The Little Things Give You Away
Don't want to reach for me, do you
I mean nothing to you
The little things give you away
But there will be no mistaking
The levees are breaking...
"So your dad is super young," she blurted as we walked outside. "What was he, like 12 when you were born?"
"Child prodigy," I smirked. "Not up on your town gossip?"
"Blah. Should I be?"
I grinned at her response...maybe she was unaware of herself being yet another source of gossip for the townsfolk. Either that, or she didn't care. "No. You shouldn't bother with it. There's so much bullshit going around about my family. Being new in a town where everyone knows everyone, I guess it's natural. And we are...unusual."
"Like what?" she asked with amusement. "What do they say?"
"Insane stuff... They're addicted to plastic surgery. They abducted us from hospitals as babies. We're a religious cult performing dark rituals, here to take over the town. It's a flop house for misfit teens...well, that one kinda rings true," I smirked.
She smiled at me warmly, leaning against my car.
"We're adopted," I stated simply.
"You and Alice? Or everyone?"
"Yeah, all of us. Esme wanted a big family. She had a baby who died and she can't have more so she jumped at the chance to raise the three of us when our parents died. Jasper came more recently." I wanted to tell her this lie only once, so I filled in details without her probing, hoping she'd be satisfied and never ask again.
"Is she family?"
"Not really...kinda like family. They were very close to my parents. My grandparents were our only family, not well enough to care for us full-time. We were a handful," I smiled through my lies. "We were visiting them the night of the fire. My parents didn't even wake up. The smoke got to them. We would all have died if we'd been there." I softened my voice to show appropriate emotion to go along with my tale. And she bought into it.
"Oh my god...Edward...I...I'm sorry..." She placed a hand on my arm; a show of consolation. I'd seen others do that.
"I'm not sad Bella," I said softly. "It was so long ago... and I couldn't have asked for better parents than Esme and Carlisle."
"And you had your siblings..."
"Yeah. I can't imagine life without them. Are you and your brother close?" I wanted to deflect the subject off me and onto her. Not only because I hated making her believe my lies, but I had a desire to know every detail about her.
She gave me a strange look. "I don't have a brother." Not only did her mood shift suddenly, but the cloud moved in; dark and stormy.
"Oh...I must have misunderstood." Maybe it was part of her confusion from the blow to the head, but it seemed like more. "You're shivering. Get in the car, I'll put the heat on for you."
She placed her hand over mine as I adjusted the heat settings. "You're colder than I am. You never seem like you're cold though."
"I don't feel cold," I said quietly.
"Seriously? Not at all? Ever?"
I shook my head. How the fuck did we get back onto me?
"I...uh...I was really sick when I was a kid." I stared into her curious eyes. "It's left me with some residual shit to deal with. Like feeling like an ice cube." The truth as a lie... a lie that was true. Whatever, it worked.
"But not to you. Just others."
I nodded.
"Do you feel heat?"
I nodded, our eyes still locked. "You're warm. It's nice." Even better that the sun on my skin.
She slipped her other hand underneath mine, keeping the first in place on top. I wished like hell I could read her thoughts right then. If I could only one more time, I'd want to know how she really felt when she touched my alien skin this way. I closed my eyes and let the warmth of her hands envelope me, taking advantage since I assumed this would be the only time she'd touch me.
"Edward?"
I heard her voice; her sweet voice calling me but I was lost in a daydream that I didn't want to end. I was aware of her shifting, trying to pull my hand from hers. With regret, I allowed her to.
"Sorry. I'm making you colder, aren't I?" I asked with my eyes still clamped shut.
"It's okay, but the bell just rang. We're going to be late for class."
What? Where did the time go? It had felt like fleeting seconds, a mere moment. But it was over. Stopping outside her classroom, I brushed against her bruised cheekbone very lightly with my fingertips. "I'm so sorry," I whispered.
She held her breath as her face remained lifted and still against my touch. And then she stood on her toes and very quickly brushed her lips against my cheek before darting into her classroom.
I remained frozen to the spot, filled with wonder and excitement. I was glad I hadn't been able to read her intention. If so, I would have moved away and missed the electrifying sensation that flooded over me. It stayed with me long after she left, along with a deep admiration for her not losing any of her composure as she came in contact with a freak of nature.
"Bella, I have to ask you something." I'd fretted all night over whether or not to bring it up or pretend it never happened.
"Why do you insist on calling me that?"
"Because it's your name," I deadpanned. "Would you prefer something else?"
"Yeah. The name I gave you."
"I'll keep that in mind. In the meantime, I wanted to ask you something."
She giggled in the seat beside me. "You're just as stubborn as I am. Go ahead. Ask your question."
"When you touched my hand yesterday, did it freak you out? Tell me honestly, are you revolted?"
"Huh? Are you serious?" Her giggling stopped.
"I am."
"Revolted is a strong word. No, I wasn't, nor am I now, revolted."
"Disgusted then? Weirded out at least?"
"Why do I feel like you want me to be?"
