When Liam had left I'd called Sid and told him I'd be at his place soon. Now I was standing at his front door. I didn't want to knock. What the hell was I doing here? I turned to leave, it had been stupid of me to come here. I heard the door open and Sid grabbed my hand.
"Don't leave yet," he said pulling me inside. I was staring into his eyes and I felt my control slipping. I fought to keep it by pulling away. "Nicole, why are you fighting this?"
"Because I love Liam and because it's wrong. You told me that," I shot him an angry look. "And because you broke my heart once before and because I'm scared by how much I still want you." Tears trailed down my cheeks. All the hurt was coming back. How could I still want him after the pain he'd caused me? I turned away from him. I remembered how I'd thought we had a real chance, the fun we'd had together at first. Then he'd turned cold and hurtful and finally he'd humiliated in front of one of his lovers. Still when I'd found out he was gone it had hurt even more, I'd still had hope. I felt his arms wrap around me from behind. The warmth of him pressed against me felt good. I leaned back into his embrace and he tightened his hold. My hand found his and our fingers laced together. He rested his chin on my shoulder and whispered.
"It's not wrong Nicole. Does this feel wrong to you?" It didn't feel wrong, it actually felt right, so right that nothing else might ever feel right again. I shook my head, my cheek rubbing against the stubble on his face, sending a shiver though me. I made one last attempt at avoiding the disaster I was about to cause.
"But I love Liam, can't you understand that?"
"No. I see the way you look at me." Thank God I didn't have to face him in that moment. Looking him in the eye would've made saying these things impossible.
"It doesn't matter," I said. "It's lust, it's not real." He sighed against my neck sending another shiver though me.
"Of course it's real Nicole, because I love you too." My knees buckled but he caught me, I never thought I'd hear those words from Sid. When I steadied myself I took a deep breath and turned slowly in the circle of his arms.
"What about all that stuff you said about only dating mature women and not school girls?"
"All that went out the window when I met you." A hint of a smile rested in his eyes. "Anyway," he said, "you're not a school girl anymore."
xxx
I'd let him lead me by the hand to the bedroom. He wasn't rushing things this time, maybe he was giving me time to back out and maybe he didn't want to have me run off like last time. He turned to face me at the end of the bed, he looked so serious, I think I stopped breathing for a moment. He cupped my face and I touched his lips with my fingertips. I let my hand fall away and he closed the gap between us, pressing his lips against mine. The kiss grew deeper.
xxx
We were lying in bed together, as close as we could.
"That was amazing," I said.
"Mmmm," was all Sid managed, which made me giggle. I wanted to see his face, so I rolled over. I had one of those moments where you stop and think, oh my God, this is real, it's actually happening, I can't believe how lucky I am. Sid has his eyes closed but opened them when he felt me moving. They were a deep, midnight blue, breathtaking. Mine own eyes were blue as well, but the two colours were so very different. I touched his face, tracing one finger along his jaw, under his chin, delicately across his so-serious mouth. I leaned in and pressed my lips to his, needing to feel them again. Nothing could ruin this moment. And then my phone rang and Liam came to mind. It seemed to ring forever before it finally went quiet. Something must've showed on my face.
"Liam?" Sid asked.
"Probably," I said.
"What will you tell him?" Sid asked. "Do you want me to come with you?" I was almost sick at the thought.
"What? No," I stammered, "I'm not going to tell him anything. As far as everyone else is concerned this never happened." He frowned at me.
"You have to tell him something, we'll be together, he'll see us. You should tell him it's over before he finds out the wrong way."
"But it's not over," I said. "I still want to be with him, this, here, what we have..." I waffled my hand around, "isn't a relationship, you can't give me what Liam does. I don't want to break up with him." Sid looked shocked, I had thought it was obvious that a relationship between us wouldn't work, apparently not.
"I thought you loved me?" he said, a little confused.
"Sid," I said cupping his face with my hand. "You know there is more to a relationship than love. You're the one who taught me that."
"I know," he sighed. "I was hoping you hadn't listened."