Chapter 2
Silence
(Tony's POV)
After a flood of phone calls to try to diffuse the panic of the dirty bomb, I wander into the lab with a Caf-Pow and halt. No music. No sound at all yet Abby is there, in front of her computer running some test or another, maybe DNA? Her braids are gone and a lone low ponytail in their place. She does not turn to greet me.
"Abby?"
She responds flatly, "Oh, hey, Tony. I'm waiting on the DNA results, and don't worry, I rechecked the radiation level two more times to ensure that you will not be the last in the DiNozzo line."
"Okay . . . Now tell me what I really want to know."
"What? It's not dangerous, you'll be okay along with McGee and Gibbs." I look at her pointedly as she reluctantly turns to face me.
"You didn't mention Ziva."
Silence
"Your music is off."
Silence
"You know it does say 'Special' Agent Anthony DiNozzo on my nameplate, and through my superior investigative skills I will find out what is going on, but you know you'll feel better if you just tell me yourself." I give her a kind smile, one that normally she wouldn't be able to resist. In return she looks more serious and starts pacing.
Finally the dam of silence breaks.
"Tony, I made a promise and as much as I would love to unload on you, I just can't this time. Please don't press or I may tell you anyway and then I'll never forgive myself for not keeping a secret, and I know you don't want me to be mad at myself, or anyone else to be mad at me so just this once I need you to not ask me anything not related to the case."
I smile at her reassuringly despite the knots building inside me. I pull her into a bear hug that rivals her attack of me earlier at the crime scene. "I won't ask, but that doesn't mean I can't help. Let me know if there's anything I can do for you or your . . . 'friend'"
"Will do. And, Tony, thanks."
"Anything for you, Abby."
As I walk out I feel anything but light. It has to be Ziva, but she doesn't seem any more off than normal. Perhaps she was a little distracted in autopsy, but she had just showered after a potential radiation exposure, so that could explain it, couldn't it?
Wait. Abby went to find her in the locker room. Could she have seen? It could be a host of other things, but I know Ziva's privacy had been so callously invaded that she values having a large measure of control over it.
I had been a witness to the cuts and bruises on her face and hands and the dried blood on her tattered clothes. I knew that while in that sad excuse for a hospital in Africa she had been treated beyond meeting the needs of dehydration and a few stitches on the visible gashes. I understood her silence on the flight home and her reluctance to make eye contact with anyone. I had seen the evasive mannerisms on so many victims during my time both at NCIS and homicide, but it was unnerving to see them coming from her, and to know that I was responsible for causing her this pain. She had been so much stronger than the rest of us, at least on a par with Gibbs. The fact that she was so publicly broken must have hurt her more than any of the physical scars would ever show.
I know her secrets. I didn't intend to violate any trust between us, and for all the effort we put into regaining a level of normalcy after her bumpy reentry into NCIS, I don't want to jeopardize it now. I close my eyes and relive the tender kiss she granted me, delivered with a gentility and uncertainty that a year ago I wouldn't have imagined possible. I always knew a softer side was under there somewhere, but I never expected for her vulnerability to be directed towards me. There are a few defining moments in every relationship and for me, that was huge.
I watch her leave the bullpen shortly after I return. Her expression gives nothing away so I am again resigned to wait for her to confide in me. At least I am hoping that she will eventually talk to me for her own sanity and relief, but also I have to admit, for my own. For now I stay on cruise control, making myself available, a constant in her life. I'm trying to be content believing that in some way my presence helps lessen the severity of all that weighs her down.