2. Femme Docs and Self-conscious Sluts

I walked through the large glass doors that led to the lobby of Northwestern Hospital and immediately bumped into my friends and colleagues Alice Brandon, Sabrina Silver, and Krista Chase. We chatted for a couple of minutes, taking a few final desperate swigs of our Starbucks before making our way to the locker room to change into our scrubs and start our day. We were the dream team, the only all female team of interns working under the best Resident the program had to offer, Dr. Kristy Kopinski, but we all called her Dr. K. We were almost legendary amongst the hospital staff and they affectionately referred to as the Femme Docs.

We quickly changed and rushed to find Dr. K at the nurse's station on the fifth floor preparing for rounds. "Let's go ladies, we don't have all day…we have three dozen patients to squeeze in before noon and time's a wasting!"

In spite of her reputation as the best, and tough as nails resident, Dr. K was actually pretty awesome. Since we were all girls, she let her guard down a little more with us, letting us in on the big secrets of the medical profession. One, it's a man's world and if we want to keep up we have to be the best and have thick skin. Two, in order to get the respect we deserve, we have to do it faster, better, and more efficiently than the rest. Three, never, ever, get involved with any of the hotshot Attendings, especially in a city like this. Any doc that's good enough to be renowned here is a big fish in a big pond and is going to have an ego and a moral compass to match. These guys got where they are because they're not afraid to run over a few people to get there, and you are not the exception to the rule. There is one exception to the hotshot rule, our Chief of Medicine, Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Dr. K could not account for the exclusion, but Dr. Cullen truly was a kind and caring man, full of altruistic intentions. He was the only man in this building any of us girls could trust and depend on…he also happened to be Edward's uncle.

We made our rounds in record time and worked on some charting before Dr. K sent us to the pit to assist with minor injuries that had flooded the ER this week. It was towards the end of the shift when we finally had a case slightly more interesting than stitching up minor injuries and dehydrated flu sufferers. I had just finished stitching up a sad little three-year-old boy when Krista came up to me with a concerned look on her face.

"Bell, I've got one I want a second opinion on before I call in the surgeons, you know what dicks they can be if you call them down when it's unnecessary. Could you take a look?"

"Sure Krista, let me see the chart." I glanced down seeing that the patient was suffering from abdominal pain and vomiting. Labs came back showing elevated bilirubin count as well as elevated AST and ALT levels. "From first glance I would guess you're thinking gallstones?" She nodded. "I'll talk to the patient, but if you're worried about the surgeons you probably should go ahead and order an ultrasound to see if there are any stones present."

I walked into the room as Krista followed. "Hello Mr. Drake, I'm Dr. Swan. Dr. Chase asked if I would take a look to ask you a few questions then we'll be sending you down for an ultrasound. In the meantime, would you like something for the pain?"

He nodded weakly and Krista left the room to tell the nurse. I questioned the man about his symptoms and explained that we believed that he most likely has gallstones and we would be sending him for an ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis. If the ultrasound did in fact indicate what we believed, then a surgeon would come down to discuss options. Based on the level of pain he was exhibiting, surgery would most likely be scheduled sooner rather than later. He thanked me as I left the room and I updated Krista then she ordered the ultrasound.

The rest of the day was a bit monotonous. It's pretty sad when the highlight of your day is a simple gallstone patient. We eventually managed an escape to get on with the rest of our lives, as small and brief as they might be in the scheme of things during this part of our education.

I walked into the apartment to find three of my boys draped across the furniture of the living room, still wearing their official issue S.W.A.T polos and jeans, looking about as wiped as I felt. "Afternoon boys…rough day?"

Edward yawned and stretched and I couldn't help but notice the way his shirt strained against his muscled chest. I've spent the last seven years surrounded by perfect abs and pecs, you'd think I'd be used to it by now…but honestly, can you ever see too many exquisitely chiseled examples of male perfection? "Yeah, we had a pretty intense morning. How 'bout you?"

