly sick. Her stomach gave a strange cramp and she winced inwardly, her nerves were winning out but she couldn't stop now. The silence that fell between them seemed deafening as she waited for him to speak, to reply… to tell her to go to hell…

Doc got to his feet abruptly. "I need time to think" he stated, and without looking at her he walked away, down the path that led to the village. Ella watched after him until he disappeared from view behind a distant building before pushing herself to her feet. It was over; she'd seen that look on men's faces too many times to not understand it. He was leaving and he wouldn't be back, not for her. Her heart sunk and the sick feeling worsened, bubbling within her unexpectedly and she turned, clutching her stomach as she retched, her mouth felt as if it were filling with strange tasting salvia and finally she managed to bring up a small amount of stomach acid. She looked down at the clear bile upon the ground as another pain cramped at her stomach. She turned, wanting to get inside and sit by the fire until the strange pain had calmed. Ella made her way up the stairs before she suddenly stopped, with the unpleasant sensation of sticky liquid trickling down her legs. She carefully lifted her skirts and took a sharp intake of breath as her eyes beheld her heavily blood stained petticoat. She fingered the wet material, her heart quickening at the sight of what appeared to be so much blood.

She stumbled the rest of the way up the stairs. "Maria!" Her voice sounded strangled but within a moment of her panicked cry Maria was at the doorway.

"Que Pasa?" she asked, her eyes wide with concern.

"I don't know!" Ella wailed. "I'm bleedin' bad!" She clutched at her skirts with both hands so her friend instantly knew what she referred to.

Maria quickly came to her and helped Ella up the rest of the stairs and into the warm house. She guided Ella to the bed with hushed words of comfort, urging her young friend to lie back and quickly washed her hands in a nearby bowl of bowl water.

"When did it start?" she asked, beginning to pull up Ella's skirts.

"Just now, I was talking with Doc an' he left an'… I just felt it."

"When did you last bleed?" Maria asked, fetching a cloth and wiping at the blood that ran down the young girl's legs.

"About two weeks ago, just after Joey left me" Ella babbled. "I was late, real late, I thought maybe I was with child… but then I bled and I just didn't think much about it anymore..." She paused. "I bled, it can't be that."

Maria pushed Ella's knees up and parted her legs. It seemed to Ella she was taking a long time to examine her, with each minute that passed her mind convinced her more and more that it was something bad. Maria placed her hands upon Ella's stomach and gently pressed, her face set in concentration. She walked away for a moment and rinsed the cloth in some clean, cool water before coming back and cleaning Ella a little more.

"You are fine" she said with a small smile. "The sickness will pass soon and so will the pain. You did have a child inside you, but it died a while ago… That scar," she gestured to Ella's privates, "it was a badly done abortion, you may not be able to have children easily… I'm sorry Ella but it is the reason the child did not live."

Ella stared at her wide eyed, shocked into dumb silence.

Maria moved away to the table and seemed to be regaining herself from her own sorrow at the situation. Finally she spoke. "Was it… my son's?" Her normally steadfast voice wavered, giving her tone an unsteady edge.

Ella opened her mouth, but for several seconds no words would form upon her tongue. "Yes" she managed. "There hasn't been anyone but Joey since Dave…" She felt a strange dryness within her chest as if her heart had shriveled in the last few seconds.

Maria nodded. "I knew it to be the truth" she said, more to herself.

Maria had often thought what it would be like to hold one of her children's own babes in her arms, she had never thought she would ever get the chance with Joey and now it seemed all the more unfair that it could have been possible. Finally she turned and gave Ella a warm, kind smile. "Do not be sad." Maria handed Ella the wet cloth and helped her to her feet. "It is common, do not be sad, it was best for you and the child, it would not have had a father, Joey would not have helped you."

Ella glanced at Maria as her unsteady legs shook, the words Joey had spoken to her in Crow Town flooded back into her thoughts, "If you have a child I will drown it!" Maria was right, the child would have had no happiness, the village would never have accepted Joey's child, it would have forever been an outcast, doomed by its father's reputation and who knew whether Joey would have kept his threatening words and killed it… and Doc, Doc would perhaps turn his back on her if she had another man's child… It was best this way… She knew it was… and yet the pain would not abate in her chest, a pain that felt similar to what she had experienced after Dave's death, but how could she grieve over something that hadn't even fully existed in her mind until a few moments ago?

