CHAPTER 30! I'm so excited! Sorry Sorry Sorry it's been so long since I've posted, my life has just been craaaaziieee. But now that it's summer I'm really excited to finish this up :))))

"Okay…But all I'm saying is that we've seen that the eagles can travel to Mordor, so why couldn't Frodo just hitch a ride?" I ask.

"Yes, but the Fellowship was a secret mission and the eagles would have compromised the stealth." Nemo rebuts. We have been having this argument for a few hours. Even after we arrived in Helm's Deep.

"But secrecy wouldn't be needed because the ring would easily be carried in and then dropped into the volcano. It would certainly be a lot quicker, and all those battles could be avoided."

"The eagles could easily be stopped by the Nazgul's fell beasts!"

"Are those the snake dragon things?" I ask.

"Yes."

"Okay, that's why you use decoy eagles. Like in Harry Potter with the decoy Harrys."

"Fine. Maybe it's possible, but the eagles wouldn't agree to it because the only reason they helped Gandalf is because they owed him a favor, and flying to Mordor is way more than a favor."

"Why couldn't we just bribe them? The state of Middle-Earth is at risk why couldn't they just help out a bit?" I ask.

"Becau-" Suddenly Nemo is cut off by a commotion. A crowd of people circle around the main gates of Helm's Deep.

"Looks like our good friend finally decided to show up!" I say, pointing towards Aragorn. It seems he's "miraculously" (aka thanks to plot armor) come back from the dead. "'Course he shows up after we unpacked all our luggage."

"Aren't you going to welcome him back?" Nemo asks.

"…why would I do that?"

"Because Eowyn loves him and she thought he was dead and then he just appears very not dead?"

"Ughh. Do I have to?" I moan. "How about I send him a Hallmark card with a cute animal on it and an insincere message later?"

Nemo shrugs.

"I guess that'll work too." Nemo says. I see Aragorn heading up to speak with Théoden out of the corner of my eye. Its probs about that upcoming battle. I should probably help prepare for that…I'm just gonna go grab something to eat instead.

"Nemo, do you know where the food court is around here?" I ask.

"What do you think this is, an outlet mall?"

"We did pass that Macy's."

"What? What Macy's?"

"I don't know. But it was selling mostly weapons." I say. Nemo shakes his head.

"That wasn't a Macy's, it was a MACEies." He explains.

"What? How-Why-But…I give up. Let's just get some food." Just as I turn to leave, a random messenger appears.

"Eowyn. I've been sent to tell you to prepare to join the women in the caves." He says.

"WHAT?" I scream. The guard shrinks back.

"T-Théoden's orders." He says. My eyes narrow. "Please don't hurt me." He whispers.

"Join the women in the caves! So what, we can make him sandwiches? Excuse me while I go slap some sense into this patriarchy."

I storm into the throne room and burst open the doors dramatically (I've always wanted to do that). I interrupt Théoden in the middle of what looks like an important discussion between him and Aragorn. Probably over how to oppress minorities!

"Eowyn, we are in the middle of an important discussion." Théoden says. Aragorn looks at me, expecting a reaction because this is my first time seeing him after his "miraculous" return from death, but I have more important issues to deal with.

"Théoden, I expected better from you but apparently you need a lecture about gender equality." I say, strutting past Aragorn. He looks a little disappointed.

"I don't have time for this. I have an army of ten thousand Orcs coming to eradicate mankind from Middle-earth, and only a handful of able bodied men. Gamling! I want every man and strong lad able to bear arms to be ready for battle by nightfall." Théoden orders a guard. He has moved on from the conversation, but I hold my ground.

"If you arm the abled bodied women too then you'll have double the soldiers!" I point out.

"If I arm the women then they cannot perform their womanly duties."

"Like what? Cowering in a cave while the men do all the fighting?"

"Women are not even capable of fighting." Théoden says.

"Have you seen MULAN? Women are totally capable of kicking ass if you just give them a chance!"

"But they have never been trained!" Théoden argues.

"Neither have the young children you're sending to die!" I say, pointing towards the kid putting on armor upside-down. Théoden makes a weird grumbling sound because he knows I'm right but he just doesn't want to admit it.

"Enough Eowyn! I don't have time for this! I need to prepare the battlements. Aragorn, please escort Eowyn out so we can discuss battle plans." Aragorn puts his hand firmly on my shoulder. The look on his face is apologetic, but I'm still pissed.

"So now I'm not even capable of finding the door on my own? Would you also like to chew my food for me?" I say angrily before leaving the room in a huff. This isn't over…

YAAAAAY. Chapter 30. Thanks for reading. P.S. I looove reviewsssss