The Circle

And I know
A golden June can turn an empty grey
Against your window

And I feel like
I'm on the outside
Of the circle...

"Rested up for the big day?" I asked as we headed for school. She'd been unusually quiet since I'd picked her up.

"Hmph. I'll be glad when it's over."

"No problem staying out after school?"

She shrugged.

"Grumpy today?" I wasn't on top of it today either. Since I'd left her feeling so...not quite undead...I had put off hunting until very early morning. As it normally disgusted me, feeling the way I did from spending time with my little human made my disgust worse. I'd rushed it, taking whatever came by first and it wasn't satisfying. I'd need to go again tonight and I dreaded it.

"Sorry."

"Don't be. You're allowed to be grumpy. Is there a particular reason for it?"

'No...he didn't just say that...' Bella turned to look at me. "Did you just tell me I can be grumpy?"

"Of course, I'd rather you felt more cheerful, but we all have our days. I probably have more than most, myself." I smiled at her crookedly as I returned her gaze.

'Incredible...' "Hmm. I've waited so long to hear someone agree with me on that, now I have... I'm kinda less grumpy!" She chuckled as she shook her head. Her thoughts were coming to me very clear, but I didn't have to read them. She spoke every word she thought. "I don't have fucking clue how I'm supposed to be, but it seems I'm TOO everything, all the time."

You're open and honest. All the time.

"I get too angry, too sad, too anxious... What? I'm supposed to just STOP feeling? Be cold and heartless?"

No! God, please don't. Then you'd be me.

"Apparently I'd be 'happier' if I was..."

Not true. I sure as fuck wasn't.

"I'm freaking you out now, right? You're not saying anything...I'm TOO hyper."

Too human. Too perfect. "No. I'm just letting you get it all out. I'm a highly practiced listener."

She smiled at me sweetly, resting the side of her head against the back of her seat. "No one's ever heard me before... No... One other, but you're the only one since." 'You're amazing. You understand...would he understand all of it?'

"As I said, I excel at listening, so you can vent anytime." I gave her a kind smile.

"Is that because of your sister? Does she talk to you a lot?"

I smirked. "Constantly." Alice was always speaking in my head.

'Sweet...' "It's awesome that you're so close. I'm jealous."

"Yeah, uh, don't be. Sometimes I think we're too close. It's unnatural. And, she can be a real pain in the ass."

We stopped for a traffic light near the school. I turned to look at her when her voice softened. "You should cherish it. Every time she's being a nuisance and you wish it would stop, consider what it would be like if it did just stop one day. Not just the annoying part...everything."

I stared at her intently as her thoughts faded. There was no storm cloud in there yet, but it was definitely overcast. "I'd be lost without her, seriously. You're right. But I still reserve the right to bitch about her sometimes."

She smiled sadly.

"You lost someone close," I commented very softly, my eyes locked on hers.

"Edward..." she whispered before giggling and shaking her head. "Sometimes it's like you can read my mind. And when you look at me like that..." Her voice turned hoarse. "It's like you're looking into my soul."

"What if I am...if I could read your mind...?" My own voice emulated hers.

"You'd be bored instantly!" she laughed.

Not true, sweet Bella. Your mind fascinates me more than anything ever has. You...fascinate me. Rather than purging that on her, I smiled at her gently and pulled away from the light as an angry horn blared behind us.

My proposed game to get the kids to gossip was forgotten and unnecessary. Bella and I had a natural closeness in our actions that spoke louder than any act could. There were murmurs all morning. When it leaked that we were the ones holding the audition later on, it exploded. Until then, it alternated between boring me and amusing the hell out of me.

The particularly nasty remarks were held over until lunch. I'd convinced Bella to come outside with me to avoid the bulk of it. Wrong decision. Heading for the parking lot, my keen ears picked up on our names.

"What do you think really happened to Grey?" A female voice.

"Probably walked into a wall! Have you seen her in gym? Totally uncoordinated." That voice I knew; Jessica. There was bitchy cackling.