"I don't. But you should feel that way. I was just wondering if you did." My voice was very low, I wasn't sure if she heard me. "Bella?"
"Grey... You know, I hate it when people tell me how I should feel."
I hesitated, caught off guard by her remark. I hadn't intended...
"Anyway, I don't feel any of that. It's weird because it's almost like I expected it. You're so different from anyone I've ever known..."
You have no idea...
"...so it just seems right that you'd feel different as well. You've had bad reactions in the past?"
"Well I...avoid people touching me. Avoid people, period. Until you."
She cleared her throat dramatically. "There was Jessica," she reminded me playfully.
"She didn't touch me," I retorted smartly. "I just licked her."
"So your tongue feels different than your hands?" Her voice was filled with sarcasm. "It's soft and warm?"
"Point taken." I took a moment to move away from the thought that she was thinking of my tongue. I briefly considered licking her to let her see for herself if it was different. A particular body part stiffened at the thought and I focused on continuing our conversation rather than pulling over and licking her from head to toe. She smelled good.
"Back to your question," Bella said with a husky voice. Glancing over, I saw she was blushing as well. She must have similar thoughts to mine or she was embarrassed bringing it up in the first place. Either way, she was moving on. "I don't think you're a freak or weird, just different. And that's a good thing. Edward, we all have scars from damage done in the past. Some people's are just more apparent than others'. Yours makes you somehow more...real. 'Cause otherwise you're too fucking perfect."
My inhuman physique and skin made me more real to her? Amazing.
And terrifying.
I found myself irritable and alone at lunch. Bella had to go take up some work she'd missed earlier in the week so I hid out in my car. Even music couldn't distract me from my thoughts.
I desperately wanted a girlfriend. This girl. Desperately. I also vowed to keep her safe. How could I possibly achieve both?
Simple. I couldn't.
Unless we just hung out. Had some laughs and loads of engaging conversation.
Fuck that!
I wanted the full experience of a girlfriend! I wanted Bella. Her lingering scent filled my nostrils and I felt myself harden once more. God...how could I do this? I didn't even know how much pressure I could put on her hand if I were to hold it. All those tiny, breakable bones didn't stand a chance against me.
Kissing? What if I bit her instead?
And sex...oh Christ! Between my inexperience and pent up frustration, I'd kill her!
No. I couldn't do it.
And it wasn't fair of me to make her think we could ever be that way. She wasn't part of my challenge anymore.
She was my purpose.
My only desire.
Fuck!
I pounded on the steering wheel before resting my head on it. A soft rap on my window startled me. Bella.
"'No More Sorrow'!" she said excitedly as I rolled it down. "A new song! For my soundtrack...you think?"
I nodded without comment. Would she still include that when I broke her bones again? When I broke her heart? When I killed her...or worse...
"Edward? What's wrong? You feeling okay?" She leaned in my window, suddenly concerned.
"Headache," I lied.
She smiled and gently brushed her hand through my hair. "I've got some badass pills, courtesy of your dad. Want some?"
Smirking, I shook my head. "Pills don't work for me."
"Right...um...what does? It must be bad, you took your contacts out."
What? Checking my reflection, I saw what she did...darkened eyes. The reason for my heightened irritability - thirst. So careless of me to allow it to get like this. It wasn't unusual for me to wait as long as possible, but I couldn't afford to do that now. Not when Bella was at risk.
"Yeah, it's pretty bad. I think I'm gonna go home. I'll have Alice give you a ride home after school." I knew she and Jasper had hunted during the night so she could handle it.
"Not necessary! Edward, I'm fine." Her protest was sincere. She was concerned as much for me as I was for her.
"Completely necessary Bella. I'd never forgive myself if something happened to you."
She smiled into my dark, hungry eyes. "My hero."
"Hardly. You're the heroine in this story," I said in all seriousness. One brave little human to see past my differences...that's all it took to save me from my dreary existence of solitude.
As it turned out, all Cullens went home early. An unexpected break in the clouds caused us all headaches. So, as self-appointed guardian to Bella, I sat in my tinted car, under cover of trees and waited for her myself. I'd not been able to hunt so I'd have to keep this short; drive her home and get the hell away from her before she noticed anything else different about me. Or I lost control...
"Edward? Hey! I was expecting your sister!" She smiled in surprise as she climbed in. "Feeling better?"
"Well enough to get you home." I smiled back at her, my eyes hidden behind large sunglasses.
"You're too good to me." She leaned over and kissed my cheek for the second time.
As much as I liked it, I pulled back slightly. I had to maintain a safe distance. For Bella. "Did I miss anything in English?" I asked to distract her as I began driving.
"Not really...oh! I saw what you meant about the ridiculous gossip though! Funny, I'd never heard a thing before. Guess I just wasn't paying attention."
"What now...?" I groaned, already knowing.
"You guys miss a lot of school. All together...suspicious..." Her voice mocked the gossip mongers'.
I chuckled. "And today's insane theory is...?"
"Ready for this? The three of you ditch because you're sex addicts."
