Everytime

We talked about our lives
Until the sun came up
And now I'm thinking about
How I wish I could go back
Just for one more day
One more day with you…

"Do you need a break, Bella?" I asked, hoping she'd agree.

"Actually… yeah. I'll be right back." She fled for the bathroom and I concentrated on picking up her thoughts. I had avoided any while I was telling my story, not wanting her thoughts to sway how I told it. She needed the facts, even if it hurt her… hurt us.

'He's totally back to normal now… his eyes are light, he looks good. He's very patient. Where did he go? What was he doing? I know he's trying to tell me. Think Bella! Think! Okay, what do I know… he doesn't eat. He can't go outside sometimes… why? Does he really have serious rage issues that I've ignored? Is that why he's telling me this story? If so, he's gonna tell me what it was that he thinks condemned him. Pay attention! What is this illness he has? What makes him cold and so hard. Why do his eyes change? And it sounds like his whole family has the same… what are the chances of that? But if it's not an illness… they were all SAVED. What does that mean? Okay okay… just get your shit together, get back out there and let him tell you. He's trying. Right? I hope he's trying. What if this is just a story and has nothing to do with him, regardless of the similarities? Just pay attention. Do it.'

Well there certainly was no blockage of thoughts. I got it all. She got it all. At least, she was on the verge of getting it. Do or die. She had to be made to figure it out.

I smiled calmly as she re-joined me. "I made you some coffee. It may be a long morning."

"You think of everything." She took the cup and stood on her toes to kiss me. "You know that I love you, right?"

"I do," I grinned, leaning down to kiss her again. I wanted her to see that I could be gentle. Once she learned of the other side of me, she may forget that. "Bella, I love you so very much. Please know that. And remember it. Let's go sit down."

I was unsure of where to pick up. In sequence, she would learn of the heinous acts I'd committed. But I was reluctant to tell her that, as that was all my doing. The boy in the story had no choice about the other things; neither did I. But I had chosen to live out my monstrous urges and I had to own those sins. I would lose her, most likely. I decided it was unfair to tell her the worst before knowing the full story so I saved that for another time, desperately wanting just one more day to give her what she'd deserved all along – my truth.

"Once the boy hit the absolute lowest on his own, he knew he couldn't do this alone. He needed his family. He loved them, and he missed them. They took him back, without question and loved him just as they had before. He never felt he deserved the kind of acceptance and forgiveness they gave him, but he loved them all the more for it. He returned to his pretence of a life fluidly, as if he'd never strayed. His time alone made him much stronger and soon, he knew he had done the right thing in coming home. He began to accept his life, as it was. His family mended his spirit and he lived for them."

Bella smiled over her coffee mug. "The perfect family."

"Yes, Bella. A perfect family. And once the next two joined, it was the perfect family. Mother, father, 3 boys, 2 girls. 3 couples and a loner." I held her gaze steadily as I watched my statement hit home.

'A doctor, devoted wife and mother…NO! A YOUNG doctor and an over-protective adoptive mom… horny brother and sister… no, 2 couples/sibling pairs… all changed. All different. A new form not visible from a distance but if you were to touch them, you'd know…'

She played over the vital parts of the story. She was on it. I let her carry out her train of thought.

'Icy skin…stone muscles…different. Oh my god oh my god oh my god…' "It's you," she whispered, breathless.

"Are you okay?" I asked calmly.

"I'm right, aren't I?"

She was breathing heavily now; too heavy. She was realizing she had known all along but denied; the fact that we were actually different. That we were actually not human. This is what I wanted from her and now that I had it, it frightened me. She waited for my confirmation.

I chickened out. "It's a story."

She shook her head, eyes wide. "It's YOUR story."

I swallowed heavily. Do or die. There was no turning back now. I would keep my promise to never lie to her again.

"Edward, was everything you told me a lie? Or is this? How do I know what's true?"

"You're smart, Bella. So smart… you can figure it out." My voice was whisper soft.

"Stop it! Just tell me the fucking truth Edward! For once!" She beat against my chest and shoulders until her tiny fists were bruised.

I held her wrists to prevent her from hurting herself more. "The truth, Bella, is that I love you. That's no lie. I have lied. But since I came back for you, there've been no lies." I stared deeply into her lost eyes. I was losing her. "I'm so sorry. I never wanted to lie to you Bella. It was necessary then. Now, the truth is. Tell me what that is. What's my truth Bella?"

