The Cassidy Chronicles
Three - Hitting the Fan
"Hunter, pick me up! Hunter, pick me up! Hunter, pick me up!"
A gaggle of power-walkers turned their heads in the direction of the high-pitched voice. Four men and one dog surrounded what appeared to be… an elf. And a demanding elf, at that. On of the men – whose bare arms were blanketed in tattoos – threw them such a glare that the group quickly picked up their pace.
"Well," said Kane, "if everybody in the park didn't know your name, Hunter, they do now."
Ever the good-sport, Hunter hoisted little Cassie Jericho onto his shoulders. "You want me to toss you into the trees?" he asked.
"Yeah!" Cassie was all for it. She liked her Uncle's friend. Sometimes, when no one was around, he and Cassie played Skydive. Hunter would throw Cassie into the air as hard as he could. At the pinnacle of her ascent, Cassie would fling out her arms and Hunter would do his damnedest to catch her. Hunter hadn't missed yet. "Do it, do it, do it!"
Chris tugged on Lucifer's leash. "Sounds like someone's been spending too much time with Mr. Jeff."
Mr. Jeff Hardy owned and ran a local pet shop. Cassie, Chris, and Kane would visit the shop every Saturday morning. And for four months of Saturdays, Cassie had begged her parents to let her have a pet. Any kind of pet. A puppy, a kitty, a hamster or gerbil – she couldn't tell the difference, but they were both cute. She had not been receptive to her Papa's pet rock idea.
Ultimately, the adults caved. Which led to the purchase of an electric blue beta fish.
A startling realization sprouted in Cassie's brain. "We forgot to feed Meemo!" she exclaimed from atop Hunter's shoulders. "Oh emm gee!"
So thorough was her distress – and so piercing her proclamation – that even Lucifer took notice.
"What's a 'Meemo'?" questioned Hunter.
Mark had a more pressing inquiry. "Did my niece just say 'oh emm gee'? What is going on in your household, Kane?"
"Meemo is my fish," Cassie explained. "He is a very good fish. But not for eating. And we forgot to give him fishy food!"
Again an exclamation point. And again did Lucifer glance back to assess the situation. The smallest of its human companions appeared to be under some form of duress. Perhaps a proper face licking would soothe her.
"What's this 'we' business?" asked Chris. "He is your fish, little lady. Your responsibility."
Lucifer did not think it would be possible, but the youngster's face fell even further.
"But…but…but…" Cassie sputtered. "But I'm little!"
That was her usual defense. She couldn't keep after her toys because she was little. No helping Daddy put away the groceries because she was little. Yet she was not so little she couldn't polish off the Rooty-Tooty Fresh & Fruity down at the IHoP. Including the side order of scrambled eggs and bacon.
Mark folded his arms across his chest. "We have yet to address the oh-emm-gee occurrence."
As lovingly as possible, Hunter patted his partner's shoulder. "Let it go, love."
"This looks good," Cassie announced.
Cassidy's grand plan for the day was a picnic with her family. She loved picnics. Picnics and tea parties. Sometimes she could get her Daddy and Papa to join in the festivities of Yodels and Snapple Raspberry Iced Tea. And if she was really, really good, Papa made strawberry shortcake. It was The Best.
Uncle had balked at the idea of a tea party. Somehow, he had gotten it into his head that tiaras and fluffy feather boas were involved. Sometimes Cassie found her Uncle quite odd.
Chris laid out the blanket on the grass. Kane handed him the picnic basket. Which was not so much a basket as it was the largest beer cooler Mark could provide.
"Down you go, kiddo." Hunter set Cassie down on the grass. "You're gettin' heavy, Cass. You been at those pancakes?"
Cassie plucked a blade of grass from the dirt. Pout perfectly puckered, she insisted, "I'm not heavy; I'm little."
"You're a little heavy," quipped Hunter, a smirk playing on his lips.
Lucifer took intense interest in the surrounding trees.
