In Pieces

You promised me the sky
Then tossed me like a stone
You wrap me in your arms
And chill me to the bone….

Bella attempted to stomp off ahead of me to my car, instead she wobbled as she stepped over the parking block and crashed into me. My arms wrapped instinctively around her. Her hands grabbed at my shirt at first, then she pushed me away. Even still under the influence of whatever she'd been doing, she was stubborn. But I was in a quandary; I had promised Renee I'd keep her safe. Alone, in this state, she wasn't safe. Above all, I wanted to respect Bella's wishes and if she truly wanted me gone, then I had no choice.

"Where is it you're going?" I asked as we approached the car.

"Told you already. The bus station."

"I meant, where are you going from there?"

She merely glared at me.

"I know. No questions."

She smirked. "See how you like it."

I didn't… at all. "I was only wondering because well, it's late. And if it's a long drive, you'll be hungry along the way. I could stop somewhere – get you something to eat."

"For a guy who doesn't eat, you're obsessed with feeding me." She plunked herself into her old seat when I opened the car door for her. And as I took my place behind the wheel, she spoke again. "Okay, maybe a burger."

I couldn't suppress the grin this time. She did love her burgers. And it gave me more time with her. I went through the drive-thru, as instructed, but parked so she could eat comfortably. I sat in complete stillness, as only vampires can, waiting for her to make the first move towards conversation. I got several glares and a few sideways glances that would end with her cheeks flushing.

"You know, you look like shit." Her opening statement left a lot to be desired, but I knew it was true. I hadn't fed for 2 nearly weeks. It was foolish to come in this state, but I hadn't wanted to waste any time in my rush to get to her.

"I've just driven 12 hours…"

Her head snapped around. "Seriously? Where were you?"

I shrugged. "Somewhere in Northern Quebec. I wasn't really paying attention." No lies right now. I wanted her trust so badly I'd tell her anything.

She looked at me closely. "Is that a lie? You haven't been here the whole time, just avoiding me?"

"No lie, Bella," I replied softly. "I was in Nova Scotia for a long time; the Cabot Trail is really beautiful. If you haven't been, you should go sometime. The mountains aren't massive like the ones on the west coast, but there's something very grounding about them. I started back a few days ago. I just felt I should be near."

Her mind raced with visions of me mountain-climbing, skiing, driving through winding tree-lined roads. Of course, it was all imaginary; I'd done nothing of the sort. "Were you alone?" She had finished eating and was picking at her nails. I wanted to stop her, but refrained.

"Just me. That's what I wanted."

She snorted and looked away, out the side window. "So why are you here?"

"For you, Bella. I came for you."

"I have to pee." She made her announcement and left me alone in the car abruptly.

I trailed behind and waited for her outside, taking the opportunity to let Renee know she was with me. She was relieved and grateful and pleaded with me to stay with her, no matter what. I told her I'd keep her updated and pocketed my phone before she came out. She was steady on her feet now, with the food in her absorbing the toxins. And her feistiness was coming on; she didn't hesitate to lash out at me once more, the moment she stepped outside and saw me.

"Why Edward? Why now? You could have come for me any time over the past few months. ANY time! Why tonight?"

"Renee called me," I replied quietly, moving us away from the entrance. People were staring. "She's scared and worried about you."

Bella twisted her arm out of my grip and stared at me with sad, angry eyes. "You're only seeing the tail end. Of course she's scared and worried…now. Only because she lacks control. I'm doing what I want to do and she cannot stop me. She figures she's got the upper hand now that she's called on you… total control. She can send you away at will and call you back just as easily. And you let her play you! If she were honest about it, she would have told you she's relieved I'm gone. I'm just a painful reminder of what she's lost."

"That's not true…" I'd seen the pain Bella spoke of in Renee's thoughts and right now, the most painful thought was that she was losing her second child. "She loves you Bella – so much. I've seen it."

Smirking at me, Bella moved to slip past me. "I'll find my own way from here. You fail as a pawn in her games."

