Chapter Eight: H
H is for Helpless
Elanor is now helpless.
She didn't plan it to happen to her and she certainly doesn't like it now that it has, but she suffers from it nonetheless.
She was trying to stretch her muscles to attempt to start practicing some lightsaber techniques. She has already mastered the basic techniques she was attempting and she felt no pain when she tried the first couple of techniques.
It was when she moved on to the first kata of Makashi that she had difficulties.
When she tried, agony burst up her legs and she collapsed on the floor.
Or, at least, almost collapsed.
Because then Master Kenobi was suddenly there by her side – although she could have sworn he was nowhere near her when she started – and his arms caught her and slowed her descent to the floor.
She is startled and almost afraid of how quickly he sensed her distress and how swiftly he reached her, but she is also grateful that he is there for her. She leans against him as he kneels on the floor beside her. She knows that he will not hurt her and that he is concerned for her.
He touches her calf lightly, with the expert hands of a healer, and she hisses in pain, unconsciously gripping his other arm even tighter.
He tells her that she should rest.
She demands to know what is wrong.
A flash of . . . of something goes over his face. Something she doesn't quite comprehend. An emotion that she has never seen before.
But whatever it is, it is gone immediately.
He tells her that the strain she put on her legs muscles were too much and that she has pulled some of them – by mistake, yes, but all the same she has done so. So now she must rest while they heal before she tries again.
She doesn't want to believe him.
She doesn't want to be confined to a bed, to a room, to a hut.
She wants to go outside and see the sky, see the sun, see the stars.
So she stands – or tries to. The pain ripples through her legs once more, and she falls again into his arms as he catches her.
She stiffens immediately as her fall brings her back into contact with his chest while his arms support her waist. The position brings back unwanted, unsavory, and painful memories of what has happened to her, and she cannot help herself – or her reaction.
She cannot say if he realizes it or not.
But even if he does, it doesn't seem to bother him. He calmly lifts her in his arms, surprising her so much that her survival instinct overrides her fear of being so close to him and she clutches desperately at his tunic.
As he deposits her gently on the bed, he teases her, asking with a mischievous glint in his eyes if she doesn't trust him.
At that moment, her fear deserts her as her personality asserts control. She sticks her tongue out at him and then – mortified at the recollection that he is a Jedi Master – buries her face into the pillow, her face turning red with embarrassment.
She hears him laugh warmly at her reaction and moments later, his hand is stroking her hair gently, soothingly. Without thinking, she arches ever so slightly into his gentle hand as he caresses her hair and his fingers glide over her back. She has grown used to the feeling of his hand and the gentleness of his caresses, and they no longer bother her. They are the gentle contacts of a father to a daughter, and now she can't stop herself from responding to them.
His fingers stop suddenly, and he tells her that the muscles should heal in a few days, and that she will be all right.
She already knows this. Not because she has learned it from being a Jedi Padawan growing up during a war, but because she can sense that he is calm and not upset. She knows that were she in danger, he would be a lot more concerned for her.
She can't decide if that thought is troubling or assuring.
Troubling, because it tells Elanor that she is coming to rely on Master Kenobi a great deal and while Padawans do need their Masters, such reliance is not encouraged.
Reassuring, because it tells Elanor that she is starting to relearn how to trust others, and she can't think of a better person to place her trust in than him.
So perhaps being helpless isn't as debilitating as she thought.
Perhaps it's more about learning to accept her condition and to adapt and to rest. To learn how far to push the limits and when it is time to draw back. To learn to trust her instincts once again, which she is almost afraid to.
So as she lies, helpless, on the bed, she allows herself to drift off to sleep.
She is helpless now, but she knows that within a few days, she will recover.
H is for Heartbroken
Obi-Wan is heartbroken by the despairing expression that crosses Elanor's face when he tells her that she must rest – confined to the bed – in order for the muscles she pulled to heal.
The despair is fleeting, but he sees it all the same and it pains him.
He knows that she is restless, that she wants to get out, that she wants to move, somewhere, anywhere. She is tired of being confined in the hut, even though it has been for her own safety and healing that he imposed that rule. He doesn't want her to stumble afoul of any of Tatooine's more dangerous indigenous creatures, and he wants her to be fully healed before he decides to let her out.
But she is gaining strength and independence – and spirit.
She wants to be out.
Unfortunately, this latest incident will only mean she is confined for a longer time.
He doesn't really mind, though. It will give other wounds a chance to heal, and will make him worry less about her sneaking out. It may also teach her a lesson about pushing the limits too far and what happens as a result.
He notices the stiffening of her body when he catches her at once, but chooses not to comment. He knows it is merely a reaction of hers, and he hopes that one day she will trust him enough not to react that way around him.
But he is pleased when she makes a face at him when he teases her. It means that she is overcoming her fear of him – of men. It means she is gaining back some of her sunny, cheeky personality that caught his eye during the war.
And it means she has finally started on the path to healing.
But then she blushes and rolls over to bury her face in the pillow.
He laughs warmly, fully understanding her reaction and further pleased that she isn't cringing from him – she's just embarrassed. To test her, he gently lays his hand on her back and a full smile crosses his face when she doesn't shy away.
He strokes her hair and she leans ever so slightly into his hand. As he does, he turns over her expression in his head. He wonders why he felt so strongly for her when she despaired over being confined. He is amazed at how deeply she has sunk into him, how much he already cares for her even though she is but a child.
He feels her relax suddenly under his hand and he smiles as he realizes that she has dropped off into sleep. That she feels safe enough to relax completely and fall asleep so close to him touches and honors him.
With a sad smile, he tucks the blanket around her sleeping figure.
As Obi-Wan walks away, he is astonished that Elanor can inspire in him such a feeling as being heartbroken by simply seeing an expression on her face.