For Reasons Unknown

I look a little bit older
I look a little bit colder
With one deep breath
And one big step
I move a little bit closer...

"I'm not getting into a match now. I've gotten in enough shit from Esme today, thank you," I warned him Emmett the next day after I'd returned Bella to her home, unharmed.

"Nah. Let's just go for a walk."

Jasper had taken off to hunt, yet again. Apparently Bella's scent still lingered throughout the house and he was on edge. We headed in the opposite direction of Jazz, so we wouldn't disturb his hunt. "So, another wedding soon," I teased. "Excited?"

"Only about the honeymoon," he snickered. "It's weird, the whole wedding thing turns her on so much. Everything about it. I mean, I'll be getting top honeymoon sex just because they're doing wedding plans. And it just goes on and on. We've been married, what... 50 years? And the sex is always hot, but from this point until the honeymoon is done? She's fucking on it ALL the time. It's so hot."

I merely smirked in response. It was truly awkward discussing their sex life. It was bad enough when I had to attempt to block their thoughts about it.

"So... you finally got laid!" He jabbed his elbow into my ribs.

"Uh, actually..."

He stopped dead. "No. Don't tell me. Edward! Shit, man! You haven't hit that? What the fuck is the matter with you?"

"Nothing's the matter with me!" I protested. "We're dating. Taking it slow."

"Okay." He scratched at his head in bewilderment. "Why?"

"So I don't kill her? Is that enough reason?"

"Still...how can you not...I mean, she's pretty foxy..."

I shot a glare at him.

"No offense." He held his hands up and whistled. "I don't know where you get the restraint bro. I couldn't handle that. Of course, being a virgin, you don't know what you're missing!" he teased.

Another glare flew in his direction. "I have some idea. And believe me, it's frustrating. I want to... all the time."

"So...?"

"Em! You're not paying attention! She's a fucking human! Even if I don't suck her dry, she's so delicate... I could break her!"

"No shit. With all that pent up sexual frustration? Whew! She's in for it the first time..."

I sighed heavily. "You're not helping..."

"Teasing bro...teasing. So seriously, is she not into it either?"

I snorted. "Um..."

"She does want it!" Emmett laughed and slapped my back.

"All the time!" I chuckled with him. "I'm telling you...frustration is at an all-time high. See over there?" I pointed off in the distance towards the cottage. "We go there a lot."

"A fuck shack. But you're not fucking. Weird."

"It's not a fuck shack! Jesus Em! Can you try to be a little mature about this? No wonder I keep to myself."

"Okay okay!" His grin reappeared and he softened his voice. "Do you, like, kiss or anything?"

"Yeah yeah... just not... that..."

"Man...how can you..."

"It is possible to control animal lust, you know. I'm working really hard on that."

"You love her," he stated simply.

"I can't," I whispered, my head low.

"But you do."

"The logistics of it... well, it just won't work..."

"Change her."

"Never."

"Your soul? Or hers?" Emmett knew me so well. The whole coven did.

"Both. And besides..." I threw caution to the wind and decided to be completely honest with at least one person. Another habit I'd love to break. "I like her human form. I mean, I REALLY like her human form. Em, she's so damn warm! And soft. Kissing her...it feels like I melt. And her body...shit, you have no idea how good her body feels against mine."

He grinned, having drawn out what he wanted to hear. "I know what you're saying about the heat thing. It is incredible. But vamp chicks are awesome too. She'd be great..."

"No! She's perfect as she is."

"So, you'll just never have sex. Is that it? She'll grow to be a 100 year-old virgin, like yourself only you'll still have the urges of a 17 year-old. Christ Edward. That's lunacy!"

"I know."

"I have your solution."

"Not changing her..."

"No no. I'm off that. So you go find a vamp chick and bang the shit out of her. Get it all out of your system and then you won't go all rabid when you have a go with Bella."

I frowned at him in disbelief. "Disgusting."

"You know, you don't have to come back just to pick me up when you have to leave early," Bella said as she climbed in my car. She leaned over for a kiss and kept her hand on my cheek, running her thumb soothingly across my cheekbone. "Are you okay? Is it really bad?"

Her hand was freezing, but still warm to me - and that warmth didn't begin to match the warmth spreading inside from her look of sincere concern for me.

"I'm fine, Bella," I stated softly. "There's Angela...should we give her a ride home?"

Bella nodded, grinning her appreciation. She really liked Angela.

She was appreciative too. "Damn, it is freezing today! Thanks guys! You've saved my life! I'm even dreading going back out tonight, but I don't want to miss Jessica's party. You guys are going, right?"

It was the last day of school before Christmas; parties were in abundance.

'Fuck no!' Bella glanced at me. "I dunno Ang..."

"We actually have other plans tonight," I announced, not dishonestly. I'd been busy all afternoon preparing for my plans with Bella.

