The reader finds themselves in a dark and dusty room. As they look around they see a coffin in the center of the room. Suddenly the coffin lid blows open as uncutetomboy's bro rises from it like a vampire.
Steve: BWA HA HA HA! I LIVE! (Gets hit in the side of the head by a beer bottle)
Pen-pen: War Waaarrkk rrkk wark(You deserved that baka)
Steve: How long have I been gone?
Unit-01: Far too long, the natives have been getting restless. (Points at the mob of readers holding various impliments of torture)
Steve: Er... Please thank all the kind reviewers woh won't hurt me. (Mumbles: I hope)
Hinata: Right (casts a nervous glance at the mob who seems to be working themselves into a franzy) Thanks:
Lady Zen
theNewDisire
Elia LeFae
the demon alchemist
Drake0x
The PhantomHokage
wdsnoop
AshK
gaul1
Haruka Hikari-Chan
Kat A. Stroff
Kumori Shadow Kage
Steve: Thanks Hinata. (Looks nervously at a reader weilding a cattle prod) Um, Pen-pen...
Pen-Pen: (Wark Wa WAAK arrk waark)
Hinata: Translation is "The author doesn't own Harry Potter or Naruto". He just owns this story, the plot and his insane plot-bunnies.
Everyone: Please enjoy!
Why me? Shinigami/Demon
'Who?' Thoughts
-YO!- Animal speech
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We open to another beautiful day in Konohagakure no sato. The sun is shinning, birds are singing, and all is peac-
"GET BACK HERE YOU TWO!"
Well… it was peaceful. We focus in to see what the disturbance is, only to see our two heroes as the targets of a chase involving a large group of chunin and jounin with a few ANBU mixed in. (A.N: Naruto is wearing what he does in canon while Harry has a black cloak over a navy blue muscle shirt and ANBU style pants with black combat boots.)
Shaking his head, Harry turns towards the person he considers his brother in all but blood. "Exactly how much longer do you think they'll keep chasing us for. It's been (quickly checks his wrist watch with a bored look) over an hour now."
After scratching his chin in thought, Naruto shrugs. "Don't know. One second, Harry-nii." Turning towards their pursuers he sweat-drops seeing some of them huffing and puffing. "Exactly how much longer are you guys going to keep chasing us? Some of you look like you're going to keel over."
"How long? HOW LONG?! We're going to chase you until we bring you to justice! Just look at what you two brats did to the monument!" One red faced Chunin puffs out.
Looking we can see that the monument has got a make-over: Uzumaki style. The Shodaime and Nidaime both look like their kabuki players while the Yondaime looks like he's wearing women's make-up. The Sandaime, however, looks almost like he does in real life… That is if you could ignore what appears to be a massive nosebleed and the words "Ero-Jiji" on his forehead.
"Hmmm. I don't know. I think the mystery artists should receive an award for improving the monument." Harry states only to duck a hail of dull (and some not so dull) kunai and shuriken as well as, strangely enough, a kitchen sink. Rubbing where the sink clipped him, he mumbles "I was only joking, jeez." Harry then glares at a laughing Naruto who promptly shuts up.
Shaking his head, Naruto begins a conversation with his 'Kitsune-hime'. 'So Kyubi-chan, what do you think of our newest prank?'
'(Giggle) Truly a prank worthy of a kitsune Naruto-kun.' Naruto smiles at the feelings of mirth and pride he can feel from her.
'Ah! I'll talk with you later, okay Kyubi-chan?' Naruto asks only to get a mental nod in return. After giving his partner in crime a look he turns towards the assorted shinobi. "Sorry guys, but as much fun this has been we have to get going. See-ya!" He shouts before him and Harry drop into an alleyway. Followed a few seconds later by their pursuers who look around in shock due to the fact that their gone.
"GAAA!" One frustrated chunin shouts as he pulls out his hair. "EVERY SINGLE TIME! HOW IN THE HELLS DO THEY ALWAYS DISAPPEAR! "
"I for one think they must use magic to get away. I mean, how else can they keep escaping us." one of the ANBU states rubbing his chin. Seeing the nods around him he looks at each of them before giving them orders. "As of right now we'll split up so we can cover more ground. Send up a flare if you find them, understood?"
