I showered and called Liam back. We arranged to meet at the diner for lunch the next day. Sid showered while I made the call. I heard the water stop and then the bathroom door open. I was sitting on the end of the bed and turned to see Sid in nothing but a towel, water drops trailing down his chest. Did he mean to look so irresistible? I stood and went to him and couldn't help licking a drop of water of his chest.
"I have to go now," I told him. "Miles will be expecting me home."
"I don't want you to go and I don't want to share you."
I knew this wouldn't be easy but things had to be this way.
"I've told you I'm not leaving Liam. All this can ever be is a secret, it's all I can give you. It's up to you if you want me enough to deal with it." He fixed that intense gaze on me and sighed.
"It's enough for now," he said. I frowned at his stubbornness and then kissed him goodbye.
"I'll call you," I told him as I left to go home.
xxx
On the walk home I had time to think. I tried to convince myself that staying with Liam was the right thing to do; that a relationship between Sid and I would never work. Sid was much older than me for a start, Liam was a little older but not much. Everyone already accepted that Liam and I were a couple and if I left him for Sid I hated to think what people would say. I knew I shouldn't, and usually I didn't care about what other people thought, but life can be difficult when everyone hates you. Liam had never done anything to make me doubt his loyalty whereas Sid had been cruel about his other lovers. Then of course there was Dexter and Indi. Indi hated me and I couldn't see that changing especially if I was with her father. Would Sid be able to deal with his kids never forgiving him? All logic pointed towards Liam but logic and emotion don't always see eye to eye. With Liam I was happy, it was uncomplicated. With Sid I'd already been hurt and a relationship would be hard. This should be a no brainer but I couldn't forget Sid and now what we'd done, the thought of losing it before it'd barely begun was unbearable. This wasn't going to be easy. And even if I chose Sid I'd have to hurt Liam, something he didn't deserve.
When I arrived home I was horrified to think I'd been comparing Liam and Sid the whole way there. It was wrong. I promised myself I'd never compare them again. You either love someone enough to be with them or you don't. You take the bad with the good. My dilemma was that I couldn't choose love over stability. I'd lost so many people; I wasn't sure how much more I could take. If I dumped Liam for Sid and Sid left me again, would I survive? Of course I would, but I wasn't sure I'd come out of it whole.