Femme Docs and Kevlar Knights

by A Cullen Wannabe

Bella is a first yr medical intern who was raised by her brother Emmett and his friends after their parents died when she was 16. When a night in the ER turns dangerous can her boys, now members of the best SWAT team in Chicago save her? Lang/Lem/complete

21. Decoys and Deprecation

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the original Twilight characters nor any of the songs mentioned and quoted in this chapter.

Author's Note: This chapter is very fluffy and full of music.I have two youtube playlists now. One is EAM and the other is BB (Edward's playlist). I sort of bop between the two of them in this chapter, so you might want to have two screens up with one on each if you want to listen along. We're back to fluff again and I finally got a chance to give a bit more insight into Bella's reaction in a more detailed way…maybe. Some of you guys have had a really hard time accepting how she reacted to what she saw of Edward; maybe this will shed more light. Anyway, I hope you like it.

BELLA'S EAM IPOD PLAYLIST

www . youtube . com/view_play_list?p=F91687454A4F304E

EDWARD'S BB IPOD PLAYLIST

www . youtube . com/view_play_list?p=9541DC7E94D9A6BD

As always, big thanks to my gal Friday Sihaya 9! You are awesome!

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Decoys and Deprecation

EPOV

My eyes fluttered open, feeling swollen and sticky. I was confused at first, not sure where I was or how I got there. Then I was hit with the heavenly scent of strawberry, freesia, and Bella. I smiled when I realized the comfortable pillow I was resting on, was in fact my beautiful Bella.

I looked up to see her serene face. I couldn't help but be so fucking grateful to Emmett for making her stop to hear the truth. The fire in her eyes, the hurt and the anger stabbed through my soul, threatening to burn me from the inside out.

I had noticed almost immediately that my ring wasn't on her finger and panicked until I saw it glint around her neck as Emmett held her on the couch. I felt a momentary sense of relief that she had at least kept it close. I mean, I couldn't blame her for not wanting to wear it with what she believed had happened, but she still kept it on her body. I had to hope that meant something.

That hope shattered when she rose, crossing the room to stand toe to toe with me. She threw my own words in my face, as though they were some kind of convoluted rationale to cheat on her, which I would never be able to stand to do, before ripping my ring from around her neck, throwing it at me, and turning to walk away. It was my worst nightmare come true, the whole reason why I never put myself out there, because my love was always thrown back in my face in the end. But once again, if I had truly done what she believed, I would have deserved it. She never would have done what she did without provocation. I just knew she wouldn't.

Knowing it was all due to a misunderstanding, that I was losing everything that meant anything at all to me in that instant due to bad timing and a web of what, in retrospect, were probably poor choices, washed me in a tidal wave of overwhelming pain that brought me to my knees. I wrapped one arm around my stomach to try to hold myself together as I reached my other hand out to grab the symbol of my heart and my love that had been tossed at me, all while trying to figure out if there was ever any way I would survive this without her. The simple answer was I wouldn't. Well, I would survive, but my heart would never be the same.

Then Emmett, God bless him, spoke up and made Bella stay and listen as he explained the whole situation. I wished I could explain it myself, but words were lost to me as I sat there feeling as though I had hit rock bottom. I found myself praying desperately that Emmett would get through, that somehow, someway, it would all turn out okay in the end.

I barely registered the motion as instantly Bella appeared, kneeling in front of me with tears streaming down her face as she apologized to me. There were no words, no actions, nothing in the world available to convey my relief, so I did the only thing I knew how, I pulled her to my chest and held her as tightly as I could without hurting her. I cried for all the pain the two of us had endured over the last few days. I cried for the mother who abandoned me, the father who died and left me behind, the friends and family who have been there for me and yet I always held at a bit of a distance, and for the amazing girl who changed my entire world and brought me back to life.

I lay on the couch next to Bella, watching the ring symbolizing my devotion to her, glinting on her right ring finger from where it rested by her face, on the arm of the couch. I thanked God for this angel who was slowly healing me and my long fractured heart.

I looked around the room for the clock on a far wall, seeing that it was after four in the afternoon. We had slept much of the day away. I slid carefully off the couch, hoping not to wake her and feeling the loss of her warmth the second I stepped away.

I carefully lifted her into my arms, carrying her to the bedroom she had been sleeping in while staying with Alice. I pulled the covers back and settled her between the sheets, tucking her back in carefully. I grabbed a sheet of paper on the bedside table, scribbling a quick note telling her I had an errand to run, but I would be back soon and that I loved her more than life itself. Placing it on the pillow beside her, I stood in the doorway and watched as she curled up in the sheets. I sighed before closing the door and creeping as quietly as possible out of the apartment.

I stepped into the hallway to find an exhausted looking Jake standing sentry by the door. I stood in front of him, looking up at his weary face and held out my hand to him. He looked at me in confusion; his gaze flipping between my hand and my face before he slowly extended his hand to clasp mine, shaking firmly.