"Aw, you're gonna miss all the fun! Then again, I'm sure you'll have fun on your own too." The girls giggled as I pulled up by Ang's house. "Enjoy your night. And Merry Christmas. Bella, call me!"

"We have plans?" Bella turned to me as soon as we pulled away.

"We do. I hope it's okay with you... I've cleared it with Renee already."

"But are you well enough?"

She was still concerned. "Bella, I'm not sick. This afternoon was a full-fledged ditch. I had other shit to do."

"Can you tell me next time you're ditching? I was worried!"

I gave her a coy grin. "Sorry. I guess I should've stayed at school rather than preparing your surprise huh?"

Her eyes widened and a grin replaced her frown. "It's ready? We're going to the cottage?"

"Unless you'd rather wait..." I teased. With only two days until Christmas, I knew she was anxious. She'd been reminding me all week that I'd promised her it would be 'by Christmas'. Truthfully, I was just as anxious. The stolen gropes at her house weren't cutting it and when Bella got too aroused at my house, her scent drove everyone nuts. We needed our fuck shack, as Emmett dubbed it. And I'd spent the afternoon making sure the debut would be perfect. First, I'd hunted. I could feel much more at ease if I was fed. Then I'd prepared the cottage for a human visitor.

"Hey, I can see it from here! We parked further back before, didn't we?" Bella was so observant.

"We did. But it's too cold now to be having you trek through the woods. Emmett helped me clear a driveway. We need the firewood for the winter anyway." I tilted my head towards the neatly stacked wood pile alongside the cottage. "Ready to go inside?"

She was out of the car before I had it in gear. "Come on!" she giggled and held her hands out to me.

I took them and held her in place briefly, for a sweet kiss, before unlocking the door. A flood of warmth hit us. Good, no warm-up period would be required.

Bella went around the room, excitedly pointing out all the differences; actual furniture, cushions from the library at the house, a new print hanging on the wall...she even took note of the new candles. Yes, she was very observant.

"There's an ice chest there for your Coke. There's some fruit and sandwiches too, when you get hungry. We'll shop together some time soon so you can pick out things you'd like to keep here."

Her arms were around my shoulders as she smiled into my eyes. "It looks like a home now."

I smiled back. That was my intention - to make her feel at home. I knew she didn't feel that way at Phil's and she was still a little edgy at my place. She should have somewhere she could feel completely at ease. "You haven't seen the best parts."

She cocked an eyebrow. "More...? Edward, what did you do?"

I laughed and directed her towards the back of the cottage. She went to the bedroom at once.

"Holy shit! You added a fireplace in here!"

"Can't have my girl cold when she wants to take a nap," I grinned at her from the door.

"Or when she wants to strip her guy down and cover him with kisses...come here!"

"Uh-uh!" I laughed some more, thoroughly enjoying her reactions to it all. "We're not done. Notice anything else?"

She took a closer look. "You kept the furniture the same...new bedding though. I like!" She ran her hand over the billowy duvet and winked at me. "My colour too." The fabrics were all shades of grey. I'd thrown in red cushions to remind me of her rosy cheeks and ruby lips. Very, very observant. "Hey, was that door always there?"

"There we go! Took you long enough to notice! That's the best part! Go have a look." I hung back to listen and imagine what her expression was as she discovered what had kept me busy every night for weeks.

"Edward! Jesus Christ! You added a bathroom? A fucking BATHROOM!"

"So we don't always have to leave so soon..." I said softly, now beside her. "There's electricity in here. We needed it for the water tank. But I left the rest of the cottage without. I prefer the muted lighting...I can change it if you'd rather have power out there too..."

She shook her head, still taking it all in; the marble platformed tub was her favourite part. Spotting the basket on the side, she looked at me hesitantly.

"My sister," I explained. "I didn't know what to get for you - what you'd need so Alice sent a bunch of stuff." That was the truth, but it also gave her the opportunity to give Bella a gift, since we'd agreed on a no-gift holiday.

'From Alice...so sweet...god, I hope it's the same stuff she uses. She smells sooooo good all the time. He thought of everything.' "God Edward, this is...it's just incredible. You thought of absolutely everything!"

"Yeah?" I grinned. "Do you like it?"

She replied with a kiss rather than words. It said more anyway. It said I was so right to skip classes to hunt. It said we were about to know each other better...very soon.

Bella sat on the bed expectantly as I stoked the fire and added another block of wood. "Just let me know if you get too cold, okay? Or hungry...if there's anything you need that I'm not thinking of."

'Just you...' "Come here," she said in a smoky voice. "I only need you."

I walked slowly to the bedside and pulled her up on her knees to match my height. "So...where were we?" I grinned before resuming the kiss we'd shared in the bathroom. As she moaned into my open mouth, I reached between us and unzipped her hoodie before pulling it off her shoulders. I bent to kiss her neck as I pulled hers arms free and tossed it aside. Kissing my way from her collarbone, up, I took her earlobe in my mouth and gently sucked on it. Venom flooded my mouth but I had no desire to feed; only an intense need for more of her flesh against me.

