Chapters 15: Digging deeper.
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha
After a long pending wait here it is "Digging deeper."
Word count : 4,700
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It was an awful thing to be so absent of the world only aware of one thing, solely dependent on the voices of strangers. It was worse when you had to figure that out on your own. She had only been there an hour but already she was hungry and cold. She felt the hard cold surface of the cave floor against her cheek, turning in regret she weeps silently. Memory's drifted in an out of her mind sending painful racks of heat through out her body. Her head was filled with images of the demon Sesshomaru.
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He was a good person of this she was almost certain stubborn maybe and maybe a little to reluctant to admit his true affections. It was the absence of his memory that startled her, she felt embarrassed that she remembered her so called "brother in law" but not her mate the demon whom she already had 2 children with, not to mention the one that was slowly making its entrance into this world. She was being selfish and she was well aware. she was isolating herself from the people that loved and cared for her making them worry needlessly not to mention that she was starving her baby in a cave that was cold and wet and severely lacking in nourishment. she was a bad mother, the worst. She continued to have images of sesshomaru and her together the kisses, hugs, and love making even now alone she couldn't help but blush.
if she was right then she loved this man deeply, and if still her assumption was correct he in turn loved her very deeply as well. She had to find him now she had to go to him she felt her insides lurch. before she could fully comprehend her own actions she was on her feet running the the demon who unknown to her was looking for her as well.
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The rain was pouring down drowning her sent out he was slowly growing frustrated his mate and pup were out there alone and he couldn't help them.
He knew she was out there hiding, running from him and he was determined to find her she would be severally punished for this treason no one runs from Sesshomaru, unless they wish death. She was no exception especially because she was caring his son or daughter in her womb.
He picked up pace walking faster down the trail coming to a Field everything was wet and blurred and at this point he was angry for allowing the girl to have him go this far to look for her. going out of his way for a human was unfit to his kind it was bad enough that she was his mate but to make him worry about her was unforgivable.
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She ran through the forest frantic to find her love. "Sesshomaru!" She yelled looking around. Her eyes widen as she saw his form coming to view. "Oh!" She yelled as she jumped upon his person. kissing his face and burring her face into his neck her legs wrapped around his waist. "I am so sorry I beg your forgiveness." She said as she kissed his face once more. "Cease your affections girl." But she refused to listen hugging him more fiercely running hand through his hair as she kissed him on his lips. "I was so scared Sesshomaru I was so confused but now I know, your my mate my life-" Sesshomaru looked at her dumbly "I am well aware of that."
"The love of my life." Before he could respond she kissed him so fiercely it send a wave of pleasure through her body as he returned it.
It wasn't long until she felt him throw her on the floor and make love to her in ways she never imagined unlike most of there encounters he was gentle and caring so unlike himself. She knew he loved her some where she just knew.
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After they made love in the rain her transferred her worn out body to the cave from which she once dwell-ed. He sat for hours looking down at her running his hands through her hair. She said she loved him but did he in turn love her or didn't he? He was not sure. He felt strongly for her. protection, Lust. but love? For that he was not certain. "No Kagome I do not love you." He whispered in her ear laying down beside her waiting for her to awaken. It was if those words would make it true.
When morning came everything was still she still could not remember much only that she loved Inuyasha and she loved his brother. It was all too confusing, He had walked her back to the castle where servants immediately took her for inspections after she was bathed and was healthy they led her to bed where her mate awaited her.
"Where are the children Sesshomaru." She asked in a timid voice that was not her own. At this Sesshomaru spat he missed his Kagome the one that was not afraid to yell at him and demand of him things he usually would not give. "They are in the nursery I thought it would be wise for them to remain there until your memory has returned to you." And although inside she felt a pain of anger for this she nodded her head submissive to his wishes.
"Sesshomaru I love you." She said but he said nothing. "Sesshomaru I love you, but I cannot decide who I love more." She said tears running down her cheeks as she buried her head into the pillow. "What are you speaking of woman?" He said quickly becoming agitated. "I love your brother so much it hurts as I love you and I cannot decide who I love more i cannot forget Inu-"
"Cease your talking girl I will not hear of it." He said moving away from her walking to the end of the bed. "Why Sesshomaru do you run from me when i love you so much! do you not love me or something?" She said crawling toward him grabbing his hands.
"No Kagome you are mistaken I do not love you and you do not love me you have not regained your memory's Kagome when you do you will cease this foolish notion about love and any affection other wise." He said looking down at her harshly.
"No! you love me I know you do you have to we are mated I would have never given my body to someone that I did not love deeply." She cried tugging at his hands.
He took that moment too lean in grabbing her face in his hands. "You gave me nothing Kagome I took it." And with that he left her on the bed laying in a fetal position crying.
-
Kagomes P.o.v
Flash back
"I told you i am different."
