Chapter 11

"Sarah, the only thing that could have made your declaration more perfect was if you had been looking at me when you said it." Mac jerked her head up, meeting his eyes in shock as he continued with a tender smile, "But, as it was, I would still have to say that it was the best Christmas present I have ever gotten."

"Since you've been so honest with me about your feelings, it only seems fair that I do the same with you. I was also attracted to you from the first, but for me that was even before we met that day in the Rose Garden. I had been given your personnel file earlier in the week when I received word that you would be joining the staff. You had an impressive record, but it was your photo that I found myself staring at, not your fit reps. When we did meet face to face, I knew working with you was going to be difficult if I couldn't get my feelings under control. The next day when you were standing there in front of my desk, I allowed you to believe that I was finishing up some paperwork, when in reality I was really checking you out."

"I had no idea!" she gasped.

"You were never meant to," he told her. "There were several times over the years where I almost slipped. That night in my bedroom was one of them. You'll never know how many times I rehearsed that hated speech that I gave you the next day in my office. Then you made your very sweet offer when Francesca had been kidnapped. I wanted so badly to take you up on it, but I knew it would only lead to trouble for both of us. Every time I found you alone in the close confines of the break room I had to restrain myself from taking you in my arms. The closest I came to breaking my promise to myself not to do that, was when you kissed me after we rescued Josh Pendry. I wanted more than anything to pull you back into my arms and declare how I felt about you then. But once again I resisted."

"Why?" she managed to interrupt.

"Because I knew that it would be a disaster to one or both of our careers. I really had no idea, or even hope, that you might be thinking along the same lines. Sarah, once those words were spoken there would have been no way of taking them back."

"And now that one of us has?" she inquired with worry.

"I am getting to that, I promise you, but there is more you need to know first," he assured her.

"Times that we socialized outside of work were particularly difficult as well. Without the barriers of our uniforms to keep that focused in my mind, the temptation to forget it completely was so great."

"I wish you had!"

AJ looked at her and smiled slowly, "Hindsight is a wonderful thing and maybe we could have found a way without destroying or damaging our careers, but we were both too good at hiding things from the other. I guess in my mind you were always waiting for Harm to grow up. I saw how deeply you were affected when his plane went down. You even called off your wedding."

With a rueful smile she admitted, "Actually it was Mic that called it off. He believed that I loved Harm too, but in reality Harm and I were never more than friends. It was you that was in my heart. The real reason I jumped at the chance to postpone the wedding was because I couldn't get the feeling of being in your arms out of my head."

At his inquiring look she said, "I couldn't stop thinking about our dance at the engagement party. About how your arms felt around me, how you smiled at me…" she closed her eyes and gave a happy little sigh at the memory.

"That smile cost me a lot. I felt like I was empty inside. Not only were you getting married, but you had asked me to walk you down the aisle!"

To be continued…..