Once Rabastan had left, I roamed the dark halls of the castle, not really paying any attention as to where I was going. My mind was working overtime, trying to process everything that I had just learnt; I was expected to give up everything I had worked towards in my years at Hogwarts to join a battle I wasn't sure I believed in.
There was no doubt in my mind that my family knew of this. During the summer holidays there was little talk of anything but the uprising that Lord Voldemort was campaigning. I knew that my father, and most likely my older brother, Mattheus, were involved in certain activities to show their support of the Dark Lord - although I had no idea exactly how deep their loyalty to the cause was.
Could I do this? Could I fight for the Dark Lord and slaughter innocent people? Of course, I thought I supported the idea of pureblood superiority; I had always been bought up to believe that we purebloods were stronger, more skilled witches and wizards, and we rightfully deserve to be recognised as such. But to kill someone for not being a pureblood? I wasn't sure I could justify such a thing.
But then again - could I turn my back on my peers and family and watch from the side-lines as they put their lives at risk to ensure that we noble purebloods come out on top? I would be shunned and labelled a blood traitor, wouldn't I?
Could I sacrifice the promised glory and power that they would be rewarded with when they win this battle just out of my own self preservation? But is that reward really worth putting my life on the line for?
I felt too young to be considering joining a war - it was a huge burden to be lumped with at the age of sixteen. The thought of duelling and fighting in battle both terrified and excited me; I'm a dab hand at duelling, having reluctantly been involved in a handful myself in my time at Hogwarts. Being surrounded by buffoons like James Potter every day ensured that. But they were just petty little misunderstandings - fighting in a war was a very different concept. I'd be fighting for my life.
As these questions ran through my head, I failed to notice I had ended up deep within the dungeons. The lighting was dim and there was a faint smell of damp, the stone walls dusty from old age. The dungeons had never scared me, unlike many others who couldn't face coming down here alone. But when I heard a shuffle and a faint whisper, my heart began to race. I slowed my pace and tip-toed so that the heels of my shoes made no sound, and approached the door ahead of me that the noise appeared to come from.
Just as I reached the door, the noise abruptly stopped and the door opened a crack. Out stepped Andromeda Black, a seventh year Slytherin whom I had always been on good terms with. She slipped out of the door without opening it fully and hastily closed it behind her. I squinted through the crack as she was closing the door but failed to see who she was talking with.
"Adhara, hi!" Andromeda said breathlessly, a false smile on her face. She patted down her long dark hair to smooth it out as she stepped towards me.
"Andy... What were you doing in a broom cupboard?" I asked suspiciously, raising my eyebrows as I waited for her explanation. Andy was probably the only person in Hogwarts that I considered an actual friend - we had known each other since we were small, and despite her being in the year above, we still remained close throughout our time at school.
"Me? Oh! Nothing at all! I just needed some time alone... To think... Come on, it's freezing down here let's go back to the common room." she insisted as she reached me, linking my arm and dragging me away before I had the chance to check inside the small room.
"You went to a broom cupboard two floors away from any public area of the school to have some alone time? I'm not an idiot Andy! What were you up to? Snogging boys?" I suggestively asked, wiggling my eyebrows at her as we strode through the stone passageways.
"Snogging? No! Honestly, I was just by myself... So, what's this I hear of your betrothal to Rabastan Lestrange?" she asked me. I narrowed my eyes at her for a moment, knowing that she was changing the subject on purpose but I let it slide.
"Oh, that. Our parents have agreed that we are to wed once we leave Hogwarts. There's obviously a long wait but you know what it's like with arranged marriages; everyone's after the richest and most pureblooded families. I suppose my parents decided to get in there early so that I got the best one." I told Andy. She nodded, but frowned. "What?" I asked.
"Well you hardly sound very excited at the prospect of marrying him! I take it this is a decision made by your parents with no consideration of your feelings on the matter?" she asked me. I looked at the floor without answering.
"Adhara, if you don't want to marry Rabastan, then don't. It should be your choice, marry who you fall in love with, not who has the most money." she said encouragingly, nudging me in the side a little. It was an odd thing to hear; my whole life I had been encouraged to make decisions that will benefit my profession and reputation. But Andy always had been very independent and head-strong.
"Don't be so ridiculous Andy - my parents want me to marry Rabastan, it's been arranged for months now. You know what it's like; and besides, he isn't so bad. He's rich and has very good prospects. I could do a hell of a lot worse."
We had reached the entrance to the Slytherin common room by now and we paused out side the hidden doorway.
