Steady As She Goes

Find yourself a girl and settle down
Live a simple life in a quiet town
Steady as she goes...

I sat with her the remainder of the afternoon while the staff monitored her concussion. It wasn't too severe so they released her after a few hours. Against Carlisle's better judgement, they heeded her request to not contact her mother. And so, I was obliged to take her home.

Her head was definitely clearer than on the way over, but she still had one doozy of a headache and her nose was taped to hold it in place. She'd definitely have extensive bruising as well, it was already darkening around her eyes. I felt like shit.

"I'm really sorry..." I said for the hundredth time as I got her buckled back in my car.

"You are...I puked on your shoes! I'd say we're even." She grinned at me, showing her toughness had returned.

"Speaking of...you should ease back on the...what was that? Coffee?"

"Coke," she smirked. "I'm kind of addicted."

"Will your mom be pissed that you didn't call?"

She bit down on her lip, considering her answer. "I don't know. She's pissed now, for sure, 'cause I'm late. But when she sees me, she'll probably just be concerned."

"Late? It's not even 6!"

"I'm supposed to come home right after school," she explained.

"Are you grounded?"

"Sort of. More of house arrest," she smirked. "Let's just say I'm under close watch."

"They won't be pleased to see you with me then huh?"

"You can just drop me. No need for you to have to deal with them."

"It's my fault! I'm not leaving you to deal on your own. Why don't they trust you?" I asked gently. "If you'd rather not say, just tell me to mind my own fucking business." I gave her a crooked grin when we stopped for a traffic light.

A shy grin in place, she shrugged. "I guess I've given them enough reason. I'm kind of a disaster."

It would have been just as easy for her to blame it on over-protective parents who just don't understand, but she put it on herself. Openly, honestly. "You seem pretty okay to me," I assessed in a soft voice.

"Well, I'm trying...really hard...to be what they want me to be..."

"Which is...?"

"Okay, I guess. Just normal. They hate that I'm 'acting out' with the goth look, but this is...I dunno...I don't even really like it anymore but it's the only thing that's me. Y'know?"

"I think there's more to you than any particular 'look', Isabella."

"What?" Her head snapped around to look at me. Yeah, I'd called her by her real name, intentionally this time. I was tired of that game. "How did you..."

"I saw your chart. I peeked. Sorry."

"You're lying...you called me that before..."

I feigned confusion. "No I didn't. I just saw it when I was sitting with you at the hospital. How could I have called you that before? And what's wrong with 'Isabella' anyway?"

"What isn't wrong with 'Isabella'? I've never liked the name, but I hate what it reminds me of more...the old me. And you so did call me that before, at school."

"Did not, you're confused. And I think it's a great name. Bella...beautiful. It suits you." My voice was teasing, but soft. I didn't want to rile her up but I was sick of trying to be conscious of using a fake name with her. And I liked the way it sounded when I said it. "You are a 'Bella'. That's what I'm gonna call you from now on."

She rolled her eyes at me. "Argh! If I could move without gettimg dizzy, I'd punch you!" She was teasing too. Good.

"And what, break your hand too? Isn't the nose enough for today? My dad would kill me if I brought you back again."

"You didn't get in trouble, did you?" She was sincerely concerned.

"Bella, why would I get in trouble?"

She shrugged. "I just don't want him to hate me and tell you not to hang out with me anymore."

I frowned. "First off, he doesn't hate anyone. Secondly, I hurt you, so there's more reason for your parents to be pissed at me and tell me stay away." I glanced over at her. "And lastly, even if he were to tell me to stay away, I don't think I could."

"Why?" she whispered.

I sighed and chuckled softly as I turned onto her street. "Because, Bella...if you don't know by now, I think you're pretty cool and I like spending time with you. And now that I've broken you, it's my responsibility to tend to you. To keep you safe." My truth was said with a smirk and internal apprehension, but it was the most real I'd ever been. "Is that okay?"

She smiled at me before reaching to touch my hand. "That's okay. Kinda...really okay." Her fingers traced over the back of my hand and down my fingers. "You're still cold."

"I'm always cold," I admitted quietly. "But it came in handy today!" A joke to lighten the mood. "We should get you inside?"

"Ugh. Can't I just stay here with you? Renee's gonna be fussing...I hate that. And god knows what Phil will be like. Ugh! I hate my life!"

I tried delving into her mind to see what she was referring to with Phil. What did she fear? Was he abusive? "What's the deal there? He doesn't hurt you, does he?"

