hope you enjoy it!
World Of Chances Chpt. 8: Puckett opens her feelings
Sam's POV:
I went to bed last night with tears on my eyes, I still couldn't believe I left him there, standing up & with no response of mine, I sure I dissappointed him in the worst way ever, & maybe he'll never speak to me about his feelings again. the hot tears soon returned by just remembering the image of Freddie standing there, sad & lonely, only because I couldn't deal with my "Bully Image", I like him, I really really do, & I don't know why I can't deal with my big Ego. More tears started to come out of my eyes, Sam Puckett does not cry! but Freddie made a difference, he actually marked a really big difference in my life, I remember the reason like it just happened yesterday:
I'm a rotten child, the only reason I was born is because mom got tired of taking pills & one night, after being with almost every single guy in the bar near her house,
I was born, she named me Samantha because that was the name of the nurse that helped her, and she can care less about me, sure, I love my mom & everything, but she could care less about me & My sister Melanie, luckily she went to live with grandpa in detroit the year later she was born, she was able to avoid all this pain I felt about me being born.
When I saw Freddie at the first day of Pre-K I felt something I've never felt before, it was almost like big, heavy butterflies flew through my stomach & sent little electric shocks throughout all my body, it felt awesome, but I didn't want anyone to notice it, I'll be marked as the butterfly stomach forever & people wouldn't stop bothering me until I graduated,
& maybe after that. Freddie was, by far, one of the bestest feelings in my life but I had an image to protect & I couldn't let anyone know I liked him, so I started picking up on him &
making him hate me every single day, even if it tore me from the inside knowing that he'll never see me as more than a bully who lives to make his life miserable.
As the years passed I tried to move on with Freddie, but since I started being friends with Carly, who's the best friend anyone could ever have & no matter what I know that she'll never betray me nor I'll betray her, the guys I dated just usually used me to get closer to her, I didn't care because the guy I really liked wasn't the one using me, but I always felt jealous of Carly, She's so smart & funny, she's pretty & cool to hang out with, no wonder why Freddie liked her & not me, she didn't find a reason every single day to make his life miserable.
I found a way, somehow, to make me look like I really didn't care about the fact that Freddie was madly in love with Carly, it tore me from the inside & things like that, but I couldn't let anybody see that Sam Puckett was sad or something like, and never cry, It would ruin my Tomboy image, & in someway, people being afraid of me made me feel powerful, mom always told me that it was a mistake I was born & it hurt from the inside, and people having fear for me made me feel better.
It sounds pretty Lame for a person like me to have a diary, and being 15 & still writting on it is more humiliating, but I need something to open up myself without fear of judge, and a diary was the only way I could find.
Dear Diary:
This is lameeeeeeeeee! but I hope you can understand that even a girl like Sam Puckett needs somewhere to express her feelings, so here I go:
I'm 15 years old & I've been crushing on the same guy since I was four, yeah yeah...11 years crushing on him & I've never had a chance, and its because I'm so stupid I blew my chance the first time I had one! If it wasn't for my dumb tomboy image & my superhigh Ego I think He'll know by now what I feel for him (I don't feel comfortable revealing his name through a piece of paper, so I just won't!) Anyway, This is just killing me! this is actually the first time I feel something for a boy so sweet & sensitive & I just had to blew it up all away, he always liked me & so did I & I blew it out, this is gonna sound so not-Sam-Puckett, but I need to express myself.
I think I actually LOVE him, this is stupid but its realy. he has really been there for me when there was something up with me, he never left my side & he never betrayed me no matter how much I always pick up on him or mess with his tech stuff. Nobody knows this but everytime I had a problem with my family or something like that I always called him & we always spent hours & hours on the phone & he wouldn't hang up unless he knew I was or would be ok, he was my best friend, & I felt that if he ever fell for me the way I did for him everything will be ruined, that's why I didn't strangulate Carly when I knew he liked her...