A/N Just a few bits and bobs before I continue:

There was a question about Ziva liking musicals. In Hiatus Tony stopped her from singing "The Hills are Alive . . ." so I based it on that.

One caveat on this chapter – I am NOT a psychologist and have never had a panic attack, so I am flying by the seat of my pants at the "explanations" I provide. I wanted Ducky to somewhat justify how Ziva can get over this without a long drawn out recovery. I also wanted a chapter with Ducky because I miss hearing British accents on a daily basis. At least this way I can hear it in my mind as I type. I just hope the chapter isn't proper rubbish!

Chapter 13

Coping

(McGee's POV)

I take a few minutes to eat my vending machine lunch and suddenly I feel very tired. I should not complain, after all I did get some sleep last night. I woke up this morning in Abby's lab. She must have placed Burt under my head and covered me with a sheet from autopsy before curling up herself in her office. I only meant to catch a quick nap, but I ended up sleeping for 5 hours. I wasn't about to go home last night. If I wasn't thoughtful enough to protect Ziva at the crime scene, the least I can do is catch this guy so that she will be able to come back to work sooner. At least I hope she will be coming back to work.

When I had walked into the bullpen at 6, Gibbs looked like he had been up for hours and he was also in the same clothes he wore yesterday. We haven't talked much this morning, but it hasn't been as awkward as yesterday.

It seemed like one minute Tony was annoying me with spitballs and the next he was carrying Ziva's unconscious body to the gurney. How could I have been so thoughtless? Gibbs' words replayed in my head like a broken record, "I don't know, McGee, you were in there collecting evidence. What did you see when you walked in?"

It must have been obvious to everyone else that it was some sort of Post Traumatic Stress breakdown. I hadn't considered that Ziva would be that fragile. I still thought of her as superhuman, indestructible, the only thing missing from her battle skills, confidence and exotic accent was a cape.

I guess Somalia was her kryptonite.

I could almost hear Tony in my head, "Good one, McSidekick!"

How long have I been an agent? I had no excuse. I could not help but think that without social intuition, I'd never really be qualified for this, no matter how many degrees from MIT I earned. Maybe the cyber unit was a better fit. I really don't care if people think I am a geek or else I would have quit working with Tony years ago. I just never wanted to hurt anyone I cared about again from lack of observation. Tony and Gibbs were right. I had been insensitive.

When Gibbs released me to go back into the barn, Ducky came in soon after. I didn't look at him, and I definitely did not want to talk. He did.

"Timothy, she will recover. In fact it may even be a good thing that this has happened."

I spun around, not believing what I'd heard. "Ducky, how can you say that? She looked terrible. Has she come out of it and said anything?"

"No, but rest assured, she is in good hands." He addressed the victim, "Oh, My Dear, you have suffered terribly as well, and were not so fortunate as to have a heroic rescue, as was our Ziva."

I knew that was said for my benefit, but I did not want to be consoled. "Ducky. I know I was there to help rescue her, but how have I helped her since she got back? Have there been other times when we've been at crime scenes and I haven't noticed her panicking? It seemed like things had gotten more or less back to normal, so I guess I assumed she was sort of, over it."

"Ah, the mind is very complex, Timothy. Events and memories affect everyone differently, and even though we all have properly respected Ziva's need for some emotional distance, I can assure you that Gibbs has had an eye on her, and that she has been his responsibility, not yours. He paused, "Time of Death approximately 18-24 hours ago."

"What's going to happen to her now?"

"Well, the mind is not a computer hard drive. There is no one way that emotional trauma is dealt with. I know you find comfort in formulas and concrete resolutions, but unfortunately in psychology they seldom exist."

He sensed my frustration and continued, "Ziva has endured so much abuse in her life, Timothy, that some level of trauma sadly has become commonplace. While this is a tragic state of affairs, it has given her an advantage. She had long ago established coping techniques out of necessity. And now she has the advantage of being surrounded by people that care deeply for her and I believe that will make all the difference."

"I still don't understand how a nervous breakdown is a good thing."

"Ziva is not naturally open about her feelings, and her coping mechanisms before this had not included trusting other people, or considering how stressful events had affected her. Those were considered weaknesses in her former life. This panic attack is simply her body's way of physically communicating to us what she could not express vocally. As a result, we now know that she is ready to admit that she needs our support. That, My Dear Boy, is progress."

I shook my head, trying to get it back to the case.

Ducky resumed his analysis of the victim and I couldn't help but think that this one-sided conversation could have been directed at Ziva's body if our mission in Somalia had ended differently. The past months had lessened the horror of it for me, but I was soberly reminded that the memory remains a harsh reality for Ziva.

After his initial findings Ducky went out to see if the gurney was available. He rolled it in, and asked for my help in moving the body.

"I take it Ziva regained consciousness? Did she go to the hospital?"

"No, I believe she'll be better cared for at home. I'd wager that Anthony would look after her more diligently than any professional health care provider." Ducky raised an eyebrow meaningfully, and I had to smile and nod in agreement. "And I would request that despite your concern, that you and Abigail refrain from giving either of them a bell for a few days. Ziva needs to convalesce, and she will be in no doubt of your concern for her even if she does not hear your own lips profess it directly."

"Sure, I'll talk to Abby when I get back. Actually, it just occurred to me that Tony must have taken our car. I'll go back with you and give Abby a jump on analyzing the evidence we've collected so far then bring another car back to the crime scene for later."

"Splendid."

Ducky and I walked out, passing Gibbs who grunted his approval at my plan. I heard his voice in my head again, "I don't know, McGee, you were in there collecting evidence. What did you see when you walked in?" I vaguely wondered if I would be next in line for the shrink.