Disclaimer: I don't own any of the original characters or the any of the TV shows mentioned in this chapter.

Thanks as always to Sassenach Wench my Twilighted Jr. Validation Beta! Thanks to my guest betas Crazycass and Noble Korhedron!

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Equivalency

EPOV

I watched Bella walk out of the door and the selfish prick inside of me wanted to yell for her to come back. This fucking hospital was boring as hell. The only thing that made it even halfway tolerable was my girl. I could probably find a way to be happy living in a fucking sewer as long as I could have her with me.

I shifted a little in the bed, reaching for the remote control to turn on the TV in hopes of something to help lift the crushing silence and unbearable boredom of the room I was now stuck alone in, but even that tiny movement hurt like hell. I yelled out, glad that for once I could at least vocalize how much it hurt as much as I wanted without having to worry about Bella freaking out over me.
While every little tiny movement hurt like hell, I did my absolute best to keep it to myself.

When I say everything hurt, I mean everything hurt. Every time she would curl up by my side, it was simultaneous pain and relief, but once she got settled, it was well worth it. Having her by my side was more important than anything, especially with how much it seemed to help her.

Listening to her tell me about what she went through after I was pulled into surgery during her first session with Dr. Kellison was almost too much to bear. She sobbed and shook, and fought so hard to be strong. I couldn't help but be proud of her. I've seen so many guys struggle with the feelings of guilt after making their first kills on the job. It doesn't matter if it was warranted or how many lives the person saved, taking a life takes a toll on someone's soul that you just can't understand until you've suffered through it yourself. Movies and books make it all sound so easy, but I knew from experience that it's pretty close to being the furthest thing from easy anyone will ever go through.

I flipped through channel after channel, hoping for something worth watching to show up on the screen, but instead found an endless parade of reality TV shows, boring daytime talk shows, and ridiculous soap operas. I finally landed on USA and noticed they were having a Psych marathon. Smiling, I settled back to see if there were any I had missed. Hell, even a day full of reruns was better than the rest of the shit the hospital had to offer.

I couldn't help but laugh at the antics of Shawn and Gus, which hurt like fuck every time I did it. The first episode had just stopped and the next was just about to start when I heard a knock at the door, followed by Dr. Kellison stepping through, smiling brightly at my confused face.

"Hi, Edward, I'm sorry to bother you. I just wanted to speak with you a couple of seconds about Bella in private. Is now a good time?"

I nodded and she stepped in, taking a seat in the plastic chair at the end of the bed again. She crossed her legs, sitting up straight as she continued to smile at me.

"Today went better than I had expected. I just got a phone call from Emmett. Carlisle and I asked him to take her down to personnel, which forced them to walk past the waiting room for the ER, before he took her out for the day."

I tensed when she mentioned her going down by the ER and frowned, but then relaxed a bit when she continued to smile brightly.

"She did great, Edward, so much better than either of us had expected. She averted her eyes going past the first time, but the second time she actually stopped and looked down the hallway, taking her first step in facing her fear. It was hard for her. She cried and reacted in a slightly negative fashion, but it was still amazing progress so soon after the event in question. She has a strong will and a stubborn persistence. It's going to take her some time, but I honestly believe that she is going to do very well very quickly."

I sighed and let loose a breath I wasn't even aware I was holding which stabbed in my chest causing me to wince. Dr. Kellison shot me a concerned expression to which I shook my head letting her know I was fine.

"That's good to hear, Doc. Do you think she's going to be able to finish her intern year? I really don't want her to have to repeat it over all of this that was so out of her control."

Dr. Kellison frowned. "I'm not at liberty to discuss that with you, Edward. I will have to make my final judgment call on her ability to perform Wednesday evening after her review."

My eyes grew wide, "You're the one who is doing her review."

She nodded silently, frowning down at my blankets on my feet.

"From what you've seen so far, do you have any idea which way you are leaning?"

She looked up apologetically and my heart sank.