"But you should have a say in the matter. You're only in this life once, live it the way that you want to, not by the wishes of others. Sometimes you have to be selfish and do what you want to do, not what society thinks that you should do." Andy said soothingly. She gave me a small smile which I returned half-heartedly as she uttered the password and a doorway formed where there was previously a bare stone wall.
After saying our goodbyes, I trudged through the black and green Common room towards my dormitory. It was 11pm by now, and my eyes were beginning to droop.
The dormitory was already dark and I could tell the other Slytherin girls were fast asleep as I made my way over to my four poster. I made no effort to be quiet as I stripped off out of my uniform and flung them on the floor carelessly. There was a stir from the bed to my left, and Serena's head popped out of the gap in the curtains to glare at me blearily. I sat down on my bed and looked at her expectantly.
"Is there something you wanted Serena?" I asked amusedly. She rubbed her eyes tiredly, but started suddenly as if she had just remembered something important. She leapt from her bed over to me and jumped on to my mattress next to me, hurriedly closing the curtains around us.
"What the-?" I began but she shushed me and lit her wand so as to see me.
"Muffliato." she hissed quietly, soundproofing my bed. "So!? What did he want?!" she asked excitedly, her eyes sparkling like a young child's.
"What did who want?" I questioned impatiently. She rolled her eyes and leaned forward.
"Rabastan! Did he mention what would be happening after we've left Hogwarts?!" she all but shouted as she grinned manically. I blanched at her excitement, unsure of how to respond.
"Erm... Yes, he mentioned it. You're obviously excited at the prospect of becoming a murderer then." I stated bluntly as I leant back on my headboard.
Serena frowned, "And you obviously aren't. What's wrong, do you not want to join the Dark Lord?"
I paused for a moment, thinking of the right answer. I knew I couldn't tell her of my reservations; Serena couldn't keep a secret even if she wanted to, and this was not the sort of secret that I would want to become common knowledge. Like I said; I'd be shunned if anyone were to find out that I was considering not joining the war.
"No, that's not it. I'm just shocked that we're discussing this so early on that's all. We still have just under two years until we leave Hogwarts." I offered, rather unconvincingly by the way that Serena was glaring at me.
"You liar. What is it? I thought we both wanted this? For the world to know that we purebloods are royalty compared to those filthy muggles. For them to pay for their crimes against magic, polluting our world with their amateur wand work and dirty blood!" she almost cried - I'd never heard her speak with such passion.
"Merlin, you sound as nuts as Rabastan!" I said startled. She rolled her eyes yet again and shuffled forward, crossing her legs and looking at me intently.
"Adhara, you need to listen to me. This is our chance to get everything we ever wished for. The Dark Lord will lead us not only to victory, but a wealth of power. Rabastan told me that he's promised us all of the riches and glory that we desire! This is a worthy cause to fight for, and it doesn't hurt to rid of a few mudbloods along the way." she ranted, finally coming to a stop and gazing at me expectantly, gauging my reaction.
I sighed and looked at my friend, "Serena, I understand what you are saying, and yes I agree. Now, I'm shattered and I've already had one lecture from Rabastan tonight, so please leave me be and go back to your own bed."
Her face fell as she scowled at me, clearly unimpressed with my lack of enthusiasm on the subject.
"I'm getting the feeling that you don't mean what you just said. It is an honour to stand beside the Dark Lord; but he only recruits the most passionate of followers, and if in the end he feels you aren't worthy of his trust, he will have no use for you any more - you'd do well to remember that." she warned, twisting around to stand back up. Anger flared through me, I could feel my short patience snap and a heat flooded my chest as I grabbed her wrist roughly and pulled her back to face me. She'd never actually had the courage to speak against me; I knew I'd scared her a bit since our first year; she would agree with every decision I made, no matter if I could tell she was biting back an argument.
"I think you're getting a little too big for your boots Serena," I hissed at her, leaning towards her face so that we were inches apart. Her eyes widened as I continued, "You're forgetting who you're talking to. We'll see who the Dark Lord truly finds worthy when the time comes." I said with finality, and she nodded slightly in response.
As she scuttled off to her own bed, I yanked the curtains back, enveloping myself in darkness as I lay back on my soft pillow. Serena and I had a strange friendship - it was more out of convenience than actually liking one another, as most of the Slytherin friendship groups were. Not a single Slytherin is truly close with another without the friendship benefiting both parties.
Serena had most likely clung to my side ever since First Year as my family is particularly wealthy and influential. I supposedly had the world at my feet, and Serena knew this. We were essentially pureblood royalty, and to Serena's obvious dismay, far more influential and wealthy than the Rowle's.