I snorted, "Boring as heck. Rounds, stitching up cuts in the pits, the basics…you know it was a sad day when the most interesting case you encountered was a dude with gallstones. I'll be so glad when I can get past basic clinicals and choose a specialty." I was tossing my shoes behind the door and hanging my coat as I bellyached and I turned back to find that all of the boys were watching me with focused attention.

"What?"

"Oh nothing, I just find it amazing that you are really a doctor now…well for the most part at least. I didn't know you were to that part of your training yet, where you get to choose a focus. Do you know what you're going to choose?"

I chuckled at the lot of them. They probably risked life and limb that morning to save people from a bomb threat or a hostage situation yet here they sit apparently in awe that I stitched some skin together and figured out that a guy's gall bladder decided to fight back before passing him on to the surgeons who would be doing all the real work.

"I've been debating. I don't think I want surgery. It seems like they're all total dicks and there's no real patient interaction, it's all 'hi, oh we're taking this organ out tomorrow…bye.' I really like working with kids in the ER, so I've been thinking maybe pediatrics. I'm not sure. I still have seven months before I even get to have any say in where I focus, so I've got plenty of time to figure it out."

They nodded and all except Emmett looked back at the TV. Emmett continued to stare at me in awe and I couldn't help but giggle. "So, which of you big strong men is going to cook me some supper? I'm starving and I didn't really take time to eat since breakfast."

Emmett frowned. "Bella, you really need to start eating better. You're not going to be able to keep up at the pace you're moving for much longer if you don't keep your strength up. I swear you've gotten even skinnier since the beginning of the month. Those scrubs are barely staying on your hips."

I registered Edward glance back toward me out of the corner of me eyes as I sighed and plopped my fists on my hips. "I'm fine Em…but if you're that worried about it, then maybe you'd be willing to have a nice warm meal waiting for me when I get out of the shower?"

He smiled, "Sure thing squirt. Go get cleaned up and I'll have something ready when you're done."

"Thanks Em!"

I disappeared into my room where I grabbed a nice big comfy t-shirt and my gray sweatpants before making my way down the hallway to the bathroom. I locked the door behind me and turned on the shower filling the room with steam before I stepped under the hot spray and let the beating pulses of the massaging head relax my shoulders and neck muscles. I sighed as I felt the tension and dirt of the day drain off my body and down the spout. I stayed there until the hot water began to chill and then finally shut off the taps and stepped out to dry myself and slip into my nice comfy sweats.

I dried my hair and ran the comb through it before opening the door and making my way back down the hallway to the living room and plopping down on the couch next to Edward letting my head fall back against the cushions and rolling my neck as I made the seat recline.

"How's the ankle? Did it give you any troubles today?" Edward asked with a smirk as he rolled his head to look toward me from its relaxed position on the cushion behind him.

"Luckily it didn't give me any grief. Thanks for wrapping and icing it last night before you left."

"No problem. Did you know you still talk in your sleep?"

I groaned and covered my face. I made it a habit not to fall asleep in front of the boys because I never outgrew sleep-talking and they would inevitably overhear something that would result in me being teased for the next week. "What did I say this time?"

His smirk faded a little, "You said something about being alone and asked me not to leave."

My eyes shot open and I looked at him in surprise as I curled my knees up to my chest and turned my body toward him. "I'm sorry. I hope you didn't feel bad for going back out after that. I was asleep after all."

"I didn't go back." My eyes grew wide and shock filled my expression and he shrugged. "I wasn't in the mood…your little rant made it feel a bit too skeevy." Then the wall went up and he got a touch of his Slutward expression out as he continued. "You're the queen of cockblocking…you know that?"

"Oh Edward, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin your night. You know I get carried away when I've been drinking."

"That's okay, I just hung out here for a while until Emmett got back and checked in and then I left after we talked a bit. And you might have gotten carried away, but I also know that you meant what you said, the alcohol just takes your filter away."