"Phil? No!" she laughed. "He acts all macho and tough but he's a total weenie. He just likes to be in control. It's his house...his rules...blah blah blah. It's my fucking LIFE!"

I smirked at the return of her spunk. "Want me to stick around? Just ask. I will."

"No...yes! But no. You've helped me out enough. I'll be fine."

I saw her to the door. She called the scene with her mom correctly...her anger turned to concern and fussing as soon as she saw her. Phil was out looking for her. I got politely dismissed.

Bella didn't come to school the next two days. No surprise really. I lurked by her window each night, to ensure the concussion wasn't the cause of her absence and on Wednesday, I paid her a visit that she was aware of.

I went after school. Her mother answer the door when I rang the bell.

"Edward! So nice to see you again, come in!"

I smiled and accepted her offer. "I've brought some notes and assignments for Isabella, so she doesn't miss too much. Could you please pass them on to her?"

'Oh...he's got a thing in his lip...his eyebrow too? Why didn't I notice that the other times? But he's calling her Isabella! Does that mean she's giving up that ridiculous name? God I hope so...' "Don't be silly! Give them to her yourself. She's been bored out of her mind, she'd love the company!"

"She's well enough? I don't want to disturb her if she's resting."

She gave me a reassuring smile. "She's fine. Go on up! Turn right at the top."

Yeah, I knew that...

I knocked gently on her door and it flew open.

"Mom! I'm FINE! Oh! I thought you were... what are you doing here?"

"Uh...I brought you some stuff from school...shit, that looks bad. Is it really painful?" Both eyes were blackened by the blow she'd taken, thanks to me. Red flooded into the whites of her eyes as well. Fuck, I'd really done a number on her.

She grinned and pulled me inside her room. "It saves me the trouble of applying make-up! The purple part looks kinda radical, but it works, y'know?" The smile didn't leave her face as she mocked her beat-up look. "The headache was the worst part, that's not so bad anymore. I would have went to school today, but Renee wouldn't let me. Like I said, she's fussing. And I'm bored! What's been going on? What did I miss? What did you bring for me?"

I laughed at her enthusiasm and showed her everything I'd done for our project. "So the aud is booked, no problem, for the show and auditions. The sign-up sheet was posted today...I left our names off, Alice's suggestion. I think we'll get more responses if they don't know they're auditioning for the town freaks."

"Good thinking!" she agreed.

"My sister..." I grinned. "I feel really bad Bella. I had no idea it was this bad..."

"I told you, it's not so bad. Looks worse than it feels...but I know it looks hideous. The kids will have fun with this at school, huh?"

"I'm sorry..."

"Do you like feeling guilty?" she asked me, point blank. "Should I like, be whiny and bitchy and hate on you because of an accident? Is that what you're into?"

"No..."

"Then shut up. No more apologies. Deal?"

I nodded my agreement, sullenly.

"Have you picked a song to audition with? 'Cause you have to, you know. Just because you've done all this work doesn't mean you don't have the same rules as everyone else." She was teasing me now so I tucked away my guilt and focused on keeping her spirits up.

"Yeah, I was planning to anyway!"

"What are the options?"

"It's a surprise."

"Tell me! Please?"

"No. You've got to learn some patience! Jeez." I continued teasing her. "Honestly, I'm still debating it myself. I can't decide which one I'll play for you."

"Tell me the options and I'll help you decide."

"Tricky, aren't you," I grinned. "Won't work."

"Piano or guitar? Can you tell me that at least?"

"That's where I'm stuck. I like the piano song, because it's not one normally done on piano. I've changed it. But I did promise you a song on guitar, which I haven't given you so..."

"My guitar's right there. Play for me now. Then do piano for the audition. There. Problem solved! You're lucky to have me y'know."

"Patience..." I smirked. "You'll have to wait until I've decided."

"Ugh! You're killing me!"

I frowned and moved away from her, going over to her window across the room.

"It's just an expression," she said softly. "Please don't feel bad. I don't want you to feel bad because of me."

"'Basket Case'," I announced, changing the subject. "That's one option."

"And you play it differently? How?"

"No, that's just 'Basket Case'... I picked that one because, well, I am one," I chuckled.

"One of my personal soundtrack songs as well," she laughed.

"Personal soundtrack songs huh? Sounds interesting...now you've got me thinking what my soundtrack would be."

"Wonder how many songs we'd have in common," she played along.

