Sweet Talk
Dig me out from this thorn tree
Help me bury my shame
Keep my eyes from the fire
They can't handle the flame...
It was a quiet ride; not the kind of quiet I like, but filled with tension. I had no idea how to fix it, I only knew that I desperately wanted to.
"Bella, I'm really sorry. This is all new to me. I don't know how to act...how to handle emotions I've never felt. Honestly. Are we okay? Or are you upset with me?"
"You should concentrate on your driving," she stated flatly.
Okay. So she was upset with me. I concentrated on her thoughts instead. They were all over the place.
'I really fucked up. He told me not to let it go so far...but we were just kissing! Okay, so it was pretty intense, but still... we can't make out, like, at all? What is his problem? Maybe he's really not so into me. Maybe he can only stand me for so long... He seemed like he wanted more though. A lot more...'
"Edward, you should slow down."
She was referring to my driving. That, she could warn about on time...
'I know he's gonna hate me when he knows everything anyway, but still... he's so understanding. If this is all a lie, a game, then why was he trying so hard not to cry? He couldn't have faked that.'
Is that was that was? I was crying? Dear god...is that how Bella feels when she cries or worse, when she needs to but can't? It was gut-wrenching pain. I had a whole new empathy for my emotional little human.
'Typical guy... ha! Couldn't let it out. Hell no. Not in front of someone... in front of his girlfriend. HA! Or am I? Did he really mean that? He can't... he's only romantic like that when we're alone. He won't even bring me around his family. He's gonna use me. Dammit! Why couldn't he just cry! Why couldn't he just tell me what the fuck I'm not supposed to ask about instead of getting all pissed off that he was on the verge of crying... idiot.'
"It's really dumb that you drove me home in this. Now you've got to drive all the way back on your own and I'll be worried."
"I'll be fine Bella. I'll call you when I'm safe, okay?" As long as you're safe Bella, I don't care what happens to me.
She nodded sullenly. "Please be careful," she whispered as she touched the back of my hand on the steering wheel and then left me alone in the SUV. Alone in my misery and hatred for myself. I truly was an idiot.
I brought her fresh flowers the next day. She told me aloud that I was an idiot for coming out in the storm for that. She didn't believe that I came out in the storm for her. I would weather anything for her. It hit me that all the time I'd spent in the very beginning hoping she wouldn't believe a word I said had paid off. Ironically, I only wanted her to believe me now.
They closed the school due to snow on Monday. I went to her house again.
"Okay, you're really insane!" She said it with a laugh this time so I felt a little more at ease.
"Are you insane enough to come out with me?" I tilted my head and gave her a charming grin before I got down on my knees. "Please come with me Bella?"
She kissed the top of my head and smacked me on the shoulder. "Get up. I'll go."
I drove very slowly...unnecessarily slowly. But she felt better at that speed so I went with it.
"Cottage?" she asked when we turned down my street.
"Nope! You're coming to my house today. It has heat." And cold-blooded blood-suckers, but hey...they're fed. And me, well I'm over-fed so that I don't cross the line between human and vampire again.
She gulped and paled. "Seriously? Will it just be us or..."
"My mom wants to meet you. Are you alright with that?"
'His mom! She knows about me?' "Yeah. Great. You could've warned me though...I'm a mess!"
"You're beautiful!" I countered with a frown. I didn't see what the problem was at all. "Yeah, so my mom is there. And Alice. Is that cool?" I wanted them to get used to her before bringing Jasper into it. Carlisle wasn't ever an issue, but we'd all be on edge with Jasper there.
"Yeah. Cool."
She had a mild freak-out when she saw the front of the house. It was quite a bit larger than Phil's house. I pulled into the garage and led her through the door from there into the kitchen, where I gave Esme an inquisitive squint. She had the counter filled with plates of food.
"Uh, Mom? What's all this?"
"Food, silly. Manners?" She wiped her hands off on an apron... an apron?
"Yeah. Sorry. Bella, this is my mom, Esme."