Apparently, she was in the same place. Her fingers flew to my shirtfront as I moved to her mouth, taking her bottom lip into my mouth as I had her lobe. Jesus fuck she tasted better than anything in the world! A small moan escaped us both before she pulled back to work intently on the buttons. I helped her out. She watched me, standing shirtless and full of desire as the same desire lit her as well. Her cheeks were flushed a deep red and she was sucking on the lip I'd just had in my mouth.

As her hand reached out for me tentatively, I took it in my own, placed a kiss on her palm and pressed it to my chest. She had touched me a few times during our more intense kissing sessions, but it hadn't prepared me for the feeling that flooded me now. Seeing her see me like this for the first time, not a hand up my t-shirt, not a peek around a few opened buttons... seeing the desire as her fingers explored and her eyes took every ripple in my torso in... For some reason, watching her was even more exhilarating than the actual contact.

"God...you are so perfect..." she whispered as her lips pressed against my bare shoulder. "So beautiful. So perfect." I watched, my fingers lightly running up and down her back as she placed soft kisses all over my chest.

"Bella!" I cried out through clenched teeth when her warm tongue flicked against my taut nipple. I was breathing unnecessarily heavy and couldn't seem to stop it.

"You doing alright?" She placed her hands flat against my chest as she stared into my eyes.

"Never better," I laughed softly.

"Should I continue?"

Smiling, I took her hands, kissed them and took my own spot on the bed with her. I reclined against the stack of pillows and pulled her towards me for a soft kiss.

"So...this is okay then?" she asked with a smirk when we parted. "I can touch you?"

I nodded, staring at her intently. I was putting my trust in her and praying she would stick to her routine of knowing when to ease up. More than wanting to be normal for her, I wanted to be normal for myself. I wanted to be able to make out with my girlfriend and just take things as they happened. I wouldn't know if I could if we never tried.

"Do what you want Bella. For now, I'm okay."

She spent glorious minutes gently exploring my upper body with her tiny, soft hands and warm mouth. As a vampire, every sense is heightened - touch is the one that I had little experience with. Every kiss sent an electrifying jolt through my highly sensitive body. I sucked in a deep breath when her tongue circled around my taut nipple. She hesitated until I wound my fingers through her hair and placed a kiss on the top of her head. I could handle this. Fuck... I needed this! Laying back, I simply enjoyed the feeling of my girlfriend's lips and tongue exploring my body until she got down to the waistband of my jeans. I hardened further and strained to get out...to get near her warmth; to sink into any wet orifice. Oh god...

"Bella... baby... hold up..." I panted, holding onto her hands. She pulled herself up to sit beside me, smiling down at me and giving my hand a squeeze. "That feels too good. You have no idea!" I chuckled as I attempted to compose myself.

"I think I do!" she countered with a laugh of her own. Her cheeks reddened as she thought of how my mouth had felt on her neck and ear.

I frowned, turning serious. "Bella, doesn't it feel strange for you? When I touch you, I mean."

She replied without hesitation, words coming out as her thoughts formed. "There's like a one second shock, while my body registers 'COLD!'," she giggled. "But then it's just 'YES! MORE!' I can't even explain it...I'm usually very sensitive to cold things but with you, I don't care about it. I know it's going to feel soooo good, I don't even think about it as being cold. Make sense?"

"No!" I laughed as I shook my head. "It makes no sense. You hate cold but you like being touched by a block of ice. No sense at all." If I couldn't see into her deepest thoughts, I'd think she was lying to make me feel better, but she was speaking the truth, as usual.

"Bella, I was wondering if we could try something..."

Her sex kitten smirk returned and she perked up beside me. "Yes."

"Yes?" I laughed. "I haven't even told you what I have in mind!"

She chewed on her lip as she drew a line across and then down my torso. "As long as it involves physical contact with you and your perfect body, I'm game."

I smirked back at her as I lifted the hem of her shirt and tugged it up and over her head. She sat, blushing slightly, in her bra as my eyes feasted on her bare skin. I wanted what was hidden though, so as my mouth took hers, my hands reached around to unclasp the unwanted material. I sucked in my breath as I watched it drop from her breasts, her perfect little pink nipples hardened already. "Ohhh, Bella..." I murmured as I dipped my head down to kiss her bare flesh. "Lay back baby. It's your turn."

She gasped as my tongue flicked over a nipple and then grabbed onto my head with both hands as I took it inside my mouth. I lost myself as I sucked on her and did everything I could to draw out the little moans she would utter from time to time. It was the fucking sexiest thing I'd ever heard. Part of me knew I should stop, but a bigger part wanted to relentlessly suck on her 'til the end of time. This was better than sucking blood. Fuck! I sucked harder as she let out another soft moan and tugged at my hair.