I knew I intimidated Serena; my skills in magic were superior to her own, and I knew how to get what I wanted, when I wanted it. I'm not blind - I could always tell that she was sour about this - things never came as easily to Serena as they did to me. This would explain why she was so excited at the prospect of joining the Dark Lord; she thought she'd no longer have to live in someone else's shadow.
After weighing up my different options while I tossed and turned in my bed, I didn't see how joining the war would benefit me in any way. If I were to not join the Dark Lord, the war would still continue, would it not? He has plenty of followers that I am sure would bring him to victory regardless of my presence. Why should I have to put my life on the line when the Dark Lord will most likely succeed without me anyway?
I'm an ambitious person, my entire life has been leading up to being a magizoologist; I'd dreamt of travelling the world, studying all varieties of magical creatures. I'm not exactly thrilled at the prospect of having to give up this dream so that I can go and get myself killed.
But if I was to marry Rabastan, I'd surely have no choice - I have to marry him, and therefore have to honour his wishes. It's how it works in pureblood society. If I wasn't taking orders from Lord Voldemort, it would be from the ever-dull Rabastan Lestrange. The thought sickened me.
I shuffled around in my bed, sighing in frustration. As I curled up under the emerald duvet, the two arguments battled in my head; join the Dark Lord and give up my dreams; or reject his offer, face the possibility of being killed because of this, marry Rabastan and have to give up my dreams regardless. Neither sounded appealing. Why should I have to sacrifice everything that I want to keep everyone else happy? Joining the Dark Lord would please my parents, marrying Rabastan would please his family, but neither of these options pleased me. There had to be a different path to take - I just needed to find which one.
My eyes opened blearily as a slither of sunlight crept through the crack in my curtains. Blinking sleepily, I stretched out to try and wake myself up. I peaked at the ornate clock on my dressing table to see that it was 6:59am, time for me to get up.
After dragging myself out of my heavenly four poster, I walked over to the large mirror. My blonde curls were sticking out in all directions and my eyes were still drooping from sleep. I pulled up my tanned cheeks in an effort to wake myself up, and frowned at my slightly chipped manicure in the mirrors reflection. My black silk pyjamas were slightly creased from my restless night, the shorts ending at my upper thigh and revealing a set of long bronzed legs.
There was a groan from behind me as Roberta Clearwater stuck her head out of her hangings.
"Looking good." I smirked as Roberta stuck her middle finger up at me.
"Shut your face, Avery." she grumbled as she sloppily threw open her curtains and trudged over to the bathroom. I quickly brushed through my hair as the other girls in the dormitory began to wake up one by one; it was always a mad rush to the bathroom each morning, so I sprinted across the room, barging past Roberta before she could reach the door. I laughed as I heard the other girls cursing me loudly as I locked the door and began to get ready.
Once I was washed and my hair was tamed to settle in soft waves down my back, I slipped on my uniform and was just picking up my bag when Serena bumped her hip against my own.
"Friends?" she asked lightly, but I could see she was slightly sheepish as she was unable to predict my reaction. I considered her for a moment before grinning and bumping her back.
"Only if you buy me a chocolate frog from Hogsmeade seeing as I have a detention with Black on Saturday." I said.
"Deal." Serena replied as we made our way out of the dormitory. Roberta soon caught up to us as we made our way to the Great Hall for breakfast. Just as we reached the Entrance Hall, I caught sight of Lily Evans standing to the side of the hallway, obviously waiting for someone. I could see her visibly sigh as she spotted us heading in her direction.
"Oh look!" called Roberta, her voice laced with malice as she obviously spotted the Gryffindor too, "there's some filth in the corridor! We'll have to let Filch know to clean up the mess."
Serena laughed spitefully, "Or I could do it for him." I rolled my eyes and ran my hand through my hair in frustration.
Evans turned to face us, her arms crossed defensively but I could see her hand toying with the end of her wand.
"How's your nose Rowle?" she asked, never one to back down regardless of being outnumbered. Typical stubborn Gryffindor.
"Stinging actually, now that I've caught a whiff of a dirty mudblood." she snarled. "Perhaps our last encounter didn't teach you to respect your superiors, would you like a reminder?"
Evans snorted with laughter, only winding her up further. Serena pulled out her wand and aimed it at the Gryffindor's throat threateningly.
"I think it's time we taught her a lesson don't you girls?" she said with a twisted grin on her face. I heard Roberta snigger as Serena poked at the skin on Evans' throat. She slowly took a few steps back just as Evans pulled out her own wand in defence.