"Really?" I laughed. Me? "Okay, I can see where that would come about in regards to my sister...it's not like she and Jasper are discrete. They dish out the PDAs constantly. But how am I involved? I watch?"
She widened her eyes dramatically, having fun with the spreading of gossip. "No. Threesome."
"Ew!"
"Yeah, but see, you're not really related..." she explained their reasoning.
"Ah, much better then, right? I mean, I like Jasper. He's a really cool guy, but just not my type. Alice would kill me if I stole her boyfriend anyway." I cracked jokes to keep it light. She was doing an amazing job at keeping me distracted from my desire to feed. Änd Alice? With or without Jasper, just...ew."
"You're not related, remember?"she teased along with me.
I shook my head emphatically. "Alice...even if she wasn't my sister, she still would be. Make sense?"
"Perfect sense." Her smile held admiration for my close bond with Alice. And then it faded as she started chewing on her fingernail. "I can image what they say about me. What have you heard?"
I shook my head. "I don't pay attention to that shit."
"Only when it concerns you, right?" she teased.
"Right. Besides, I don't need gossip. I prefer to go directly to the source. I'd rather get your story from your own thoughts rather than someone else's tales."
"My thoughts? What, you can read my mind?" She was laughing; I was not.
Fuck fuck fuck! It was too easy to slip up when I was around Bella. I was so focused keeping control of my urges, I wasn't paying attention to what words were coming out. Time for damage control. "And if I could...what would I be reading now Bella?" I asked in my soft, soothing, thoroughly irresistible voice. "Right this moment."
"Um..." she giggled and blushed some more. I found both to be sweet and incredibly appealing. "You don't want to know..."
"I do. I want to know everything about you Isabella Swan. Every detail."
She bit down on her lip rather than her nail. "I want you to like me." My completely honest Bella was back. "If I were to... Edward, please don't listen to the gossip. I want you to know me and make your own decision; not judge me by what you've heard. Deal?"
"That's why we're here," I smiled over at her and brushed my hand on hers gently. "We should play a game," I suggested, to get her away from her worries. "They like gossip, so we could give them what they want and really fuck them up."
A small grin returned. "I'm interested...go on..."
"Well, everyone assumes we're spending our time together working on our project. They'll all know at the auditions tomorrow that this is our baby, but it could be our best opportunity to mess with them. If we act like more than partners with this, it'll drive them nuts wondering what's going on."
Her grin widened. "I may be joining your cult..."
"I may skip the next day you miss and that'll really get them going..."
We rhymed off a dozen more ways to toy with them. Emmett would like this girl, she played well. So engrossed in our evil plans, I didn't even notice Phil waiting in the driveway when I pulled up. I'd barely stopped the car when he yanked the passenger door open.
"Get inside," he ordered Bella, glaring at me.
"I'll be there in a minute!" she countered stubbornly. "Thank you for the drive, Edward. I hope you feel better."
"I'll be fine," I assured her softly. "Get lots of rest. You'll need it for the long day ahead. You are aware that we have a project after school tomorrow sir?" I addressed Phil directly, much to his dislike. Wow. He really did not like me... I almost choked on my respectful address of him, his thoughts were so ugly he didn't deserve to be called 'sir'.
"Isabella is to be home immediately after classes end. Period. You know the rules Isabella."
"This is for school. It's part of Sociology class. Mom knows about it and she knows I'll be late."
"I'll make sure she gets home safely." I smiled with mock politeness, knowing that was precisely his issue. His thoughts were not clouded in the least.
"Mom knows about that too and she's fine with it." Bella was firm but still respectful. His thoughts didn't match her actions at all. He was worse than Bart for not understanding teenagers. She turned back to smile at me as she climbed out. "Thanks again Edward. See you tomorrow."
"I'll be here...same time?"
She blew me a kiss while her back was still to Phil and winked. I chuckled as her thoughts came to me finally... She wanted to mess with his head too. He hated me and that made her want me even more.
"Emmett, you were right," I said aloud to myself as I drove off. "I did need some fun. And this is just right for me." More than fun, this girl made me feel things I'd never felt in my undead existence. I felt I was drowning in human emotion. More than a distraction or new interest, she made me feel accepted. I hoped I was doing the same for her. I'd never encountered a person I had so much respect and admiration for outside of our coven. She was strong and determined, so smart and quick-witted. And lovely. I thought of how her smooth dark hair felt on my fingers, how her porcelain skin looked so soft and inviting. And her smile...
I smiled thinking of it. And smiled some more thinking of how remarkable she was to accept me in her life, as I am. She made me feel almost human. At least I was a little less of a cold-hearted boy vampire.
All you've ever wanted
Was someone to truly look up to you
And six feet under water
I do...
(Linkin Park)
A/N ~ I haven't had the chance to respond to each review, but please know your comments are very appreciated. I hope you're liking the innocence of Edward at this stage. He really longs for a normal relationship and it's so great to give him some human experiences. More soon! ~ SR