"The only truth I know is that you're a fucking liar! You lied about everything! Your family, Edward! You lied about your fucking family and I loved them and believed in them! And it was all a lie… they lied to me too, didn't they?"

I couldn't even speak, I was so choked up. Part of me had anticipated a freak-out, but never had I factored in that the lies and involving my family in those lies would be her breaking point. I had hurt her. Again.

"Bella, they are my family. Everything I've said in the past few days has been true. I know it's not the original story… our fabricated story for this act… but we are a family. We've adopted each other. I couldn't love them any more if we were born of the story you knew before, or born with the same blood in our veins. They're my FAMILY. And I can't live without them." I searched her eyes for some sign of understanding before carrying on.

"I told the bare minimum of lies in regards to them, because what I've told you, is how I feel. I let you into the most important part of my life, with the fewest lies, because you're the only person I've ever wanted to be honest with. My family were the only people I could be myself with, until you."

"And you had them lie to me too." She wasn't screaming at me anymore. She was calm. Cold. Removed.

"For you. You can't understand that yet, but baby, it was for YOU! And for me. They know I've never had feelings like this for anyone before you… they want to be honest with you just as much as I do because they support me. They support us. My family loves you just as they love each other, Bella. Just as they took me in without judgement or lack of trust in me, they'd take you."

"So I could be your sister? Like… oh fuck! Alice isn't your twin, is she? I've just realized… and Emmett isn't your brother? I mean really?"

I shook my head and spoke quietly. "But they are."

"Which one was saved for you Edward? Alice or Rosalie? Which sister was supposed to be your lover?"

"Rose," I whispered.

And suddenly, she seemed more relaxed as she sat silently staring into space. "You didn't really lie about that then, I guess. And you tried to tell me more that day of truths in the cottage, but I didn't let you off with that one." She looked at me like she was seeing me for the first time. "This is so fucked. I feel like I don't know you. And yet, I know you MORE now. I think… I think I've always known…"

"You'd be really stupid not to, spending so much time with us and I know you're not stupid. Believe me, that's why an interest was even sparked…because you're not like the dumb girls in every fucking high school in the continent."

She squinted at me and I knew I fucked up. She didn't know how much we travelled around, nor for how long we'd been inventing these acts. "Can you tell me now? Just be straight?"

I shook my head apologetically. "I'm so sorry. You have to do this in your own way… you're getting there, but you have to figure it out and tell me what I am… what my family is..."

"And then you can be honest?"

"Yes."

"Can I ask you questions?"

I hesitated. "How about I ask you questions. I'll guide you."

The tiniest of grins appeared on her face. She was forgiving me. It felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off me. We may get through this. I may have more time with her after all.

She took another bathroom break, and this time, I left her alone with her thoughts. I wanted to stop that too. I didn't want to invade her thoughts. I wanted her to tell me herself, whatever she wanted me to hear. I wanted to be as normal as human/immortal couple could be.

When she returned, she sat at the opposite end of the couch, rather than next to me. As an afterthought, she raised a finger and got up to grab a Coke. "I'll need this."

I grinned and turned to face her. "I know this is a lot to deal with. I'm sorry. It's bad timing too… with Riley…"

She waved my comments off. "Go."

"You want me to leave?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "No, I want you to start guiding me dumbass! Neither one of us is leaving this room until I have you figured out. So, go."

I couldn't help but chuckle and my heart swelled. This was the girl I fell in love with. "Tell me what you know about me."

"You're a liar." She cocked an eyebrow and poked her tongue out.

"Established. Aside from that…"

"You're…different."

"Different; how?"

"You're cold. And your body is rock hard."

"Go on…"

"Your eyes are different. They change with… " A frown appeared on her brow. "Why do they change?"

Grinning, I inclined my head towards her. "You tell me. When do see them change?"

"When you're angry. Tired."

I shook my head.

"No? I'm wrong?"

"Half."

"Okay, the tired part is wrong then, because I know they get dark when you're cranky."

"When do I get cranky?" I smirked.

She let out a snort and grinned. "When you don't get your own way mostly… or you're hungry because you won't fucking eat."

