I'M A DOCTOR, CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Note to Sweeet-as-Honey: Please don't worry if you miss a review. I'm grateful for one any time! To all my other lovely reviewers, thank you so much!
Dylan looked at Lofty in concern.
"Are you all right, Ben? You looked on the verge of having a coronary."
"I felt it for a minute! But that thing's gone now."
Rita, looking pale and a little queasy, came in.
"Better now?" Connie asked kindly.
Rita nodded.
Max pushed over to Rita, and managed to slide past the protective barrier formed by Connie, Iain and Jacob.
"Hey, Foxy lady, you're going to die tonight. But don't fret… it means I can show you what a real man's like afterwards!"
Rita gave a little whimper. Iain pointed to the cross round Rita's neck.
"You can't touch her while she's wearing that."
Max sniggered and, ripping the cross from Rita, threw it into the fire.
"Big mouth!" snapped both Jacob and Connie at Iain together.
Mercedes jabbed Big MacIntosh with the pointy end of her dagger.
"So, Yellow Belly, whose side will you be taking?"
Big MacIntosh looked helplessly at Noel.
"Don't ask for help from me; you hid in a cowshed while I bled out my last moments. And I never saw my Honey again."
There was a rustling sound from the chimney.
"Demon's back for more" grinned Mercedes.
But a very dusty-looking nun fell out of the chimney and mercifully shot past the fire and landed on the carpet.
"HONEY!"
"DADDY!"
Noel and Honey embraced, even though they went straight through one another.
"I'm sorry you never saw me again, Dad. After they found you, I went to pieces and joined a convent. And they… they…"
She wept:
"They walled me up because I talked too much!"
"Oh, Baby!" Noel hugged Honey close again.
"Just a minute, Dad. I have some scumbag to settle with."
She grabbed Mercedes by the hair and held her face over the fire. Mercedes screamed.
"You killed my dad, you nasty bitch!"
One side of Mercedes' face was already roasted.
"Other side!" Honey chuckled, and turned Mercedes round like a slice of toast so she roasted evenly on both sides.
"Please!" Mercedes was reduced to a snivelling wretch, "Please just finish me quickly!"
"You're dead already, dozy bitch! But I can send you to eternity if you want it…"
She kicked Mercedes straight in the backside. Mercedes lost her balance and fell, screeching, into the fire. She burned up quickly just as Jeff's anxious face peeked out of it.
"Harper's on his way. Now are we all against him or is anybody stupid enough to still be on his side, considering these humans are pretty kick-ass?" he asked.
Max's smirk froze on his face.
"One minute to make up your mind, Maxwell Gerard Lindsay Walker." Honey was inexorable.
All the other ghosts sniggered at Max.
"Well if Rita gets killed in the big fight, can I keep her?" he asked feebly.
Iain's fist went through Max's transparent face and he snapped:
"That would be a 'no' from me, then."
"Iain, does this mean you…" Rita began.
"I always have. But there was always Connie and I didn't want to get in the way."
"Ah, sweetheart!"
Connie, happier about the way the conflict was going now, said:
"Maybe you can see each other twice a week?" It was meant as a joke but Iain looked really hopeful.
"I'll be there to keep you warm on those nights, Sweet Cheeks" Jacob offered, and when Connie was silent, said:
"Ah, come on, it's better than being a bloody lesbian, right?"
Caitlin Redmyres appeared in her bridal outfit and screeched in Jacob's face.
"That's a 'no' from her, then" grinned Connie.
"So do we all agree to fight Harper even though he's got a demon with him?" asked Ricardo.
"Most of us. I'm taking no chances on this one" Dylan stood up and putting Dervla on her lead, led her to the outside toilet, wedging the door shut with a large chair. Dervla whined and barked but Dylan was unmoved.
"I'll tear him apart. He killed my babies!" bawled Tess. She suddenly floated into the kitchen and came back brandishing a meat cleaver.
The French Windows in the main room flew open and there stood Harry and the demon, who was in his own form… which was still sickening.
As Tess lunged at Harry, the demon picked her up by the scruff of the neck and flung her across the lawn. She landed in a tree, but, being Tess, put the meat cleaver between her teeth and used her hands to climb down. As she stormed into the main room, the demon smirked.
"Your babies were the first ones to betray our allegiance to Harry; it's only fair that they should be punished accordingly."
He picked up the struggling Keira and threw her into the fire. Her screams ripped into Dylan and Lofty's hearts; they had become fond of the cheeky but kind-hearted twins over the last few days. Orlando ran at the demon but was no match for it, and was thrown into the fire where he soon became a pile of ash like his sister.
"Oh you bastard!" Connie sobbed.
Honey stalked towards the demon, opened her habit – Noel was worried for an instant, wondering what she was playing at – and tugged the rosary from round her neck. She flung it into the demon's face. It screamed aloud in agony as its face became pitted with burns and scars.
"Everybody with crosses, get that demon!" yelled Dylan.
Big MacIntosh took a big step towards redeeming himself as he whacked the demon with the Bible; it's head actually flattened but it giggled like a psychopath and kept on advancing on the ghosts.
"Once your little supernatural friends are gone, it's just you paltry humans against me and Harry!"
Ricardo snatched Giorgio's sword; Giorgio bristled but saw what his ex-foe was doing. Ricardo made the sign of the cross with the two swords. The demon screeched.
Everybody was advancing on the screeching fiend now; Harry backed towards the French windows nervously.
"Maybe a hymn" Honey suggested and began to sing 'Onward Christian soldiers' slightly off-key.
The demon punched her in the face, leaving a horrible jagged scorch mark.
Then Dylan gawped – there was no other word for it- at Lofty, who stood there singing calmly. He realised what was being sung and motioned to everybody to join in the chorus:
"All you need is love, love, love is all you need."
The demon was cringing now and actually weeping. Love was like poison to it.
"All you need is love!" Taylorette jabbed the demon in the gut with the poker. It crumpled, whining.
"All you need is love!" Iain shoved a cross into each of the demon's ears. It wailed in agony and steam came from each ear.
"All you need is love, love, love is all you need!" Jeff emerged from the fire sitting serenely in his armchair which moved around like a seat on a ride in a theme park. He kept whacking the chair into the demon like a dodgem ride gone wrong. The demon was visibly weakening.
Harry Harper went for sheer bravado and sneered:
"Right! I'll admit it since nobody's going to survive to call the cops to arrest me anyway! I killed those two brats. Their parents should have left all the money to me as their best friend, but he left it to those little shits! And wasn't I lucky that their precious Uncle Jonathan was blamed for it and now I'm going to inherit everything?"
The French Windows opened again but this time it was Lily and Morris who stood there, with two armed officers following behind. They'd got permission for the helicopter, but in the pandemonium, nobody had heard it landing on the lawn.
"Thank you, Sir, for the confession" Morris said, trying not to look at the ghosts or the dying demon, and trying to convince himself he was quite sane, "I'm arresting you for murder…"
"No you're not, he gets what he deserves for my poor babies!" screamed Tess, and beheaded Harry with the cleaver, flinging his head into the fire. Lily and Morris hastily signalled to the armed response officers not to shoot anybody. The rest of Harry made a mess on the carpet as Rita fainted and Iain scooped her up.
Knowing it was defeated, the demon summoned his last strength. Redmyres Grange began to implode on itself, walls collapsing. The ghosts floated into the evening air, while the humans ran outside. Then Lofty remembered Dervla and went running back to the outdoor toilet as Dylan yelled out in grief and fear.
And all this time the three police officers and Lily stared in bewilderment.