"I owe you an apology, Jake. I misjudged you by things from the past. I, of all people, shouldn't have done that. Thank you for being with us and helping us keep Bella safe."

He nodded with a small smile. "Bella is a good person. I hope you remember that and don't let the happenings of today ever become anything more than a misunderstanding."

I wanted to be angry, but I understood what he was really saying. I nodded. "I fully intend for that to be the case. I do have one more question for you though, Jake. I'm working on a new plan; I have a few things to check first, but if things work out as I hope, do you think you could take on a special assignment to help me keep Bella safe for the next week or so?"

He looked at me apprehensively, "Depends on the assignment, I guess. What do you have in mind?"

I smiled and patted his shoulder. "Let me see if it's even possible first. I'll get back to you."

He nodded in reply with a small smile before turning back to his post by the apartment door.

I left for the elevators to start my errands. Pulling out my cell phone, I dialed my Uncle's cell phone as I walked.

"Edward?"

"Hi Uncle Carlisle, I was wondering, do you have some free time today? I really need to discuss something with you."

"Now is as good a time as any, son. What do you need?"

"Are you at the office or at home?"

"Home…" He sounded confused.

I chuckled a little, realizing why. "I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

"What? Aren't you in Minnesota?"

"Nope…it's a really long story. I'll tell you when I get there."

I walked out, hailing a cab to my Aunt and Uncle's condo, crossing my fingers the whole way in hopes that he could help me. If I couldn't get this part sorted out, then the rest of my idea wouldn't work anyway.

I arrived at the condo to the enthusiastic and yet concerned greeting of my adoptive parents. They both freaked out over my bruised face and swollen nose. Uncle Carlisle insisted on examining me before we settled into the den for a long talk.

I explained everything, starting with the Femmes night out, Trager and his playing grab ass with my Bella. They grimaced as I detailed our taking care of him later when we saw him pulling something similar on another girl, announcing she was Em's sister and we were SWAT like a bunch of idiots. The later revelation of his mob ties, our trip to Minnesota while the girls were under guard, and what they referred to as house arrest were also met with mutual looks of worry. Uncle Carlisle had heard all of this before we left when I was trying to get time off for Bella to come with us, at that time it was all speculation, but I wanted Aunt Esme to be brought up to speed before I continued.

I went on to explain the week at camp, seeing Tanya and my 'mother' at the bar, the entire Tanya debacle and misunderstanding with Bella, earning groans from both parental figures. Tanya's revelation of Elizabeth's whereabouts resulted in a painful whimper from Aunt Esme. I felt bad for revealing such news without cushioning the blow, but I had bigger issues to worry about at the moment. They both gasped as I told them how Bella fled to Chicago by train and her near miss with Trager.

Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme grew quite pale when they heard how close Bella had been to danger. As I unfolded the long tale, Carlisle's eyes grew angrier at each new confirmation of the threat.

I asked if now that there was a legitimate threat to Bella's life, if she could manage to get a week long leave of absence. I really felt that I needed to keep her with me while I went back to Minnesota.

Uncle Carlisle made a few calls. To my great relief, he managed to get the time approved.

Once I knew my plan was feasible, I explained my thoughts. They both agreed that it sounded like the best alternative.

We sat and discussed the situation with Elizabeth. I explained my need to confront her and my gratefulness that I would now be able to have Bella with me. I knew I needed her for always, but especially now. I didn't think I could face that woman without her by my side.

They hugged me close, giving me their blessings for the remainder of my plans. Aunt Esme slipped a set of keys into my hands before waving me off.

My next stop was back at Alice's apartment. Bella was still sleeping, so I went in to find Emmett, Jasper and their girls. I pulled them into the living room and grabbed Jake from the hallway before explaining my idea. They were all pleased with the general concept. They wished that Alice and Rose could come along as well, but since there was only speculation that they were in danger, there was no valid excuse to grant Alice leave from the program. Rosalie was saving her vacation and refused to leave Alice alone.

Once things were settled with them, I went to wake my sleeping beauty. I took her and Jake to my apartment, where my maid, Melissa, would be waiting at my request. I had called her on my way back from the condo; she was more than willing to wait for our arrival.

As we entered, Jensen looked surprised and yet pleased to see Bella and I. He explained that all had been quiet. He was shocked to find that there had been a breech in Hancock security, assuring me that it would not be the case here with him in charge. I nodded, thanking him before leading Bella and Jake up to the top floor to my apartment.

Melissa looked uncomfortable as we walked in; still unaware of what was going on. Bella looked equally confused, smiling awkwardly at the unsettled employee. Melissa's eyes brightened when she recognized Bella from the pictures in the apartment and smiled, standing up to shake Bella's hand.