"Ah!" I leaned towards her. "Think about that Bella. I don't eat, you already know that. So am I hungry?"

"Thirsty then. Whatever."

I smiled with a nod. "Thirsty. Remember that. What else can you tell me?"

She lost herself in thought. "You said I was wrong about your eyes changing when you're tired. I've seen you eat more than I've seen you sleep… and you don't eat. Do you sleep?"

"What do you think?"

"I think this is frustrating, it's like playing reverse Jeopardy. I can't answer in question form. Ugh! Okay, I've never seen you eat more than a bite of something and I've never seen you sleep. I know you don't eat, so I'm saying you don't sleep either."

"Keep going baby, you're doing great. I'll tell you if you're wrong."

"So I'm right about you not sleeping too. Okay… what else do you do that's weird... Oh my god, there's just so much, 'cause truly, you are one strange individual."

I chuckled, relieved by the fact that she was in a joking mood about this now.

"You can't go outside when your eyes are dark." She was serious again. And so very curious.

"Um… not necessarily, but they can get dark if I stay in too long. You know that from us being here… think about that and try again."

"Why do you stay in…" she mumbled to herself. "You stay in when you're thirsty!"

"Sometimes."

"When you're angry? You don't want to hurt anyone, so you stay inside!"

She knew by my expression that she was onto something. "What's the relation there, Bella? Think that one through and then go back to being kept inside. There's not only one reason for that."

"When I came to the cottage that day…"

I gave her a scolding look. "No questions…"

"Okay, you were thirsty when I came to see you. You had been inside for days."

"And…?"

"And…and… you gave into me super easy Iceman. I'd been begging you for months to do it and that day you didn't even hesitate." She had a cocky grin as she teased me.

"Why did I give in, Bella?" I asked quietly.

She realized this was important. She stood and began pacing as she considered that. "You weren't in control… because you were thirsty! You got angry too… not in control! Oh! I'm soooo right!" She did a victory lap, making me laugh. What an amazing human. Fucking amazing.

"You know, you're a little off too, I have to say. You're far too excited about figuring out the umpteen ways your boyfriend is a freak."

"I know!" She laughed and then looked confused. "Edward, when I figure this out… then what?"

I shrugged. "That's up to you." Standing and moving closer to her, we both reached our hands out to touch. "I know what I am and I know what you are. Once you have my advantage, you can decide what you want to do."

Loud sirens sounded from outside, drawing us out of our conversation. Bella moved to the window to have a look in the street. As she drew the curtains, sun flooded the room and I flattened myself against the wall, the only spot in the room not illuminated. Bella couldn't see me as I was in the sun, not before she knew everything. She wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready for that!

"There's a fire in the dumpster! Come see!" She turned around and spotted me stuck like bad wallpaper. "Edward? What's wrong?"

"Can you close the curtains? Please?" I croaked out.

She did so immediately. "Oh! OHHH! It's the SUN! You can't go outside in the SUN! Oh my god! What are you, a vampire?"

I stayed statue-still against the wall. She was joking, of course. Do I laugh it off or lead her? Do or die. This could be it. "Why do you think I can't go in the sun, Bella?" I whispered, ignoring her question.

Her mind raced; thoughts flew without me trying to pick them up. And she was so very close…

"It burns."

"No."

"It hurts you."

"No. It feels good. I like the sun."

"It makes you warm," she smiled with understanding.

I smiled back. "Not as warm as you do, but yeah. It feels warm."

She had vampire stuck in her mind, but she was thinking stupid Dracula-type myths; that the sun would burn me, kill me, turn me into a bat… And then… 'You couldn't tell by looking at him that he was different…' "It makes you look different. The sun. You look different in the sun. Your eyes change!"

"Get off the eyes. You've figured that out."

"So your skin looks different! Or your whole…form? What? Oh this is too weird…"

"I know. I'm sorry…"

She came and stood in front of me, wrapping her arms around my neck. "Edward, it's this Q&A that's too weird… not us," she said softly. "I want to know you. The real you. It doesn't matter what you are because I love who you are. That's how I've felt from the beginning; why I haven't questioned any of this before. I just love you, Edward. Believe in me. You can trust me."