I saw his freeze up and look at me with a predatory look in his eyes. I stood still afraid of what he might do, maybe I angered him too much and he was now going to end my life.
When his lips came crushing to mine I knew that was not his intention. "Fuck." I whispered as he began ravishing my mouth and immediately I felt a flare of heat surge through me. I was confused and lost at what to do. He was Inuyasha's brother the great killer. And I was but a lonely rejected miko who was deserving of nothing. But as confused as I was feeling now I knew I did not want these affections that he was so harshly bestowing upon my person.
"Sesshomaru." I said in attempt to stop him while not angering him. But he continued on bruising my lips further. I was tempted to bite him.
I can't understand why he is doing this. He hated humans despised there existence and still here he was kissing one, not only was I human I was a miko. That sort of relationship never went further than the tip of a sword or arrow.
His hand was traveling my body and I instantly froze feeling very uncomfortable when his hands started to knead at my breast. "Please!" I cried out trying to stop him as he ripped my shirt open and started sucking at my chest harshly. I was sure he left bruises. And when he shoved his hand into my skirt to finger my pussy I couldn't help but cry out. In more pain then pleasure. I was to small and unprepared and he was going to fast for me to keep up not that I want to.
"Stop Sesshomaru Stop!" I yelled as he ripped my skirt off leaving me bare to him.
It was in this moment terror struck through me and all these ministrations became clear. He was going to take me. Fuck me against my will. So while he was undoing his pants I took off or tried to before I found my self pressed against the floor on my stomach as the demon hovered above me. I looked back to see his eyes go completely red. I knew he was out of control. "Please stop Sesshomaru please let me go!" I cried as he pressed me harder into the ground.
All I got back was a growl as he positioned himself against me. I screamed harder and harder as he tried to push himself into me. I felt like I was being ripped apart. "No!" I screamed as he began thrusting not waiting for the pain to subside. All I could see was blood come out of me as he thrusted into me with demonic strength I felt his claws press into my sides as I screamed for him to stop but all I got in turn was a faster past and an even fiercer demon.
So I stopped. Stopped moving and thinking. I felt like I was going to die. He kept going until I passed out from the pain. and when I awoke he was gone.
End Flashback.
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So that was it why I was with the demon Sesshomaru. Because he raped me and impregnated me. That was why I thought I had love him. Stupid me I was so silly! to think a creature like that could love. I stood for a long time staring into space, not thinking of anything just breathing. I felt numbness utter nothingness. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I had given and given and given for this, to live a life I never wanted. A life I never asked for. Complication of love whats human and whats not, this was not my life and if it was my destiny what did do to to deserve it?
Inuyasha was once my only hope of happiness but I got tired of waiting. I realized that I needed to leave away from these people, demons. I looked at the room thinking about what I was going to do.
--
End Kagome's P.o.v
He sat in his office fuming for reasons unknown to him. He didn't love her and though he said it it felt wrong on his tongue. He knew it couldn't have been a lie but in that moment when he held her hands in the bedroom, something told him it was far from the truth. He was surprised that he had not smelled her tears she was an easy cry. He seem to hurt her more than necessary his frustration only grew. Why couldn't leave him in peace! She complicated his life and made into something uneasy and full of burden he had become a person who doubted himself and that alone was enough to put him on edge.
Though he wanted her gone he couldn't bare the thought. It frightened him and nothing scared Sesshomaru. Maybe he didn't love her maybe not yet but he could never say, not even out loud that he would never love her. He could never say that he would not give his life for her. He could never say he did not care for her. But he could say he didn't love her. But he couldn't say it didn't hurt him when he said it.
He wanted her to be with always, but he knew he would never beg for her. And being proud prevented him from saying sorry to her right now for telling her the truth. The real story of how it happened. He was ashamed. He took her by force ignoring her cry of pain and anguish. He was honorableness and it pained him to say it. He did wrong by her and still continued to do so.
His mother walked into office with an air of arrogance and concern. "What did you do?" She said knowing full well what was going on. "What do you mean mother." He said back sitting down and looking over papers. "That girl I want the whole story where did you meet her and how did this happen up until now, why is she sitting there sad like death moved over her?" She said sitting back full intent on having him dish the whole story.
And so he sighed and did.
"I raped her when she was 15 mated her in the blood lust and left her pregnant and alone." He said angry at admitting his fault. "You let your mate wonder around on her own with a pup!" She said growling at him. "Yes she didn't come in fear that I might take her and the pup's life." He said sighing. "Well would you have you clearly have no concept of right and wrong seeing as you took her against her will clearly she must have been a virgin to not see the signs that were most likely so apparent." She said haughtily.
