You have to be sedated for the third time that day. The first time, you experience your first panic attack and you accidentally rip open the wound in your chest, blood dripping down your torso. You mom has to put you under so she can fix what you've ruined.

The second time you got way too involved in the game you were playing on the Game Boy. You were about to catch a legendary Pokémon and didn't have a master ball and you were so pissed off. It just so happens that when you were dropping curses left and right that one of the nurses from the Ark walks into your room. She immediately thinks that you're going to start throwing things again, so she shoots you up with morphine.

The third time was not your fault at all. Or that's what you tell yourself. It's not your fault when someone happens to tell you that Lexa wants to see you. It's not your fault when you say no. It's not your fault when you say no by attempting to strangle the messenger. It's not your fault when you almost kill him. It's not your fault when you fight the people trying to pry you off of the boy. But, it is your fault when they strap you down to the bed again, pump the sedative through your veins, and you silently whisper her name. You don't know what force compelled you to do it, but it happened. And when you wake up, you instantly regret it. Because she's sitting at the foot of your bed with her head in a book.

"I said I didn't want to see you," you mumble. You don't have enough strength to fight her today, even though that's been the only thought in your head for weeks. "The healers said that you were saying my name before you fell asleep, so they made an assumption," she answers, turning a page and not looking at you. "Didn't the half dead servant you sent give you another idea?" you retort. She looks up at you under hooded eyes. "It was against my better judgment. Besides, you've silenced my servant for a few days, so I couldn't exactly ask him if you would let me visit you."

The tension is so thick that you can cut it with a knife. You hold her gaze for as long as possible, hopefully burning the image of hate, anger, and fire into her green eyes. "You can look at me all you want, Clarke, but I'm not leaving until you say something other than trying to fight me," she says.

You grunt and lift your hand to get the hair out of your face but- oh look at that – you're still strapped down. Apparently, you're still not trusted with the Commander in your presence. Lexa notices you struggling. She closes her book and puts it on the table beside her. As she gets up and walks toward you, you don't know what to do.

You really can't do anything except let her closer and it drives you insane. She sits on the edge of the bed and brings her hand up to your face. You want to flinch, your brain is screaming at you to get away from her as fast as possible, but in that moment you're frozen.

She brushes her fingers against your forehead and tucking your hair behind your ear. "I know you hate me. I know that you may never forgive me for what I've done to you and your people. But please, Clarke," she moves to rest her palm on your cheek. However, she hesitates and pulls back. She knows you're not ready. "Please don't hurt yourself." She's so vulnerable in this moment. You should take advantage of it. You should say something snarky that will hurt her even more or something.

Still, you can't. You can't. You're weak against her. Your lips part as your gaze travels to down her face to her chest rising and falling with each breath. "I won't," you whisper. "Promise me," she says, putting her hand under your chin and lifting your head so you look her in the eyes. She is completely exposed to you, all defenses down.

Her fingertips sear your skin, yet you lean into her touch. "I promise." Her lips grow into a smile and she leans closer to you. You think she's going to kiss you, but she just leans her forehead against yours. Then, a horrible, yet brilliant idea forms in your head.

You lean back from her just so you can see her face. Her reaction goes from relaxed to confused quickly. Just what you wanted. You lean in to whisper in her ear. "I promise," you breathe against her ear and you feel her shudder. "I promise to never put my people in danger again." You stop, for dramatic effect of course. "And that your secret won't be safe for long."

She pulls back from you, bewildered. "My secret?"

"Yes, Lexa." Your smile grows. "Your weakness."

Her expression falls. You've never seen her like this before. She's terrified. "Clarke-"

"And I bet the Ice Queen would love to hear it."

hi guys and gals and everyone in between! thanks again for all the love :D hope you have the best week!

- juju :)