"Oh fuck Edward..." Gasping, she seemed fidgety and uncomfortable suddenly. I pulled away.

"Did I hurt you?"

She let out a sound that was a mix of sarcastic laugh and a groan? What did that mean? "Come here!" She pulled me back for a deep, beyond passionate kiss.

It was my turn to utter an indescribable sound. Gently, but with certain urgency, I laid her back on the pillows and positioned myself over her. I maintained as little skin on ice contact as possible so she wouldn't freeze. Her hands on my back provided me with just enough of my own pleasure to not be seeking a way inside her somehow. I was very aware that I was throbbing against her. Even through our jeans, she was aware of it as well because she pressed herself against my hardness as I dipped to indulge in her other breast.

This time, rather than sucking it in immediately, I traced my tongue along the underside of the firm globe. She moaned and threw a leg around mine. The pressure built steadily in my pants. Jesus...

I focused on the pleasure I appeared to be giving her rather than my own desire to plunge deep inside her. I teased her nipple with my mouth before finally sucking it in. I paused when she emitted the sound I was rapidly discovering was my favourite sound in the world.

"Baby, tell me if it hurts, okay?"

She panted and nodded, clutching my head with both hands to pull me back to her. I gave the second breast the same devoted attention I'd given the first, never wanting it to end. Reluctantly, I released it with a little tug between my tongue and lips, very careful not to let my teeth come in contact. She whimpered and squirmed as I went back to the first and suddenly she tensed up and held onto me for dear life. I wasn't sure I could pull myself free from her even if I tried...but I didn't. The grinding she did against me was a whole new sensation that I didn't want to disturb so I let her go with it, focusing on my self-control.

Please don't hurt her...please don't hurt her...

She shivered from head to toe as she made a new sound. I removed any bare skin contact we had but she kept my leg locked in the vice grip she had on me.

"Bella," I whispered near her ear. "Let me get a blanket for you. You're shivering honey."

Giggling between her gasps for air, she pulled me closer instead. "You can make me shiver this way anytime Iceman."

Iceman. I grinned at her new nickname for me. "You're okay? Seriously? 'Cause this is what I was going for, originally. I just wanted to see what we felt like, skin on skin...to see if we could be together like this, without clothes."

"Well, I'd say this is a 'yes'!" she giggled some more. I'd never seen her this way. She was tense, yet relaxed and utterly euphoric. "God, that was fucking amazing."

"Yeah?" I asked softly, stroking her hair. It was damp with sweat. How could she sweat with me on top of her?

"Fuck yeah," she grinned, nuzzling my neck. "Okay, so...your turn."

I tilted my head down to look at her. "My turn...?"

Grinning, she took my face in her hands. "You think I don't know how uncomfortable that must be for you? It feels like it's gonna bust right out! Let me..." Her hands went to the waistband of my jeans, in between us.

"No no no..." I muttered as I held them together in one of my own. "I think we've had enough new contact for one session."

Her eyes widened in concern. "Too much for you?"

I smiled down at her, brushing my lips against hers. "Just enough, I think. For now. I uh...actually, I'm gonna leave you just for a minute, okay?" I hated leaving her arms but I was in serious discomfort. I wrapped her up and gave her another kiss before darting into the bathroom.

I hadn't intended this to be a place to whack off, but it certainly fit the bill, I smiled to myself as I washed up. I examined my eyes closely in the mirror. A little darker than when I'd picked her up from school, but nothing drastic. More importantly, I felt completely confident that I could spend more time with her. Great, because I didn't know how I'd explain it to Renee when we showed up early. I had Bella to myself until 11.

She was standing by the door when I came out, dancing around a bit. "My turn?"

"Shit! Yeah...Bella I'm sorry. I should've let you go first..."

She smirked and placed a kiss on my chest, patting my crotch. "Yours was more urgent. I'm just a little uncomfortable...really wet...uh, yeah..." Her cheeks flushed as she thought about how stupid she was for saying that. "Um, I'll be right back..."

I smiled at her stupidly as she shut the door between us.

There was so much about this relationship that I couldn't comprehend; that made no sense to any sensible being. Yet, I'd never experienced anything that felt more real and more right than what I had just experienced with my lovely Bella. Perhaps vampires feel love more intensely than their human counterparts, but there were many inexplicable things about my human as well. So open, so trusting of me and her need to tend to me was as strong as mine was for her. Ironic that in the blink of an eye, I could change her and she'd be among the undead, as I am - yet she was the one changing me. A little more each day, I feel more alive. Amazing little human. My little human.

But my heart, it don't beat
It don't beat the way it used to
And my lips, they don't kiss
They don't kiss the way they used to
For reasons unknown...

(The Killers)