"Yes well she showed up around the 6th month but I am not sure, my guards beat her because they thought she was slandering my name." He winced at the sight of her that day. "She told me that she was carrying my baby and she accepted that she was going to die, all she wanted for it to have a home and a family something she wouldn't live to ensure." He said looking away from his mothers harsh stare. "She is a good woman she didn't kill the abomination she was carrying to save her own life."
"I am aware of that." He said tired of his interruptions. "Well she must be strong to have survived such a birth Twins!" She said looking at him. "No she died." He said simply moving papers into piles now. "What do you mean son she is clearly alive ... unless you revived her with tensiga?" She said.
"No mother I did not." He said looking at her confused face. "Her and my daughter died that night."
There was silence in the room. Both parties unsure of what to say next.
"Do not ask how only god knows but my theory was her mikopowers brought both her and my offspring back into the world of the living." He said putting his head down ashamed of the relive he had felt when she died.
"So she is powerful and it is obvious why they are whole demon, whether she realizes it or not her power reaches toward the highest power and demon surpasses human any day, my Sesshomaru your pups are going to be one of a kind." Sesshomaru looked at his mother nodding in silence. He had realized that yes she was going to be not only an excellent mother but a good match for his own power. She is going to make his line stronger than any other and some how he took pride in this.
"What do you feel for this human son?" His mother said glaring her eyes. "I am not sure nor do I wish to discuss such matters with you." At this she stood towering his form. "Do not forget whom you are speaking to pup, I may no longer be lady of the west but I still am you mother and you will treat me with such respect am I understood?"
"Yes mother." He said begrudgingly. "Now Sesshomaru I wish to speak to you about something further than your petty problems." She said coldly. "Yes mother." He said again this time his eyes narrowing as well. "You realize that because I have granted you this favor, it does not mean that we are at peace." She said angrily. "I am aware." He said dully.
"I am only forewarning you that you will receive punishment for your actions 53 years ago." She said icily.
"Mother I understand, I did not treat you well and I consent to your punishment I am well aware that I deserve it." He said tiredly. "But I am sorry that you must know." He continued annoyed at her reaction. "My, my, Sesshomaru I believe this is the first time you have ever said any kind of apology to me seems like this girl has soften your hard heart." She teased smiling down at him. "Mother I have papers to do leave." He said turning to another stack of papers.
"OK then but Sesshomaru?" She said peeking her head through a half way closed door. "Yes." He said exasperated. "I love you my son regardless of my actions you should know that it is true." She closed the door before she could hear his soft reply.
"As do I."
She had her plan setup everything was put in motion.
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He walked through the hallways as of late more like a ghost than an actual guest. He could hear there whispers when he passed by and all of them were about him the lost half blood prince. He wanted to yell at them through things and make a scene but he knew that he could not. His family is happy here, and despite his anger for this place he learned that they where worth sacrificing his satisfaction for.
That was not the only thing on his mind though.
"Abi." He looked over to the elemental demon that was being called. Her long light blue hair and silky pale skin. She was lean but short and had a fiery temper underneath all that sweetness. She was perfect in every way possible, from her gray eyes to her pout pink lips.
She worked in the garden tending to the flowers for the young rin. She was on his mind all the time lately,
he felt ashamed that he was again putting aside his love for kagome though he knew in all the wrong ways it was right, he had lost his chance Kagome was no longer up for his affections he waited to long and she had moved on.
But Abi was here and she was all he could do or think about. Kind and beautiful what more could he ask for he knew he had to move and fast he couldn't lose her like he lost Kagome.
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Brought back to haunting words he was know left in silence.
"I love you!" She had declared to him deluding there relationship for something much more deep and emotional.
No, the great Sesshomaruwould never have use for such a minuscule emotion such as love. and in his heart he established he did indeed not love her. but he knew he could if he let himself appreciate her he could love her easily the way she pouted and smiled the way she stood up for herself with no fear of anyone. Her boldness and caring personality she was everything he thought he would hate but she was so much more than that she was some one who had found the potential of love.
He walked in his office pushing himself away from the stacks of animal skin and fresh ink. She love him and even though he knew that this was not true his heart lurched fluttering at the thought. "I like her." He said quietly turning away at the statement he had said it aloud to himself and though it was not much in his mind it was a big step.
the girl whom he had taken was very likable indeed.
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She was leaving.
Escaping was not going to be easy she knew but she had to and once she decided there was no turning back.
The ultimate betrayal.
Adultery
She would leave her children in his hands she knew she was a bad mother they did not need further influence from her. She was heartbroken and it hurt so bad she thought it left a whole in her chest. She still loved him despite the letdown once she let herself believe it was hard to say no.
She knew he wasn't all evil but he sure seemed that way he hurt her she was in sever pain from the words he lashed at her.
