Chapter Seven

Three weeks ago

He was standing away from everyone else and eschewing company like the politicians, businessmen, friends and frenemies at the gala were too much of a bother for him to associate with. Not exactly becoming of the host of a party, but Chuck Bass never did anything that suited anyone. While Lily stepped in as hostess, Chuck stood at the furthest corner of the rooftop garden, sipping martini and staring at the city lights.

Blair caught a flash of irritation on his face when he turned, sensing her presence. But then it was quickly replaced with surprise mingled with fear, and just as quickly, it was taken over by the careful, well-practised mask of disinterest that Chuck had perfected since kindergarten.

"Well?" she demanded.

He sighed. "Get to the point, Blair," he said quietly.

That stumped her for a while. Chuck, if he were the Chuck she knew before Paris, would have responded with a sarcastic retort. It was a game that they've played too many times before, and she was well-practised in it. But this Chuck-of-few-words was not a creature she was used to.

She merely sniffed haughtily at the challenge. "Fine. Why did you leave Count Alexei off the guest list?"

He took his time answering; he sipped his martini slowly and studied her with his dark, fathomless eyes. "Maybe it was an honest mistake," he finally said.

"There's nothing honest about you," she snapped bitterly. And the memory of what he did to her because of the Empire returned, and for a moment her mask slipped and the raw pain of it shone through her eyes. She saw it in his as well, the regret and despair.

But they both slipped their masks back on.

"Count Alexei is a man with ties to shady businesses financing terrorism in Europe, Blair. The last thing you need is to hang around him," he said flatly.

She snorted in disbelief. She had heard most of his unique excuses to foil her plans, but this is one of his most inventive yet.

"And where did you hear such crap?"

"Interpol," he said shortly.

"Your attempt at sabotaging my relationship with Alexei is pathetic, Bass."

"Please. I have more pressing matters to attend to than micro-manage your love life."

Then, he sighed, placed the martini on the ledge and crossed his arms.

"Here you are, trying to fall in love with yet another titled schmuck. It's all so … 2008. Get a new plan, Waldorf," he drawled.

"So, what, you decide to rescue me from my cruel fate?" she bit out.

"So he doesn't attend this gala. Big deal. There are a dozen other galas in the future. Lily will make certain of that and your social-climbing agenda will be back on track," he said dryly.

"What I need is for you to stop interfering in my life as if you still belong in it!" she snapped.

"All I did since I came back is to honour that request that I get out of your life. You're the one who broke your solemn oath by coming over and talking to me," his voice rose as well.

She laughed bitterly. "You give yourself too much credit, Bass."

"What are you doing, Blair?" he said softly. "Hanging onto the Count's arm like some kind of simpering socialite butterfly? Settling for a man who obviously only wants you for a trophy girlfriend."

"You're the last person to give me relationship advice, Bass. And the Count and I are good friends, and if we become something more, it's still none of your business."

"You deserve someone better, Blair," he said, her eyes strangely sad. And Blair Waldorf hated to be pitied. Especially for the wrong reasons.

"And who do you have in mind? You?" she sneered.

A flicker of anger across his face. "And what makes you think that you're good enough for me?" he said coldly.

It shouldn't hurt her, but it did. Eventhough she knew that this was Chuck being Chuck. She saw the regret and dismay in his eyes almost immediately after he said those acid-tinged words, but she only forced her lips to stretch into a bitter smile.

"Blair … I'm ..."

"Don't be," she said shortly. She turned to leave, but he intercepted her by grabbing her hand.

"I didn't mean what I said," he said hoarsely. "I'm just ..."

"Being you? You see, that's why you and I can never be, Chuck. Because what you are inside? It can't be loved."

She did what Blair Waldorf was good at – cut him deep. Yet she received no satisfaction from the flicker of pain she saw in his eyes. Instead, she just wanted to cry.

Somehow she managed to keep her eyes icy cold and her lips from trembling, but the tears were threatening to emerge the longer she stayed here with him. It took him a few seconds to compose himself, to push the pain from his eyes.

"Blair, I meant what I said. I will spend the rest of my life making things right with you. Even if you're with someone else, even if you spend the rest of your life hating me," he said quietly.