She welcomed my little human with a graciousness and warmth that made me appreciate the kind of woman Esme really was. No one, living or immortal, had the capacity for love that Esme had and shared with those close to her. I gave her a kiss on the cheek before pulling a stool out for Bella to have a seat.
'He really loves his mom...god, she's so incredibly beautiful! And sweet...I see where Edward gets it from...' "This is really nice of you. I wasn't expecting lunch. But it all looks great!"
"Bella loves her food," I said with a wink and wide grin. "Dig in. Don't be shy."
It took only a minute for her to get over the awkwardness of being the only one eating. She picked at the fruit platter after downing 3 wraps and a Coke. She and Esme chatted easily the whole while.
"Carlisle send his regrets; he's working today so he won't be joining us. Next time," she smiled at Bella. "But you've already met my husband...he told me about your mishap. You've healed beautifully."
"Yeah. It was great having personal care. I'm used to long waits in the ER," Bella grinned. "He's a great doctor. And having a human icepack right there on site didn't hurt either." Bella caught us both by surprise with her comment.
'How much does she know?' Esme glanced at me, eyebrows raised.
I played it cool, laughing along with Bella. "Good thing I'm cold-blooded. There's still a bit of Alaska left in me, right Mom?"
"Hmmm. You never complained about the cold." Esme, wonderful Esme, didn't miss a beat. "He'd come in covered in snow; a walking snowman, leaving puddles all over the floor. And it's difficult to give this one grief when his smile creeps up. He gets away with so much just with that smile of his! Always has."
Bella laughed along with her. "Tell me about it!"
"That's what got us hooked on him from the start. I don't know if he told you, but Edward was really very ill at one point. Carlisle was his doctor and well, he was just so special we were drawn to him instantly. I never imagined I'd have a son as special as my Edward. All because of that smile!" She pinched my stone cheek and I smiled for her. She was saying all the right things, making the truth out of our lies. Incredible woman. Or maybe I had been more truthful with Bella than I had thought.
"But you got laden with the other two brats along with me. That one bit you, huh?" I teased, as a brother who was obviously the favourite, would.
She swatted me again before turning back to Bella. "Have Edward show you the Alaskan photos. Oh honey, I'm so glad you came for a visit and I hope it's a regular thing. I just love that Edward has reached out for someone. He's such a lonely soul..."
"Mom!" I groaned. She didn't have to make it sound like I was a stray puppy. "Are you done? Can I take Bella and show her the house now?"
Leading Bella out of the kitchen, I made a face towards the kitchen. "Sorry, my mom is..."
"Your mom is so great. I'm totally jealous." Bella held onto my arm as I led her through the house. "She's so beautiful I should feel completely intimidated but she's soooo nice!"
"Your mom's cool," I countered. "Phil...I dunno..."
"He's an ass. But your dad is awesome too. You have a perfect life with a perfect family."
Oh Bella, if you only knew. I drew her attention to a collection of frames on a table by the piano. "Alaska, if you're interested." I answered all her questions as she admired each one and then pointed out another photo collection of family. "My brother Emmett, 'cause you were asking if we look alike. As you can see... uh, no!" I chuckled as she held it for a good look. "This is Rosalie..."
"Fuck! Man, she's hot!" Bella blushed as she realized not only had she said that, but loudly. "I mean... she's really gorgeous."
I shrugged. "Thing is, she knows it. Kind of ruins it. For me anyway. And of course you know Jasper and Alice... Esme, Carlisle... that's our family from Alaska." I pointed out the Denali coven, because I'd seen her eyes drift towards the lovely women with curiosity mixed with a bit of jealousy. "And yeah... that's it. Wanna see upstairs?"
She nodded anxiously and took my hand to head up. I showed her all the rooms before ending up at my end. "That's Alice's room," I tilted my head towards the closed door across from my own. "And this is mine." She went in without hesitation, marvelling at all my stuff.
"God! You must really think my room is shit. It's like a prison cell and yours is a 5-star hotel room! And loaded... look at all your books! And CDs! Your TV's bigger than Phil's," she giggled. "And you're so neat! It's kinda freaky Edward."
Laughing, I leaned against the door. "I picked up knowing you were coming. Had nothing else to do."