Suddenly he seemed to find his feet very interesting and I knew that something I had said the night before had hurt his feelings…badly. I thought back over what I remembered of the conversation and I didn't remember saying anything that was any worse than usual. I reached over and placed my hand on his arm and I felt a warm tingle in my fingers as it lay there.

"Hey! I really didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I don't know what I said to put that look on your face, but you're really not THAT bad!"

He sent me a small smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. I must have said something that really bothered him to cause a reaction like this.

EPOV

She sat there looking all sweet and caring as her warm little hand that was trying to comfort me sent tingles up my arm and it ripped my heart out even more to know what she really thought about me. She fell asleep last night as soon as I rested her newly bandaged foot on the stack of pillows, so I gently sat the bag of ice across her bandaged foot and went to leave and then I heard her voice so I turned back thinking she was still awake, but she wasn't…she was talking in her sleep. I stopped and went back to sit in the rocker by the closet because I hadn't realized that she still talked in her sleep and that shit was always hilarious.

I sat for a few minutes before she started again, but what I heard wasn't funny at all, it was heart wrenching. Her beautiful face was bathed in moonlight and it looked sad and tortured as she tossed.

"NO…please, I don't want to be alone anymore…so damn lonely."

"Please don't leave Edward, please stay, don't turn into Slutward again."

I froze as I listened. She called me Slutward? What the hell? I'm not a slut! Sure I have a good time with the ladies, but a slut?

"Talk to me! Don't be a dickhead! What are you hiding from?"

Hiding? I'm not hiding. I tried to rationalize with myself, but the tightening in my chest told me otherwise. I sat and listened a while longer as my head reeled wondering if this is what she really thought of me. One of the five people on this planet that I actually give a flying fuck what they think of me and she thinks I'm a slut?

My stomach began to feel queasy. Bella…Bella was amazing. She always has been. Ever since I first saw her face at her parent's funeral she has haunted me. She was just a kid, only sixteen and complete and total jailbait for my twenty-year-old ass, but she was already so beautiful. Her hair was long and straight and she carried herself in a way that oozed innocence and sweetness. She was so sad, her whole world turned completely upside down, and yet when she did actually manage even a weak smile in acknowledgement of our presence it was radiant.

I spent the next seven years trying to avoid those feelings I would get when I looked at her. It wasn't the typical lust, not that lust was completely removed from the equation, but there was this other feeling that was far more dominant. It was like someone was sucking my heart through the back of my chest leaving me empty and fighting for breath. It wasn't a bad feeling per se, but terrifying nonetheless.

I stayed there watching Bella toss in the sheets for a long time, waiting to see if there was more to hear, but she never spoke again. Finally I heard the sound of keys rattling the door knob in the living room, so I stepped over to the bedside leaving a light kiss on Bella's forehead before walking down the hallway to meet Emmett and Rosalie in the living room.

"She okay?" Emmett asked immediately with worry in his eyes.

"Yeah, she fell asleep almost immediately, but she twisted her ankle on the walk here. I wrapped it and iced it for her."

"Shit, she's always hurting herself. Why she got cursed with Mom's grace, or lack thereof, I'll never know. Thank God I didn't!"

Rose and I laughed as he walked across the room and sank into the couch pulling Rose with him. He looked over at me and saw through me.

"What's wrong with you dude? You look like someone just ran over your dog or something."

I shook my head and ran my hands over it and through my hair in frustration. "It's nothing."

"Dude, I've known you too long to believe that. What's wrong? Bells get pissed at you or something?"

I looked up, "Why would you think that?"

He rolled his eyes, "Because the only time you walk around acting like a fucking pussy is when Bella's pissed off at you. What'd you do this time?"

"Nothing man!" Damn, I'm more transparent than I thought! "I just heard her talking in her sleep after I iced her foot and I didn't like what I heard."