"YES SIR!" And with that They all take off in different directions not noticing a sandle sticking out form a fence. A few seconds later the kakuremino no jutsu(Cloak of invisibility technique) is dropped revealing a sweat dropping Naruto and Harry.
"I… I honestly can't believe that actually worked." Harry states with a disbelieving look on his face. "I mean that is an academy technique."
" I know, Nii-san." Naruto agrees. "And some those are ANBU… And they are the elite? Pathetic." Suddenly they are interrupted by a VERY familiar voice.
"Pathetic indeed, in fact almost as pathetic as your grades." Turning around they find none other then their academy sensei, Umino Iruka, who has his arms crossed looking pissed. "Now are you two ready for your punishment?" Only to almost face-fault at what Harry does.
"AH! As always it is you, our faithful nemesis who finds us!" Harry shouts in a dramatic pose which he ruins a few seconds later by pulling a box of pocky from apparently nowhere. "Pocky?"
"Er… Sure?" An off guard Iruka says as he takes the box and pulls one out, only to realize he's done the worst thing he could… Take his eyes off the Uzumaki-Potter brothers. Looking up he sees only two dust clouds in the shape of his two wayward students.Iruka's face goes red as various places on his face develop tick marks. Crushing the box of pocky, he yells. "UZUMAKI-POTTER!"
00000Meanwhile in Akatsuki's underground base00000
As he is walking across the living room, Itachi suddenly stops and begins to leak killing intent. After few minutes of this Pein asks the question on everyones mind. "um, Itachi... Er, what's the problem?"
After taking a deep breath he explains "Someone has done a heinous act, one which demands justice." Taking another deep, shuddering breath he continues "Someone has destroyed a box of pocky, and their chocolaty souls cry out for vengeance." And with that walks off leaving a group of confused villains.
Kakuzu breaks the silence by shaking his head, saying "Itachi really must do something about that obsession of his." He shoots Hiden a weird look when he starts muttering about kettles and pots.
0000Back in Konoha0000
We find our two heroes currently tied up in front of a classroom being lectured by Iruka. "And to finish, you will be serving detention with me." Suddenly he gets an evil look on his face. "And because of your prank the class will be reviewing the Henge no jutsu." His smirk grows at the yells from the other students. "Now line up and wait for your name to be called." One by one people performed the technique. When it's Naruto's turn, Iruka suddenly gets a bad feeling seeing the smile on Naruto's face. He's unable to stop him before he begins.
"Henge no jutsu!" And Naruto disappears in puff of smoke. When the smoke drifts away it reveals a absolutely beautiful woman in his place with two blond pigtails. After a few seconds Iruka (along with the rest of the class) realize that the vision of beauty in front of them is naked except for a few wisps of smoke. It doesn't help matters when she giggles causing her... Assets to jiggle, before placing her finger on her lip and asking if Iruka gave her a good grade, causing him (and most of the male half of the class) to rocket back with nosebleeds. In another puff of smoke, there is Naruto rolling in laughter on the floor. "I call that the Oroike no jutsu. Obviously you liked it." Only to be holding his head a few seconds later with Iruka standing over him in his 'Big Head no jutsu'.
"STOP MAKING STUPID JUTSU!" Rubbing the bridge of his nose, he calls up his next student. "Okay, you next Harry."
Nodding, he walks up and puts his hands into the necessary seals and vanishes in a puff of smoke, a chibi version of him appearing in his place. And as if that wasn't enough it begins to tear up (complete with a trembling bottom lip). Iruka freezes up due to the killing intent being directed at him from the girls in his class. Waving his hands around he asks why he is crying, only to freeze at the chibi's next words. "Because you called my nii-san's jutsu stupid, you meanie." Iruka freezes up with the words meanie in concrete behind him. His survival instinct goes nuts as the KI gets to the point that it's comparable to the Kyubi's.