"I really can't say right now, Edward. Let's see how she handles the next couple of days. In the meantime, do your best to help her keep to my suggestions tonight about your sleeping habits and just be as supportive as you can. Emmett informed me that he's taking her to a gym and letting her release some aggression on a punching bag. I'm hoping she takes the opportunity to vent some of her pain and frustrations. He said he'll have her back in a few hours after she works with the bag for a while and then she gets a chance to go home, clean up, and pick up some new clothes."

I smiled and nodded. "Thank you, Dr. Kellison."

"Thank YOU, Edward. I'm absolutely positive that this situation would be much more difficult for Bella if she didn't have you to lean on."

I nodded and watched as she gracefully rose from the chair and strode out of the room. I took in a deep breath out of habit, causing the sharp pain in my chest to flare again. I groaned as I released the breath. I dropped my head back on my pillow and closed my eyes as my good hand tugged hard at my hair. All I could think was that I sincerely hoped Emmett knew what he was doing and didn't push Bella too far.

I had just drifted into a nice deep wallow when I heard another knock at the door. The knock was followed by the nurse and a doctor. The nurse set about the room checking my IV and other things as the doctor asked me several questions. I answered in a bored monotone voice, sick to death of answering the same questions for the third time already today.

Just when I thought I was going to get some peace as the nurse and doctor began to leave the room, another knock filled the air and the chief stepped into the room along with the dipshit trio, Campbell, Craigen, and Spencer.

"Hey, Masen, we met your girl today," Craigen said with a smug smile that make me want to beat the living shit out of him. "She's hot as fuck, man. She has a slammin' ass that I'd love to bang all night long. Think you can toss her my way when you get your fill and finally move on?"

I jerked out of instinct then screamed out in pain as my chest sent white hot pain through my body, temporarily blinding me with a bright haze. I screamed out a trail of obscenities before finally calming down enough to yell at the fucker still smiling smugly at me.

"You fucking son of a bitch, someday I'll be healed up from this fucking gunshot wound and then I'll beat you black and blue, you piece of shit. Nobody talks about my girl like that, you mother fucker!"

Campbell threw up his hands, "Chill, Masen, chill, Elliott was just pulling your leg man. You know he's a prick like that, and you also know he stole all of his best lines from you. Fuck, you would have been saying the same thing to him three months ago if situations were reversed."

I grumbled and crossed my arms over my chest in a huff. He was fucking right, but I'd still be damned if anyone would ever talk about Bella that way.

"Enough, you hooligans," the chief finally spoke up in his gruff voice. "We're not here to have a pissing contest. We're actually here to update you on the whole Sellers situation. The feds have given up looking for him. He's gone completely off the grid. What we did discover is that he is the cousin to Blagojevich's wife, with eyes on taking over the empire with Blagojevich out of the way. Word on the street is that he actually tipped off the feds about the warehouse and Trager in an attempt to provide damning evidence to get rid of the man, opening the market for him to take over completely."

"The FBI found that within minutes of Trager taking over the ER, he booked a flight to the Bahamas. He apparently had some very lucrative off shore accounts hidden there that he emptied before hopping another flight to Europe and just simply vanished. He left everything behind. We have everything we need to take down Blagojevich and to take Sellers out for good if they ever catch back up with him."

I nodded along assuming as much. As soon as Bella told us about Sellers being a person of interest during her first phone call during the standoff, I had a feeling it was something along those lines. My instincts had certainly been right about him, he was a total fucking slime ball, as crooked as a snake.

"The three detectives here will be our liaisons with the feds concerning this situation from here on out. The full Chicago PD will no longer have an active role in the Blagojevich case. If you find out any new information, or have any concerns about this situation, then you can direct them to one of these three."

I nodded and the chief downshifted to a short stint of uncomfortable small talk before dismissing himself with Craigen and Campbell following. I looked up confused a bit when Spencer stayed behind, frowning down at my blankets and shuffling his feet.

"Anything wrong, Spencer?"

He shook his head, looking up with a concerned look on his face. I had to admit, Joey was actually a decent guy. Why he was all buddy-buddy with the other two shitheads was beyond me.

