Crawl

You fall, my pride
Don't ever need to apologize
As your lips unfold
Shakin' purple from the cold
You better learn to crawl…

Once Bella's fever had broken, she returned to her usual self. We stayed back for a day after Renee returned. They had spent many hours talking over the summer and Bella felt sure her mom would agree to her staying with my family. She was right, of course. Renee felt comfortable with the arrangement. During the two days Bella had lost while ill, I had several conversations with Renee as well and so she was fully prepared for her daughter's departure with me. She was actually thrilled that Bella would get to spend a few weeks in Alaska before returning to school. It was something she'd never done, herself. She wanted the world for her daughter.

Bella was practicing her acting skills with me on the flight northwest. She pretended she wanted nothing else. She pretended she wouldn't miss her mother. By the end of the flight, she also blocked her thoughts. "I'm aware when you're poking around in there now. Stop that."

The Denali coven, though anxious to meet our soon-to-be newest coven member, left us with their home so Bella would not be overwhelmed. Always so gracious. Upon our arrival, my family flooded Bella with warm welcomes and endless amounts of food; which, for the most part left Bella looking somewhat green. She said she felt fine. My instincts said otherwise. And when Carlisle did his own examination, he confirmed my feelings.

I wanted a moment with him to know ahead of time what to expect, but Bella insisted on us finding out together. She sensed his grave demeanour meant she was seriously ill and therefore, he could save her. Immediately. I knew otherwise.

"Well, this is one for the books," he began. The three of us were seated in the library. Carlisle had gone through the results and had searched through the volumes of journals, he too kept, looking for any case he had ever recorded similar to this. There was nothing.

"Carlisle, I've already made my choice and you've all agreed. If I'm sick, I'm ready to become immortal. I'm ready, regardless. Will it happen soon?"

"It already is." His voice was incredibly calm. Soothing. "It would seem that you have a small battle taking place inside your body, even as we speak. The random fevers that keep popping up on you is the venom taking the lead."

Her eyes widened at his remark. My eyes dropped to the floor in shame. Why hadn't I taken better care? Been more cautious with her?

"Venom… as in…"

"Edward's venom, yes. It's now in your blood."

"I… I don't understand… he never bit me!"

Carlisle smiled warmly at her, shaking his head. "I believe it found an alternate way in. Small doses of our venom does not harm humans, rather it allures them. However, there are not many vampires – actually, none that I'm aware of – who have continued relations with the same human. So, while a small amount won't hurt, small amounts given with frequency apparently have the same outcome as one bite. Bella, you are in the midst of change. Too late to turn back; but not there yet."

"Oh my god…" Her skin paled as she reached for my hand. "It's… already happening?" She squeezed my hand, confirming that Carlisle, of course, was right. I hadn't imagined her grip strengthening. It had. And was growing stronger yet.

"That's why you were in such pain," I said to her softly. "Bella…I'm sorry…"

She turned my face to look at her; her eyes gleaming with adoration and excitement. "Don't ever be sorry. This is what I wanted. I wanted you to change me, Edward. And you have." With a huge smile, she kissed my lips, ever so lovingly.

"Not quite Bella. You're not through the roughest parts yet; where the venom seizes your organs. That will be remarkably painful and, I would imagine, quite frightening. Do you remember, Edward, what it was like when you first awoke - immortal. Your first breath?"

I nodded. "I panicked. I realized I wasn't breathing and gasped for air, but it didn't come easily. When my lungs filled, I felt like it was suffocating me. Of course, it wasn't…" We smirked at each other, knowingly. "Breathing hurt. And not breathing was terrifying. It was days before I mastered that adjustment alone."

"You breathe differently?" she whispered.

"Vampires do not require oxygen, Bella," Carlisle calmly explained. "We breathe only to appear normal. In the beginning, it's an effort. But it's something you must practice so that it becomes routine. There are many little things you would take for granted as a human, that are forced for a vampire. Breathing, blinking, swallowing…"

"Even movement. We don't have to move around like humans do. We're not fidgety. We don't get uncomfortable." I watched Bella taking in all of the information we were now giving her. She was preparing for everything.