"Maybe Edward did it!" The first girl again.

"Got himself worked up in the car." A guy joined in the gossip.

"Shut up!" Jessica. The guy must be that Troglodyte she spent car time with before me.

"I hear the little freak girl likes it rough too... Did you like it Jess?" Definitely the same dude.

"Shut UP! I didn't DO anything with him..."

There was giggling and I felt my temper almost at boiling point as it went on.

"I'd bet they tried to cram all four freaks in his pansy-ass car at once and that's what happened. One of 'em was giving it to her from behind and the other one's dick slammed into her face..."

No longer able to control myself even slightly, I left Bella's side and stormed over towards them. "Hey! You have something to say? Say it to me!"

"Huh? What are you talking about Cullen? I've never had a thing to say to you before, why would I start now?" He wore a smug fucking look on his face that I wanted to wipe off. Not only that, but his thoughts were about saving face. He was determined to be the big man on campus.

Getting right up in his face, I lowered my voice. Bella had followed me over and I didn't want her involved. "You worthless shit. Say what you want about me...you think I give a damn what you think or say about me? Think again. You are nothing," I hissed menacingly. "NOTHING to me. Understand? But if I ever hear you say...even THINK...one more disgusting thing about Grey, I'll rip your fucking head off. Clear?"

He was shaking. Scared shitless, really. But he had to keep the show going. "Aw, Cullen's defending his little freak. Does that mean you got her already?" He was backing away as he taunted me, drawing himself into the core of his group of friends. Big, big man.

'Edward! Stop it! NOW!' Alice screamed in my head and then suddenly, she was at my side.

"You really don't want to make my brother any more angry than he is," she smiled sweetly as she stepped between us. 'Edward, back off and let Jasper handle this.'

He replaced Alice, with a hand on my shoulder. 'Easy Edward. He'd be a cinch to kill, but he's not worth it. Get control.'

"Alice is right. Edward here, has quite a nasty temper. It gets ugly real fast and believe me, you don't want to be party to it."

Fuck you Jasper...messing with my mind...I struggled to keep his mood control clear of me while I deciphered the screaming thoughts coming at me. It was pointless. All of it. I wanted to kill the bastard. And whether or not it was Jasper's intention, he had just started the newest bit of gossip...I was a crazed lunatic with a violent streak, exiled to this small town in the middle of nowhere because of it. And the asshole on the other side of Jasper wasn't fully convinced - or his pride was stronger than his fear.

Jasper continued regardless. "You can't win either way. Edward would destroy you and all these people here..." He spread out his control to the already weak-minded gawkers. "They all saw you provoke Edward. He had no choice but to defend himself."

It worked amazingly well on some who began talking their friend down. Others ran to alert staff members. I was feeling calmer, but not at ease. That would take some time. As much as I detested being controlled this way by him, I understood that he only used it on me when necessary and I did value his skill.

"Alright guys? Chill? We're all good?" Jasper slowly stepped back, his easy drawl enticing the crowd who still remained.

'He's going to come at you from behind.'

Alice warned me as I turned away to return to Bella. Even as he lunged at me, I was turning back, ready for him. As his fist swung, I grabbed his arm and held it while I kicked his legs out from under him. I'd had enough encounters of this sort with humans I couldn't kill so publicly that I knew how to knock them on their ass while not completely crushing them. By holding onto his arm, he didn't slam hard enough onto the frozen ground to break his back or skull open, but it definitely winded him.

"Told you..." Alice sang out with a smirk. It was meant for both of us.

A flurry of activity erupted as kids reacted and teachers arrived. They tended to the prone asshole before directing me to the principal's office.

"We have zero tolerance for violence here Cullen. You'll be out," Mr Douglas, the largest member on staff informed me. He would know; he was always the man called on to break up fights.

"It wasn't his fault!" Bella cried out in my defence. Others joined in, thanks to Jasper's preparatory talk.

"I can't miss today," I said as the group of us were ushered inside. "I have a project after school..."