Argh! I struggled to keep my frustration level down. She was really pushing it, but now was not the time to force her to see what she couldn't. Renee was on her side; as was I. "Look, Bella, I know you're upset with me…"

"Upset? Really? I was upset 3 months ago…when you told me you loved me, but took off anyway. When you fucked me and then ran like hell. When you made me trust in you and then… you didn't even say goodbye Edward! You left me with nothing! So don't worry, I'm past being upset. It's a colossal waste of time. In the shit stream that flows through my life, you're just another passing turd. Just go away."

Her words stung. In the end, all she'd seen was me abandoning her; not that I loved her too much to hurt her more than I already had. In the end, I had hurt her more than I knew and in the end, she didn't want or need me in her life. I had always promised myself that when the day came that she didn't want me, I'd walk away and let her be safe. Now that the day had come, it ripped at my heart, leaving me torn. She wasn't safe right now. How could I leave her on her own?

"Bella… I wish I could explain…"

"Save it. You don't want me. I get it." She kicked her toe at the curb as tears pooled in her eyes.

"You're wrong about that. The rest, you got right… I was horrible to you. You deserve better; that's the only reason I left."

Her tear-filled eyes moved to mine and held my gaze. "I deserved to be in on the decision. I deserve to make my own choices. Edward… you knew how I felt about that! God, I'm such an idiot! All those months I allowed you to manipulate me; accepting your strange behaviour, ignoring your lies… all because I thought you were different! I thought you understood; I thought you saw who I really was and I thought that you liked me. You said you loved me." Her voice faltered as a sob finally came and then she headed for complete breakdown, sobbing as she continued the onslaught. "You said you LOVED me Edward! You made me believe we could have something so great…and it was, but you hold all the cards and I have nothing. That's not a relationship! I would have done anything for you, all you had to do was ask but you shut me out again and again – I'm tired of the lies and deception and the total lack of respect you have for my choices. And you sided with my MOM! God! She doesn't have a fucking clue what I'm about and you BOTH made my choice, together. Well fuck you…" She sobbed heavily as she pounded my chest with her fists. "You don't get to do this to me Edward…you don't get to walk back in and make my life okay for what? A few days? Weeks? Maybe another few months before you destroy it again? Fuck you! Fuck you…"

She collapsed against me, still trying to strike out at me but lacking the energy. I finally wrapped my arms around her and held her close as she cried it out. She fought my embrace, yet clung to me all the same. As it began to subside, she stopped fighting me and just allowed herself to be held as I whispered calming words and swayed her gently. I would do this for her all night, if she'd let me. A lifetime if I had my wish.

"Bella, I understand that you want me gone… I get it. But I can't leave you like this. Please, let me take you home and then I'll go."

"I'm not going home. I'm going to Toronto and when I'm done what I need to do, then I'll go home. End of story." Her voice was muffled against me. Her hands gripped the back of my shirt as if she wanted to both pull me off of her and yet have me nearer.

"I'll take you," I said softly.

Looking up at me, she squinted with doubt. "To Toronto? Or are you just saying that so you can get me back in your car and then take me home?"

I shook my head. "No. No more deceptions Bella. I will take you anywhere you want to go, just so I know you're safe. Do what you need to; you know what you're doing. And I'll be there for you…for as long as you want me to be."

The doubt remained in her eyes. "Why? Why would you do that?"

"Because I love you; then and now. And I'm done trying to avoid it. You're right… I haven't treated you fairly – given you your own options. So you decide from now on how much involvement we'll have. I'll take you to the city, and back, and then whenever you want me to leave you alone, I will. If you want to be friends, I'll stay for you. And if you want more, I promise to love you and respect you and let you call the shots. It's your choice."

"You'll take me to Toronto? And stay there with me?"

