Chapter Nine

A year ago

Her cell beeped. Smiling, Blair flipped it open. It was Serena:

So, how did it go?

Ah yes, Serena and her mysterious vacation in Europe and God knows where else. Nice to know that she still remembered her.

Awesome. I didn't think 'I love you' would sound so good!

A few seconds, then: Oh! Details!

Grinning, she typed: I'm in his suite. Three days and we're still at it

Longer pause, then: TMI!

Blair giggled. Will welcome tips on positions.

He's already rubbing off you, B. Yuck!

She giggled again, placed the cell on the bedside table and snuggled deeper into the covers.

I love you. I love you. Frankly, she didn't think she'd ever get tired hearing him say those three not-so-little words. And hearing him say them while he made love to her was even more amazing.

She smiled happily at the man in question.

Chuck Bass seemed to sense her gaze on him. He stirred, opened his eyes and lazily returned her grin, and she found herself marvelling at how the smile made him look so otherworldly … so not Chuck Bass. Because Chuck Bass didn't smile. Chuck Bass leered, sneered and on occasion, perhaps grinned. But smiled? The fact that he smiled that way only with her made her tingly again.

"You should do that more often," she said.

"Do what?" he said, his voice husky from sleep.

"Smile," she said, tracing a finger across his lips. He took her hand in his and kissed it.

"I didn't have much reason to do so before."

"And now you do?" she said teasingly.

He gave her one of his precious smiles again. "What do you think?" he murmured, and then gently kissed her on the lips. Then, he pulled her closer, kissing her more forcefully. But she pulled away coyly, laughing as she did so.

"Oh, Chuck Bass. I swear you're a sex machine. Don't tell me you're game for round … I lost count."

"As you should," he drawled.

After declaring his love for her, they had shot straight to The Palace to, well, make his declaration even more complete. That was three days ago. She had protested her lack of clothes, and in typical Chuck Bass fashion, he declared that she needn't worry because she won't be needing them.

"I took the liberty of ordering room service," she said. "We need our energy," she said suggestively.

"Hmm … I hope you ordered a chocolate dip. I feel creative tonight."

She laughed. "I know you'd say that, you perv, so I ordered strawberry instead."

They kissed, and Blair thought that she'd never be happier than this, lying skin-to-skin with Chuck Bass, knowing for certain that he loved her as much as she loved him. She sighed and lay her head on his chest. He entwined his fingers with hers.

"Do you think we'll have this forever, Chuck?"

When he didn't say anything, she frowned and lifted up on her elbows to look at him.

"What is it?" she said, trying to keep the edge away from her voice.

But he just shook his head. "Right now, the thought of losing you is unbearable. I don't want to think of forever right now. I've not had a good track record with forever," he said. This was probably the most honest he's ever been with her.

His response left her with mixed feelings. Worry warred with concern, doubt battled the certainty she felt about his love. She lay her head against his chest, pushing the feelings aside.

"I don't want to lose you either," she said quietly.

They both felt the phantom fear lurking in the background – the very same spectre that kept them away from each other for almost this entire year. And Blair Waldorf wasn't going to let it come between them again. Especially now.

She raised herself up and framed his face with her hands.

"You know what, Bass? I'm just going to enjoy you now, in the present," she declared. "And covered with strawberry sauce."

He smiled again. God, she loved how he smiled.

"And are you going to demonstrate just how you're going to achieve this feat?" he said playfully.

"Hmm. Good idea. It's time I took control," she purred.

Suddenly, he tackled her and she laughed as he flipped her over to her back and kissed her at the crook of her neck.

"Let's see who's going to win this round, Waldorf," he drawled.

"Don't underestimate me, Bass. I'm going to own you this time," she said as she crushed her lips against his.

They didn't answer the doorbell when Room Service came calling.

GG – GG – GG

Do you think we'll have this forever, Chuck?

She was naïve for even asking that question.

Blair studiously avoided seeing the still, pale figure in the bed. Instead, she focused on the machines around it – the heart monitor whose beeps signalled that Chuck was alive, if not particularly well, and the bags of liquids hovering above his bed, and then watched the nurse adjust the IV drips.

But she could only hold out for so long. Reluctantly, she shifted her gaze to Chuck, but the sight of his face nearly hidden beneath the breathing apparatus made her almost lose her composure. She swallowed, blinked away tears that were threatening to reemerge again, and looked away. It was difficult to see him like that. She shouldn't care, but she did.

God, Chuck, you're always doing this to me, making me care when I should be better off not caring.

They were all there on the other side of the glass staring in. Nate, Serena, Eric and even Dan, of all people. Lily and Rufus were in the room with Dr Harding, talking too softly for them to hear anything.

Blair felt Serena place her arms around her. But she could only stoicly stare at the white bandages around Chuck's torso as the nurse gently inspected them.

When Lily, Rufus and Dr Harding finally walked out of the room, Blair eagerly stepped forward. She could feel everyone else following her, and soon they surrounded them.

