The kiss continued between them for what seemed a long blissful amount of time to Doc. For that moment he could forget everything, all the killing, the blood and the betrayal. All the things his subconscious was always waiting on to remind him just exactly what he was; a no good outlaw who would never amount to anything. In this moment he was just Josiah, a man that wanted to have a good life and the woman who now kissed him seemed to make him believe it was still possible, that all the blood upon his hands meant nothing. Why, he could not fathom, she had never given him real reason to feel this way with her words or actions but nonetheless she brought this feeling bubbling within him. He was determined to fix this, to make her life better - and what was more, to show her she could do better than Dave. Maybe Doc himself wasn't that great a man but he knew he'd treat her better than any other man could, he'd bring out the real Ella, not the frightened young woman now before him, who spat like a wild cat when anyone came too close to the truth. Perhaps this was a turning point for both of them... and so he allowed her to believe she was in control.
Ella was the one to break the kiss; she rested her head upon his shoulder for a moment, regaining her senses before she pushed herself away from him and got up from her chair. She walked with slightly uncertain steps over to the bar and poured another good tot of brandy into her glass. Doc followed her, coming to a stop just behind where she stood. The desire awakened within him, it would take a great force to set him aside from what he wanted now. His eyes grazed over the outline of her body, the way the silk gown clung to her curves, beckoning with floating material for him to reach out and touch, feel. He allowed his hands to slide across the silky cloth at her shoulders, wanting to judge her reaction, and pulled the robe away, exposing the skin beneath. She sipped at the contents of her glass and allowed him to ease the camisole down before he bent and laid soft kisses against her bared shoulder. His hand pressed against the contours of her waist and hips, gliding across the front of her corset and with skilled fingers he opened a few of the metal fastenings, allowing his hand access to the soft flesh beneath. She gave a breathless sigh at the sensation, this small gesture telling him with no words that it was what she too desired. She let the glass rest upon the bar and turned to face him, her own lips finding his once again as her hands drifted over the rough cotton material of his shirt to his belt. She let her fingertips graze the outline of his gun and the bullets stored in the loops before she unbuckled his gun belt, and placed it behind her on the bar before turning her attention to the leather belt beneath. Doc broke their kiss and glanced down at her as she opened the buttons at the front of his trousers with an expert flick of her fingers and a devilish smirk.
"I..." Doc began, uncertain whether things were moving too quickly. He wanted to reassure her that he wanted more, not just the one night, to let her know he wasn't like the others she had come across, he wanted to lay with her night after night... Where it would lead only time would tell, but she would be his and if she would have him, he would gladly be hers - but she silenced him with a hungry kiss that demanded all of his attention. Ella pushed herself backwards and up onto the bar top, pulling Doc closer to her and wrapping her legs about his waist forcing him further forward. She fumbled and moment before finally releasing him and without waiting she guided him inside her. The kiss paused between them as the sensation and emotion washed over them both. It took Doc a few seconds to regain himself but Ella would not allow him to fully claim his senses, she moved her hips harshly towards him, forcing him to respond and thrust back. They moved together, taking pleasure from each other and Doc lost all awareness of time, whether minutes or hours passed between them he wasn't sure but when they both clung to each other, satisfied and panting, they were covered in a liberal sheen of sweat. Ella kissed him sweetly before pulling away and reaching for her glass in a nonchalant manner. She downed the liquid in one and let out a hiss through her teeth as the brandy hit the back of her throat.
She jumped down from the bar and quickly fastened the front of her corset. Doc watched her with unsure eyes. He got the feeling that she was treating what had just happened between them as nothing more than if it had been a drink with a friend. She walked past him as if he didn't exist and took a step up onto the dark wooden staircase. Doc hurriedly buttoned up his trousers, already feeling like a fool for thinking that...
"Well?" Her voice broke through his thoughts and made him turn to her sharply.
Doc watched her as the candlelight glinted off her hair, which had begun to come loose from the pinned up style she was wearing. The strands hung about her face giving her a wild look, Doc couldn't help the lust that rose within him once again. He didn't answer but waited for her to speak again.
"Are you comin' up?" She gestured with a hand to the stairs and gave him a sassy smile.
" Yep" Doc said casually, but his face bore a grin.