She nodded slowly. "You're right Maria." Her tone was dry and empty. "Please, don't let Doc know, I think it's best if it's all just forgotten, as if it never happened."

Maria's eyes softened, their brown depths weakening as the young girl before her tried to be brave, but the pain shone out from her words and her eyes. She pulled Ella into a tight embrace and cradled her lovingly. Ella found that she could not prevent the tears falling that had suddenly sprung hot and wet from her eyes. She sobbed and clutched at Maria until she felt as if she had no breath left. As her breathing began to calm and her tears dried she found her thoughts were clearing and she could see why it had struck her so hard, the child had been her last connection to Joey, the last thread that could have held them together, it had been cut without remorse and now there was nothing left of what they had, what they had was truly ended. Ella found herself thinking of his eyes, blue, cold and hostile, eyes that held danger and warning… she suddenly felt relieved that it was over, that they were over and that she wouldn't have to see him again.

"Let me make you a warm bath, it will help" Maria said, stroking her hair. Ella nodded. "Ella?" Maria said softly.

Ella moved, wiping the remains of tears from her cheeks and looked up into Maria's kindly face.

"I want you to leave this village, with or without Doc, I want you to go and not be anywhere near Ojinaga when my son returns." She ran a gentle hand across the girl's cheek. "Promise me you will leave."

Ella pressed her lips together and gave a firm nod. "I promise."

Maria gave a sad smile and pulled Ella into her embrace once again.

---

Ella rested quietly in the bed, she felt better after her bath, Maria had talked warmly with her as she kneaded bread nearby. It had felt cozy and familiar, she knew she would miss her friend terribly and the children, they had become so much like her own family. Ella often found herself wishing her own mother had been more like Maria, it would pain her to leave, but she knew she had to. She had decided she would head into Texas in the next few days; she would take what belongings she had and try to make an honest living. She planned to try and travel towards California, she had heard tell that many people were finding good work up there, but she supposed she wouldn't know the truth of it until she got there. The thought of starting fresh scared and excited her. No one would know her past, how she had worked or who she had married, she could just be Ella.

Doc had not been back to see her and Ella had to accept that her first reaction was true, it was understandable that he may not want anything to do with her, she had to respect his decision and make the best out of what she had and what she could make of her own future.

"Ella?"

The concerned voice shook her from her thoughts and she looked up to see Doc entering the house, his brow was furrowed in worry as he saw her wrapped up in bed, covered in a good few blankets.

"Are you sick?"

Ella smiled. "No, I'm fine; I just had a bad headache is all." She knew no good could come of talking of what had been, she wanted to leave it all in the past for good. She paused, watching him with wary eyes. "Have you come t' say goodbye?"

"Goodbye?"

"I guess you're goin' to meet up with Call, you said he was expecting you… it's good of you to come say goodbye after… everything."

"You mean you thought I was leaving to get away from you?" Doc said with a smirk.

Ella gave a wry smile. "You don't have to leave on my account, I'm leaving Ojinaga for good, Maria and I both agree I shouldn't be here in case Joey returns, it's for the best."

"Leaving?" Doc asked, his eyes widening slightly. "Where are you going?"

"Texas, see if I can't find a job so I can save some money, then I'll head to California."

"That's quite a way to travel" Doc said, coming further into the house.

"I guess it is."

"I was hoping you'd wait for me t' travel with you, after I finish this job I was thinkin' of movin' up that way too."

Ella glanced up at him, shocked by his words. "What are you sayin'?" She was half convinced she hadn't heard him right.

"Ella, you ain't got a clue about what real love is, I ain't gonna just leave you like that and I ain't gonna lie to you neither, I am mad you were with Joey Garza." He sat on the bed and took one of Ella's hands in his own. "But not because he's an outlaw or a killer but because… it feels like I'm goin' through hell if I think about you with someone else… all those years you were with Dave… it was damn hard." He paused, "I just can't turn my back on you Ella, don't think I could even if I wanted to, but I don't want to, I want us to try an' be together, to make a life… if it's still what you want."

Ella smiled weakly, tears pooling within her eyes, it took some effort to push them back fully. "I'd like that Doc" she said in a whisper, unable to express the full force of the emotion she felt at his words.

Doc squeezed her hand and smiled, the moment had been small and without any pomp but it had meant the world to them both, they had a new start ahead of them and all they could see along that road was each other…