"It's so very nice to meet you, Miss Swan. My name is Melissa, but everybody calls me Mel. I've heard so much about you!"

Bella blushed sweetly, glancing over at me with a raised eyebrow. I simply smiled.

She turned back to Melissa with a bright smile. "It's nice to meet you too, Mel, please call me Bella. By the way, the lunch you made us Monday before last was amazing. I really hope you'll give me the recipe sometime."

Melissa beamed at Bella, thanking her for the compliment. I chuckled at their exchange while they fell into typical female banter as though they were long lost friends. As I watched them talk, I felt even more confident that my plan could work. Both Bella and Melissa had similar brownish hued hair; they were pretty much the same height and general build. Although Melissa had a tiny bit more weight on her, it wouldn't be noticeable in baggy clothes. I glanced over at Jake to see him watching the scene with a hint of amusement in his face as well, along with something else that annoyed me. I pushed it down, interrupting the conversation the ladies were sharing in order to discuss the real reason why I had everyone there.

"I have a proposition for all of you, but first, I must say that this could potentially cause a problem for Melissa."

I took some time to explain what our situation to Melissa, who sat pale and panic stricken, glancing over at Bella apologetically from time to time. Once I had the whole story out in the open, I set forth my overall concept, hoping everyone would agree and we could set it into action as soon as possible.

"So, here is my idea. Bella, I've already talked to Carlisle and he has arranged for you to have a week long leave of absence from the program without it impacting your internship. The board, after hearing the facts, deemed your life to be in jeopardy and that it was in your best interest to have the time to get away. I'm quite certain the decision had nothing to do with protecting their own interests as well," I mumbled with a heavy dose of sarcasm which made Bella chuckle.

I smiled at her and continued, "So, I was hoping you could come back to Minnesota with me tonight."

Bella looked up at me in surprise.

I smiled at her before looking back at Melissa and Jake.

"In the meantime, I was hoping that if I gave you a year's worth of salary on top of your regular earnings for the week, that you, Melissa, would stay here. Jake would be your personal, live-in bodyguard, in order to make it appear that Bella is still in town. Jake would take you to the grocery store and other random places while you wore baggy clothes, a baseball cap, and sunglasses. You look close enough in height and build that I believe it would be enough of a disguise to make Trager think Bella is still in town, and yet you would always be under protection 24/7. You would be welcome to utilize anything in the apartment you wish, except I ask that you do respect my rules regarding my bedroom and private bathroom. Only Bella and I are allowed entrance to those rooms."

Melissa looked shell shocked as she looked between me and Jake. I chanced a look at Jake who had a warm smile on his face and a twinkle in his eyes. It was then that I realized I had no reason to be upset over his look earlier. Not only that, I had a feeling he would happily volunteer for the job.

Melissa swallowed hard before she chanced a look over at Bella, who was looking at her with a hopeful expression. I saw Melissa's brow furrow, then she straightened her back, looking back to me with confidence.

"Bella deserves a break from all of this. I'll be protected at all times right?" She looked shyly over at Jake and he smiled broadly at her with a nod.

Bella reached over and touched Melissa's arm. "Thank you, Mel. I appreciate this more than you know…and you can trust Jake. He's been on my detail for a week now and I've known him a long time."

She glanced up at him from the corner of her eye with a sly smile. "He may have been a little prick in high school, but he's grown up to be an honorable man. He'll keep you safe."

Melissa looked at her, then back to Jake, and smiled with a slight blush. Oh yes, she was going to be a perfect Bella decoy.

I grabbed a duffel bag from my closet, packing a few extra clothes for me. Most of mine were still in the hotel in Minnesota. We had all been in such a rush that we hadn't even bothered going back for our things. Rose had called and arranged for the girls, Andy's, and Jake's things to be shipped back to Chicago UPS and to allow them to check out of those rooms over the phone. Alice and Rose had also packed more clothes for Bella in the suitcase she had brought back with her from Minnesota, arranging to have Andy pick it up and take it to his place across town.

After I was all packed up, Bella and I slipped down to the underground garage. Meanwhile, Melissa and Jake went for a decoy walk to Bella's apartment building to make it appear she was going back for more things. We slipped unnoticed into the garage grabbing my Volvo and slipping away.

We drove to Andy's and picked up Bella's suitcase before beginning the long nine hour drive back up to Minnesota. If all went according to plan, we would arrive around four in the morning. I figured then we would crash until early afternoon, going to search out Tanya again once we were awake and cleaned up. I hoped to find out how to contact Elizabeth.

As we made our way out of Chicago, I noticed that Bella seemed tense, looking around at all the cars and looking behind her frequently checking for followers. I couldn't blame her after what had happened this morning, I would be too.

While I hated to see her worried, I was glad to see she was becoming more aware of her environment. Even if you're not being pursued by a psychotic mob hitman, it's a good idea to be aware of what's around you at all times.