"Uh, I just thought I should tell you that when we saw your girlfriend today in the gym, she was totally flipping out on the bag. I've never seen somebody break out so hard on that thing, and I've seen you and Emmett go at it when you're pissed off. It was hard to believe someone so tiny had so much power inside her."

He cleared his throat looking into my eyes again. "She's taking it pretty rough, but she seems tough, then again, she has to be to tame someone like you." He chuckled.

I snorted in response trying not to laugh and aggravate my lung.

"I've seen how you've changed since you've been with her. I can see she's good for you. Take good care of her. She's a rare one."

I nodded knowingly. "Yeah, and you don't even really know her. She's even better on the inside."

He nodded with a small smile before ducking out the doorway and disappearing down the hall. I smiled, knowing exactly who I would be dealing with if the situation arose that required me to 'liaise' with the FBI about Sellers.

After Spencer left, it seemed like my room had a fucking revolving door on it as I saw more visitors in the next two hours than I had seen my whole visit in the hospital so far. First was Elizabeth and Tanya, who stayed for a very tense twenty minutes before begging off to go find some supper for Tanya and her ever growing fetus. After that, some of the guys from the other SWAT crews and the two new guys to our unit came strolling in and out.

Every single one of them marveled at Bella, asking how she was holding up. Most of them had been where she was now to some degree. The only difference is we're trained for those situations and go in knowing that today might be the day that we have to kill a man, but Bella never had that kind of mental preparation, which was making this even harder than it had been for any of us.

I got about ten minutes of peace, suddenly grateful for the boring quiet of my empty hospital room. When the next knock rung in the room, I groaned quietly and rolled my eyes before seeing my parents walk in. Instantly my mood shifted.

"Mom! Dad! I'm glad you're here!"

They both beamed at me, rushing across the room to hug me. My mom kissed my forehead and then persisted in wiping away the red lipstick mark that she left behind. As they settled on either side of my bed, we fell into a comfortable conversation. They asked how I was feeling and about Bella, pleased to hear of her progress and telling me how proud they were that I was being so attentive to her...like I would be anything but...pfft!

We were just moving on to small talk about their jobs when the room brightened a thousand fold as my girl walked in, looking all smiley and relaxed. I couldn't resist glowing right back at her. She looked more at ease than she had since the night before the standoff.

She rushed to my side and kissed me.

I picked up her hands to check them after what Spencer had told me about her session with the bag. I felt myself getting angry at Emmett for not wrapping her hands before he put her in the gloves. I called him out on it and he bragged about how she went 'apeshit' on the bag, which actually wasn't news to me. He didn't miss my narrowed eyes and kept his visit brief before bugging out, leaving me alone with my girl and my parents.

I loved having my three favorite people in the whole world in that tiny room with me. If I hadn't been in so much fucking pain, it would have been damn close to paradise. I started planning right then to schedule a weekend getaway with Bella and my parents once we were all feeling better, maybe to the beach house or something.

My parents left about an hour later. Bella and I settled back in the bed to watch Psych together for a while until she started yawning deeply. I suggested she get ready for bed. She pulled the recliner so close to the side of the bed that the fake leather material made a squeaking noise against the rail of the bed every time she shifted. I would much rather her be in bed with me, but this would have to do...it was in her best interest after all. We held hands and soon we were both sleeping deeply.

I had no clue what time it was when she woke up screaming and climbed into the bed with me. I held her and stroked her hair, reminding her it was all over, and that I loved her more than anything ever.

It took about twenty minutes before she was finally calm enough to climb back onto her chair. She held my hand tighter, but she stood firm and managed to sleep the rest of the night in the recliner.

The nurse woke me up at six thirty when she came in to change the IV bag and add another dose of antibiotics to the line. Thankfully, Bella slept through it. I just stared over at her as she rested peacefully in the recliner next to my bed, her fingers still curled with mine. Her forehead was smooth and there was a small smile playing at the corner of her mouth. All I could do was smile at this amazing creature laying next to me that just so happened to be mine.