She could see the despair and hope in his eyes, and it would've been so easy, just so easy to reach out and give in to his plea. Of course, Chuck. I'll give you a 100th chance. Never mind that you've trampled my heart each time I bared it open to you, vulnerable and still bleeding from the last bruising, never mind that you did the worst thing that you've ever done to me.

"You know what happened to me, Chuck? You happened to me. I don't want your apologies or your excuses. I don't want you in my life. You don't exist to me. Not anymore."

With that, she shook off his hand, and marched off, leaving him standing cold and alone at the edge of the party, while she sobbed quietly to herself.

GG – GG – GG

She was so certain that she'd hate him for the rest of her life, and that any shred of emotion that she'd felt for him had been purged violently out of her after she she found out that he had slept with Jenny. She was sure of that when she saw him saunter casually into the first class cabin in the plane which would take them back to New York, and she was deadly certain when she had that stinging conversation about the Count with him three weeks ago. But when she saw the nurses wheel his motionless body past her and Nate, she had to stop every fibre of her being from following them into the operating theatre.

I just can't quit you, Bass.

She laughed sardonically, pulled out a silk handkerchief for her clutch and tried, futilely, to repair the mess that her make-up had become.

Nate gave her a curious – if slightly numb – look, and then sank into the cold, hard plastic chair of the waiting room. He stared at the closed doors leading to the operating rooms as if Chuck could be spat out again any time soon.

"Guys," Serena called out. Blair saw Eric, Rufus, and Lily trailing behind her, and talking quietly to each other.

"Why don't you both go back and freshen up? The doctor says that the surgery is going to take hours."

Serena was so calm and collected. It was unfair. It made her mad.

"I just booked a penthouse at the Aquitaine, and Dorata is bringing my things now," she said in response, sounding ridiculously defiant. The Aquitaine hotel was just a block away from the hospital. It wasn't the Ritz or The Palace, but it served its purpose.

Serena brightened up at that. "That's a good idea, Blair. Why don't you –"

"I'm staying," she snapped.

"Blair –"

"Me too," Nate said quietly.

Eric stepped forward. "I just got here," he said simply.

Serena laughed in resignation. "Well, I'm staying too, actually."

They fell quiet. Rufus seem to take that as a sign that it was time to step in.

"Okay, why don't you guys stay here and make yourself comfortable while I get some food for you guys. Orders?" Rufus said in a level voice.

They all looked blankly at him.

"Okay, I know just the thing," he said, putting on a strained smile. He gave Lily a quick kiss, which she returned, and headed out of the waiting area.

GG – GG – GG

Could this family not go through each year without some crazy crisis? Rufus wondered to himself as he stood in line at the sandwich joint just a walk away from the hospital.

He felt immediately guilty for the thought … especially what happened yesterday with Chuck. He sighed and rubbed his forehead. It was as if the universe was watching, listening … and decided to make what he said come true. Thanks Universe, but no thanks. Don't need the guilt right now.

"Rufus."

He jumped despite knowing who it was. He gave Lily a sheepish grin, which she returned with an amused smile.

"Sorry I startled you. Thought you'd need some help with the food," she said.

"Thanks," he said simply. He held her hand and she squeezed it. Simple affirmation that, despite it all, they still had each other. Yet, only days ago they had one of the biggest fights of their marriage – even bigger than the whole William conspiracy of last year. The topic? Chuck.

GG – GG – GG

Yesterday

When Chuck opened the door, the look of realisation on his face told Rufus all he needed to know.

He pushed his way in – to hell with an invitation – and Chuck let him. He closed the door quietly behind him and fixed Rufus with an unreadable stare.

"I just need to know why," Rufus demanded. So far so good. His tone was nowhere near the depth of fury he felt yet.

Something flickered in the man's dark eyes. "There was no reason. She was there."

He couldn't remember how he crossed the small distance between them, grabbed Chuck by his shirt and slammed him against the wall. But when he could finally focus again, and he realised what he did, he was so startled that he let Chuck go.

Chuck didn't move … he just stared at him with what seemed like resignation.

"Is that all you're going to say?" So much for tone control. It was shot now.

"What else is there to say?"

He could feel another red haze coming …

"What's going on here?"

