Harold ran and lifted Cassandra bridal style off the floor, "Are you well, my love?"
"Yes," she said, though her voice was weak.
The Doctor picked himself up and dusted down his jacket with his hands, "Well, that was the third least dramatic of my weddings."
Jane too was already standing and readjusting her clothes, "That was not a wedding, Doctor, it was a trap." She paused, "So, yes, I guess 'wedding' is a perfectly apt word."
The card players did not know where to look or what to be most shocked at. A couple decided to just resume their games.
"What happened to the creature?" Cassandra asked Harold.
"I killed it, my love. But in doing so, I spent the battery. My disguise is undone- I will have to depart this world. We can be together no more."
"Oh, who cares?" Felix asked, far too loud.
"Hold your tongue," Austen commanded.
"Miss Austen, with all the best will in the world, shove it." Felix addressed the room, "Ladies and gentlemen of regency England, I am not a mute. And I'm not a butler. And I'm from the future. If you don't believe me, then listen to this," he pulled out his nokia, pressed a button and played 'La Cucaracha', "Pretty weird, huh? And guess what? None of this survives. Not your money, not your houses and certainly not your values. Everyone in the future laughs at you. You're so into telling other people what to do, how to live and what to be, and you don't know how stupid you seem. How bloody poncey and stuck up. And why? What is the point? What does it benefit you to treat other people like this? To make them feel small and worthless because they don't do exactly what you would. If Cassandra wants to live with an alien, let her. It does not effect you in any way. The world will keep on turning and no one will be any worse off. She'll be happy and you won't have lost anything. It is absolutely nothing to do with you. And Cassandra," he turned to the woman being cradled in the alien's arms, "if they do give you grief, just ignore them: you've found happiness, you don't need them."
The room was silent for a few moments, and Felix looked around, hoping people would start clapping. When they didn't, he slinked out of the room and muttered, "I'll be in the TARDIS."
When he had gone, Austen walked over to Cassandra, "I hope you will be well again, Miss Bixby. I would hate for our friendship to be cut short once more; however, if you persist with this puritannical bent, then I am afraid we can count ourselves as acquaintances no more. I will not be marrying, Cassandra, it is not in my temperament. I hope to see you again soon."
She turned to go, but Cassandra called out, "Wait, Miss Austen!" Jane turned to look back at her and Cassandra smiled weakly, "I would not want you to miss my wedding." She shifted slightly in Harold's arms and looked out at the shocked denizens of the room, "My friends, I am now going to join in union with my betrothed. He is the light of my life and the one I find most comforting in all the world. Leave, if you will. Shun me, if you must. But I will not hide my heart anymore. I am in love, and that is a wonderful thing!" She pressed her head lovingly against her fiancé's chest.
"Father Cornister, will you do the honours?" Harold asked.
The priest, who had taken the last few minutes in his stride, perhaps because he couldn't see them behind his facial hair, launched once more into a renewed wedding ceremony. Or possibly he recited the history of Cuba. Either way, when he paused, Harold and then Cassandra said 'I do' and by the end of it they were generally considered to be married by those in attendance.
Once husband and wife had disappeared upstairs to the master bedroom, the Doctor and Austen headed back to the TARDIS.
"Thank you, Doctor." Jane said, standing at the door.
"Well, I didn't really do anything," The Doctor said, "Other than unmask a completely innocent man who was just trying to live with the love of his life anonymously." He paused. "I kind of messed up on this one, actually."
"You bought me where I needed to be."
"See? I knew you just wanted a lift."
She smiled and then glanced at the TARDIS, "Is Felix inside? I would speak to him. Alone."
The Doctor nodded and Jane stepped inside, Felix sat at the console, playing snake. Austen walked over, coughed politely and when he didn't look up, she said, "I apologise. My attitude when I heard of your...proclivities was wrong. It is not for me to tell others how to live. You really are a most peculiar gentleman- and that is how you should remain. "
Felix smiled, "Thank you. And I'm sorry I told you to shove it."
"It's alright," Austen responded, "I don't know what that means."
"Don't google it," Felix suggested.
The Doctor, who had marvellous timing for someone who definitely hadn't been eavesdropping, chose that moment to enter. "All good?" He asked. Jane and Felix nodded, and he clapped his hands together, "Excellent! Now, Miss Austen, shall I take you home? Or perhaps you'd like to come along with us on our next trip?"
Jane shook her head, "Thank you, Doctor, but I've had enough excitement for one day. But perhaps next week, I shall want to help save the world again."
"Well, any time, you know you're welcome." The Doctor said, "Just give me a call."
"I can't." Austen held up her shattered I-phone, "The beast robbed me of my Angry Birds."
"Oh, no bother," The Doctor said, pulling a fresh handset from his pocket, "Should have everything you need on it."
Felix gaped, "Can I have one?"
"I'm not Father Christmas!" The Doctor protested. "I don't just have unlimited I-phones!" He pulled four out of his pocket, "These are the only ones I have left." He put them back in his pocket, without giving one to Felix.
Austen smiled, "Farewell, Doctor; Felix." She exited the TARDIS.
"So," The Doctor clapped his hands together and began twiddling things on the console, "Where to next?"
Felix was staring at where Austen had just left, thinking, suddenly he turned and asked "Can we visit my grandfather?"
"Seems a bit pedestrian," The Doctor replied, wrinkling his nose.
"In 1963." Felix added.
"That's no less pedestrian to me," The Doctor said.
"I just...there's something I need to say to him; something I wish I'd said while he was alive."
"Uh huh," The Doctor nodded, "But why go to him in the sixties? He won't recognise you. You won't even have been born."
"I want to see him when he's young, when he's strong, before he got so...difficult."
"Alright," The Doctor jabbed a few buttons and set a new course, "I'll let you meet him. But make sure you don't make too big an impression. Or sneeze on him. Or tell him who wins Big Brother. These things have consequences."
Felix nodded, "Understood. I just want to meet him." But, behind his back, his fists were clenched.
THE DOCTOR AND FELIX WILL RETURN IN "THE GRANDFATHER PUNCHADOX"