I lay there worshipping her with my eyes for about half an hour before those beautiful brown eyes fluttered open and then closed before opening once more as a dazzling smile overtook her face.

"Good morning, Edward."

"Good morning, Bella. How was the rest of your night?"

She yawned and stretched her left arm up into the air, wiggling her fingers lazily, before dropping back down to a relaxed state in the chair. She frowned a little like she was trying to remember and then smiled brightly at me.

"Good...really good actually, I dreamed of the beach house."

I smiled and squeezed her hand with a wink. "And what exactly was happening at the beach house in your dreams?"

She smiled sheepishly and blushed. I felt a smug smirk form on my lips as the blood in my body rushed to my lower hemisphere. I was missing the feel of her body so much it wasn't even funny. Yesterday, when she teased me, I was about ready to explode just from the mere suggestion, but knowing she was dreaming about us was even more encouraging. I was glad she was missing it as much as I was.

"Tell me, love."

She shook her head, burying her face in the crook of her elbow and I couldn't suppress the chuckle that bubbled up painfully from my belly.

"Bella, we've done some pretty amazing and kinky things together, yet you can't even tell me about a dream about the two of us without pulling an ostrich and hiding your face?" I dug my fingers between her face and her arm tipping her up to look at me. "You are far too adorable for words, Bella Swan."

She giggled and shook her head before getting up and going to the restroom after grabbing her overnight bag. She emerged shortly after, dressed for the day with her hair secured in a ponytail once more. She walked over, scooting the recliner a sliver further away from the bed. She settled into it with a smile before picking up my remote, hitting the power button where the marathon continued to play. She giggled at the inventive way the writers had insinuated the pineapple into the episode that was already in progress.

BPOV

Dr. Kellison came in at eleven o'clock as she had the day before. We chatted for a while in Edward's room before she asked me to take a walk with her. We chatted leisurely as we wandered through the hallways of the hospital. I smiled and chatted with a few of the doctors and nurses as we passed by and made our way to the third floor where we bumped into the rest of the Femmes on rounds.

They all rushed over to hug me, apologizing for not visiting more. They had been stuck on graveyards over the weekend and finally were back to days starting that morning. My resident advisor, Dr. K, hugged me. She pulled me aside to talk to me, encouraging me, and telling me how proud she was. She invited me to step into a couple of rooms with them as they continued their rounds.

Everyone watched warily as I stood behind the group, watching them interact with the patients. My heart ached in my chest because I really wished I could be an active part of the group. There was a comfort and familiarity with the job that I was really missing today. I had never gone so long without working a shift on the floor, and while yes, things had been traumatizing, and I wanted to take care of Edward, I was really aching to get in there and help. Then I remembered that working meant spending half the day in the ER, and my heart froze mid beat. A chill filled my chest and I began to worry that I might never be able to finish the year.

I was lost deep in thought when Dr. Kellison pulled me back into the hallway and led me toward the wing where her office was held. She led me inside and offered for me to sit on the soft fluffy brown couch as she settled across from me in a wide matching chair.

She settled in, crossing her legs, and cocking her head at me. "Bella, could you share with me what you were feeling while we were in that room with your colleagues?"

As I told her how I was feeling, I saw a twinkle in her eyes, while I told her about my ache to join in and how I was missing my job. She smiled brightly for a moment but it faded when I explained the fear that gripped me, and the chill that filled my body at the thought of working the ER rotation. She furrowed her brow for a moment, studying her slacks, before nodding lightly and looking back up again with a small smile.

"I need to make one more stop, and then we'll head back up to your Edward, okay?"

I nodded, following as we left her office and made our ways through the maze of corridors. We went through a service corridor lined with pipes and lacking of color before we emerged from a set of double doors.

I felt my breath catch hard as I found myself standing in the middle of the ER hallway. I was only about fifteen feet from the junction where Edward had grabbed my arm telling me that they were going to get me out when I went to get the gurney for my diabetic patient.