Emmett leaned forward looking concerned. He knew as well as I did that what Bella said in her sleep was typically an unedited look into her psyche, which is why her words were bothering me so much. I knew she REALLY meant it.

"She said she was lonely and she asked me not to not turn into Slutward again."

Emmett and Rosalie's faces froze for a split second before they both broke into booming rolling laughter. "That's classic!"

"Dude, it's not funny. She thinks I'm a slut? What the hell?!"

"Edward, you ARE as slut. You've seen more pussy than a gynecologist! You think she wouldn't notice that you take bets with Jasper on which of you going to score the nearest bimbo and that you take home a different girl practically every other night? She's a DOCTOR for fucks sake Eddie, she's definitely smart enough to figure it all out!" Rosalie snickered from the couch next to Emmett.

I looked down at my jeans having been properly shamed. I was a selfish prick and I knew it. I liked the thrill of the chase, I liked banging some hot chick with no worries of having to deal with an emotional aftermath, but I didn't like knowing that Bella was watching it all and thinking less of me for it. I didn't like her thinking of me like that. I knew she joked about it, but her words last night made it clear that it really bothered her…and it bugged the shit out of me that it bothered her. My body was sitting still and yet on the inside I felt like I was falling into a bottomless pit with no end to the miserable sensation in sight.

Emmett and Rosalie talked a while longer, but I didn't really hear what they were saying. I was too distracted with thoughts of Bella. Maybe she was right; maybe it was time I grew up. Maybe I should look into a relationship for a change. Maybe I'd hang up the player hat for a while and see what happened. I sat up a little straighter in the couch resigned to trying something different for a change. And a few minutes later excused myself to check on Bella one last time before leaving her apartment and making my way back down the street to my place. It would be empty and lonely, just like it always was, but it would give me time and space to think.

I pulled myself out of my reverie to realize I was still staring at Bella. God she was so beautiful even when she wasn't even trying. It took me a second to see that she still had that sad look in her eyes thinking that she had done something to upset me. I mean, yeah, the things she said bothered me, but it wasn't her fault. Like Emmett and Rosalie said, she was just being perceptive and she didn't like what she was seeing.

I reluctantly pulled my gaze away from her face looking toward the kitchen to see Emmett fumbling with a pan. Of all of the people to ask to cook something for her, Emmett was probably the worst choice. But he loved doing stuff like this for her which is probably why she asked him, so I thought I'd go lend a hand. I turned back to her with a more genuine smile.

"Looks like Emmett's having some issues with your supper. If you want to eat sometime this decade I should probably help him."

She smiled and let out a light chuckle that jostled her shoulders a bit as she watched me walk into the kitchen. I was greeted by a string of profanities as Emmett dropped the skillet sending Bella's omelet splattering across the kitchen floor.

"Having issues there bro?"

"Fucking thing got stuck and when I tried to pry it up to flip it I dropped the pan. I hate electric stoves!"

I was laughing out loud at him now. "Here, I'll make a new one while you clean this mess up." I opened the cabinet and got out the other skillet before going to fridge and pulling out the ingredients I needed to make Bella's favorite meal.

Next to Bella, I was the best cook, so on special occasions I was always nominated to make her a special breakfast. We would all take in to her and sing happy birthday or congratulate her on her graduation or whatever special event we were honoring. Her favorite was my own special western omelet recipe. A few minutes later I had the onions, peppers, ham and cheese cut up and poured them on top of the partially fried egg before gently pulling the edge over to create a pocket for the ingredients to warm and melt within. Once it was sufficiently cooked I slid it gracefully onto a plate dribbling a little salsa on top and throwing a piece of buttered toast on the side. I poured a glass of orange juice and carried it and the plate in to the living room only to find Bella sound asleep on the couch.

I looked up at Jasper still half awake in the recliner across the room. "Has she been out long?"

He shrugged, "I don't know…maybe five minutes."

