One For the Road

No I never knew you
We both went to different schools
Me so scared of the rules
You chasing all the girls
Now it seems to me
We never grew up we just got ourselves free…

"Venom." Bella repeated the word I'd used in my story, incredulously. She wasn't mocking it, she was processing.

I was instantly on edge. If this truth was too much… if this truth frightened her… I could lose her. Worse, what if she thought it was too outrageous and decided my entire story was just that – an outrageous story pulled from the very dark mind of an extremely troubled young man.

"Venom?" she repeated again.

I nodded earnestly. She didn't seem to disbelieve. And she wasn't running. Yet.

"Like snake venom?"

"A different venom," I corrected her.

"It's a good kind – it made him well."

"It made him different, not only well. Maybe this is enough for one day. Want to listen to some music?" I was suddenly very anxious that she would process everything I'd told her thus far and realize what I was and that would be it. The end of my story. The end of Bella and Edward. I wanted to prolong my time, if these were my last hours with the love of my life, I craved just a few more.

"Music? Not really. I want to know how he changed…"

Stubborn Bella…

"I already told you how he changed! Venom! It entered his body, attacked the virus, killed it and neutralized everything else." My edginess made me irritable and I hated even thinking about this part. Still, it was something she had to know about if she were to know the full story. "Sorry," I said at once. "I didn't mean to snap at you. Do you see how it worked?"

She nodded quietly. "I kinda meant something else though. I wondered how he was different – after the cure."

"Oh." I caressed the back of her hand before bringing it to my lips. It soothed me as well. I needed to calm down and stay in control. "In that case, I'm really sorry. I'm a Class A jackass. Do you still want to know?"

"Only if you're okay. You look so tired Edward. Are you okay?"

Smiling warmly at her, I cupped her face in my hands. "I'm… Bella, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. I don't want it to be a struggle for me to not…" I held back from saying 'for me to not hurt you' because at this point, I honestly didn't think I would. I didn't think I could. I trusted myself a whole lot more now. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes briefly before drinking in the sight of her once more. "I'm coping Bella. I'll be okay. You, however, have an intense day ahead of you tomorrow, and I think you need to get your rest."

She stared into my eyes for the longest while. "Promise me you'll finish your story later on."

"I promise. You will know everything about this boy's sad story before we head home."

"My god. I look like shit!" I moaned, gazing at myself in the mirror the next morning. My pupils were not entirely dark yet, but they were muddy looking. The worst was the dark lines under my eyes. If I were human, I'd probably be thought of as extremely anaemic. The darkness accentuated my pale skin.

"Yet still beautiful." Bella appeared behind me, wrapping her arms around my towel-clad waist and kissed the back of my shoulder. "What do you need Iceman? What will make you better?"

I need for you to know the truth, my love – so we don't have to play these games and we can move forward, in whichever way you choose. My thoughts couldn't come out just yet. "I need you," I stated simply. "Your warmth makes everything better."

"Edward, seriously!" She pushed me away as I turned to embrace her. "I don't want you making yourself sick for me. I meant it – this starting over thing is gonna be two ways. I'm supporting you equally this time."

"Yeah?" I grinned crookedly.

"I'm your rock baby!" She grinned back and wrapped her arms around my shoulders this time. "Whatever you need."

"I need you to let me get dressed so we can get out of here!" I kissed the tip of her nose and pulled her arms away. "Bella, I may need to be inside this afternoon, so anything you need to do outside, we should get done now."

She chewed on her fingernail as she thought. "I have to go see Riley again…"

"Of course! We can go as often as you like." This was the anniversary of his death. I wished we could spend the entire day with him in the cemetery, if that's what she wished, but according to an early text from Alice, we'd have a hazy morning only. And we were to avoid 'the big dome thingy'. I'd seen that yesterday – the domed stadium and I would make sure we steered away from that area. Her vision saw us trapped nearby with no shade.

After a quick breakfast for Bella, she decided she wanted to go by his old residence. He had a flat rented with a fellow student in a large house that had been divided into 6 apartments for student renters. She recognised it instantly. The renter below him was an avid soccer fan and had flags hung as curtains on the front windows.

"Can we go up? I want to see if his hallway still smells like burritos." Her amused, pleading face was impossible to ignore. We went up. And it did stink. "This was his." Her fingers traced the panelled door.

Without hesitation, my hand went up and knocked against it.

"What are you doing?" she hissed in a whisper, stepping behind me.

"Seeing if anyone's home…"

"And what then? Break in?"

I smiled and began to deny any such thought, but the door cracked open just an inch. "Yes?" A woman's voice.

"Oh, hi. We're not selling anything. I'm here with my friend…" I tugged Bella out so she could be seen. She looked harmless and innocent. Her visual would go well with the act of vampire persuasion I was about to use. "We're really sorry to disturb you, but we've come an awful long way to be here. My friend's brother used to live here…"

"Sorry. Don't know where the old tenant moved to," she replied shortly, but polite enough.