I felt dizzy as I looked around the corridor at the hustle and bustle of the ER in full swing. When my eyes landed on the corner again, the memory of Edward's hand on my arm and his soothing voice in my ear flooded to the surface. I felt my heart slow a bit, and some of my tension melting. Not everything that happened that day was totally horrific. My Edward had been there for me, even in the midst of the worst of things. He was there for me then and he was still there for me now.

I swallowed hard and willed my body to calm a bit more. I knew I wasn't in any condition to work, but I was determined to stand there and not go into full on panic mode. Dr. Kellison observed me quietly with a small supportive smile. After several minutes of me not completely freaking out, she smiled brightly and nodded, gesturing for me to follow her back through the corridor through which we had just come.

The further away from the ER I got, the better I felt. Eventually, we returned to Edward's door and Dr. Kellison put her hand on my shoulder, smiling widely at me.

"You did fantastic, Bella. You continue to exceed my expectations. Go enjoy your time with Edward and relax. I want you to try to sleep at either Emmett's or Dr. Cullen's tonight. Edward has agreed to talk to you as much and as long as you need to in order to help you get through. Can you try that tonight?"

I gulped, feeling the tears welling in my eyes. After a while, I nodded gently. I didn't want to spend the night away, but I knew I had to. It was going to be harder than anything so far, but I had to try.

I spent the rest of the day clinging to Edward's side, dreading leaving him for the night. I wanted to stay positive, but I knew what the night was going to bring. I couldn't help but fear it with all my being.

I called Emmett around seven, asking if it would be okay if I stayed with him and Rosalie for the night. I had debated going to the Cullen house, thinking that staying in Edward's childhood room would help me feel close enough to him that it might help stave off the flashback nightmares, but in the end, I chose physical proximity of only being four blocks away over the alternative.

Emmett was excited for me to stay, hopping off right away to set up the guest room for me before promising to come and pick me up. He showed up an hour later. He watched sympathetically as I struggled with myself to leave Edward's side.

Edward did his best to comfort and encourage me. He promised to stay on the phone as long as I needed and be ready to answer if I needed him at any point during the night.

An hour later, I finally peeled myself away from his room with one final deep goodbye kiss and a long tearful hug. I felt shame that I was so dependent on him. I had never been one who clung to my loved ones quite so fiercely in the physical sense, but this whole situation was bringing out weaknesses in me that I had never known about myself before.

It was ten o'clock when I finally settled between the sheets on the blow up mattress in the floor of my previous bedroom, which was now slowly converting to a nursery. The walls were already painted a cheerful light yellow with a border traveling around the circumference of the room at chair rail level with cute little animals riding in train cars that had the alphabet on them. I smiled thinking of how completely spoiled and smart this baby was going to be with these two in charge.

I settled my head back into the pillow. I flipped open my cell phone, dialing Edward's room. He picked up on the second ring. We talked on and on about meaningless things until both of our bodies gave up on us, interrupting every other sentence with loud disruptive yawns.

"Love, I think we need to be trying to sleep now."

My voice sounded so small and weak even to me, "I know...I'm just...scared."

"I know, love, but you can do this. I know you can."

"Can you just keep talking to me a little longer?" I whispered.

"Of course, my beautiful Bella, I would do anything for you."

Our voices grew steadily quieter. Finally, he began to hum very lightly into the phone. I wondered if it was hurting him to hum, but I didn't want to interrupt the beautiful tune he was weaving with his velvety voice.

The next thing I knew, I was back in the harsh light of the waiting room. Trager was standing in front of us, pointing his gun at the middle of my forehead, screaming at us. I started screaming that this couldn't be happening again, that I couldn't go through this again, and then the lights shut off.

The whole thing happened all over again as I could smell the sour odor of Trager's sweat on his arm as he held it across my body with my arms trapped in his grip. I could feel the cold barrel of the gun pressed against my temple. The sounds of the guys echoed in my ear as my hand tore free from Trager's grasp, and I reached into my pocket and the syringe wasn't there. A moment later, he yelled at me that if I moved he would blow my brains out. He let go of me to reach into his pocket, pulling out the trigger. The second the trigger is in the open, the yelling got louder. I heard a gun shot seconds before the whole room became full of bright light and loud roaring fire as screams erupted for a second before everything fell into a white empty silence.