I kept a close eye on the rearview, pretty sure that we didn't have a tail. Once the urban landscape began to grow more and more sparse, I began to finally relax, feeling confident that we had actually pulled it off. I reached over and took Bella's hand, rubbing my thumb across the back soothingly. I glanced to see her smiling over at me, looking a tad more relaxed.

I pulled her hand up to kiss the back as I drove down the road and sighed. We had a long drive ahead of us and I figured that now was as good a time to talk as any. We had talked about lots of things before we fell asleep earlier today, but we still hadn't really addressed our relationship part of things quite so much.

I took a deep breath and squeezed her hand.

"Bella? Can we talk about what happened on Friday?"

Her hand tensed in mine as she sighed. "I'm sorry Edward; I know I didn't choose the best course of action. I just sort of panicked and freaked out. I'm so sorry."

I shook my head. "It's okay, love. The panicking and freaking out is normal and to be expected with what you thought you saw. You wouldn't be human if you didn't react that way. The thing that bothers me is the whole running away thing. I really need you to promise me that you won't do that again. No matter what happens, no matter what the situation is, promise me that you will come to me okay? I don't care if I'm going to be upset, or mad about the situation, or if it will rip my fucking heart out, I need to know that you will be honest and straightforward with me. Can you promise me that?"

I glanced away from the road to see her face illuminated by the light emanating from the digital radio display in the dashboard. She was nibbling on her bottom lip with her brows furrowed, looking so damn small and adorable. She nodded, promising me in a voice that was just above a whisper.

"I love you, my beautiful Bella. I know that I'm trying to outlive a long standing reputation when it comes to women and relationships, but I really hope you can learn to trust in me and trust in the fact that I love you. I have to admit that this whole situation is really frustrating, because I actually wasn't doing anything wrong and then all of this shit happened." I paused to run my hand through my hair with a sigh.

"I am fully aware of how lucky I am to have you and the fact that I would lose you forever if I ever fell back into my old patterns, which I have no intention of ever doing. I love you and I want only you. I hope someday you will learn to truly believe that and believe in me."

I leaned over the center console to kiss her temple as she leaned to meet me halfway, resting her head on my shoulder.

"I love you, Edward. I'm sorry I didn't trust you. I'm sorry that I ran instead of dealing with everything. When I saw you with her, I just had all of these flashes of you over the years, and you with Maggie in that damn doctor's lounge."

She sat back in her seat again, facing me while keeping my hand clutched tightly in hers.

"I just felt like my heart was shattering. It's so ironic, I can face a room full of bloody trauma patients and not flinch, I can call out any of the boys on their bullshit and pretty much hold my ground in any argument, but when it came to dealing with painful things with you, I've always run away."

She sighed, looking away from me, shifting her focus to our twined fingers. "I had lived in Chicago around you guys for not quite a year the first time I saw you making out with a girl."

I looked over with wide surprised eyes. I had never known she had seen me with anyone until the year we started going to the beach house.

She frowned, studying our hands even more intently as she spoke. "I had to go to the library after school that day. I was walking to catch the L and just happened across you two. You had her pinned against a wall with your hands on her thighs, pushing up her skirt and my heart just broke; I turned and ran away. I never said a word. About a year later, you started standing me up when we had plans. I assume you found a last minute date, and like the chickenshit I was when it came to you, I never brought it up, afraid I might loose you altogether."

She paused with a sigh; her voice cracked a bit as she continued. "The first year at the beach house, we were having a big bonfire out on the beach. After a while, you disappeared. I came inside to use the restroom and…I…" she let out a big sigh and closed her eyes blushing deeply, "I heard you moaning in your room on my way to the bathroom, and then I heard the girl start screaming your name. Once again, I ran, crying my eyes out and hid like a little preschooler. Emmett found me out behind the shed two hours later, asking me what was wrong. I lied and said I just needed some time alone to watch the stars in peace."

I cringed, my fingers tightening on the steering wheel until my knuckles were blanched white. I was a young single guy with every right to have my fun at the time, and she wasn't much more than a teenage girl, but the thought of her hearing that was so unnerving.

"Ironic isn't it? Over the years, I eventually got over it all, I guess. I finally realized that my feelings for you were totally one sided. I made my peace with it, settling for what I could get. I realized that a part of having you in my life was having to watch you with those women. I slowly grew desensitized until you kissed me that day in Andy's hospital room. That pretty much sent me back to square one. I mean, yeah, I yelled at you when you were with Maggie, but less than a second later, I was out the door, in the elevator to run and hide again. Then after how close we had gotten, the things we had admitted to one another, when I saw Tanya kissing you, I felt like I was seventeen again, watching you grope the girl in the street. All of those same instincts kicked in."