"No no. We know…" I paused for dramatic effect. "He didn't move. He was in an accident… and well, Bella – my friend – she's just revisiting Riley's life…"

"Oh! Oh… that tenant! Um… hold on." She closed the door abruptly and I heard rushed whispers from the other side.

Bella glowed red with embarrassment and gave me a smack. "Why did you do that?"

"You wanted to be here. You wanted to have a look inside, right? Doesn't hurt to ask." They would agree.

The door eased open and we were faced with two girls; the newest student renters. "You're Riley's sister, right?"

Bella nodded, her bottom lip completely tucked under her teeth. "Did you know him?"

"We know of him. Everyone here loved him. And he was dating my sister's friend for a while, just before…" She grimaced with empathy. "I'm so sorry."

"Do you think, if it's not too much to ask, Bella could just have a few minutes here?" I asked in a soft, alluring voice.

"Sure, yeah, of course!" They stammered out single syllables as they ushered us inside. "Oh, and his jerk of a roommate that just bailed on the last month's bills left a bunch of stuff behind. We didn't want to toss it in case he returned."

I grinned at their scheme. "You were holding it for ransom."

They chuckled in agreement and one went to get the box for us to look through. "If any of it belongs to your brother, please take it."

The girls stepped aside to let us rummage through and Bella did come up with a few items of Riley's – books, a few discs and most valued… his very well-worn guitar strap. She smiled through her tears coming across that. Her thoughts veered to the guitar I'd purchased for her; how we were meant to be there and now having the original strap to put on her new guitar was like Riley and I working together to make her happy. I know that I would have liked Riley. He would be another human, like Bella, that I didn't merely tolerate, but respected and valued.

Thanking the girls profusely, we claimed Riley's items and left the rest for their ransom. Or to burn in a bonfire, as they planned to do if he didn't return by graduation.

"See? I knew I had to come home this weekend! Thank you Edward! You've made this so perfect!" Clinging to my arm happily as we walked away, she said a silent goodbye to Riley's apartment. Her mood turned a little sullen as she selected her next destination – the building that now stood on the accident site.

An idea came to me as she said a quiet prayer for him as the side of the building. Looking around, I spotted just the tool I'd need; a jagged piece of stone. As she stood with her forehead pressed against the brickwork, I worked quickly to duplicate her tribute to her brother. 'CRS'was now etched into the brick, just as clearly as it was on her skin. With teary eyes, she held a hand to my cheek and mouthed "thank you" before she took the stone and used it to draw a heart around the initials.

I was casually attempting to check the sky for any indication of the haze moving off over the lake, when I felt Bella take hold of my hand. "Time to go Iceman," she whispered.

"Where to next?" I smiled, willing to go along with anything.

"Hotel. Come on. Let's get you inside."

She had stunned me and my expression showed it. Laughing, she tugged on my arm and we walked with a steady pace back to my hiding place. How did she know?

"Bella…how did you…" Once safely inside, I had to ask.

"I think I've figured it out."

If my heart were still able to beat, it would have stopped. I couldn't read anything from her at the moment, so I had to be careful in my response. "Figured out… what, exactly?"

"I figured out when you need to be inside; away from people, or whatever. Your eyes get dark. I used to think you wore contacts, but no… they've been several different shades since we've been here. You didn't even bring enough underpants, I'm sure you didn't pack a half dozen shades of lens."

My observant human. I beamed with pride and certainty that she would figure out the rest as well.

"They were dark that last day we were together too, " she said softly. "Edward, if being here… with me… well, if it's too much for you…"

"I won't hurt you again." I spoke assuredly, as I was certain of my words. "I feel more in control of my rage than ever in my life. Bella, I hate what I did to you that day, but in a way, I think we needed it."

"I know I did," she smirked, with a blush growing on her cheeks.

I gave her a chastising look. She shouldn't joke about me taking her that way. Especially not knowing what I really had in mind for her. "What I meant was, I was able to stop. When it came down to… I controlled it and stopped. Bella, I want you to know why this happens to me because it's vital in keeping you safe, not just with me." She watched me speak with avid interest, wanting me to let it out. "You know I can't… but you'll get it. You've already caught on to the change in my eyes. Keep watching for that Bella. The darker they are, the more dangerous I am. You already know that."

She nodded, believing in me fully.

"This is good Bella. So good. You're paying attention, like I asked. You need to keep doing that; pointing out the odd things, no matter how trivial. Okay? Can you do that? Keep all of them in mind and you'll understand soon enough."

As she moved in tentatively to hug me, a yawn escaped her. "You know what? Maybe we should switch it up. Sleep during the day and go out all night." She was joking, but it wasn't entirely a bad idea.

She agreed to another nap and I occupied myself with one of the books she'd gotten from Riley's part of the stash; just for amusement's sake, Bram Stoker's 'Dracula'. I chuckled through many pages and then got annoyed and irritated. "This is complete garbage! So inaccurate! How can they publish this shit?" I muttered to myself, unaware that she was standing in the bedroom doorway.