I frowned down at the food debating on whether I should let her sleep or wake her up and then I looked down at her curled on the couch noticing how much baggier her sweats were. Emmett was right, she had lost more weight lately which was the deciding factor of my internal debate. I sat the food on the end table next to her and dropped to my knee in front of her as I reached out to run my hand up and down her arm. The warm tingles in my fingertips were momentarily distracting. Finally she stirred.

"I'm sorry Edward. Don't be sad, I don't like it when you're sad."

"Bella, are you awake sweetie?" She didn't respond. She was talking in her sleep again and I closed my eyes because damn it, now not only did she think I was a slut, but she was feeling bad for thinking I was a slut. The black hole in my chest sucked itself deeper as I grabbed her shoulder and shook her gently. "Bella…Bellllllaaaa. You need to wake up and eat. Emmett's right, you need to eat to keep your strength up. Wake up sweetheart."

Her eyes slowly fluttered open and locked with mine and my heart froze in my chest as my lungs refused to take in a breath. She looked at me confused for a moment, obviously wondering why I was kneeling in front of her with my hands on her. I immediately pulled them away feeling awkward but tried to cover it with a sly smile. "Bells, I hated to wake you up, but you're starting to make the starving children in Somalia look healthy. You really need to eat before you crash for the night. I set your food on the end table."

She stared at me wide eyed for a few minutes before blinking a couple of times and then glancing over at the end table where her food sat waiting and a wide smile spread across her face that made the black hole in my chest shrink a tiny bit. "An Eddie special? Wow…that looks great. Thanks!" Of the five people on the planet whose thoughts I cared about, only four were allowed to call me Eddie without getting their asses kicked. Bella happened to be one of them.

I smiled down at her as she eagerly pulled the plate off the end table and onto her lap cutting into the egg with her fork and taking a bite with an appreciative hum. I watched her take a couple more bites before going back to the kitchen to check in on Emmett's progress. We talked a few minutes before I bid him goodnight and returned to the living room, shocked to discover Bella had already scarfed down the entire omelet and half of the piece of toast. I teased her about being careful not to eat the plate while she was at it and she shot me the cutest little evil look that just made me laugh more. I bid both she and Jasper good night and closed the door behind me to walk the two blocks to my apartment.

BPOV

Edward looked back toward the kitchen and chuckled before informing me that Emmett seemed to be having some issues getting my supper ready as he smiled at me he seemed a little cheerier. He got up and padded gracefully toward the kitchen. I watched him walk away, unable to take my eyes off of the nice view until I heard a loud clang followed by a stream of obscenities and turned back to look at the TV only to find Jasper looking at me strangely.

I raised my eyebrows at him in question and he just smiled slyly and folded his arms locking his all knowing eyes on mine. "Are you guys going to keep doing this dance forever or what?"

"What dance Jasper?"

"Oh please, you're both in fucking love with each other but you're both too chicken shit to do anything about it."

I rolled my eyes, "You are so full of shit Jasper. Edward is not in love with me. I honestly don't think he knows what love is…not that kind of love at least. He sees me as a little sister and that's all. And not only that, I don't feel that way about him. Yeah I wish you'd both show a little more respect for the female population, but that doesn't mean I'm in love with him. I mean…he's like a brother to me."

My mouth spewed forth the defensive proclamations convincingly enough, but the knot in the pit of my stomach knew that I didn't believe half of the words coming out of my mouth.

"Whatever you say little sis," he answered with an eye roll. "Oh, and he's upset because when you were asleep last night you let your little nickname for him slip and he's bothered that you think of him that way."

"What little nickname?"

"Slutward." My mouth fell open and my eyes grew wide. I never told anybody about that nickname. I would never say that out loud because I knew it would bother him no matter how true it was.

"Awe man, no wonder he looked so hurt earlier. Damn my stupid sleep talking! URG!"

I crossed my arms and stared at the TV frustrated with both myself and the entire situation. Yeah Edward was a bit of a slut, but he had always been so good to me. He never made fun of me the way the rest of the guys would and he was always there for me when times were hard or when I was having trouble coping. Edward honestly was pretty much my best friend.