The summer sunlight filtered into the room leaving pretty shadowed patterns upon the floor cast by the lace curtains at the window. Doc slowly opened his eyes, his head ached a little from too much drink and his tongue felt stale and fuzzy but still a smile curved his lips as he remembered the night before. He sighed deeply and glanced at the window. He wondered if anyone else in the house had heard the goings on of the night before. Ella had called his name so loudly that he felt sure all the house would come running to see whether she was in trouble or need. The name she had called had not been his nickname 'Doc' but his real name, Josiah. When their lust was satisfied they'd lain in each other's arms, talking quietly of where their lives had taken them. Doc had tried to coax her playfully into revealing her real name to him, but she'd refused with a teasing grin, stating that information was secret, her name was her soul and he who knew it would have to prove himself capable of taking care of such a precious cargo.
He smiled again and turned to the sleeping woman beside him; she was curled almost into a ball and had stolen all the sheets only to keep some to cover her middle, the rest of the material hung off the bed. Doc felt a pang of hunger before gently leaning over and placing a soft kiss against her bare back. He carefully slid out of bed, determined not to wake her and quickly pulled on his trousers and hurriedly buttoned up his shirt before checking himself in the mirror. He ran a hand absently through his dishevelled hair before opening the door and closing it quietly behind him. He bounded down the stairs and headed to the kitchen where he quickly set about making a breakfast for himself and Ella. Fresh fruit, bread and sweet honey were all put into bowls before he brewed a pot of coffee and poured it into two large mugs.
He walked out of the kitchen only to come face to face with his old friend Chavez. Chavez was a half-Mexican, half-Indian man in his late twenties but he was far wiser than his years.
"Morning" he greeted with a knowing smile.
Doc smiled back a little sheepishly but remained silent.
"What did you get up to last night?" Chavez asked with a raised eyebrow.
Doc absently rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. "Well, I spent the night with Ella" he replied honestly, he and Chavez had no secrets.
Chavez gave a nod and another knowing smile. "So I heard." He gave a small chuckle. "I didn't know she was done with Dave."
Doc grimaced. "Well it ain't official yet" he tried to explain.
Chavez's face fell and he gave his friend a wary look. "I thought it may be so" he said, more to himself.
"Aw now don't go talking like that" Doc scolded, hearing the faraway tone his friend often bore before he dealt out wisdom. "You'll be asking me to go up into the mountains and do peyote with you again." Doc laughed as Chavez gave a small smirk, remembering the time he had made all of the Regulators take the hallucinogenic drug.
Doc was trying to make light of the situation but he knew Chavez was about to shatter the peace he had been feeling, it had to be shattered, it was empty hope and he needed to hear it, not that Doc saw it so clearly in that moment.
"She will not leave Dave for you if she has not already done so" Chavez said solemnly.
"What?" Doc asked in surprise.
"She is on a path to self destruction, she only sees the Łizhiní Tł'éhonaa'éí in her destiny."
"The what?" Doc asked, feeling frustrated by his friend's words. He always became annoyed when Chavez talked in Navajo or Spanish, languages which Doc knew very little of.
Chavez took in a small breath and looked into his friend's face. "The dark moon, it is an old saying that the person that has death around them and welcomes it sees only the dark moon ahead, the sun will never shine because they will always live in shadow. They only allow fellow people of this path into their thoughts and minds... their love." He paused. "They can drag you down that path with them if you allow it." He paused again, trying to gauge his friend's reaction. "I fear her spirit is damaged."
Doc narrowed his eyes at the man before him. "Don't say stuff like that about Ella!" he said gruffly.
Chavez gave a small nod and said no more but walked towards the kitchen.
Doc made his way back up to the room, pushing his friend's words from his mind. Normally Doc listened to Chavez, but this time he was wrong, he had to be. Ella had been his and he hers last night, it meant something to both of them. He pushed the door open and kicked it closed behind him a little more abruptly than he had intended.
Ella started at the noise and her eyes fluttered opened to wakefulness.
"Hey" Doc said softly, knowing her head would be throbbing from all the drink she'd partaken of the night before.
Ella gave out a low groan and pressed her face into the pillow. When she again turned she studied Doc for a moment before pulling the covers around her naked form.
Doc placed the tray down on a table and climbed onto the bed. "I brought you some fruit, honey an' bread for breakfast, thought you might be hungry after last night." He reached out to caress her shoulder but Ella flinched away.