I sat up, screaming, sweat streaming down my face and neck. I held the blanket to my chest as my throat clenched with the scream that I couldn't seem to stop. It was like I was no longer in control of my voice box or my lungs. Something else had taken over.

A second later, Emmett was kneeling by my side, shaking me and yelling for Rose to get my phone. He wrapped his arms around my body and stroked my hair as he rocked me. He asked me what the dream was. I rambled on trying to explain, but my words were a garbled mess between my mental state and the sobs that were making my shoulders shake and my gasping breaths.

Soon, Rosalie held the phone to my ear. I heard Edward's voice on the other end, speaking in soothing tones.

I fought to balance my breathing, but I couldn't as I gasped for air. I tried to speak, but I couldn't form the words. The sound of Edward's voice just wasn't helping. Finally, I turned to Emmett and started yelling that I needed him to take me to Edward, now.

"Bella, no, you're supposed to stay here. The doctor said..."

"I don't give a fuck what the doctor says. I need Edward NOW!" I screeched between gasps.

I heard Edward on the phone, sounding more frantic, as I started throwing a tantrum for Emmett to take me to Edward. This wasn't working and I knew there was only one thing that was going to reset me back to a calmer state.

"No, Bella! You can't! If you go in there then you won't get to finish the program!"

"What? What the hell are you talking about?" I screamed at my grief stricken brother.

"You're doing so much better than they thought, but I have a feeling that if you can't handle this, then they're going to recommend you take the rest of the year off and start over in the fall. You've worked too hard for this, Bella. I'm not going to watch you throw it away. You can do this, sweetheart. Edward's here for you, he's on the phone. Talk to him and figure out how that will be enough. If you don't, I have a very strong feeling that you won't pass your review. Please, Bella."

I watched Emmett beg me as he knelt in front of me, his big strong personality hidden behind his discouraged slumped shoulders and sad desperate eyes. I took a deep breath, letting it out with a loud gush, as the tears started to flow silently now.

I swallowed hard and nodded as I put the phone back to my ear. "Edward?"

"I'm here, baby. You're alright. It's all going to be okay. Just talk to me, baby. Tell me about it."

I told him all about my dream as Emmett and Rosalie sat on the bed with me, listening and running comforting hands over my arm and back.

"It wasn't really a flashback, but it was more how things could have gone so wrong if I had screwed things up any worse. I see what you're saying now, Edward. Things could have been much worse."

I heard Edward sigh on the phone. "I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean to plant those thoughts in your mind and make you have a bad dream. I'm glad that your subconscious seems to be slowly working things out and showing you that you did what you had to do though."

I nodded and sighed.

We all sat and talked for another hour while I slowly sipped two chamomile teas that Rose brought me before we all finally settled back into bed.

The rest of my night was filled with tossing and turning as I continued to have haunting visions of the standoff. Each time, they ended a little differently. One thing changed and the whole end result was different. Sometimes everyone survived, sometimes nobody survived, but they were all equally distressing.

I didn't wake up screaming or throwing any more tantrums to see Edward, although I did call him three more times before I got up for the day at seven the next morning. I hadn't made it on my own. I had leaned very heavily on my brother, sister in law, and Edward's voice, but I did survive the night without being in his arms and I felt that was a small victory.

I dressed early and stopped at the bakery on my way to the hospital smuggling contraband pastries for Edward and I to nibble on together. As soon as I walked in and saw him, I felt extremely guilty. He had much darker rings under his eyes and looked completely exhausted as he lay in his bed, but still managed a bright smile for me when I walked in.

We ate in peace. I snuggled into his side, grateful for the physical comfort after the long night we had endured on the phone together. We drifted off for a couple of short cat naps before the time came for me to make my way down to Dr. Kellison's office at eleven for my official review.