"Really though, the truth is that I honestly don't know why you chose me. I mean, in a way I do. Intellectually I understand, sort of, I guess, but deep down inside, I will always be that overlooked teenage girl who always felt plain and unwanted. I know for a fact that I'm not as amazing as you make me out to be. I think you look at me with rose colored glasses."

She took a deep breath and sighed shaking her head from side to side slowly.

"Anyway, after I got back to the hotel room, I laid in that bed, trying to hide from the pain, but my brain wouldn't let me. All I kept feeling was that I hadn't run far enough. I didn't even stop to think that Trager might have followed us; all I could think was that I needed to get out of there, let the rest of the group enjoy their time together and get back to Hancock where I thought I'd be safe to mope in peace."

I had to fight to remember to keep my eyes on the road. The pain in her voice as she recounted her memories made my own heart ache.

"Then on the train ride home, I had this horrible nightmare that I stayed and watched as you pushed her onto the table, making out with her. When you noticed me, you laughed at me and said I was plain, and boring, and frigid. You said that you were sick of trying to always convince me I was beautiful and I was just too much work. Gotta love the subconscious and how it always smacks you in the face while you're sleeping, because that was pretty much every one of my deepest, darkest fears laid out in one nice neat little tear inducing package. A repeat of my worst relationship histories with the only guy I've ever truly loved."

Listening to her lay all of her feelings out like that, I found myself getting more and more saddened and frustrated. After she finished talking about her dream, I couldn't take it anymore. I hit the brakes, finding the closest exit just ahead, and swinging onto the shoulder of the onramp. I threw the car into park and turned to look a surprised Bella in the face. I cradled her face in my hands as I spoke.

"First of all, I love you because you are the most amazing person I've ever known. I think every day about how lucky I am to have you in my life."

I leaned forward, kissing her forehead as she closed her eyes with a hum, opening them again to listen as I continued.

"Secondly, you have NEVER been plain from what I have seen. You were sixteen the first time I met you, and I was immediately struck by how beautiful you were. I kept pushing it out of my mind because you were underage and I was a mess. You have to trust me though, Bella, you are so incredibly beautiful and it's not just rose colored glasses tinting my vision either."

I leaned in again to kiss her nose as she crinkled it adorably and nibbled on her bottom lip.

"Third…woman, after what you did to me last Friday night, nobody in their right fucking mind would EVER refer to you as frigid! That was beyond a doubt the hottest, sexiest, most amazing thing I have ever experienced, and as you like to point out, I have had a lot of experiences."

The smile that broke out on her face was radiant. I grazed my thumbs across the apple of her brightly blushing cheeks.

"Fourth, I'm so sorry that you saw and heard the things you did. It makes my stomach churn at the thought of you being hurt by all of that. Unfortunately, I was always a pretty selfish person. After my mom left, I pretty much decided that looking out for number one was the only important thing ,so that's what I did. I got better about it for a while once you and Emmett came into my life. It was about that time, four years ago, after I graduated college and stuff, that I reverted back to that selfish asshole. It took hearing you talking in your sleep to pull me out of it. Anyway, I'm so sorry."

I kissed her forehead and both cheeks.

"And finally, while yes I wish you would see yourself clearly and understand how amazing you are, I will never stop working my hardest to be the man you deserve. It's not a hardship; it's a privilege. Okay?"

She nodded through her tears and I leaned forward to meet her lips in a forceful kiss full of desperation and desire. She sighed into my mouth and I took the opportunity to sneak my tongue in to gently caress hers, sampling her sweet taste.

After a few kisses, she pulled away, looking me in the eyes. "And I promise to work hard, too. You deserve the honesty and trust you're asking for. I will work my hardest to do that and to make you as happy as I can. You deserve so much more than what I am too, not that you can see it. I think you might just be the poster boy for love making you blind." She giggled and kissed my lips again before deepening the kiss once more.

We sat there for some time, soothing one another with our kisses, before I finally pulled away, citing that we would never reach our destination if we didn't keep moving. Before pulling away from the shoulder, I reached back into the front of my duffel bag pulling out our iPods and passing them to Bella.

Bella looked over at me with a funny expression. "Uh, Edward, sweetheart, I'm pretty sure we can only listen to one iPod at a time."

I smiled at her with a wink. "Well, we're going to play a bit of a game while we drive. Do me a favor and flip on mine."

I waited for her to turn it on and wait for the opening screens to pass. "Okay, now go to my playlists. Look for one marked BB."

Her brow crinkled. "Like Boy Boy?"

I chuckled, "More like Beautiful Bella."

She looked over with raised eyebrows before looking determinedly at the screen, clicking when she found the desired playlist. She sat in silence a few minutes scanning the screen and then looked over at me in amazement.

"How long?"