"So, what do we do now? Just watch and learn and it will continue on like this? How will we know when I'm a vampire?"

I held in a grin. This was the first time she hadn't stumbled over the word. She not only was accepting her fate, she was comfortable with it and even anticipating the changes to come with excitement.

"Or, we can complete the change at once so you can get the difficult newborn stage rolling. Letting nature take its course, as it were, may prolong that process."

"Or make it easier?" I suggested. "Carlisle, if she's learning as she's changing, will she not find the impulses more easily controllable?" I knew that was one of the biggest problems to overcome. The thirst, of course, dominates everything – but if she didn't have everything else to contend with all the while trying to control her thirst… "We can do it, little by little."

"I don't know how that will work out, son. It's not been done."

"We can try…"

"And if it doesn't work out, then just change me at once!" Bella was very excited about this new plan.

We fast-forwarded her change with a much anticipated reunion on our own. I entered her very slowly, minimizing her discomfort until she adjusted to me again. The adjustment came about rather quickly and I found I didn't have to be as gentle as I wanted to be. She kept raising the bar. She also insisted that I not pull out and I came inside her for the very first time. She went wild with the euphoric rush it created in the human side of her that still remained. The vampire emerging in her, gripped me and drove me deeper and deeper until her whole body spasmed in orgasm. When she finished, she held me close, giggling and gasping and not once shivering. This was a bonus in our new plan.

When not furthering her change through venom exchange, my family took turns nursing her through the fever and pain and when she was recovered enough, teaching her our ways. Jasper continued on as her main tutor, only this time, it was not science. He had the most experience with newborns as he had trained a newborn army during his early immortality. I now had the same faith in his restraint with Bella, as I did with the others. Her scent was fading with each round of change she experienced. While I had moments of longing for my human Bella, her new scent was just as appealing to me, only without the urge to drink from her.

One night, alone in bed, she offered me her blood. "It can't hurt me now. And Carlisle says it's diminishing daily. Edward, you've resisted for so long… don't you even want a taste to see what it's like? Maybe it's not even as good as you think it would be. Maybe you really do prefer mountain lion," she teased.

The idea did intrigue me.

She held up a finger, smiling at me with complete trust in her eyes.

I took it and held it. I kissed it, licked it – sucked it and then I bit into it. She did flinch. Her teeth were still entirely human and she had no idea how sharp mine truly were. As her blood oozed, I watched in fascination as it dripped from the small wound. The scent filled my nostrils, heightening all my senses. As my tongue flicked over a droplet, I let out a heavy sigh. It was just as fucking good as I imagined. My mouth was flooding with venom as I licked the trail, avoiding the cut, itself. She squeezed out more for me when I licked her clean and I lapped that up with a smile as well.

"You could have changed me the proper way, Iceman. See, you do have control." Her free arm held me close as I swallowed as much venom as possible and gently sucked on her fingertip. "But this is much more us." She let me suck on her for several more minutes, lying against her heaving breast. She found it almost as erotic as I did. I was still sucking when I entered her and when we were near climax, she reopened it and I sipped from her as I came. Heaven was a place I would certainly never see, but I lived it, in that all too brief moment.

Bella had her worst, but briefest bout of the painful change yet, soon after our taste test. She emerged from it with her first visible change. Her eyes were no longer brown; not the deep crimson of a newborn, but her thirst was developing. Rosalie was the first to notice, as she was tending to her when Bella came out of her delusional state. I read Rosalie's thoughts and rushed to the room. Lingering at the door, I watched as Rose leaned over her. She was picturing herself, lying there; remembering how alone she felt when she awoke. My ears perked up to hear her whispers.

"I'm here for you. You're not alone. You'll never be alone again, honey. What can I get you, Bella? What can I do for you? I think you're completely insane for making this choice, but it's done. I wished better for you… for Edward – because he adores you. You must be something extraordinary to capture Edward's heart, so… Bella! Why didn't you choose to live! He would have still loved you! This life… it's long, Bella. It's so long when you can never have what you really want." She paused to help Bella shift as she became more alert. "I suppose you do though – have what you really want."

