A/N Here is the second half of Timmy's guilt trip. After this I'll get back to Ziva.

Chapter 14

Compatriots

(Still McGee POV – continues flashback from the day before)

During the ride back to the lab Ducky told stories of his compatriots and how they dealt with various trials of war, while I had my mind on my own compatriot at NCIS, and how I was going to relay Ziva's situation to her without causing yet another crisis. I needed to tell her, but I didn't know if I could handle any more emotional stress. That sounded awful considering my stress was the result of worrying about the greater suffering of another, but I had to keep my mind on work, and to do that I needed to stay emotionally grounded.

I reluctantly walked into Abby's lab armed with evidence bags and no real plan of attack.

"Hey, McGee! I've missed you guys, [hug] it's been lonely in here today. Whatta you got for me?" She took the camera's memory card first and popped it in her computer and started clicking through the photos.

"Wow, McGee, I know you're a super genius and all, but didn't they cover how to take a digital picture in all your computer classes at MIT?"

I winced as I realized that she was looking at Ziva's pictures.

"Actually, Gibbs took most of the pictures."

"I thought you taught him better than this. Why are your ears going red? Timmy . . . you're keeping something from me."

"Urgh, Abby, How do you always do that? I just needed a few more minutes to figure out how to tell you."

"Timmy, it's not in your nature to lie, face it, you're terrible at it, so what are you not telling me?"

I sighed and leaned against the table, "First you have to promise me that you will not freak out."

The color (what little there is of it) left her face. " Who's been shot? How badly are they hurt? Of course I can't promise not to freak out, I don't know what I'm not supposed to freak out about!"

I put my hands on Abby's arms and gently held her still, looked her straight in the eye and said as calmly as I could, "No one has been shot, no one is in the hospital." She relaxed and I lowered my hands.

"The first pictures were taken by Ziva, and they are blurry because her hands were shaking. I don't know exactly what happened, but I guess the crime scene reminded her of her time in Somalia and she had some sort of a breakdown. She passed out for a while, but she's fine now, she is at home and Tony is staying with her. Ducky checked her out at the scene and said she was okay, but would be worn out. He asked us not to call her or Tony for a few days."

I was surprised not to get interrupted during my explanation, and even more surprised when she seemed calm and didn't respond right away.

"Okay, I know I asked you not to freak out, but I didn't expect you to be more calm after I told you."

She still didn't speak but slowly gave me a long hug, and sighed, more proof that I just did not get the women in my life, not nearly as well as I should. Tony would have seen that coming a mile away. I wrapped my arms around her, closed my eyes and realized that I needed the comfort as well. I don't know how long we stayed like that, it could have been a minute, five minutes, I really didn't care. I let her break the embrace. When she was ready to talk, she wiped her eyes and said, "Okay, I'm okay now. Thanks for telling me. I take it they will both be gone for a while?"

"I really don't know. Gibbs wouldn't talk to me after it happened."

She stood squarely in front of me, put her hands on her hips, squinted her eyes and said, "Timothy, what did you do?"

I started pacing around, rubbing my palm on my forehead. "It's more what I didn't do. I walked into the barn with Ziva, and I didn't notice the similarities between this crime scene and her torture in Somalia. I was so focused on getting the technical part of the job done that I didn't see that she was upset. When Gibbs walked in, he saw it right away and sent her out. Next thing I knew Tony was calling for help and carrying Ziva, who had passed out. Gibbs is mad at me for not looking after her."

Abby was still standing with her hands on her hips, but she was tapping her pinky, a sign that her wheels were turning. She squinted at me almost playfully, "I was going to give you a talking to, but I see you've been beating yourself up already so I'll go easy on you. First of all," she reached out and slapped my head then pointed at my face for emphasis, "You cannot compare yourself to the great and powerful Gibbs. He has more than a sixth sense, he's got seventh, eighth and ninth senses. Knowing Ziva, she tried very hard to look normal so you might not have noticed anything even if you were looking. Secondly, Gibbs hasn't talked to you yet because he knows you feel bad and you need to punish yourself. He's letting you beat yourself up so you'll get over the guilt faster."