I shrugged. "Ah, I started it about four years ago or so…right around the same time as the collage frame I think. Of course the nature of songs has changed quite significantly since I realized my feelings for you. I've added a lot more songs in the last month or so. That was something that sort of got me all out of control when I saw your playlist…check out how many duplicates we have…"

She giggled as she scrolled the list, recognizing many of her EAM songs on my BB list.

"So, how is this a game?" She asked nibbling her lower lip shyly.

"Well, here's what I was thinking. We're going to use the songs to help us understand each other and how we've been feeling all of these years. We bring up a time in our past and then we play the song from our playlists that we added around that time or makes us think of that time. What do you think?"

She smiled and nodded, bouncing in her seat a bit, reminding me of Alice. "That sounds like it could be really cool. Let's do it!"

I smiled, turning on the radio. I plugged in the auxiliary cord, plugging in my iPod first. We would have to plug and unplug the cord each time, but it should still work.

"Well how do we work this?" She asked looking over at me as she nibbled her lip.

"How about I go first? I say we start at the beginning. Look through and pick a song that reminds you of how you felt sometime during the first two years or so we knew each other, when we were first learning about one another."

She frowned and began to scroll through her iPod. I scrolled my iPod Touch straight to the first song I would play, knowing it was unequivocally what I thought about when I was around Bella during those early years. The love line wasn't really where my head was at the time, but the general feelings and emotions in the verses were perfect.

I left my touch plugged in as I waited for her to finish searching. It took her a long time to find which one she wanted to share before finally looking up at me with a shy smile.

"Ready?"

She nodded.

I hit the button and the first guitar riffs of Guns and Roses Sweet Child O Mine began to fill the air of the car and she looked over with a chuckle and a wide smile.

She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I stared too long
I'd probably break down and cry

Oh, sweet child o' mine
Oh, sweet love of mine

She's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder and the rain
To quietly pass me by

I turned down the music into the background once we were past the second verse and looked over briefly. "Of course your eyes aren't blue, but the rest of it is pretty accurate. There was always a connection there with you that I never really understood, but when we would hang out, I just felt this sort of sense of peace. Once I met you, I could never hear this song without thinking of you and those deep brown eyes and that long brown hair."

She sighed and reached over to take my hand and squeeze it. I glanced away from the road again with a smile and nodded that it was her turn. She unplugged my player, plugging in hers before hitting the play button. A light pop beat along with a light girly voice began to sing into the air and I looked over with a funny expression.

"Just listen doofus," she sighed elbowing me in the ribs.

I chuckled and focused on the lyrics.

You know everything that I'm afraid of
You do everything I wish I did
Everybody wants you, everybody loves you
I know I should tell you how I feel
I wish everyone would disappear
Everytime you call me, I'm too scared to be me
And I'm too shy to say,

Ooh, I got a crush on you (crush on you)
I hope you feel the way that I do
I get a rush when I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you, a crush on you...

You know I'm the one that you can talk to
sometimes you tell me things that I don't want to know
I just want to hold you
You say exactly how you feel about her
I wonder, could you ever think of me that way

The chorus repeated and I looked over as she shrugged. "I was sixteen, A Walk to Remember had just come out, and it put me into my Mandy Moore phase. I want you to hear the next verse and then I'll swap them back out again."

Ooh, I wish I could tell somebody
But there's no one to talk to
Nobody knows I've got a crush on you
A crush on you, I got a crush (hey, hey yeah)(I got a crush on you)
You say everything that no one says
I feel everything that you're afraid to feel
I will always want you, I will always love you

She turned the music back down and turned back to me nibbling her lip.

"That was sweet, Bella…very fitting for a teenager with a crush on a sexy older man."

She giggled as I winked at her dramatically, putting on a bit of swagger in my shoulders for effect which made her laugh harder. I loved hearing her laugh, especially after the last twenty-four hours.

"Okay, well it's your turn to choose."

She nibbled on her lip and examined her hands for a few minutes before finally looking back over at me.

"Alright, I've got one. How about the time when we started going to the beach house? So basically four years ago…. I'm curious about what you were thinking during that timeframe when you started the collage with the beach pictures."

I smiled and thought for a minute before finding my selection. It was dangerous to be doing this while driving, but I was accustomed to it and I wanted to see her reaction when she first heard the song as opposed to telling her and making her find it.

A few seconds later, she looked over and we nodded at each other.

"Ladies first."

She smiled and hit the play button. The slow, familiar, and yet long forgotten strains of music filled the air. It was so familiar but I couldn't quite place it. The unique voice of Mazzy Star filled the car and I immediately placed the tune as Fade Into You and my heart ached a bit.

I want to hold the hand inside you
I want to take a breath that's true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
You live your life
You go in shadows
You'll come apart and you'll go black
Some kind of night into your darkness
Colors your eyes with what's not there.