"I look different, in the sun," I admitted aloud. "My skin looks different. You'd know I wasn't… normal. We can't ever reveal ourselves that way, not without consequences."

She nodded. "Will you show me?"

I swallowed around a huge lump and sighed. "You… When you see me, you won't feel the same…"

"Is it as ugly as my scars?" she asked in a whisper.

"I think it's worse."

"Show me, Iceman. I want to see you." She took my hand and kissed it softly before leading me to the window. She stood me to the side while she peeked outside. "No one can see you from the street and the offices are still empty across. It's just you and me." She lifted the corner of the curtain to let a strip of sun shine in, but not flood me.

"Are you sure about this?"

Nodding, she held her hand out for mine and as I reached for her, the sun reflected off it. I could feel the extra warmth. Her eyes were locked on mine, but when I looked down, so did she.

"Oh… Jesus… You really are 'Iceman'! It looks like little shimmering ice chips."

"I'm a freakish block of ice, no matter how you look at it." I attempted a joke but she didn't laugh.

She was enthralled; turning my hand over in the sun, watching it sparkle and shimmer as she turned it. Then she placed her lips against my palm, very softly. "You're beautiful; no matter how you look at it."

"Edward, how can I figure out why your skin looks different? I don't know what to guess."

"What comes to mind first?" I pushed a banana and another piece of bagel across the table for her to eat. We'd been at this a long time.

"You're an alien."

I roared with laughter. "I was born in Chicago, Bella! No lie."

"Okay okay. Don't laugh at me! Your skin looks different and feels different… cold, hard… why…"

"Why does yours feel warm?"

"Are you sick of this now? 'Cause I'm trying my best to work this out. You don't need to turn into a smartass!"

"I'm trying to guide you. Do you need a nap?"

"I don't need a fucking nap! Jeez!"

"Well you are a little crabby…" I pointed out.

She stuck her tongue out and picked the poppy seeds off her bagel. "Why is my skin warm? Seriously? I don't know…"

"Think of biology."

"I suck at biology, you know that."

"Yeah, well this is basic. And when we get home, I'm having Jasper tutor you in human biology."

"Whatever…" I got a dramatic eye roll as she continued picking seeds. "I don't know… blood circulating makes it warm."

"Uh-huh. See, I knew you were better with science than you let on!" I gave her a wink and pulled the bagel away. "That's driving me nuts. It's really annoying."

Flicking a poppy seed at me, she peeled open the banana instead. "So you don't have proper circulation. The cure for your illness froze you… oooh. Hold on, this is gonna sound stupid so I have to work this out… The cure froze your blood, so it runs cold, making your skin feel cold but you don't feel cold inside."

"Not quite. Think of the cure."

"The cure? I am. That's what I'm doing…"

"What was it, Bella?"

"Venom." She took a large bite, eyes widening. "You still have venom in your blood!"

"Almost… try again…" I grinned.

"You have venom instead of blood?"

I raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry… question form… you have venom instead of blood." She paused and gave me a strange look. "You don't have blood? Seriously?"

Chuckling, I stood up. "Finish your breakfast and then I'll show you something."

Taking in her fruit as quickly as she could, she tossed the peeling and ran to join me on the couch. I took her hand and kissed it before placing it on my chest.

"What do you feel?" I asked.

"Yumminess. Nice pecs."

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "Beyond that. Focus on what we were just discussing."

She shook her head. "I don't feel anything else. Wait… where's your heart?" Her eyes widened again and her mouth dropped. "You don't have a heartbeat! Holy fuck! Why have I never noticed that before?"

"Because you're too busy feeling up my pecs," I teased. "Not that I'm complaining."

"Edward… how can you not have a heartbeat?" She felt my neck, then my wrist. "No pulse. Are you dead?"

"Am I?" I whispered.

"No. You're not dead. No…" She shook her head frantically.

"Not dead, exactly."

"Different. Changed." She repeated words from my story. "God… Edward, am I gonna lose you? Are you dying? Did you lie about that too?"

"No Bella. I didn't lie about that. I'm not dying. Try to remember that talk we had… all of it. I was trying to guide you even back then because even then I knew we had no chance if you didn't know the truth."

After some thought, she kissed my neck and snuggled against me. "You told me you wanted to die, but couldn't. You can't die because you have no heart to stop beating. No blood to stop feeding your brain."