"I know that look," Kane said, regarding the animal's stance. "Lucy has got some business to take care of."
Mark grumbled, "The name is Lucifer."
"Says Lucy on the tag." The tone of Kane's voice was the equivalent of him sticking his tongue out at his brother.
Cassie stroked Lucifer's back. "Puppy has two names?" she asked the grown ups. "How come?"
The dog affectionately licked Cassie's nose. It reasoned that, when the child was not screaming or squeezing the life out of it, she really wasn't all that bad. And Cassie was an excellent ear-scratcher.
Chris decided to give his daughter a life lesson. "Because if you put the name Lucifer down on a puppy's registration, the folks at the shelter won't let you take it home."
All of their gum-flapping did nothing to relieve the pressure of Lucifer's full bladder. Immediate action needed to be taken. Throwing its shoulders into it, Lucifer tugged Mark towards the trees.
Kane and Cassie tagged along.
"What puppy doing?" Cassie watched Lucifer move from tree to tree, sniffing around each of the trunks. It was both intriguing and perplexing.
Kane explained, "You know how when we go out, Daddy and I check the bathrooms to make sure they're good? Well, Lucy is looking for a good tree. And… it looks like she found one! Look at the pretty clouds, Cassie!"
With the little girl's attention diverted, Lucifer got down to Business.
"They sure are fluffy today, Papa," Cassie noted. Fluffy clouds made for good picnic weather.
Mark pulled a plastic baggie out of his jacket pocket. The park had a strict policy when it came to owners cleaning up after their dogs. Mark always complied. Because the last thing he wanted was end up on the eleven o'clock news after stepping in some inconsiderate bastard's dog's shit and cold-cocking the guy.
"Hey, Cassie, you wanna pick up that poop for me?"
"Okay, Uncle." Cassie was always eager to help out her favorite Uncle.
Kane, however, was having none of it. "Clean up after your own dog, Mark. That's why Cassie's got a fish. All she has to do is change the water… Actually, I end up changing the water. Chris has a thing about handling a living fish and Cassie would probably set poor Meemo on the counter and let him flop all over the marble. So the fish bowl cleaning falls to me."
"Aww, get your undies unbunched." Mark punched his baby brother lightly on the arm. "I was kidding."
That fact remained unclear to Cassidy Jericho.
"What now?" Clasped in each of her hands was a fistful of Lucifer's leavings. Even though it was super duper smelly, Cassie would prove herself to be a Number One helper. Then perhaps she could get a bunny to go along with her fish.
Kane did not know what to do first. Smack the crap out of his daughter's hand or beat the crap out of his moronic older brother. The main thing, he reasoned, was to keep Chris completely unaware.
In a calm, even voice, Kane commanded, "Put the poop down, honey."
Mark held open the plastic baggie; Cassie quickly complied. From his back pocket, Kane produced a zippered bag full of Wet Wipes. He proceeded to thoroughly clean his little girl's hands.
"What about the rest?" asked Cassie. A few pieces remained in the grass.
Uncle Mark intervened. "I got that, Cass. Don't you worry about it." He glanced at his brother. "You really got wipes coming out your ass, huh?"
"You're going to Hell for this," grumbled Kane. He attempted a confident smile for Cassie. "You can't tell Daddy about the poop. Okay, sweetheart?"
"Okay."
"It'll remain a secret between the three of us."
"Four," corrected Cassie. "You forgot the puppy."
Mark grinned. "Well, how about that? The kid knows her numbers."
Ignoring his brother, Kane continued, "That's right, Cass. A secret between the four of us. As far as Daddy knows, you absolutely, positively did not touch poop and you never ever will."
"Okay, Papa," Cassie beamed.
Poop properly contained and all traces removed from Cassie's hands, the foursome returned to their picnic area.
"Everything went smoothly, I presume," said Chris.
"Oh, yes, Daddy," replied Cassie." She moved to sit beside him on the blanket. "And I absolutely positively did not touch poop and I never ever will."