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think its strange you never knew

A strangers light comes on slowly
A strangers heart withoutahome
You put your hands into your head
And then smiles cover your heart

She lowered the music before she spoke. "It was around that time that you really started hitting your promiscuous high. I was watching you go through women like they were socks. It broke my heart and made me feel invisible in a way, I guess. It was like my Edward was slowly disappearing as you turned more and more into Slutward. You still spent time with me, but it was slowly becoming less and less in favor of nights out on the hunt. It wasn't exactly a high time for me."

I felt my brows furrow as I grasped her hand again, running my thumb over the back. There was so much that I was blind to, and now my choice was going to sound incredibly selfish, but then again, I always was. Bella had been right a few weeks ago when she called me out on using her as my emotional companion. It started early on with her calming presence and it continued to grow as time progressed. I managed to squeeze it into smaller and smaller slivers of time, so that eventually when we were together, it was pretty much all about what I needed from her and very little reciprocation. I swapped out the cords and hit play and the light guitar began to play the Goo Goo Dolls song Iris.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I turned back the music. "The chorus was the main part that reminded me of you during that time, but the rest is true too to an extent. I hid so much of myself from everyone else, but for some reason I trusted you. I wanted you to know me. I couldn't have told you why then, but looking back now, I know it's because I loved you all along. It just took me half a decade to realize it!"

Bella reached across the car to run her hand through my hair with a knowing smile. Her hand fell behind my head to play with the nape of my neck as she looked back at the screen of her player whispering, "Your turn."

I sighed and glared at the dark expanse of the road head of me. I knew I didn't really want to know the answer to this, but at the same time, I wanted to get it out of the way. It was a nearly bottom of the barrel low point for me, before I woke up and realized what Bella meant to me.

"What songs do you relate to when I screw up and hurt you like that deal with Maggie?"

I glanced to see her swallow hard. She closed her eyes, clenching them tight. After what we'd been through today, I didn't want to bring back the painful memories, but I needed to know.

Bella took a deep breathe, pausing for a minute, and then sighed. "Let's save that for the next time we play. We've been on such a rollercoaster of emotions for the last twenty-four hours already. I want to think about some good memories now."

"Okay, sweetie. One last one and then we take a break. This is a great game, but you're right, it could be exhausting."

She whispered in my ear as I tensed and nodded. "Okay, now I want you to pick a song that makes you think of the way we feel about each other now…as adults who finally, hopefully, have our shit together."

I smiled and thought for a moment before scanning my list to find the song I wanted to share with her. To be honest, there were at least a dozen I could have chosen from, but I picked the one that had been echoing in my head all weekend long.

"I love you, my beautiful Bella." I whispered, glancing over to see her beaming at me.

"I love you too, my Edward."

I nodded once, letting her know I had my song ready. She took it from me and excitedly hit play. Nickelback's Far Away began to play in the car as I grabbed her hand from my hair again and held tight.

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say…
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go

The song ended and I felt her small hand so tight in mine, it was practically cutting off my circulation.

"Edward, pull the car over."

"Bella?"

I was worried, but I did as she asked. As soon as the car was put into park she threw off her seatbelt and stretched across the middle console, grabbing my neck and pulling me to meet her for a heavy, love laden kiss. I released my seatbelt, shifting in my seat to pull her closer, as she did the same. We were a mass of arms, hands, and mouths, in a flurry of need and desire. I guess we were done with the game for now.

After a long while, she finally pulled away, clasping my face between her palms and locking her eyes with mine.

"I love you, Edward. From now on, even if things appear undeniable, I promise to not run off and jump to my own conclusions without confronting you with them. I believe in you…I believe in us. Okay?"

I nodded, bewitched by her eyes and the determination behind them.

"I love you, Bella. I always will. I promise you."

"I know," she answered quietly.

We finally let go, turning back in our seats to buckle our belts and settling in. After we were safely back on the road, Bella chose to play my BB playlist on random, settling in next to me, resting her head on my shoulder.

She stayed there for a long time, slowly relaxing into my arm. I was almost sure she was asleep when I heard her quiet voice.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you know if there are any gun ranges near where we are going to be this week?"

I tensed in my seat. "Probably, it is a police training facility, but uh…why would you want to know?"

"I think it's time I brush up."

I jerked and she sat up in reaction to me. "Brush up? What the?"

She laughed lightly. "Edward, if I'm nothing more, I AM Charlie Swan's daughter! I've been taught the proper respect and handling of fire arms since I was old enough to understand English. I fired my first round in Dad's range on our back pasture when I was seven. The recoil from the rifle was enough to bruise my shoulder and knock me on my back!"

She laughed at the memory and I smiled, despite my discomfort with the idea of Bella using a gun, especially at such a young age.

"It was something Dad and I did together to bond. I got pretty good actually, but I'm sure these days I'd be pretty rusty. I haven't even picked up a gun in seven and a half years."