I'm not sure when I fell asleep or what I had been dreaming about, but I was awoken by a warm tingle in my arms that shook me gently and the smooth velvety voice of Edward calling to me. "Bella…Bellllllaaaa. You need to wake up and eat. Emmett's right, you need to eat to keep your strength up. Wake up sweetheart."

For the briefest of moments I had a flash of a daydream. I was lying in a large warm cozy bed adorned with fluffy white bedding and Edward was kneeling next to me with a tray of food to serve me breakfast in bed…but this bed was our bed…and he was barely dressed and smiling at me with a hooded gaze filled with love and lust.

I opened my eyes slowly wishing up until the last possible nanosecond that it could be real, but when my eyes blinked open I was on the couch but then my heart froze as I looked into the sparkling emerald eyes. Edward was kneeling in front of me with his hands rubbing up and down my biceps. I willed my lungs to work and my heart to pump, but they wouldn't listen…all I could do was blink in awe at the beautiful man on his knees before me.

My heart fell into my feet when he jerked his hands away looking uncomfortable and I felt the embarrassment in my cheeks. I knew he must have seen the emotions I was feeling and needed to escape. He shot me a sly smile trying to cover his discomfort and teased me with is cocky Slutward voice.

"Bells, I hated to wake you up, but you're starting to make the starving children in Somalia look healthy. You really need to eat before you crash for the night. I set your food on the end table."

I continued to stare at him, blinking a few times before I finally registered what he had said. Glancing over to the end table was a plate with his famous western omelet and a piece of toast waiting for me. I smiled, realizing that if I couldn't have the full fantasy, I did at least get this part. I looked back up at him, still smiling.

"An Eddie special? Wow…that looks great. Thanks!"

He smiled down at me and watched as I used my fork to cut off a rather large piece and shove it in my mouth with a hungry moan. His omelets were the stuff of legend. They always had such wonderful flavor and practically melted in my mouth. He stood while I took a couple more bites before excusing himself to go check on Emmett.

I took another bite as my eyes rolled in the back of my head enjoying the sensation of the delightful flavors melting in my mouth as I heard Jasper snort from across the room and mumble, "Yeah…he's like a brother to me, my ass!"

I rolled my eyes as I shook my head at him taking another bite of the omelet and chewing nervously. Was I that obvious? Did Edward see it too? Of course he did, that's why he pulled away from me and looked so uncomfortable. I need to get this man out of my head…but how am I supposed to do that? It's not like I have the time or ability to date, and there's no way I'd subject myself to any of the men I actually have access to at the hospital. They're ten times worse than my boys ever thought about being.

I sighed as I shoveled in another bite no longer taking the time to savor the flavors but instead rushing to satiate my raging appetite. Before I knew it Edward was standing in the living room looking down at my plate with an astonished expression on his face. I looked down surprised to see why. In the few short minutes he was out of the room, I had managed to inhale the entire three-egg omelet and hadn't even realized it.

I blushed a little in embarrassment as he teased me about being careful not to eat the plate but I quickly covered by sending him the best playful narrowed eyes mean look I could muster earning a chuckle before he bid Jasper and I good night and disappeared out of the doorway. I chanced a glance over at Jasper who was staring at me with a sarcastic looking smile and I scoffed and stuck my tongue out at him before getting up to take my empty plate to the kitchen and say goodnight to Emmett before crawling into bed and trying to fall sleep…that is if my overactive mind would let me.

Author's Note: Well what did you guys think? I've been amazed at the response so far. Also if you like this story then you can always fill the time waiting for the next chapter my checking out my other stories. I have two other long stories, one of which is still in progress that I need to get back to, but I keep getting distracted by this one, a completed short story, and a one shot. If you get some time, go to my profile and check them out.

A special thanks to my beta for this story Sihaya9 for working to help me iron out the rough spots and fix my many errors!