Chapter Thirteen: M
M is for Memories
Elanor is surprised when Master Kenobi brings up the subject of her late Master, which of course leads to the sour, bitter, anguished memories of her Master's death.
It happens one night when they are standing next to the window. She leans out the window, looking at all the stars as he points out constellations and other planets. He tells her stories about his experiences on some of the planets during his missions – some interesting, some educational, and quite a few downright hilarious.
He, of course, pretends to be annoyed and lightly elbows her, but she can see the laughter in his eyes and knows he is teasing.
She leans against him, trusting him, and feels his arm come up to rest around her shoulders. Ever since she realized she trusted him completely, she is no longer shy when he tousles her hair or puts his hand on her shoulder and he, sensing that, is more relaxed in giving her them.
After a moment of quiet, he asks her quite suddenly about what happened to her Master.
She pulls away, startled. In all their time together as she has healed, he has never pressed her for anything, not even when she didn't use the Force for so long.
But then again, this particular subject is not just "anything".
He eyes her seriously and repeats the question, but in a softer tone of voice.
She looks down. She has avoided the topic in her mind for so long that she barely remembers now, and she doesn't want to bring it back up. It isn't Jedi-like of her, but still . . .
He leans forward and tilts her chin back up with gentle fingers, saying her name very softly. He searches her eyes for a moment before asking her yet again.
She is surprised at his persistence. Usually, when she made it clear she was uncomfortable, he dropped the subject immediately.
Perhaps he senses her surprise, for he tells her gently that he needs to know.
She shifts and asks if they could talk about this some other time – or perhaps not at all.
He shakes his head firmly, his hand lingering on her shoulder with her Padawan braid in its grip. He tells her that he must know – now.
She tries to protest.
He asks her why she doesn't want to speak.
She looks down again as tears starting forming. The raw pain of her Master's death wounded her deeply, and she doesn't want to go over it again, and it, quite frankly, scares her. She thinks that if she goes over it again, she might crack and shatter from the sorrow and the anguish.
He shakes his head again, telling her that she will not break, and that by not speaking she is only hurting herself more.
She knows – somewhere, deep down – that he is right, that he is telling the truth but she just . . . she just can't face it. Moving away, she tries to get away, but his hands close upon her forearms tightly, preventing her.
The dam breaks, and she finally bursts into tears and tells him. How she tried to help the children but could only watch helplessly, occupied with the clones, as they were cut down by overwhelming fire. How the man who led the clone troopers dueled her Master and then stabbed her Master's throat, resulting in a slow, painful death that drove her crazy with pain and anger that only worsened when her Master finally died and the bond shattered. How she dueled the man but failed and could only watch as he strode away and murdered more people.
He lets her go, his face full of shock. Her shields have failed completely, and she knows he can sense everything she felt – the raw rage, the terrible helplessness, the overwhelming anguish.
Everything.
She jerks herself away from him and spits out the question of why he made her do this. She demands to know why he wants to cause her pain.
When he doesn't answer, she runs to her room and throws herself on to the bed, sobbing. The pain is now a throbbing reality in her heart, one that refuses to go away and gets worse with every shake of her body, every sob from her throat, every tear from her eye.
The memories are worse now, and they are haunting Elanor.
M is for Master
Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Master, but even he is stunned.
For a second, he merely stands there, shell-shocked, as she jerks away from him and runs to her room. He has never felt such raw pain, such powerful anguish before so clearly from other person – not even from Qui-Gon.
He is not sure which he is more stunned about – that Elanor's feelings are so strong or that he can sense them so clearly.
But then he shoves everything out of his mind and walks slowly over to her. She is crying now, crying so hard that her whole body shakes with sobs. Her pain is still ripping in the Force, but he wouldn't need the Force anyways to feel her pain – just seeing her like this is enough of a thorn in his heart.
He slowly sits beside her and gently places his hand on her back. At first she tenses, but he waits patiently and after a while she relaxes again. It is not an admission of trust – it is her saying she no longer cares. It stings, but she is grieving – probably properly grieving for the first time since Order 66 – so he understands.
He reaches for the Force, closing his eyes, and then reaches for her. Mentally, she shies away, as he has never initiated such mental contact before, but he stays, calmly and steadily, and after a while she lets him in.
He lets her cling to him in the Force – like a lifeline in a sea of anguish, a light in the dark of rage, a familiar presence in a crowd of pain – and wraps his arms around her in turn to replicate the gesture physically, pulling her close to him and calming her mind with his own.
Slowly, ever so slowly, the storm begins to lift.
When it is completely gone, he returns to himself – and the girl nestled against his chest, tear tracks still fresh on her face.
But when he tries to withdraw from her mind, he realizes with a start that a tendril of his consciousness has stayed behind, has bonded with a tendril of hers. Surprise fills him as he understands what has happened.
Due to the fact that her bond with her later Master was so crudely and cruelly severed by death, the bond's ragged, torn edge remains in her mind. However, because she has never gone back and examined it or released her emotions in the Force, she has never realized that. Therefore, when he touched her mind, the bond immediately sought to be complete again – only, this time, with his presence.
She shifts in his embrace and he looks down to see her wide, surprised green eyes meet his own at the same time he feels her warily poke at the bond, unsure of it. He reaches out along the bond to reassure her, surprised at how easy it is and how strong the bond is for one so new, and she starts, pulling away from him.
He waits for a few seconds, allowing her to calm down, and then quietly explains what he thinks has happened.
Now that he has the bond, he has no trouble at her sensing her surprise – and her fear.
She does not fear him exactly. She just fears that he will not want the bond – and that he will sever it right before her, which he does have the power and the knowledge to do.
He is startled to realize that he feels . . . slightly hopeful, for some reason, that she wants the bond, that she wants to be able to feel the same closeness with him that a Master has with a Padawan that results from the training bond.
He can tell that his silence is getting on her nerves and only making her more nervous. Two more seconds later, and she starts speaking, rapidly and stumbling over her words, trying to apologize – although for what, he's isn't quite sure.
He reaches out and places his hand over hers, silencing her, and smiles gently. He tells her that there is nothing to apologize for – apparently this bond between them is the will of the Force. Besides, he adds, he is impressed by her and does want to be her Master, to complete her training so that she will be the fully-fledged and powerful Jedi he senses she could one day be.
When she realizes that he is leaving it open to her, that he is implying that he is offering to become her Master, the fear drains away faster than rain evaporates on Tatooine and a relieved smile, brilliant and beautiful, lights up her face.
After a moment, he scolds her for trying to hide her tiredness from him and urges her to go to sleep. When she protests that she isn't tired, he raises his eyebrow and reminds her that he is now her Master – so she'd better obey.
She scowls playfully at him, but she does slip back down beneath the sheets.
He places his hand on her forehead and soothes her mind with the Force, slipping a gentle sleep-suggestion through the bond that helps her drift off faster.
When she finally has succumbed to slumber, he removes his hand and gently extracts himself from her mind. She looks so peaceful and young, lying there with her eyes closed and her face relaxed, that he can't help leaning over to kiss her gently on the forehead.
Obi-Wan Kenobi once swore he would never take on another Padawan after dealing with Anakin's mischief, but it appears the vow of a Master no longer means that much.