"Well, personally, I'd have to have more than one soundtrack. Possibly a trilogy's worth. But if I stuck to one genre...say modern, I think we may have more than a few picks the same. What's on yours?"

"While we're on Green Day, 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams'."

"Good song. I'm partial to 'Good Riddance', myself. I was going to learn how to play that, but it's too predictable."

"Definitely. Too simple for you. Still, I'd like to hear you play it."

"Some day. Maybe. What else?"

"You first! You haven't told me any of yours."

"Okay... 'What I've Done'," I said with a grin. It certainly would be on my soundtrack, and it was a song she knew.

"Really? Linkin Park?"

I nodded.

"Huh. I don't see that in you."

"Yet you see 'Basket Case'? Okay...I see what you think of me," I joked.

"I just can't see you doing something that would need 'washed away'."

You have no idea what I've done in the past...unforgivable things. I gave her a sad grin from my spot by the window. "Will you be able to go to school tomorrow?"

"Oh I'm going! I can't take another day of this..."

"Good. I'll pick you up. Here, this time. Not down the road."

"You're leaving?" She looked crestfallen.

"Yeah, I should go." I walked over to her as she stood. "Get some rest Bella. I'll see you first thing in the morning."

I actually saw her all night, sneaking back in to watch her sleep. Alice had given me another preview of a new vision and it rattled me. Bella would be my girlfriend. I'd given up denying it; trying to change events so Alice would be wrong. No matter what I did, it led me back to this enticing little human, who I was drawn to more and more each day. In this new vision, Bella was asleep, wrapped in a blanket lying next to me, a smile on her lovely face as she slept peacefully. Tonight, in her room as I watched her, she seemed to be restless. I'd had to make a quick exit several times, certain she was waking up. I made a concerted effort to block her thoughts myself, as her dreams were meant to be her own. I didn't want to invade her dreams. What I really wanted, was for her to tell me what kept her from a sound sleep. I wanted her to feel at ease with me, like in the vision, and she was too smart for me to keep attempting to fool when I slipped up and spoke about things she'd only thought of. I'd have to be very careful. On guard. Though I wanted more than anything right now to protect Bella, make her happy, keep her safe...my devotion belonged to my family and our secret would have to remain intact while I attempted an actual relationship with a human.

"Nice touch," I smiled as she opened the door for me in the morning. She had coloured her nose bandage blue, the same shade as the streaks in her hair.

She curtsied and shoved me out the door. "Quick! Before my mother gets us..."

I took her bag from her as we raced down the porch steps and to my waiting car. I'd left it running so it would be warm for her.

"I've got a new song for my soundtrack," I announced to break the silence on the way to school. I was avoiding looking at her and having to resist the urge to apologise again. "'Famous Last Words'."

"'I'm Not Okay'. That's a song," she replied. "My own My Chemical Romance track." She looked at me when I didn't respond. "What?"

I shook my head. "Your soundtrack is so sad."

"It is what it is," she said with a shrug. "You're no better, Mr What I've Done."

I cocked an eyebrow in her direction. "Valid point. But I'm not a nice person, I did tell you that. Have you forgotten already?"

"No. I just don't believe it. Sure, you're a liar, but I'm not buying that crap either. I've seen you be nice. You're being nice right now." She poked at my side with a finger.

I opened my block of her thoughts and searched for a reaction to her finger meeting a rock as she touched me. Nothing showing shock or revulsion and I wondered how long it would be before that happened. And how much more I'd care when it inevitably did.

I carried her books to first class for her, bringing what she'd need for second period with me and switching them when I met up with her then. She frowned in frustration at my fussing, but I insisted.

"'Revelry'," I stated as we walked. "One of my favourites right now and definitely on my soundtrack."

"Don't know it," she replied.

"You will. We're going to switch iPods so you can broaden your own soundtrack." I was rewarded with a smile instead of her frown. It held me over until Sociology.

"'You Don't Understand Me'."

"I'm trying to," I teased, knowing she was referring to a song. "'Brown Eyed Girl'."

"Seriously?" she laughed. "You're too young for that!"

"I'm old for my years. Trust me." I smirked at her as we settled in to work together. I ignored the stares, encouraging her to do the same, but the comments annoyed me. I suggested lunch outside to avoid the cafeteria noise. It would be unbearable for me and I didn't want to lose my temper again.

Well here we go again
You found yourself a friend
Who knows you well

But no matter what you do
You'll always feel as though
You tripped and fell...

(The Raconteurs)