"Should've thought of that earlier son."

Panic set in as I realized I'd really fucked this up. If I wasn't there for the auditions with Bella, she'd never forgive me. Jasper took his place beside me to keep me under control.

'Stay cool...' Alice took her place in my head, reminding me of our need to be 'normal'.

I glanced at Bella as I was led into the private office. Her face reflected the panic I'd felt for her. She knew she was in this alone.

Jasper went to lend support in his special way for the auditions. Alice stayed with me.

"She's okay Edward. Just relax." Alice was getting frustrated with my constant brain-picking. "Just stay out for a second and let me concentrate."

The principal had not been impressed by the altercation, but with the backing of several other student witnesses thanks to Jasper and his power of pursuasion, and a long talk with Carlisle, I was handed a suspension rather than expulsion. He was not impressed either, but he was understanding. Always supportive. I hated letting him down. Worse, was letting Bella down.

"Okay, I got something. Wanna see?"

"No. Tell me. It's weird for me watching your visions."

She smirked at me. "You're going to kiss her. Tonight."

I raised an eyebrow in interest. "And her reaction?"

Giggling, Alice patted my arm. "You'll like it. Does she know? Edward, she's so cool about everything...like, not freaked out by any weirdness..."

"I haven't said a word!" I blurted, slightly annoyed that Alice would even consider that I'd go back on our coven's pact to keep our secret.

"Okay then...this human is something really special then..."

"Told you." It was my turn to gloat.

My anxiety returned as the students began pouring out after the auditions. Bella was last out, walking with a tall, thin girl who I recognized as a friend of Jessica's. The quiet one. Her thoughts weren't invasive. I tapped in to see her motive for being with Bella now and got girly stuff only. They were talking about set design and how to accommodate everyone. I smiled sheepishly as they approached me. Alice ducked away with Jasper and left me to it.

"I'm so sorry...for leaving you alone with that. That was really stupid to go after him that way..."

Bella returned my smile and stood in front of me. "We'll talk later..."

"How was it? Are you okay?"

"It was awesome!" The quiet girl offered her opinion. "She's awesome!"

Blushing, Bella grinned at her new friend. "Angela hung out with me. Kept me from totally freaking out. Thanks a lot."

"Any time. It was fun! And I just want to say, that was really horrible earlier." She was addressing me now. "You had every right to flatten him. He can be such a pig. I'm sorry you got in trouble for it."

She was one of my supporters who'd spoken to the principal on my behalf. It wasn't entirely due to Jasper's influence either, she liked Bella; liked her originality. Hated the rude gossip about us and the way her friends treated us like outsiders. Angela was genuine, her thoughts told me. I smiled warmly at her. "Thanks for filling in for me."

We dropped her off at her house a few blocks away, the girls relating all the things I'd missed. I hadn't, in fact, with Jasper there to feed me his thoughts, but I played along in ignorance.

Once alone, Bella turned to me with concern in her eyes. "How bad is it?"

"Suspension. 3 days. At least they didn't kick me out." I grinned crookedly.

"I'm sorry," she frowned. "If you hadn't been standing up for me... Angela told me. How did you hear them anyway?"

I shrugged. "Wish I hadn't. But I don't regret calling him on it. My only regret is the timing and putting you in a tough position. But you seem to be handling it well." I offered an encouraging smile.

"It's hitting me more now. Angela was a huge help. She did the rough part for me, thank god...I'm kinda shaky and anxious and I don't know why. I really need a Coke."

"You really need to eat! You skipped lunch as well. We'll stop somewhere - what do you want?"

She looked around as we sat at an intersection. "There's a deli on the corner. We can grab some sandwiches?"

"And a Coke," I grinned, turning the corner to park on the side street.

She ordered, I paid and explained that I'd already eaten. We took it to go.

"Do I have to take you right home? I won't be seeing you for awhile...I'd like to spend some time with you. But not if it gets you in shit at home."

"I already cleared a day pass," she quipped. "Renee said it's cool...but not too late. What do you have in mind?"