I said sarcastically, "Oh, sure, Abby, because that makes perfect sense."

Her finger pointed again sharply for emphasis. "Agh! Timmy, stop doubting me! The sooner you get over yourself, the more useful you'll be to Gibbs and the investigation."

"Thirdly, the real reason I'm not panicking is that honestly, McGee, this may not be such a bad thing."

I must have looked as incredulously as I felt as I wondered what was wrong with everyone. I started pacing and my arms were flying. I did not expect to be the one freaking out, or Abby to be so calm, but nothing was making sense. "This is NOT a good thing. Ziva is suffering, suffering is bad, how does that not make sense to you people!"

Abby put her hands on my arms this time and looked me in the eyes. "Just hear me out. I mean, she was severely tortured for all those months, then afterwards she walked around here with a smile on her face trying not to let on that anything was wrong? I accidentally found out some of it, and she swore me to secrecy. I knew things were wrong, but I couldn't tell anyone. She promised me that she would talk to Tony, so actually I'm relieved that now she won't be able to avoid him any longer. Don't get me wrong, I'm still super worried about her, but I know she will feel better once she gets it all talked out."

At that point I was just tired and ready to end the conversation.

"Timmy, you don't need to understand it all, but you do need another hug before you head back out to the scene. You'll be short handed so let me know if there's anything else I can do to help you guys."

She reached out and hugged me again. She waited for me to break the embrace this time, which I did reluctantly. I did feel better after talking to Abby so maybe there was some merit in psychology. I would have to think about that later, after the case was solved.

I drove back to the crime scene with more supplies, ready to work through the night. Gibbs had made a lot of progress by the time I had returned, and I tried not to feel guilty about that on top of everything else. I wondered if Gibbs knew anything more about Ziva, but I knew better than to ask him for any details. I had never seen him as focused or as silent as he was the rest of the day, and that's saying a lot.

When we finished processing the scene Gibbs finally uttered a sentence, "Let's wrap it up." We drove back to NCIS in silence. He looked like he was lightly sleeping and for the first time I saw the lines of worry etched around his closed eyes. This was not the first time he had had a serious concern about an agent's well being, or for Ziva's for the matter, but it was obvious that the years of looking after us were taking its toll on him.

There was an unspoken vow between us to protect the women on our team. You could call it chauvinism or chivalry, but after Kate and Jenny's deaths, Abby's close calls with a few psychos and Ziva's imprisonment, we can't take another loss. Tony and I, and Ducky for that matter, take this mission very seriously, but Gibbs would never forgive himself for another failure. He's never forgiven himself for any of them, even when he was powerless to prevent them. There would always be something in his mind that he could have done. And now while he's left to his own struggle with guilt and remorse, I am the only person that can help him with this investigation, so whether Ducky and Abby are right or not about Ziva's pain being a good thing, I need to shoulder the responsibility on this one.

I parked the car and Gibbs woke instantly. We unloaded the gear and I gathered all the evidence to drop off at Abby's lab. It was after midnight and Gibbs and I were both beat. While in the elevator Gibbs surprised me by flicking the emergency stop, lowering his head for a minute, sighing then wiping a tired hand down his face. He looked me in the eye, placed his hand firmly on my shoulder and said, "Good work today, Tim." He flicked the switch again before my tired mind could formulate a reply. I made it to Abby's lab, handed everything over then succumbed to the lure of her futon.

After reliving my memories I realize that my meager vending machine feast has ended. I run to the local coffee shop to pick up another cup of coffee for Gibbs and cup of sugar with coffee for me. When I return I pull up the crime scene photos again. There are some odd markings in the skin that I couldn't quite place. Then I heard it

*Ding*