"Edward," Bella whispered.

Rose nodded with a sad, understanding grin. "This is for you. It's from me and Alice. We were going to give it to you when you're really – you know – done. But whatever. You're already one of us." She presented her with a necklace; the same necklace my sisters and mother both wore with the Cullen crest attached to it.

Ah, Rosalie. Open that heart of yours… you have so much love. I felt like I was intruding upon one of her rare moments where she let down her tough as nails façade, as she did when we were alone. But this was new and very different for Rosalie. She was nurturing my Bella as she longed to do for a child of her own. She was settling for a new younger sister. Sweet Rosalie.

We got her on a diet of very rare meat. She could no longer stomach vegetables any more than we could. Meat, she was unsure of, but it provided her with the blood she craved and taught her to crave the blood we, as a coven, chose. Bella pleaded with me to teach her how to hunt as her thirst consumed her, but I refused until the change was complete. She was still human enough to be so revolted she wouldn't be able to feed. If she carried that into her immortal life, she would forever have problems… problems even worse than mine when it came time to hunt.

I had taken her for a run one day, to see if she'd acquired any speed yet herself as well as for her to experience my kind of speed. She was enjoying every minute of this method of change – even the painful parts, she seemed to black-out. It was more painful for me watching her shiver with cold sweats, burn with fever and writhe in pain. She came out of each bout stronger and more content with her decision. Amazing. She was even making me enjoy the lighter side of being a vampire. Our run was a most enjoyable way to spend a morning. Alice ran to us when we approached the property.

"They're back. On the way. Em and Rose went east already to try to lure them that way. Carlisle and Esme are waiting for you, but they'll go south. Jazz is going north, once they've left me. I'm waiting here so I can let you know their next move."

I shook my head. "I don't want you alone, Alice. Jazz stays too. I'll take Bella north."

"No!" Alice froze as she watched the movie play out in her mind. "East. You'll have Emmett as a backup."

"Emmett will be after bears… Alice, you said polar bears, right? You're not mixing it up with grizzlies? Am I taking Bella into a trap if I follow Emmett?"

She pondered my query. "No. Polar bears. Don't go north."

"Ready for another run?" I cracked a grin at Bella to ease her fears.

Alice sent updates to us regularly. The evil duo had already tracked Esme and Carlisle. And they still didn't have a mind reader with them – good news. They got nothing about our whereabouts from my parents and left without issue. Esme was now back with Alice, Carlisle was headed towards us on an alternate route than we followed. Demetri and Chelsea went north.

Bella and I stopped in a small town, as I thought she'd need to tend to some human needs. She hid her newly changed eyes behind sunglasses, though it was overcast.

"She had laser eye surgery," I informed the man behind the counter of the convenience store/gas station we chose for the washroom and snacks for Bella. He initially thought we were going to rob him, then he thought she was wasted. "The slightest light hurts. Fluorescents in particular." He bought it.

Bella grabbed a Coke and a bottle of water. No food appealed. I kept my worries to myself, as I knew that if her hunger and desire for food was ebbing this rapidly, her thirst would pick up and Coke wouldn't sustain her. I didn't want her hunting – not yet. And if she got the real taste of blood, I'd have to seclude her from humans and hole up somewhere, unprotected.

On another update, Alice informed me Chelsea and Demetri had just left, having discovered Esme returned to the Denali coven. They were retracing Carlisle, assuming he was with us. He veered off to distract them so he wouldn't be around to help me should Bella have another spell from her gradual change. No word from Emmett and Rose as of yet.

Alice also told me of her latest vision, in which Bella was in a rage.

I bought a used car from the body shop that was across from the gas station. Bella still required sleep and I didn't want us to be trapped inside somewhere if we stopped for the night. She could sleep as I drove. She chattered on excitedly when we took possession of the vehicle but exhaustion soon overtook her and she slept for several hours. I smiled sadly, watching her slow intake of air and hearing the soft snore with each exhale. It wouldn't be long now until that endearing act wasn't necessary and it made me think of the nights I'd spent, enrapt, watching this simple act from her. It was definitely something I would miss.