"I still owe you a song right?" I grinned. "One-on-one."

"We're going to your house?"

Bringing a human into a house of vampires unexpectedly was really not a bright idea. "No. It's this place I go to...you'll see."

'Hmm. So, it's not a private deal after all. And he doesn't want to take me home with him...'

"I'll take you to my house another time. But I really wanted to show you my place. It's a little cottage I found near the house. I go there to be alone."

"There you go again, reading my mind." She teased me with a smile. 'We will be alone. Wonder if he thinks the rumours are valid...wonder if he thinks I'm easy...what if he tries something...'

I parked as close to the edge of the forest as possible and helped her navigate along a narrow path to my favourite place. It was already in shadows but Bella lit up when she saw it, running to have a look just as I had when I stumbled upon it the first time.

"Oh my god! This is so great!" Her hands ran along the stone and mortar and she peered into the cross-paned windows. "Can we go inside?"

"Yeah yeah. I broke in weeks ago." Grinning, I let her in and saw her shiver immediately. "You're cold. I'll start a fire for you."

"Geez, it's colder in here than outside." She rubbed at her arms, hugging herself for warmth.

Wishing I could warm her myself, I quickly gathered some firewood and carried it in. "Sorry. The stonework is beautiful, but it does keep the cold in. Um, there's some blankets in the other room if you want. In the cabinet."

I went to find her once the fire was lit. She was admiring the antique furniture. "This was here," I explained. "Nothing in the other room though." I gathered up a bunch of pillows and she carried the quilts out behind me. I set her up in front of the fire to warm up, sitting several feet away from her on the floor.

"You look uncomfortable." She sat on the pillows, knees tucked under her chin with two quilts wrapping her.

I smiled in response. "I'm fine."

"You can share with me..."

"I'll make you colder."

"So what are you going to play for me," she asked, spotting my guitar case in the corner.

Retrieving it, I returned to my spot on the floor and began strumming while I decided what I'd play. "Okay. I know you won't know this one, but I love it. And it's supposed to be electric but there's no power here so... See if you like it anyway."

She did. A smile spread across her face, mixed with awe not only that I'd learned so quickly, but she was shocked by my singing.

"Wow! Cullen, you can sing! I feel totally inadequate now!" She was only teasing but I put down the guitar and moved closer.

"You're not," I said softly. "Did you like the song?"

"Beautiful. Did you...you don't write too, do you?"

I snickered. "No. Definitely not my work. It's one from a band called OCS. If you like it, I'll put some on your iPod for you. Good stuff to listen to before bed. I always feel relaxed when I listen to them."

'I'd rather have a copy of your version...or you playing for me in person...' "Great. Hey, are you trying to get me off the Black Parade for good?"

"I'm trying..." I grinned with a shy laugh. "Is it working at all? Bella...sometimes you seem so...distant. Why is that?" I inquired very gently, as her thoughts faded from me even as I asked. Not gone, just faded and unclear. Why Bella? Please explain it to me!

She stared down at her hands, picking at her nails as she avoided my gaze. "That's... I dunno. You know how I said I'm trying to just be normal? For my mom? That's the only way sometimes. It's like.." 'Would he understand?'

"Bella, I know we haven't known each other very long, but you can talk to me. I'd like to help you."

"You can't," she said in a whisper with a sad smile lifting one corner of her mouth. "But thank you for wanting to. It's not you, honestly. It's just something I have to deal with on my own."

Like me with my immortality. I understood. Perfectly. "Well, you are aware of my superior listening skills, so if you change your mind..."

Will I turn my coat to the rain
I don't know
But I'm going somewhere
I can warm my bones

I won't feel like
I'm on the outside
Of the circle...

(Ocean Colour Scene)

A/N ~ I'm pretty certain Edward can get her story out of her at this point. I'd be taking him up on his offer, fo' sure! ;)
Thanks for sticking with me while Edward discovers his human side. All comments are so very appreciated! THANK YOU! XX ~ SR