Chapter Eleven: K
K is for Knack
Elanor has a knack for reading emotions.
Even if the mind she looks at is confused, is deep, is shielded, she still always manages to reach out and see the emotions playing out in that mind. All she has to do is look into their eyes and reach out to the Force – and it is there. Right in front of her. Open for her.
This knack of hers often annoyed her late Master. It meant that she could always tell when he was hiding something or lying to her.
At first, she is afraid to read Master Kenobi's emotions, but after a while she just can't help herself. It just comes so naturally to her that it is as easy as breathing. And besides . . . she was curious as to how Master Kenobi felt about her – the reasons behind him caring for her.
To her surprise, his feelings are warm and protective – the feelings of a Master towards a Padawan. He cares for her because he feels that she deserves it, and that she needs it. He offers her help when she falters because it is his instinct, his reflex, his nature.
His emotions are painting a picture of Obi-Wan Kenobi that she never dreamed could exist below his cool facade, astounding achievements, and deadly skill.
It is a picture of a man. Not a Councilor; not a Senior General; not even a Jedi. Just a man.
A man with flaws and features; a man with boons and burdens; a man with calm and concern. A man who is not afraid to speak his mind nor form his own opinions, but also keeps quite a bit of his own opinions buried under the surface, where no one can tell. A man who is just as skilled with his blade as with his tongue, yet is humble and centered.
But, like any man, he has his doubts.
He doubts his own abilities, most of the time. He doubts what he has done, what he is doing, and what he will do. He reflects over his failures and his successes and ponders why they happened to him of all people. He wonders why he has been given so much – only to have it taken away from him in a single, painful swoop.
She does not tell any of this to him, though. She doesn't know how he will react, and she does not wish to annoy or alienate him.
Especially since she can sense that he is delighted by her company and feels honored that she trusts him while right under the surface he wonders bitterly if she too will desert, betray, or leave him one day.
She never utilizes her ability against him until the day he finally lies to her.
He tells her that he is going to get supplies, and will be back by the end of the day.
She knows he is lying. For one thing, his blue-green eyes are cool and impassive – too cool and impassive. For another, he isn't looking at her straight in the face; in fact, he is facing away from her, his eyes fixed on the expansive desert. And she can sense it; his emotions are a mess of "should I tell the truth" – a dead giveaway.
Oh, yes, he will be gone for the whole day and, yes, he will return. And, yes, she will be safe when he is gone. That much, he isn't lying.
He's only lying about why he is going.
She isn't really too concerned for her own safety. He is not going to betray her or anything. He really needs to do what he is going to do – or so he feels. But whatever it is, it is a secret and he's not sure whether he should burden her with it or not.
She comes around the table and hesitantly puts her hand on his shoulder, which is as tense as a bowstring beneath his tunic, and asks him calmly – more calmly than she thought she could – why he is lying to her.
He whirls around, amazement and confusion clear in his face. It is clear that he did not expect her to realize the truth.
She feels him probe her with the Force as his eyes search her face. She fights the impulse to push him out of her mind and flee from his gaze; that is the reaction of a beaten victim, not a Jedi Padawan.
He finally releases her from his gaze and steps away. He states aloud that he is impressed that she can read his emotions so clearly.
It is now her turn to start.
He turns and smiles wearily at her, asking her if she thought he wouldn't be able to tell.
She blushes and ducks her head. She thought she could hide it from him, thought he wouldn't be able to tell from just probing the edges of her mind.
He laughs warmly, moving back in front of her, and takes her shoulders gently. Her hands come up in an instinctive response, bracing against his chest to keep the distance between them from shrinking.
He tells her the truth then, his voice low and urgent. There is a child that he must watch over, by the order of Master Yoda. He has stayed by her side, but she is mostly healed now and he needs to resume his duty.
She nods slowly. He is not hiding anything from her now – save the name – and she knows that it is a show of his trust in her that he tells her this much anyways. And he is a Jedi who will always do his duty, so she can feel his conflict – he wants to make sure she's all right, but he also wants to do his duty.
She removes that choice and softly tells him she'll be all right.
He merely tightens his lips as his eyes darken.
She can tell that he is still worried about her. She narrows her eyes at him and teases him as he did to her, asking why he doesn't trust her.
That does it. His shoulders relax and he shakes his head, a small smile on his lips. Then he surprises her by pulling her against him in a strong yet gentle embrace.
She hesitantly rests her head against his shoulder, surprised at his movement yet secretly feeling . . . well, happy.
He murmurs in her ear to be careful and to be safe before pulling away. She can see the seriousness in his blue-green eyes, and she knows that he will be go crazy if he comes back to find her missing.
She nods, telling him she understands.
As he – reluctantly, she senses – lets her go and strides away, she reflects over that whole encounter in her mind.
Elanor has a knack for reading emotions, but she never thought she'd end up like this one day because of it.
K is for Kindled
Elanor has kindled something inside of Obi-Wan Kenobi.
As he walks towards the Lars farm, he can feel her eyes on him and he turns over in his mind how she has changed him.
Ever since she has come into his life, something has crept into his chest and heart and now lives there. He doesn't understand it and he certainly doesn't know how to get rid of it.
Whenever he sees her, it's like a burning fire, one that rages in his chest without stopping. He feels the urge to pull her in his arms and shelter her from everything, from anything – hurt, sadness, harm.
Whenever he sees her smile, which is a lot more often nowadays, the fire seems pleased and almost . . . sated. It urges him to wrap his arms around her waist and kiss her hair and a few other things he doesn't dare to think about.
And whenever he sees her flinching away from him or crying because of a nightmare, the fire is enraged. It is enraged at her captors, who beat her and abused her and violated her so that now sometimes she does flinch from him, so that now sometimes she gets nightmares. When the nightmares strike her, she often wakes up screaming that turns to panting and fear filled, quiet crying. He comforts her as best as he can, but more often than not, all she asks of him is to hold her.
It is a request that he grants to her easily.
Sometimes . . . Sometimes . . . Sometimes the fire tempts him to sleep beside her. To lie down beside her and hold her in his arms as she sleeps so that she doesn't wake up at all until morning, when she is rested. To kiss away her tears and soothe her worried mind with the Force.
At that thought, he kicks himself.
Hard.
He can never do that. He will never do that.
For one thing, she is but a child. A child twenty years his junior. He can never act that way around her and still call himself a man with honor.
For another, he is an old man. She is a beautiful young one who could easily find someone her own age, someone actually handsome and who deserves her.
And lastly, she is a Padawan. He is a Jedi Master. They are both Jedi. Such things would signal attachment – and he knows where attachment lead Anakin.
With a sigh, he looks over the Lars farm. He has a lot to think about right now, because Elanor has kindled something inside of him, and Obi-Wan doesn't know whether it is for good or for ill.