Lily appeared behind them, holding a suit in her left hand. She stared in disbelief at Rufus.

"What are you doing, Rufus?"

"Doing what any father would do if he just found out that his step-son slept with his daughter."

There was no surprise in her eyes. His face hardened at the sting of betrayal he felt. After the whole William-cancer debacle, she promised that there were no more secrets between them. So much for that.

"You knew?"

"Yes, Rufus. I knew," she said, her voice taut.

"And you didn't tell me?"

"Don't do this, Rufus."

"What, defend my daughter?"

"Get out."

Chuck's voice cut through their argument like a razor-shaped blade. Rufus stared at him in disbelief.

"Get. Out," Chuck bit out, staring at him with dark, flat eyes. He shifted his gaze to Lily. "Both of you. Or I'll call security to escort you out."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing, but Lily did not seemed to be the least bit offended. She hung the suit on a chair, came to Chuck and kissed him on cheek, which he took stiffly.

"Let's go, Rufus," she said.

She pulled him out and her eyes brooked no argument.

He pulled away briefly and glared at Chuck. "From what Dan told me, you've always escaped punishment for whatever you did. But not this time. I'll make sure of it," he hissed.

Chuck looked away.

"Rufus!" Lily snapped. She dug her nails into his hand and pulled him away.

"How could you say that?" she cried out when they were finally out of Chuck's suite.

He pulled his hand away from Lily's painful grasp. "And how could you defend him after what he has done?"

"We all make mistakes, Rufus. And Charles knew that he had made one. He was sorry, Rufus."

"He told you?"

"Yes, and he was trying to figure out how to make it up to Jenny."

"Please. What can he do to fix this? If he so much as throw a dime at her direction – "

"Rufus. Be reasonable. It was Jenny's decision too –"

"She is sixteen, Lily! What kind of decision could she make at that age?"

She pinned him down with one of her "I can't believe you just said that" looks.

"If I remember correctly, we made all kinds of crazy decisions when we were at that age," she said tautly.

"I can't believe this. I can't believe that you're defending that –"

"Rufus. You don't understand how it's like to make a mistake so bad that you can't bear to look at yourself in the mirror the next day."

And Lily was an expert making those kinds of mistakes. Giving up Scott for adoption. Never telling him about their son. Having Serena jailed just so that she could do things her way. Never being there for her children when they most needed her to.

He knew all that, and yet he couldn't stop the words that left his lips.

"Really, Lily? That excuse is good, but I've heard better from you."

He felt guilt stab at him when her face briefly crumpled with hurt. But anger quickly replaced it.

"Don't do this, Rufus," she snapped.

"Do what?" his voice rose.

"Make me choose between Charles and Jenny, because that's never going to happen!" she yelled, her voice matching his in volume.

They stopped, startled, when they heard something clatter behind them. Both turned to see a maid staring at them nervously from behind her trolley of cleaning supplies.

This seem to snap Lily out of her uncharacteristic show of volatile emotion. She cleared her throat, tucked flyaway blonde strands behind her ears and sighed.

"I'm going home, Rufus. The gala in Bart's honour is tomorrow, and I have to make sure that everything is ready. Go, don't go, I don't care," she said pointedly. With a last, piercing glare, she stepped past the embarrassed maid and left.

GG – GG – GG

Present

"I'm sorry," he said earnestly.

"I know," she said, squeezing his hand. "I am sorry too. And I love you."

"Me too," he said.

They both felt that it was important to say it.

Receiving the call from the hospital during the gala had snapped them both out of their self-centred rage. He had rushed to her side immediately the moment he saw the look of terror on her face, and when she told him about Chuck, he didn't hesitate to follow her to the hospital.

The reminder that at anytime any one of them could be felled by disease or ill luck made them realise that disagreements like theirs didn't matter in the big picture. It also reminded Rufus of the love one had for their child, and had it been Dan or Jenny instead … and suddenly he understood Lily again, even if he didn't appreciate the degree of empathy she had for Chuck Bass.

"I know it isn't easy for you to be here after what happened with Charles. But I really appreciate it because I need you here," she said softly.