"Okay... so where'd you hide your bed?"
"In plain view." I nodded towards the futon against the wall. I had no need for a bed, but she would have no idea about that. "Takes up less space. We should go say hi to Alice before she gets in a snit." Bella hesitated, biting on her lip. "You don't have to be nervous. She's just my sister."
"Her door's closed. I don't want to intrude..."
I chuckled as I took her hand again. "Believe me, it won't be an intrusion. Alice is... well, you'll see." She had driven me crazy ever since I'd suggested bringing Bella home; she was more anxious than even Bella was to actually meet. "You worry entirely too much," I said softly as I caressed her cheek.
"You're looking into my soul again," she whispered, not breaking our gaze.
"Can't help it. It's beautiful." I leaned down and kissed her lips softly. She held her hands against my chest when we parted, with the intention of stopping me if I needed her to this time. "Mmm...maybe Alice can wait..." I murmured against her hair before dipping my head for another kiss.
'Alice has waited long enough!'
"Then again, she's probably pretty anxious..."
Proving my point, her door flew open as my hand lifted to knock. "I've been waiting forever!" She slapped my shoulder and gave Bella a quick hug. "Hi! I'm so glad you're here! I'm Alice, 'cause my brother's too ignorant to formally introduce us..." Another slap.
'Oh! She's cold too... And she smells soooo good! I wonder what that is? Perfume? Her shampoo?' "Hi. It's nice to finally meet you. Even though I sit right behind you in English." Bella smiled shyly at her. And just as quickly as she registered Alice's touch being like mine, it was forgotten. "Are we interrupting? I don't want to bother you at all."
Knowing I would question her stupidity later on, Alice glanced at me, batting her eyes. 'She won't ask about it, don't worry. Just like she didn't comment on Esme's portrait...you didn't think she didn't make the connection did you? Silly Edward!' "Are you kidding? I've been waiting! Can I do your hair?"
"Alice! I asked you not to do this!" I hissed.
She responded by sticking her tongue out at me.
"Very mature," I quipped.
"Go away. It's girl time."
"Bella came here with me..."
"Oh get over yourself! You'll have plenty of time with her, now go!"
Mouth open at Alice daring to order me away, I looked to Bella for her reaction. She smiled and gave me a nod. "Okay then, I guess I'll go. Do you have your iPod with you?" Digging in her pocket, she passed it over to me. "I'll add some stuff while you two have girl time. Alice, don't do anything freaky. I swear I'll..." I hissed quietly in her direction, out of sight from Bella. "I like her as she is."
She gave me a shove while she pulled Bella inside and slammed the door in my face. I heard giggles from the other side and hung out to have a listen.
"Wow! You've got a great room too!"
"Aww! Thanks! I'll share with you. We're very close in size, you can take anything you like. I really want to do your hair... Edward said no, but who cares? He's got a thing about hair. Won't let me touch his... at all. Anyway, are you game?"
"I dunno Alice... what do you have in mind?"
She was tentative. I was shitting myself. I couldn't see what Alice had in mind for her but I seriously loved Bella's hair and the way it felt on my skin. If Alice chopped it all off like her own, I'd snap her tiny little neck with one hand as I lit the fire with the other.
'Go away Edward! I know you're lurking out there and it's just creepy. Scram! And stay out of my head!'
I went away, sulking.
More than an hour passed before I heard anything from them. I had put my headphones on for a loud distraction from their thoughts and voices. I could still hear them through two closed doors. As soon as I heard my name mentioned in Alice's room, I turned off the music and listened.
"...really likes you. I've never seen him like this."
"He's so special. I can't even...I don't know why he hangs out with me. He's just awesome."
"Aw! Has he kissed you yet?"
Alice! I was furious.
"He has...he's so sweet. So gentle all the time."
There was giggling. "Has he... you know...?"
Alice! For chrissake! Mind your own business!
"Nothing like that, no. It's like he... I dunno, you know him better than anyone Alice, has he said anything to you about me? I think he's afraid to go any further with me. I don't know why."
"Aw, sweetie don't worry! Edward's a gentleman, that's all. We were raised to cherish loving relationships. Jazz and I? We're so in love...we'll be together for eternity!"