"Um, er, I didn't mean it." Iruka states sweating.
"Really?" Iruka nods, and the chibi smiles happy again, causing all the girls to go 'aww'. Suddenly there's a puff of smoke revealing Harry. "And that was my Kawaii Chibi no jutsu."
"Er, moving along..." an embarrassed Iruka coughs before continuing his lesson.
00000A few hours later00000
Naruto and Harry are scrubbing the Hokage monument clean while under the watchful eye of their sensei, grumbling. "And you two are staying until every bit of paint is gone, understood?" Iruka tells them only to receive a snort.
"lt's not like we have anyone waiting at home for us." Naruto mumbles.
Flinching, Iruka remembers that like him they're orphans. Thinking things over he comes to a decision. Clearing his throat to get there attention, scratching the scar on his nose he looks at the two faces looking up at him. "If you clean up the monument, I'll take you out for ramen. How does that sound?" His answer is two grinning kids and a load of scrounderfys cleaning the monument in a few seconds. Looking around him in amazement his eyebrow begins to twitch. "And why DIDN'T YOU TWO DO THAT EARLIER!" Only to facefault at Harry's answer.
"Because there was no ramen involved."
00000A few minutes later at Ichiraku's0000
Still shaking his head, Iruka moves the curtain aside to allow his two students in, who take their usual seats. As soon as they're all seated Ayame bounds up and glomps Harry. "Harry-kun! I was wondering when you would show. So what will it be today?" Iruka orders a beef. Harry scratches his chin thoughtfully before answering.
"I'd like two beef, one chicken, three sweet and sour, and..." He cocks his head too the side as if listening before continuing. "I'll also have four mouse and one herb." He finishes nodding. Seeing the look that Iruka is shooting him, goes "What? I'll pay for the last five myself." "Er, it's not that. It's just...mouse ramen...?" He explains looking a little green. His head turns at the sound of Ayame's giggles.
"Iruka-san, it's not for people." Seeing the 'huh' look on his face she explains. "The mouse ramen is one of Ichiraku's specialty pet food ramen. We cook it with another set of utensils and a different area of the kitchen from where we cook the normal food."
"Besides," Harry adds "it and the other pet ramens are quite popular with pet owners." Then as an afterthought. "It's actually not half bad." causing Iruka to go green again.
"YO! HARRY-KUN!" turning around Harry is greeted by everyone's favorite vet-nin.
Chuckling, Harry gets up to greet her. "How are we today, Hana-chan?"
Giving him hug she sits down. "Oh, you know, the usual." Chuckling some, she continues. "Seeing the prank you pulled earlier brightened my day."
"(Groan) Don't encourage him Hana." Iruka tells her.
Suddenly two familiar birds as well as a snake make their way beside Harry. "And how are you three doing? Have a good check-up?"
"They passed with flying colors, as usual." Thinking for a moment she remembers something. "There is one thing though, Sal's venom now has a type of neurotoxin mixed in. You wouldn't mind telling me how?" Seeing Harry smile, she sighs. "Guess that's a no."
"Hana-chan, wizards are mysterious by nature, wizard-nins more so." Harry tells her in his version of a mystical voice.
Chuckling to herself, Hana can't help but remember what happened earlier in her office...
00000000000000Flashback no jutsu!00000000000000
Hana is currently sitting at her desk doing her paperwork for the vet practice (and grumbling about it) when her thoughts are interrupted by someone clearing their throat. Looking up she is greeted by the sight of Harry's familiars in their human forms looking embarrassed about something. Raising an eyebrow (She is no longer surprised (though she did freak out at first) she decides to find out what the problem is. "Yes?"
The other nudge Hedwig, so she begins to speak. "Er, we need to speak with you about something..." Seeing Hana motion to continue she goes on. "It's about Harry..." She blinks at Hana's sigh.
"What did the baka do now? Get high off of potion fumes and go running through the streets with a pair of panties on his head and nothing else... again?" Hana asks.