I nodded. "If that's what you want. I mean it Bella, it's all up to you now. I thought I knew what was right when I left. All it did was make you think I'm a dick who used you and left you. And I am, because essentially, that's what I did. I can't even begin to apologize for that, but I can be here for you now; for whatever you need." I stared in her soul, pleading for it to believe in me once again, though I had no right to ask. "My whole life – my entire selfish life – I've wished I could have one day back to do over and make everything thereafter different. I still do, but my day has changed. I would, without a doubt, take back the day that I hurt you. It was what I was trying to avoid from the start."

She listened intently, beginning to believe. "You hurt me more the day you took off without a word."

"Okay then, two days."

"Three. Don't forget about your original. It shouldn't change because of me."

"It has to, or there'd be no other days for us, good or bad. We'd never have met." That part, I was still muddled on. If we hadn't met, I wouldn't have hurt her, she'd never have a clue about me and my world. On the other hand, I wouldn't have a clue about real love and devotion and all the wonders of my Bella. "Will you let me try to make amends?"

"No more lies," she demanded.

"No more lies," I agreed. Standing there with her, seeing her again, all of the things that drew me to her in the first place were amplified. Though I'd tried to remember every detail about her, from her scent to her expressions and all her little quirks, my mind did not capture the reality of Bella. She was so much better than I'd recalled, even angry. I offered her a tiny grin. "Will you come with me now? It's a long drive. You can finish beating on me and giving me shit when we get there."

"Yeah?" She finally managed a smirk of her own, with less anger in it. "You've got a deal Iceman."

A full-out smile erupted at the use of her nickname for me. In all my years, I'd never missed anything so much as this relationship I had with my fragile, angry little human.

Not long into the drive, I knew I'd have to feed somehow. Bella's scent filled the car and every nerve ending in my body. It was all encompassing. I couldn't be stuck in a city having gone so long without feeding and not know when I'd be able to again. In the city with Bella. And Bella's scent…

"I have to make a stop," I announced, pulling off on the next country road. The entire area was forest, it wouldn't be an issue. "Please stay in the car. I won't be gone long." Thankful she just shrugged instead of questioning me, I took off in the dark to find my prey.

After the quickest of meals, I phoned Alice. "I need a weather forecast."

"Oh, hello to you too! I'm just great, thanks for asking. Have you forgotten your manners living in a cave for so long?"

"Sorry. How are you Alice? Jazz is well? Give my best to everyone. Oh and I found Bella. She's with me now. Well, she's in the car…"

"I know dumbass."

"Smartass. So you know what our plan is?"

"You'll have to hurry somewhat. The fog will lift in the morning and you'll be stuck inside all day, but that's okay – you know, with the company you have?" She giggled, seeing what I couldn't.

"Alice…" I groaned. "The weather!"

"Okay! Like I said, tomorrow – inside. And possibly into the next morning but then you should be good to go anywhere in the region for the rest of the day. Make the most of it, looks like there's more sun on the way."

Business taken care of as neatly as possible, I returned to find her snoring softly in my car. I paused to watch her for several minutes before pulling back onto the highway. She had stress lines on her forehead – I had put them there simply by missing what was truly most important to her… her right to choose her own destiny. I would not take that from her ever again.

She gave me directions into the area of the city she wanted to stay in and I scouted the area for a suitable hotel. We'd stopped at a service station outside the city when she awoke and I washed up properly from my hunt while she ate again. There, she told me her original plan was to take the bus down and call her brother's old friend Jacob when she arrived to see if she could stay with him. I gave her the option of still doing that, or staying with me.

She chose me.

"I'm going to have to ask you to stay in the car again, while I check in. You're underage… they'll refuse us," I stated apologetically.

"You're underage too!" she countered, cluing in when I gave her a sideways glance. "Or not. Are you 17?"

There was no easy way to answer that, especially with my vow that the lies would stop. "Yes and no." I pulled out my alternate ID; the one Edward Cullen used when he was a university student rather than a high school kid. "I'll get us a room and be right back… or do you want your own room?"

Her cheeks flushed and she shook her head. Her thoughts told me she didn't want to be alone. And, she didn't want to not be with me. My heart swelled; she didn't hate me so much that there was no hope for anything beyond this trip.