"Don't be sad, Iceman." Her voice replaced the breathing sounds. "This is what I want."

I knew that. I believed that. But as I watched over her that night, in the middle of nowhere, alternating between crying out her hunger pains and begging me to complete the change, here and now so she could feed – it tore at my heart. I wished I had Alice's foresight to know if it was the right time. To know if I could complete her without harming her. She had taken in so much over the past weeks, watching our ways; I had no doubt that she would be much more content with immortal life than was I. I just wanted a guarantee that she would have that. I needed Carlisle more than ever to ensure she'd be okay during the final step. She was ready.

By our third day of travel, we had reached Manitoba and debated continuing on to the east coast – to the mountain retreat I'd hidden in on my own, or doubling back. We still hadn't encountered any vampires; neither my own nor Volturi, but my senses told me of impending doom. I was on high alert.

It came as no surprise to me when I was suddenly face to face with Demetri. We had pulled off the road to go for a run, allowing me to feed and Bella was currently finding a private place in the wooded area I had just come from to relieve her still human organs. I now wished I hadn't fed. I'd be more aggressive, thirsty.

The big lug stood there smirking at me. "Odd. I thought she'd smell different. I thought she would have a much more alluring scent to make you risk everything. She seems quite ordinary, however. And you, quite silly for chasing her. Was she worth it, Edward? Worth meeting your own demise? You won't have long to suffer after her death. I'll show you mercy. Think of that while we drink from her… surely, you've tasted her, yourself? I'd hate to have you leave this world without having drank from the very human who cost you your immortal life."

I seethed inside, refraining from commenting on his remarks. His questions got no reply from me. I simply let the rage simmer as he continued goading me.

"Chelsea is out looking for her now. I do hope she saves some for us. Shall we go find them? If she hasn't begun dining, I'd offer you the pleasure of the first drink – out of courtesy. Her blood will be so warm. Fresh." He made a disgusting display of sniffing the air as we followed her scent, like she was a fine wine. "So quiet, Edward. Honestly, I thought you'd put up more of a fight. I know the others from your coven are nowhere near so if you're thinking they'll run in and save you, you're mistaken. You see, Edward? This is what happens when you choose a human over your own kind. Humans are meant to hunt…occasionally fuck…"

I turned away in disgust as he recalled some conquests of his own.

"When you covet them, as you do this one, it only leads to trouble. You know that now, of course. But it's too late."

"Bella!" The first word erupted from my mouth the instant I spotted her in the shadows of the forest. Chelsea stood with her. I had no connection, no insight to her thoughts; not even greyness. Nothing. I cursed under my breath as I realized we were fucked.

"Would you like a moment alone before we begin this intriguing dance? You may have first taste, Edward, but I will be the first one inside her today." He grinned with a mixture of malice and lust. "So small - this human. So frail… she'll never know what pain is like until I get at her."

I lunged for him. Of course, he anticipated my violent response and moved aside, cackling at my lame attempt.

"Demetri darling," Chelsea called over. "Don't play with him now. I'm anxious to begin." Her fingers trailed along Bella's jawline as she stood behind and tugged her head backwards, holding her against her chest. Her lips moved closer to Bella and she whispered to her. Out of my range, I couldn't hear, and I had no reading skills.

Bella stared at me, willing me to read her? Or was the bond that Chelsea broke in her, nothing to do with her abilities, rather her emotional connection to me. Her eyes showed no sign of fear. No sign of pleading with me to help. No sign of any feeling towards me at all. I was simply a line of vision to her as Chelsea licked her jaw and down her throat.

All I could do was pray that Bella was still human enough to get the afterlife she doubted, but I knew she deserved. Even if she made it through this, I would not. And she would be better off dead than suffering on her own or with the Volturi. Come get me! I willed them, not wanting to play their game. If it was the end, bring it quickly. Come after ME, you heartless fucks!

'Cause the rat and the fly
They're searchin' for an alibi
As we wait the wrath
They never went to Sunday mass
They want to see us crawl
They want to see us crawl
Before they walk away
Before they walk away…

(Kings of Leon)