"You're so certain!" Bella was amazed at Alice's emphatic statement.
"I just know. I believe in love and I believe in my Jasper. Edward will come around. He's just never found someone he can believe in. He'll do what's right, now that he has."
"Has he been hurt? Is that why he doesn't trust people?" Ah, shit Bella... that's your story, don't put it on me. I'm the one who does the hurting...
"Edward hurts himself more than anyone could ever hurt him. He's more than a loner. He's a self-imposed loner. And lonely. You've made a difference, you know. He's never brought a girl home."
"Never?"
"No one. Ever. Wow! Your hair looks awesome! Edward will love it! Have a look before we go show him."
"Alice, this is..." Bella sounded in shock. Good, or bad?
"Does that mean you like it?"
"Thank you!"
"Thank you, for keeping my brother from drowning in loneliness."
I put my headphones back on and pretended I was mid-song when Alice rushed in. 'Give it up Edward. I know you were listening.'
"Yeah, about that... we're gonna have a talk, you and I!" I hissed quietly.
'You'll forget all about it once you see...' Alice grabbed my hand and pulled me towards her room anxiously. "Come see!" Bella was waiting for my appraisal.
I stood speechless, just staring at her. If not for the smile that lit up her face, her eyes, her soul...I wouldn't know it was the same girl. And yet, I should. This was the same girl that was in the very first vision Alice had shown me. Her hair was still dark, but with subtle red tones mixed in with her warm brown hair rather than her blue streaks. It was choppier, more edgy. Very rock goddess, yet somehow softer. I had an urge to touch it, press my cheek against it.
Alice had worked on her makeup as well. It was more muted, very sexy. It's lucky we weren't alone.
"Do you like it?" Bella asked softly.
"You look..." I swallowed the venom that had appeared out of nowhere. "You look amazing. Still you, but... wow..."
"Why are you so shocked?" Alice laughed. "See what I could do with you?"
"No. Don't touch him," Bella spoke up. "Alice, I love what you did with me, but Edward is perfect just like he is. I wouldn't change a thing."
"You look beautiful Bella," I reinforced how much I liked it. "It's just you. It's exactly how I see you, in my mind."
A tear rolled down her cheek as she blushed at my compliment.
"Ugh! You're gonna ruin her makeup Edward!" Alice slapped me on the back. Hard.
"Sorry...I..."
"It's fine," Bella sniffled. "Peachy, in fact."
We laughed at our private joke and I noticed Alice distancing herself as we moved closer together. I took another gulp as her hand ran through my messy hair. Oh my lord, she smelled just as good as she looked.
"I'll leave you two to get on with it now..." Alice chirped as she skipped down the stairs, leaving us alone in her room.
Bella looked up at me expectantly. I suppose I wasn't hiding my desire very well. I was producing venom at an unbelievable rate. I could hardly swallow it all. "Do you really like it?"
"What really matters is... do you?"
"I love it!" She smiled as she ran her hand through it.
"I want to do that," I murmured as I reached for her.
She took my out-stretched hand and turned it over, kissing my palm before placing it on her cheek. I stroked her before moving onto the hair. "Thank you so much," she whispered.
"Thank Alice. She actually did a really great job."
"That's not what I mean. Thank you for bringing me here. For Alice. Your mom. Just thank you... for being you."
"I want to kiss you," I stated bluntly.
She waited for it.
"I really want... I need to kiss you."
"Waiting patiently," she teased.
"Not here," I said with a rough voice.
"Your room?"
"Let's go."
Let me fly
Man I need a release from
This troublesome mind
Fix my feet when they're stumbling
I guess you know it hurts sometimes
You know it's gonna bleed sometimes
Now hold on
I'm not looking for sweet talk
I'm looking for time...
(The Killers)
A/N ~ Posting a new chapter sooner than usual - a bonus for my faithfuls, for being so great with steady reviews. XX
Also, the next several chapters will be a tad longer than normal as we work towards the plot twist... you had to know there would be a few with me. ;) Hope you don't mind. ~ SR