"Just leave it Rowle. Why can't you just go one day without getting in to a duel with someone over absolutely nothing?" Evans said tiredly, obviously as bored as I was with the interaction.
"Come on Serena, I'm hungry." I urged, tugging on her sleeve in an effort to drag her away from the unnecessary confrontation.
Evans sighed and turned away, heading for the door to the Great Hall, leaving Serena glaring furiously at her back as I moved forward to follow Evans in to the Great Hall.
"Don't you turn your back on me you little mudblood! Sectumsempra!" Serena screeched as a flash of light streaked towards me in Evans' direction and my stomach lurched. The redhead's eyes widened as recognition crossed her face - of course - she knew Severus. The spell went flying towards her and without a moment of doubt I slashed my own wand through the air, casting a non-verbal shield spell in front of the Gryffindor. The spell rebounded from my own with a sharp crack and dissolved in the air. Serena, Roberta and Evans all span around to look at me with varying expressions.
"That was a stupid move Serena. You know how dangerous that spell is, harming her isn't worth getting expelled over." I explained tiredly - I just wanted to get some damn sausages.
"Is it not? Looks to me like you were actually protecting her." Roberta sniffed, linking arms with Serena as they both frowned at me. "Come on, I'm hungry."
They shoved past me as they passed to get to the entrance to the Great Hall, but I stood where I was, trying to work out if what I'd just done was a mistake.
"Thank you." I heard a voice say from behind me. Turning around I found Evans approaching me again.
"What are you thanking me for?" I asked, surprised.
"For stopping that spell. I know what it does - I saw it written down in one of Sev's books." Evans explained cautiously.
"I didn't stop it for you, I stopped it for my friend." I snapped at her. "You shouldn't provoke her like that, she isn't one to back down to a fight."
Evans rolled her eyes in exasperation, both of us knowing full well that she wasn't the one who started this. "What would you do if you were insulted day in day out for no reason?"
I thought about it - I was never usually one to get involved in the petty disagreements between Slytherins and Gryffindors. Unless it was Potter or Black of course, but that was only because they were just too easy. I suppose Evans did have a point - Roberta was the one to initiate the row, always the one to plant the seed but stand back and watch the drama play out without having to directly involve herself. Then I realised that I really don't care about it enough to be this bothered.
"Whatever. I really couldn't care less." I shared my thoughts, bored of the conversation already. This really was none of my concern.
She frowned in response and made to turn away before adding, "I know you don't, but thank you anyway."
I took a deep breath and leaned against the stone wall behind me. I was in half a mind to skip breakfast; I had no patience for my housemates pettiness.
"So, you do have a heart."
Remus Lupin was standing at the end of the corridor, obviously witnessing my encounter with Evans. Behind him, Sirius Black was watching me with a knowing expression.
"What are you talking about Lupin?" I enquired in a bored tone.
"You didn't cast a shield charm because of Rowle. I don't think you'd even care if she were to be expelled. You just didn't want Lily to get hit by that curse - if that was one of Snape's spells it would obviously be dark magic." he replied smugly.
"Why do you Gryffindor's think you can judge a persons character without even knowing them? Stop analysing what I'm doing and mind your own business." I turned away and began to make my way to Transfiguration, feeling exceptionally fed up with everyone and it wasn't even 9am yet.
Although I would never admit it out loud, Lupin was right of course. I didn't want to see Evans, or anyone for that matter, cut up and bleeding to death on the floor. Don't get me wrong, I dislike the little goody-two-shoes almost as much as I dislike the Marauders, but nobody deserves that sort of pain and suffering. Severus had explained the theory behind that spell and from what I understood, there was little chance of survival if too much blood was lost.
But was I not supposed to feel the same way as Serena and Roberta? I was also a Slytherin after all. They had both been ready to harm Evans in such an extreme way, so why wasn't I?
I'm a terrible Slytherin.
A/N: Feb 2016 - Rewrite
I hope I'm portraying Adhara well enough to you guys - I want to show that while she does have her prejudices from being raised by a traditional pureblood family, she isn't your typical Slytherin. While she does have high levels of self-preservation (with her reluctance to join the war and her 'I'm so bored I don't care' attitude), she isn't mad on killing every muggle-born and is in Slytherin for her ambition rather than anything to do with blood superiority. We'll see a little later on whether these beliefs of hers are actually solid or if it's just from years of hearing it from her family.
Please let me know if there is anything I could do more/less of - constructive criticism is always welcome!