He just nodded. He wasn't as furious with Chuck as he was before, but he still couldn't deal with what happened between him and Jenny. So, things will be more than awkward between them for some time yet, and he's not going to be swapping "how's your day" stories if Chuck dropped by at the Humphrey-Van der Woodsen penthouse any time soon either.

He certainly wasn't looking forward to the coming Van der Woodsen-Bass-Humphrey Thanksgiving or Christmas dinners either.

Rufus pulled Lily to his side, and kissed her on the forehead.

"I can't pretend to understand Chuck. And I'm not ready to embrace him in my fold yet – but I'll always be here for you, Lily."

She leaned her head against his shoulder. "That's all I want, Rufus," she said softly.

Then the guy at the counter called for their orders, so they moved forward, hand in hand, united in a common purpose once more.

GG – GG – GG

NOTES: Oh wow, the whole Chuck/Blair conversation was so difficult to write. It will, definitely, be a conversation that will polarise readers into the "Here is Chuck hurting Blair again and Blair being the victim" and "Oh, Chuck and Blair is hurting and lashing out at each other" camps. I would rather hope that more of this fic's readers will belong to the latter camp. But even if you do belong to the whole "Chuck is a jerk for hurting Blair again camp", I'm satisfied, because that's the reaction CB causes anyway.

There's just no in-between for Chuck and Blair. They love passionately and they hate just as fiercely. And as a result, you'll get reactions that are just as extreme. It's a dynamic that you hardly see on TV that is well executed, but thanks to Ed Westwick and Leighton Meester (these two actors are amazing, btw), this dynamic just rocks in Gossip Girl, though it often makes half, if not most of the CB fandom furious. LOL.

I need to tell you that I'm a little infamous for writing long fics, and you may wonder – when the 'good stuff' will happen between C and B. I like to build things up to a crescendo and I most assuredly promise that the second half of this fic will deal mostly with them. In the meantime, enjoy, as I will be updating tomorrow and the day after that with new chapters. We're almost there, folks, and I thank you for your patience. :)

And your reviews? Lovely! I do love reading them (even the nitpicky ones!) and I appreciate each and every one of them.

Now, to answer a reader's question:

Hello Deb,

You said: "Is this an anti-Blair story?"

Oh, no, no. Definitely not. ;) I'm not heavily biased to one character; I love all the characters in equal measure. Well, maybe except for V. Sorry, V, but someone needs to give you a drug problem to make you a little more interesting. My aim is to write the characters as true as I can to them.

"Just curious, because you seem to want the reader to only empathize with Chuck. You're not painting Blair in a really great light."

Well, I hope that in this chapter and in the next few chapters that the readers will empathise with Blair too. But not painting Blair in a great light? Uhm, how so again? I'm a little puzzled by that statement. Blair, is just being Blair, bitchy on the inside, but obviously caring for Chuck in the inside. And she did take care of him while waiting for the paramedics ... if that's not showing Blair in a great light, I don't know what will!

"you seem to LOVE Serena. Are you trying to make it seem like Chuck and Serena are both annoyed by B, cause all their joking sort of makes it feel like they just tolerate Blair and roll their eyes at her."

While I do admit I like Serena (I love Blair and Chuck more), tolerating and rolling their eyes at her is not exactly how I'd describe their relationship with B.

"Do you not think Blair has just reason to be upset?"

Well, of course! And Blair's response is highlighted in this chapter …

"You say they're fighting in the next chapter (Chapter 7), but I'm not sure Chuck really should be arguing with Blair at this point after all the ways he's hurt her. Not sure I get where you're coming from."

Well, Chuck is in no condition to argue with anyone right now in the present on account of being in surgery and all. And being in a semi-coma to boot. In the past, however, is another story.

"It doesn't really seem like a CB story. More of a CS. Can you please clarify?"

Well, as I said in the first chapter, I'm not a shipper, although I'm partial to C/B, so I'll never slant a story or twist characters to fit whatever relationship I happen to fancy. I always, always try to write according to what's true for the characters, and this may lead to rather unfavourable territories shipping wise. But C/S is, uhm, a wee to incestuous for me, thank you very much. This is a C+S friendship slant thing :)

Well, hope I answered some of your questions!

Thank you for reading! Another chapter tomorrow. Cheers, Wyndhamfan.