I walked in and took my seat on the couch next to Dr. Cullen. Dr. Kellison was in the big chair and Dr. Vandice was sitting in its mate next to her. I swallowed nervously and fidgeted with my shirt hem as they all smiled encouragingly at me.

They asked how the night went. I was honest with them, telling them about the change in my nightmares, and how my brain seemed to be shifting through the alternative endings to the story if my decisions had been different. Finally, when I was finished, Dr. Kellison asked me what I thought that my new dreams meant. I sighed, reaching forward to pick up the Styrofoam cup of water that Dr. Kellison had offered me when I first sat down.

I took a deep breath after I finished my sip, squaring my shoulders to look at my audience, addressing them as forthright as I could.

"I think it means that my mind is finally starting to process that I handled the situation the best way I could. I was in an impossible situation and every decision I made was life or death for someone. In the end, my actions saved the most possible people. While it's difficult to make peace with the fact that I took a life, in the overall scheme of things, it had to be done or more lives would have been lost."

The three doctors nodded with pleased smiles. Dr. Kellison went on to explain to the other men what we had discussed throughout the week and my reactions to the tests she had set up for me over the past two days. It was at this point that it truly dawned on me that I had been under review for the past three days. Dr. Kellison was slowly gathering data and observations about how I was handling things in order to make her final judgment and recommendation today. Dr. Cullen would represent the hospital's interests and Dr. Vandice would represent the Med School Board's.

Dr. Vandice listened with a somber gaze, nodding occasionally at Dr. Kellison's observations and inferences. Finally, she reached the end of her report. She took a deep breath and squeezed her hands tightly together in her lap as though she were nervous.

"She handled the ER visit amazingly well considering, but I feel she's still not ready to practice in the ER,"

I watched Dr. Vandice's face morph into a stony look of decision as my heart stopped. I felt the sting of tears in my eyes until I heard her continue to speak.

"However, I feel that she is fully capable of practicing as long as she is not placed in the environment in which the trauma took place until after she's had more time to process the situation and come to terms with all that happened. I know this is an unusual request, but I also feel that this is a unique situation. I was hoping that perhaps the board would allow her to take part in alternative training until she was ready to work in the ER again. The rest of the class is still about six weeks away from starting their specialty work, but I thought, perhaps Dr. Swan could begin her rotation early. Allow her to be with the rest of her class during morning rounds, and then send her up to assist on the pediatric floor when the rest move down to the ER."

Dr. Vandice scowled and shook his head as he looked at Dr. Kellison incredulously. "This is not how our program is run. This curriculum is set in a particular pattern for a reason. It is important that the students follow the set curriculum. If we start making exceptions then it will be expected for every student."

Dr. Kellison scowled back, crossing her arms over her chest as her back grew more rigid. "Well, if every student underwent a situation such as Dr. Swan and managed to save over thirty lives and save this hospital billions of dollars worth of lawsuits and investigations, then I would say that they would deserve special consideration as well."

I watched their verbal sparring with wide eyes amazed. The length to which Dr. Kellison was going to defend my right to finish out my internship year in an alternative program was astounding to me. I glanced over at Carlisle, who was watching back and forth as well with furrowed brow.

After several minutes of argument, he spoke up, interrupting the two. "If I may have a word as a representative of the hospital in this review, I agree with Dr. Kellison's assessment. I see no reason why Dr. Swan can't begin her specialty early. If there was ever a litmus test for how well a doctor can handle him or herself in the field, it was the experience that she had that day. Perhaps we could officially equate it to an equivalency exam, and allow her to advance slightly prematurely to her next level of training."

Dr. Vandice began to spar with Carlisle, but Carlisle refused to let it continue on for very long before he slammed his hand on his knee and interrupted.

"Daniel, can you honestly say that any of the rest of that class of students would have handled the situation with even one tenth of the professionalism and skill that Dr. Swan did? You have seen the tapes, she was remarkable!"

"And I'm sure that your son's relationship with Dr. Swan has no bearing on your admiration for her actions at all, do they Carlisle?"