I turned to look at her, "But you don't even own a gun, babe."

She smiled. "Yes I do…well, Emmett and I do. We still have Dad's service revolver locked away in Emmett's room and I do have a FOID card, so I can legally own one."

She rolled her eyes at my surprise.

"Obviously you don't know everything about me yet, Edward Masen," she chirped smugly, crossing her arms and leaning against the passenger side door.

I glanced again out of the corner of my eye, frowning and she just laughed.

"I don't feel comfortable with this, Bella. I..."

She cut me off with a sigh. "I guess I'll just have to talk to Emmett. I'm sure if you're not willing to help me out, he will. He knows that I know what I'm doing."

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. My mind recognized that Bella was a strong, capable, intelligent woman. I had no doubt after what she told me that she'd probably be more than fine on a firing range, but my protective side was much more dominant in that moment.

"Wait, Charlie had a firing range in your back pasture…wasn't that illegal?"

She shrugged. "Nah, we lived in the country not too far from city limits on three acres of slightly rolling land. Dad set up the range at the bottom of one of the hills so that the rounds would bury themselves in the dirt behind the targets and set up a big area for target practice. Heck all of the city and half the county cops came out to our land to shoot with Dad. They were all pretty impressed with my skills. By the time I was twelve, my nickname in the County Sheriff's office was Annie Oakley."

I shook my head as I chuckled. The more I thought about it, the more I could picture Bella aiming a gun at glass bottles on her Dad's back pasture, surrounded by teasing off duty cops. As much as the idea unsettled me, it really did fit.

I focused out the window and sighed. "Fine, I'll find out if there's somewhere we can take you and I'll help you brush up. Just promise me you'll be careful, okay?"

She rolled her eyes, "Okay, honey. I will."

We were about two hours away from the hotel when I felt Bella completely relax against my arm, her breathing evening out. I continued to drive while listening to her breath and feeling her warmth seep through the fabric of my sleeve, thanking God that she was safe and that Emmett stepped up to help me reach her.

A part of me resented being accused, tried, and convicted to punishment via Emmett's muscles before I had a chance to defend myself, but my mind kept stepping back into Bella's point of view, what she had seen, how she must have felt, and then how Emmett must have felt hearing her cry and what caused it. If I had been in his shoes, I probably would have punched first and asked questions later too.

I was trying not to dwell on it though; what's done is done. For now, I would just consider it karmic retribution for all of the times over the years that I actually did deserve it.

I thought about the things Bella had said earlier in the night, the things she had seen and noticed that I never realized and the way those things made her feel. Yeah, I didn't deserve it today, but even if everything else was fair game since I was a single guy with no commitment to her whatsoever at the time, that standing her up shit was shady. I had almost forgotten doing that. I really was a giant prick, but now things were different. I had to believe that maybe now we could make it.

This weekend had been hard, but the more I thought about it, the more important I believed it was. The mistakes of the weekend taught us some major lessons in how we needed to handle future conflict and be better about communication between one another, as well as the rest of the group.

The thought made me groan as I considered how many places along the way one or the other of us could have just talked to someone else about what was happening, and things would have been completely different. If only I had told the guys who Tanya was and about believing I saw my mother. If only Bella would have talked to me and confronted the situation, instead of running away. If only Emmett would have asked questions before kicking my ass. If only Jake had stayed with the girls like he should have, instead of coming with the guys to help keep Emmett from killing me. If only Rose and Alice had stayed with Bella. If only Bella had talked to the girls instead of running off…if only. All of the 'if only's' did no good as far as the past and what happened was concerned, but if we learned our lessons from this mess this time around, then hopefully we will not repeat those mistakes. Or at least one can hope.

I was so lost in my thoughts that before I knew it, we were pulling into the parking lot of the motel. The sky was still pitch black as I gently readjusted Bella so I could get out without waking her. I carried our things in, propping open the door, before going back out to pick Bella up and carry her to our room. After laying her down, I secured the door.

I was amazed how deeply she was sleeping. I was able to get her out of her shoes and jeans without waking her, all the while, desperately trying to keep my thoughts as clean as possible. I slipped out of my jeans and into a pair of basketball shorts before sliding in next to her. Once I was tucked in, I turned toward her, wrapping my arm around her waist and nuzzling my nose into her hair. I was so glad I was able to bring her back with me. Now that we were good again, I was going to need her more than ever before, because tomorrow I had to go face the issue my Mother.

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Author's Note: Special thanks to beta extraordinaire Sihaya 9 for her work as usual. She's had a rough week, so I'm sending her some extra love this time! Thanks hon!

The Melissa/Jake combination was created at the request of my friend and previous beta for my first stories the lovely Melissa00Anne who is a huge pack, and in particular Jake, fan. Hope you enjoy living vicariously Mel! I definitely owed you this one sweets!