"Let's go," I grinned, opening her door before retrieving my bag and her backpack. We took the back entrance in.

"The sign says check-in is 3 pm, how did you get a room at this time?"

Grinning, I opened the door to our suite. "A little extra cash during slow tourist season can get you a lot in a hotel." So can vampire persuasion, but the cash sealed the deal. I stood by and watched her with amusement as she checked out all the amenities. I'd wanted her to feel comfortable, not trapped with me in a regular room so I booked us in the largest available suite. It had a bedroom with an ensuite bath, including a sunken tub that she was already thinking about soaking in. The main room would be large enough for us not to get in each other's way and private for me once her door to the bedroom was closed. It had a good sized kitchen as well.

"We'll do some shopping later on today," I suggested. "Maybe just take it easy and hang out here for now?"

"I want to show you so much though!" Bella gushed. I'd told her on the drive that I'd never been and she'd promised a full tour. I only hoped the weather would agree with me after this first day.

"We'll do that too, but we could both use a day in, I think."

"Oh shit. I'm being completely selfish. You've been driving forever! I forgot you had a long one before you got to me too. Sorry. We'll stay in."

"Why don't you go have a nice long bath and I'll order you some food. Lunch or breakfast?" She placed her requests and headed off to enjoy the luxury of her room.

"So I hear Jasper's been tutoring you in Science," I commented as she delved into her lunch. Her scent mixed with the lush soaps she'd used was very distracting for me. I had to find a way to think of something other than her scent.

"Mmm, yeah, he's been great! He's actually much more patient with me than you ever were," she teased. "He's a really sweet guy now that I know him better. When I first started going to your house, he seemed so intimidating. Now… he's just great."

"I told you he was different with family." I paused, realizing that what I'd said was absolutely true and my family had already come to care for her and think of her as one of us.

"Alice spent a lot of time with me too. Did you ask them to do that?"

"What? To be your friend? Bella, you already were. Besides, Alice told me straight off that just because I was being stupid, it didn't mean she was giving you up too. And Jasper…that was his own doing as well. He thinks you're really cool because you don't freak out being with us." All true. It was easier than I thought.

"I have a confession." Bella put down her fork and hung her head.

"You don't have anything to confess to me, but I'll listen to whatever you want to tell me."

"I stayed in your room while you were away. 3 times."

"Okay."

"Okay? You don't mind? I kinda rummaged too… I listened to all of your compositions, even the unfinished ones that you didn't want me to hear. I wore your shirts that were left."

"Did you find my secret room where I sacrifice virgins and small children…and stash my porn?" I grinned at her.

She smiled back. "Nope. Didn't get that far."

"Seriously though, there is a hidden room; a tiny one, behind the bookcase. It's very cool. When I was a kid, I used to dream of having a secret passageway through the house to sneak down in the night for snacks and to listen to what the adults were saying when they gathered. My room is hardly a passageway through the house, but it does lead out to the balcony so it's still ranks as cool."

"Can I see it?"

I smiled shyly and nodded. It was looking like there would be something left after our trip. If only Alice were here to tell me if she'd still want to be involved in any way after she knew the whole truth. She could only see my room after all of my lies were exposed. It was filled with a century of my journals and the few pieces I had of my human life. I'd added some things to that small box from my time with Bella, as that was the closest I'd been to my human life since the day I'd been changed. That was my original day that I had wished to do over until recently. Now, here with Bella as we rediscovered how easy it was to be open with each other, I was never more grateful to Carlisle for changing me. Now, I couldn't imagine a life never having known Bella. I didn't want a life without Bella.

And so, I prepared myself to let her in. I had no idea how long we'd have here together, nor exactly how I would have it come out since I couldn't outright tell her without riling the Volturi. It would be tricky. But it was essential if we were to have anything between us at all. It would then be her choice entirely.

There's truth in your lies
Doubt in your faith
All I've got's what you didn't take
So I, I won't be the one
Be the one to leave this
In pieces…

(Linkin Park)