By Thursday morning I was sick of tossing and turning so I got up to go for a walk on the beach. I was staying at my place, Miles said I still needed to spend more nights a week here than at Liam's. Surprisingly I hadn't argued with him. I'd walked a few hundred metres down the beach and stopped to admire the ocean. I heard someone say my name and turned to see Sid. It was Sid.

"What are you doing here?" I said, not sure whether to be angry, scared or happy to see him.

"You wouldn't answer my calls," he stated. He stopped a couple of arm lengths back from me.

"That didn't answer my question. Why were you trying to call me then?"

"I wanted to see how you are."

"So it's not Indi then?"

"What? No, why would it be about Indi?"

"I thought something might have happened to her."

"No, she fine." He said, frowning a little. "This is about us." This conversation was moving a little fast for me now.

"There is no us."

"I know." He said and I swear I saw regret on his face. Now it was my turn to look confused. "I just want to talk," he said.

"Well I don't." I started to walk away. He caught up to me and grabbed my arm. "Wait."

"Don't touch me," I shot back and he let go. There was a time when I'd have given anything for him to touch me but it wasn't now.

"Sorry," he said, dropping his arm, "but don't go." I turned on him, I was angry now.

"Why shouldn't I? You did. I needed you and you ran away."

"I know," he sighed and the regret flashed across his face again. "Please Nicole," and my heart fluttered at the sound of my name, even though I was fuming. I found I couldn't say no to him.

"Fine," I agreed, "we can talk but not here. I don't want anyone to see us. Where are you staying? I'll come to you when I'm ready."

"Thank-you," he said. "I'm staying at my old place, I'm renting it for a while." I let that last part go and agreed that I'd meet him later that day, when I could. Then I turned and walked away. I don't know what he did, I didn't look back.

xxx

Pathetically, only an hour later, I was knocking on his front door. It was still early, only seven-thirty in the morning. He opened the door and let me in straight away. We walked in silence to the kitchen table where I chose to sit as far from him as possible.

"I'm here," I said, stating the obvious, "so talk."

"How have you been?" he asked.

"Great," I told him, "Liam and I are really happy. I've finished all my exams, life's good." I'd be damned if I'd let him see how much he affected me.

"Is that so?" He said more to himself than to me.

"Yes," I said, stopping to think for a moment. "So it was you I saw in Yabbie Creek on Saturday?"

"Yes," he said. I didn't feel like playing games.

"Why are you really back?" I asked impatiently.

He took a deep breath and said, "isn't it obvious?"

"No," I told him, my frustration clear in my voice, "it couldn't be less obvious. You're the last person I thought I'd ever see in Summer Bay again."

"I know and for that I'm sorry," he said, standing and walking towards me. I didn't get up and walk away like I should have. I just sat there and watched him close the distance between us until he stood right in front of me and I had to lift my head up to look at him. Saying, "don't you know how much you hurt me?" was my last feeble attempt to stop what I knew was coming. He reached out and touched my face.

"Won't you let me make it up to you?" he asked. A wimper was all I could manage as he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. And that was it. That one warm touch and I was his. I moaned and he used the chance to deepen the kiss. Somewhere among the pleasant sensation I managed the thought, our first real kiss. The kiss grew more frantic, Sid lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He walked us to the couch where he threw me down and that's when I came to my senses. Oh shit, Liam. I thought I might throw up.

"I can't do this," I cried as I pushed him away and ran from the house.

"Nicole," he called after me but I managed to get away.

xxx

Shit, shit, shit. Things were moving way too fast. What was I supposed to do? I felt so guilty. God, what about Liam? He'd be shattered if he found out. Maybe he'd forgive the kiss, maybe I could even forgive myself for the kiss but deep down I knew it was more. I wanted Sid and I hated him for it. I loved Liam, he made me feel safe and loved and we had fun together. But the intensity I felt around Sid, the need and urges, the pull he had on me, made my relationship with Liam pale in comparison. What I felt for Sid I was sure would make an amazing one, maybe even several months of, one night stands, but not a relationship, not the kind of real future I had with Liam. I couldn't throw this chance with Liam away, just for a few nights of pleasure with Sid. No, I couldn't but when I was with Sid it felt as though I just might be able to, which scared me. The only solution was to stay away from him. If I didn't see him, I couldn't be tempted. I knew Sid wouldn't tell anyone about this morning so my secret was safe. I'd just carry on with Liam as though nothing had happened. I pushed my feelings for Sid as far down as I could and replaced them with anger. If I was angry at him, angry about him trying to ruin my happiness, I'd find it easier to stay away from him. So that's what I did.