"Don't" she said lowly, shame clear in her tone.
Doc's hand hovered in mid air before he pulled back, his brow furrowed. "What's wrong?" he asked, his mind half knowing the answer that would come.
"Last night" Ella said quietly, her voice no more than a whisper. "It shouldn't have happened, I drank too much... we both drank too much and things got outta hand."
"But..." Doc hesitated, his thoughts being pulled in two ways, anger and confusion. "I thought last night meant something to you?"
Ella slowly raised her eyes to his. "It did... just not in the way you want" she muttered. "I can't..." she began, but her voice dried quickly on her tongue. She swallowed. "I can't Doc" she said.
Doc turned from her, his anger and frustration coming into full play. He ran his fingers roughly through his blond hair before turning his temper upon the tray of food, flinging the items to the floor.
"What do you mean you can't?" he shouted, turning to face her once again. "I ain't even asked you to do anythin' yet so how do ya' know ya can't!"
Ella shook her head and wiped a hand across her brow. "I can't leave Dave" she said forcedly.
Doc stared at her in disbelief. "Why the hell not?" He paced a few steps before turning back to her. "Is he really what you want, cause last night it didn't seem so t' me!"
Ella hung her head. "Because I think I do love him Doc, he's offerin' me everythin', everythin' I want."
"It's a goddamn lie he's offerin' and you know it, you're a damn fool if you don't!" he accused. "All you want is excitement, I'm not good enough cause I don't play the bad outlaw, is that it?"
Ella shook her head. "You can't tell him Doc" she said suddenly. "If he knows he'll leave me fer sure."
"You want me to keep secrets for you now!" Doc angrily brushed away the hair that had fallen into his eyes. "Christ Ella."
She looked up at him, tears beginning to pool in her eyes. "Can't we just go back t' how things were?" She paused, "I'm beggin' you Doc."
"Why? Do you want a life of misery that badly?"
Ella glanced away, her attention focused upon the bed below her.
"Fine!" Doc bellowed. "You can have it and you're goddamn welcome to it!" He grabbed his belongings from the floor and turned to leave before whirling around to face her once again. "Just remember," he said, pointing an accusing finger at her, "I told you - and don't you dare come cryin' t' me cause I won't be there to pick up the pieces!" He turned and walked out of the room, violently slamming the door shut behind him. He walked along the landing back to his own room and flopped down upon the bed. He ran a hand across his closed eyes before letting out a breath of frustration - and he knew he hadn't meant a damn word of it.
Doc stared out of the dark window, his thoughts coming back to the present and leaving his memories where they would forever remain. It was as true as it was then; he hadn't meant a damn word of his outburst to her, to Ella, the woman who now lay cold and lifeless upon a pallet to his left.
Slowly he turned away from the dark night and allowed his eyes to rest upon her form which was covered lightly in a blanket. Maria and the children were in the back bedroom, trying their best to sleep, but for Doc sleep would not come tonight. Perhaps not for many nights, because every time he closed his eyes he saw her face, her last moments of life and he played through the events of that day, each time he saved her in a different way... each time he saved her.
The thoughts were bitter and hollow. He knew there was no real use in thinking them, yet he couldn't stop. Finally he walked over to her body. Maria had left a bowl of warm water and a cloth so that Doc could clean her and spend vital time saying his last goodbyes. He reached out and dipped the cloth into the liquid before wringing it out.
He began to wipe her arms clean; they were streaked with blood and dirt from the river. The task seemed to quell his mind for a little while as he fixated on removing all the imperfections upon her skin. When he had cleaned her body he turned his attention to her face. She looked so pale and the glistening wetness of shed tears still clung to her cheeks and lashes. He kept foolishly expecting for her lips to part and her voice to fill the room but she didn't speak, what lay before him was just a body, Ella was no longer part of this world.
When all of his tasks were done he bandaged her wounds again with clean cloth, he didn't know why but it somehow calmed his mind to tend to them. Finally he tenderly covered her with a fresh blanket and brushed any stray hair away from her face. He rested his hands upon the pallet, his fingers curling around it and his fingernails biting into the wood as he bowed his head over her. In the dimly lit room Doc whispered many things into the shadowed silence, words that only he and Ella would ever know and as he spoke, tears fell, their droplets soaking into the blanket that covered the woman he loved.