She didn't want to hurt him despite the way he had hurt her, she still wanted him happy so she was leaving because as of late she had been remembering herself more and more like a burden than she would admit.
tommorwshe would sleep withthe nice guard she met before and once the bond has broken she would run far away from the castle. She didn't know where she would go but any where is better than being here, once she gave birth to the child inside her she would return him or her to the castle it broke her knowing she had to give up her children but she knew she wasn't fit to be a mother.
she was crying gasping for air, it hurt her so much because despite the fact that he did not love her she loved him more than anything. or maybe not.
--
She was walking around the court yard when she heard sesshomarusmate crying, loud sobs and ridiculous intakes of breath.
weak.
was the first thought that came to mind how weak of the girl to be crying. "My Kami western lands will fall." She whispered glaring at that balcony where the girl was held. And being the former lady of the western land she knew she needed to say something, and so up she went on to the balcony and into the room where the girl was draped over the bed carelessly.
"Why do you cry?" she asked startling the girl before her. She looked up dumbly her eyes swollen with tears, and face red from all the stress.
She remained silent. "Please woman speak it is unbecoming of you to show such weakness I will not leave my lands into the hands of the weak." She said again
"He doesn't love me." She said and even then it sounded dumb. "Hm. so my son does not love you?" She said almost mockingly walking around in circles.
"Y-Yes I thought he might have but, he doesn't he told me that I gave him nothing he simply took me, then I remembered that night at his hot-spring." She said crying harder.
"Yes he told me that bit of information." She said with a frown. "Freesia it was called, so he still goes there? hm." She said frowning again.
"Girl you are weak." She said glaring at Kagome. "You need to get over the fact that my son does not love you he does not love anyone."
"I love him, or I thought I did but now .." She said looking away. "And what pray tell are you going to do with this bit of information you love him but he in turn does not, will the world end all of its inhabitants doomed to die because he does not return your affections?" she said laughing.
"No! I am leaving him I am breaking the bond and I am leaving I will relive him of his burdens!" She screamed at the former lady of the west. Her face went to stone.
"You will do no such things Kagome, MY SON cares for you wench despite him not loving you he would die for you, you will not bring him heart ache nor will you leave him with three children to raise by himself, and if you are still so upset about him taking you by force then why are you having yet another pup by him?"
Her eyes where livid at the human before her. "I don't know I'm still trying to figure that out." She whispered suddenly feeling a surge of rage flood through her.
"He stomped on my heart took my freedom I am 16 I want love I want someone to love what about me, I understand that he may hurt but I am hurting staying here with him knowing that he will never feel what I want him to feel for me I'm sicking of crying about himbut I can't help it if I remain here with him!" She yelled getting up glaring at the inu before her.
"I am aware of your heart ache kagomeI as well have felt many of those losses but dear girl you have to suck it up the fates have chosen this life for you and with reason, now you have to be as strong as a inuyouki and as bold as a human you need to be smart and unbreakable you have to love but don't let your heart break. it is a burden I know but it is your place now and later on you will reap the benefits Kagome the gods have sent you here for a reason do not let them down, do not let me down!" She said staring at Kagome.
"I know, I am a horrible mother and -" Kagome started to say.
"No Kagome you are not, before losing you memory Sesshomaru told me that you were a great mother you did not let the servants take them and raise them like many mothers before you have, you took them on by your self you are a good mother, but good please my dear stop downing your self you are worth so much more than that."
She had started to cry again but this time she wore a smile. "You are so kind to me thank you, I am sorry for ever thinking such things I will be the lady you expect me to be I am so sorry that I ever doubted myself thank you again for helping me to realize this." She said throwing her arms around her mother in law.
"My dear demons do not ... hug." She said patting her awkwardly on the head. "Well as lady of the western lands I command it." She said smiling at her mother in law. "Ah. now your getting the hang of it." She said smiling at the human before her. 'Maybe the western lands is not so doomed after all.'
--
It was time to take them out. Now that fool Naraku was out of the way it was time for him reign over the lands, it was time he made his entrance he would break the bond between the girl and that inuyoukiand kill those abominations she gave birth to before they grew to be stronger. He was the great Inuyouki that had been long forgotten but now was his time to redeem himself and take what was rightfully his.
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So maybe her plan was not so final she had thought of leaving him and abandoning all hope of happiness but in the words of his mother she was no coward. Maybe he didn't lover back but she would cope with that she'd make it work for the kids and for him. She wouldn't leave him now even though she wasn't sure of many things she felt a love for him, while that love was unrequited it was strong enough to make her stay.
There was no one and nothing that could make her leave now!
Important !
I need a beta and I want some one despreatly! please private I.M me if you'd like to beta me and help me out a little.
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Ok so this is a quick sort of less detailed chapter that I had written but I know that I have delayed far too much so here it is and I hope that I get many reviews and again I apologize for the wait I'm really grateful for all of your support! and I never thought that I'd get this far in this story cause it was supposed to be a one-shot and immaking this up as I go! so bear with me 8)
- kooky27