"You don't need Jasper's tutoring at all, my beautiful, intelligent girl." I tipped her head back to give her a kiss.

"You're not dead. But you're not really alive either if you don't have blood." She made her statement as our lips parted. "You're trapped in between."

Kissing her again, more deeply this time, I held her close to feel her warmth. "You make me feel alive," I whispered as an acknowledgement to her latest revelation.

"What are you Iceman? Really?" she whispered back. "Because you sound like an apparition, but you are the most real thing I've ever had." Her eyes teared up and I held her a little closer.

"You already know, my love. You know what I am."

"I don't Edward… seriously. The closest I came was alien, but you laughed. I'm dry. I haven't got a clue."

"You do. Run everything you know together. There's one piece missing and when you get that, you'll know you were right."

Sighing, she ran through it all again. "You have venom for blood, and it doesn't make your heart beat. You don't eat or sleep and you can't go in the sun. Your eyes change when you're hungry. You can't control yourself when you're hungry…"

"Hungry?" I coaxed.

"Thirsty… sorry. You're cold, but that's because of the venom… what am I missing?"

"Nothing. You ran over it. There's one thing you haven't established regarding one of those differences you mentioned. Twice, in fact."

She re-played it in her mind. "It has to do with your thirst."

"What do I drink?" Do or die…

Her eyes flashed up at me and I saw that she knew, without the benefit of her thoughts.

"What do I drink, Bella? Your best guess - your most ridiculous guess - I won't laugh."

"Blood," she whispered.

"So what am I?"

"A vampire." Her voice was breathy and soft, like a child's.

"Are you frightened?" No denial from me, she knew she was right.

"No."

"Not even a little?"

"I know you. I know who you are Edward…"

"And now you know what I am. Now do you see why I ran? Why I left you after we…"

She shook her head. "You wouldn't…"

"I wanted to." She had to know that I could have killed her. It's in me to kill her.

"What would happen?"

Her question caught me off guard entirely. I had expected fear, disgust, tears… I did not anticipate curiosity. "Most likely, you'd die," I replied with quiet honesty.

"Was that the only time you wanted to…"

"No. It was the only time I almost gave in."

"Do you still want to?"

"More than anything. It's in my nature. I can't help it."

She nodded, slightly breathless.

"You're scared now. I'm sorry."

"Do you want to eat everyone or just me?"

A small chuckle escaped. "I wouldn't eat you…"

She looked up at me, biting on her lip. "Tell me how it works? What do you do?"

I grimaced. "Do you remember way back in the beginning of our relationship, I told you that eating disgusts me, so I do it as little as possible? Well… are you sure you want to know?"

"I want to know everything. I know now. You can tell me, right? That was the deal? You can let me in, finally?"

"I don't eat my prey. I drink from them. I only need their blood."

She nodded. "How much do you need? What fills you?"

"It depends… if I go a long time without, it takes more to satisfy my thirst. If I'm overly emotional, angry, again… more. If it's something I desire more than others… I could go on and on."

"So you have favourites? How do you know who's blood you'll like? And do they all die?"

I lowered my eyes. She was taking this far too well, but I know the thought of me drinking from a person disturbed her. She envisioned me taking women. She envisioned it as a seduction. "It's not like you think, Bella. My family – my coven, as we are technically – we're different. We don't drink from humans. We drink animal blood. And yes, I have my favourites and yes, they all die."

I could hear her heart racing. "Different from the others? There's others?"

I nodded. "Not around here, but yes. They are out there. That's why we've had to lie. My family… they love you, they trust you… we know you wouldn't expose us. But the others… Bella, there are rules we have to abide, even though we're monsters. No human can know of our existence."

"But now I do…"

She was seeing the full picture now; understanding the lies. She didn't quite know what it all meant for us, but she was flooding me with an intense love for me sharing this with her. I wanted at least one day of this before I told her the rest. One day of knowing and experiencing an open and honest love with this incredible person. Though I knew I didn't deserve her, it felt right.

Everytime I see your face
Everytime you look my way
It's like it all falls into place
Everything feels right (Everything feels right)
Everytime I hear your name
Everytime I feel the same
It's like it all falls into place
Everything feels right…

(Simple Plan)