The room dropped into grave silence. I glanced at Carlisle, noting that if he were a cartoon character, steam would be emanating from his ears. Dr. Kellison looked completely shocked and stricken at Dr. Vandice's accusation while Dr. Vandice looked smug as he sat with his arms crossed in the chair over his rounded belly.

"In all the years I have worked with you, Daniel, I have never been so offended by your words and actions. If you would get out of the classroom occasionally and step back into the field, you would see that the world of academia should be more flexible, as we have to be every day in our work. It is no wonder that the med schools of this country are being accused of fostering unprepared students for the rigors of the actual field. You have become so rigid in your thinking, that you would impugn the noble actions of one of your own students, which you should be touting and pointing out as a model to which the others should aspire, simply to avoid admitting that there are times that your curriculum could be better served by providing exceptions."

"Yes, my son is in love with this woman, as well he should be. She holds every virtue that we as doctors, and that I as a human being, deem valuable. I would value her even if she didn't hold my son's heart, for the very same reasons. If you punish her for standing up and doing what's right and taking care of those in a dire situation, then you might as well be telling that whole class to look out for number one and sit back and watch as they slowly remove themselves from all high risk surgeries, cases, and situations."

Dr. Vandice's smugness melted away the longer Carlisle spoke. By the end of his speech, he looked stricken and panicked. After a few more minutes of debate between the triad, I was asked to step out into the hallway and wait in the seat outside the door. Twenty minutes later, a beaming Carlisle stepped out and asked me to come back in.

I sat in wonder as Dr. Vandice thanked me for my heroic behavior and stated that they would be following ALL of Dr. Kellison's recommendations. He stated that I would be given the rest of the week to heal a bit more and then would be expected to report for morning rounds the following Monday. I stood in shock. I shook the man's hand, thanking him earnestly, before he stepped out of the room with Dr. Kellison beside him. After they stepped through the door, I turned to Carlisle, hugging him and thanking him from the bottom of my heart. He hugged me back and smiled down at me, tucking my hair behind my ears.

"You deserve it, Bella. You are going to be one hell of a doctor."

I blushed and thanked him, giving him one last hug, as Dr. Kellison entered the room. I turned and hugged her as well, thanking her for defending me, and for her suggestions. Ten minutes later, I walked back toward Edward's room with a card in hand for an appointment with Dr. Kellison again the next day.

I walked in to find Edward staring at me with a nervous expression. It melted into relief mixed with pure joy as I explained the whole situation, and how I was going to start my specialty rounding early, as I climbed next to him on the bed. He hugged me with his good hand and told me how proud he was of me. He stroked my cheek with his hand, before pulling me down into a long slow kiss.

We spent the rest of the day between his numerous visitors resting blissfully together and kissing every chance we got. I felt this strange combination of relief, excitement, and nervousness. Finally, everything seemed to be turning in the right direction again. I hoped I really was ready for the new challenges of my new placement.

That night, I slept in the recliner by Edward's bed again. For the first time, my nightmares weren't accompanied by waking up in a panic of tears and screaming. They were still horrible, but now I knew I was going to get through it. With my family and friends at my side, I could get through anything.

For any of you living out of the US, I have to explain the show Psych. Perhaps it's made it across the pond, perhaps not, but I'll still share. Psych is about this guy whose father was a police detective and taught him to be super observant, but he's a bit of a lazy guy who doesn't do well with authority figures and is really goofy, so being a real police officer is not really in the cards. So instead, he uses his gift of observation and pretends to be psychic revealing the things he learned as though he's having a vision. He's really smart and his best friend Gus helps him. They have a psychic detective agency and work for the local police department. A silly little thing they do in the show is that in every single episode they find some way to have a pineapple in at least one shot. You never know where, when, or how they will use the pineapple. I'm not describing it well, but it's a great show and actually one of the few I actually take time to watch these days. My absolute favorite shows are Psych and Bones, but I'll save Bones for another day, but let's just say that David Boreanaz being my Dr. Sellers was in no small part thanks to watching an episode of Bones the night before I wrote his character!