"Talking to yourself Iceman? Is this another weird thing you do in your secret life?" Her smile showed a kind mocking.

"No. Just me being weird, period. Have you read this?" I held up the stupid fictional novel that had me riled. "Don't ever bother if you haven't, it's a waste of time."

She chuckled softly and took the book from my hand, kneeling on the floor beside where I sat. "If it's upsetting you, don't read it."

"I don't plan to read any more of that drivel," I said indignantly.

"Good. Edward, look at me. Are you okay?" She held my face in her hands, searching my eyes. "Please tell me if there's anything I can do…anything you need… and I'm not being playful or hinting at anything sexual. I'm concerned for you. Can I help you?"

I shook my head with an appreciative grin. "I love your concern, my love. But there is nothing you can do for me. This is part of why I avoid you when I'm like this. I don't want to worry you, but this is normal for me. Okay?" I held her wrists, as her hands were still on my cheeks. "Still want me?"

"Always," she said with utter seriousness and not a hint of hesitation.

"Ready to go back out?"

"Are you?"

I smiled widely and removed her hands, holding them at our sides. "For you, I'm ready for anything. Shall I take you to Riley again, or is there something else you'd like to do."

Her lip quivered even before she spoke. "I need to be with Riley. But Edward… I need to be with you more, so if what I'm asking is too much…"

"Anything, Bella; I mean that."

"Stay with me when we get there? I want Riley to meet you, because you're the most important person in my life and he should know you."

I nodded and pulled her into an embrace, unable to speak around the lump in my throat.

"So… um… I hope you're not laughing your ass off at me up there, but it came highly suggested by a very close friend, that I actually talk to you here. Out loud. So don't laugh… I'm doing this for you, Riley. Because I love you – always. And I still remember – always." She stood awkwardly in front of his stone marker.

I stepped up and hugged her from behind to show my support.

Holding my hands that crossed over her belly, she leaned back against me. "Riley, this is Edward. He's my best friend. My boyfriend. My everything, now that you're gone."

"How're you doing Riley?" I said softly. "I've heard so much about you, I'm sorry we never met."

"Edward's awesome, Riley. You'd get along with him so well. He's got a Beamer! And I bet he'd even let you drive it, 'cause he's cool that way. I love him Riley. More than I ever thought possible. He's so good. So good." Her voice had dropped to a low whisper.

"You'd be so proud of Bella," I took over the conversation. "She's smart and beautiful and getting stronger every day. And she kicks ass on guitar! She thinks I'm a total lunatic, but I thought you'd like a private concert, right here." When I told her my plan to have a small party at his grave, she gave me her best what-the-fuck-look, but I still insisted on bringing her guitar.

"I can't… seriously. We're in a graveyard Edward!" she whispered, as if anyone could actually hear us arguing.

"You don't think this place could use some livening up?" I grinned wickedly.

She smacked me for my bad joke, but laughed regardless. We stood on Riley's plot, hugging for the longest time before I set up our party. We'd stopped and bought a pizza for Bella on the way, along with the essential Cokes. And I coerced her into playing his favourite song, 'Dark Side of the Moon'. Once that was overwith, she relaxed a lot more and it was like an actual gathering of three friends. We sang and strummed and she told stories about all his antics with Jacob and the string of girlfriends he had, never able to choose just one, as I certainly had.

It was after midnight when we packed it in, cleaning up our trash and preparing to say goodbye to our charming, but silent host. This was the only time Bella brokedown, kneeling by his stone, her arms around it and I gently rubbed her back until the sobs subsided.

"Thank you for doing this Edward. Was it really horrible? Did you feel stupid standing there talking to a tombstone?"

I acted all aghast at her question. "I wasn't talking to a tombstone! I was talking to Riley! Clearly." I nudged her and pointed to the picture we'd placed at the foot of his marker. We both agreed that the marble didn't do him justice. We needed a visible Riley for our private party.

"I'm leaving it here. Everyone who passes by should see the person he was."

We left, hand in hand, with Bella glancing back now and then until his stone was out of sight. "So what did you think of him?" she asked, nudging me this time.

"He's great. A bit quiet though. I expected a talker, with a sister like you…"

My teasing got the reaction I'd wanted. She smiled, laughed, and danced through the street. "I love you Riley Swan! You throw the best parties EVER!"

There is no way to 'get over' a loved one's death; you simply go on and hopefully, reach a point where you can celebrate the life that person had. Tonight, Bella had that moment. And I... well, I felt like Riley and I had a lot in common. We both adored the same girl, we both loved music. And we had both been taken from life far too soon.

What do you say when someone's been taken that way
Before they've had a day to fly in the sun
You say get up and dance
Get up and smile
Get up and drink to the days
that are gone in the shortest while…

(Ocean Colour Scene)

A/N ~ About this song…one of my ALL TIME favourites, period – not just from OCS. Beautiful song about a horrible subject. I've listened to it a million times and it pulls at my heart every time, to this day. Worth seeking out. ~ SR