"The surgery was a success," Lily said, a glad, tired smile on her face.

Blair let out a breath slowly. She could hear Nate sigh in relief, and saw Serena hugging Eric.

"It's going to be some time before he'll wake up," Dr Harding said. "It's advisable that you go home now and get some rest."

"But –" Blair protested.

"I know, honey," Lily said gently, brushing a stray lock of hair from her forehead. "But the doctor said that he'll probably not wake up for quite some time. And you need to rest. We all need some rest. It has been quite a night." She sighed heavily. "Quite a night," she said softly again.

None of them looked pleased at the news.

"Can I see him before we go?" Nate said suddenly.

They looked at the Doctor, who gave them a short nod. "But only for a while. He needs his rest," he said.

It seems that he's getting the rest that he needs, and it's not as if he's going to even know we're there, Blair thought snidely. But she gave him a forced smile instead.

They surrounded the bed, with Eric and Nate at Chuck's bedside. Dan, she noticed, hung back at the door. Good, because it'd be weird if he did anything else. She, on the other hand, couldn't seem to go any closer.

"Hey Chuck, we're gonna be back soon. So, hang in there," Nate said.

Nate reached out to clasp Chuck's hand gently in his, careful to avoid the various needles sticking out at the back of the hand. Eric only stared mutely at his step-brother, looking a little shell-shocked and confused by it all.

Chuck, of course, did not react. And Nate even looked a little surprised at this, as if he had expected Chuck to open his eyes somehow. With a hand on Eric's shoulder, Nate whispered something to Eric and they both left the room. And she heard the rest leaving with them.

Then it was only she and Serena were left in the room.

Blair watched his chest lift and fall mechanically, aided by the respirator. The movements weren't natural; how he was "sleeping" now was an abberation … Chuck, for one, preferred to sleep on his side, not on his back. And on the days when Blair slept in his suite, he would sleep facing her with his arm around her waist. Sometimes she would awake with him smiling and staring into her eyes, as if he couldn't get enough of her. She loved how disheveled his hair would get in the morning, and she liked running her hand through the soft strands...

This? This is not Chuck.

She drew a shuddering breath and felt her tears threatening to emerge again. She took a few reluctant steps to his bedside, then reached out to touch his face. It felt too warm, too dry. And a five o'clock shadow was already forming – he wouldn't like that.

A tear rolled down her cheek. Then another.

"Idiot," she said to him. "I was supposed to be over you."

"Blair," Serena whispered.

"I hate you, Bass," she whispered. "I hate you."

Then, loud, wracking sobs shook her slender frame. She closed her eyes and then leaned forward, touching her forehead to his, weeping as she tried to feel the life that seemed to be flickering in him. She managed to gain some measure of control, then caressed his too-warm forehead, and kissed him softly on his cheek. She then felt Serena's arms around her, hugging her tightly from behind, but it didn't stop the tears as the fear, anxiety and anger that she had kept penned up for the last few hours came pouring out.

She turned and buried herself in Serena's embrace, crying softly.

"I can't lose him, Serena," she said brokenly. "Tell me he's going to be okay."

"It's okay. He's going to be okay," Serena said softly, stroking her hair.

She could only sob helplessly as Serena hugged her, wondering how her hopes and dreams always landed her in places she didn't want to be.

GG – GG – GG

NOTES: I've always felt more than a tad annoyed that they didn't show us even a tiny glimpse of Chuck and Blair enjoying each other and getting more comfortable with one another during the summer before season 3 started, so this is my way of "retaliating", LOL. Many fans didn't like how "boring" they got in season 3, but honestly, I loved how they were with each other; how comfortable and obviously in love they were. Of course, at the back of my mind, I suspected that they were gonna tear them apart – and boy, did they.

88Mary88 wrote: "Like I said before I don't understand the whole Jenny problem. I mean of course Rufus and Dan have to be protective of her... but honestly... as if she would be still their innocent little baby... she's quite a bitch and it was her decision too to sleep with Chuck... so get over it."

It's a very caveman thing. This is my clan woman! You no touch my clan woman! They just can't fight their caveman genes ;)

Annablake wrote: "But I know, it's very difficult to write CB, especially after the whole 3.17 mess, lol. I still would very much like for Chuck to explain his thinking when orchestrating the IP plot, but I get that that is basically impossible (because the whole thing was ridic irrational and OOC)."

It's impossible for me to write why too, because I myself don't even understand why Chuck did what he did! It was so OOC all right! The whole thing just came out of nowhere – but I suppose after being betrayed by his mother like that, he'd go a bit … wacko? And he was rather desperate at that point – he was so determined to prove that he was better than his father than he completely lost his mind and arranged the indecent proposal.

That's the only thing I could come up with. Chuck went a little nuts for a while after the whole bad mamma incident. ;)

Thanks, folks, for your reviews! I hope to update with a longer, meatier installment tomorrow. Can you believe we only have two more weeks till we get new episodes? Plan to finish this little tale by then!