"Um, no." Hedwig states as she blushes remembering that incident. "It's about Harry and our feelings for him." And before you can say Hogwarts all three found themselves sitting in front of a grinning Hana.
"So..." Hana begins hungrey for some gosop. "What's happened that you have come to me, the Great Hana-Sama!" She asks with her thumb pointing at her face causing the three to sweat drop.
Hedwig is about to answer when she's interrupted by Sal. "The Problem is that we have been trying to be subtle and we're just not getting through to Harry." Sal tells her nodding while ignoring Hedwig's glare. "Isn't that right, Row?"
"As much as I don't want to..." Row suddenly looks like she's sucking on a lemon. "I have to agree with her, sorry Hedwig." The person in question just shrugs.
Knowing that she doesn't want to know the answer to her next question, yet Hana still asks it. "How exactly are you guys being subtle?"
Scratching her chin, Hedwig replies. "Well, I like sneaking into his bed at night and putting him on top of my body." Grinning, Hedwig uses her hands to lift up her impressive assets. "After all, these make good pillows." Hana sweatdrops and points at Row.
Pointing at herself, Row sees Hana nod. "Well, I always pop in when Harry's getting changed... Usually in my underwear." Hana's sweatdrop gains a slightly larger companion. Then Sal joins in.
"I always jump into the shower when he's in it..." Scratching the back of her head, Sal continues. "Though it's gotten harder since he's began to erect wards around the bathroom." Hana's two sweatdrops combine into one large one the weight of which causes her head to smash into the desk with enough force to crack it.
Hana eyebrow begins to twitch as she thinks to herself. 'That's not being subtle… that's borderline sexual harassment.' Taking a deep breath she rises her head from the desk. "And who exactly told you that was subtle?"
Blinking, it's Hedwig who answers. "Um, your friend Anko as well as the ANBU seduction squad kunoichi."
Sal then interupts. "We also got the idea from how you and your mom act."
Hana goes red remembering the times that Harry's and Naruto's bastard landlord would cut off their hot water. Hana and her mother would then take them to the private Hyuuga women's hot spring (not that they ever complained as long as Naruto was there). "Um, to be frank that's not exactly how you normally show you care…" She then explains the problems with how they've been acting "… And that's probably why Harry-kun's been somewhat… uncomfortable with you three." Hana gains a saddened expression seeing three very depressed familiars.
"Damnit." An ashamed Sal softly says. "No matter what I try, I always find a way to screw up…" Hearing a sniffling sound she turns to a tearful Row.
"Sal, we ALL screwed up, not just you." At that Hedwig begins to nod in agreement. Hearing a throat clearing they turn to Hana.
"It's not quite that bad you three." She tells them, seeing their disbelieving looks Hana shakes her head. "Harry-kun's just uncomfortable, that's all. He truly cares for you so stop worrying, got it?" Seeing them nod Hana gets a devious look on her face. "I think it's past time for me to let you in on my and Ayame's plan…"
00000000000 Flashback: Kai0000000
Hana turns to see Iruka just staring in disbelief at the sight before him and begins to laugh. Why? He's staring at the three familiars eating. How is it staring material? Perhaps it's because all three are using chopsticks to eat while in their animal forms (Row and Hedwig are using their wings, and Sal her tail). How they do it is considered one of the great mysteries of Konoha along with what Kakashi truly looks like under his mask.
Meanwhile Naruto is having a conversation with Kyubi. 'So Kyubi-chan, what type of ramen should we have?'
'Hmm… Well, could we have some of each? After all you are eating for two.' Kyubi finishes giggling.
'Sorry Kyubi-chan but I can't do that to Iruka-sensei. How about five miso, five pork, five sweet and sour, and five beef? Is that okay?' Feeling her mentally nod in agreement he places their order, chuckling at how Iruka is looking at his wallet.
'So, Naruto-kun, are you ready for tomarrow?' Kyubi asks him in concern.
'Well, I got a plan for tomorrow, so don't worry.' Naruto's attention is diverted as he can see Iruka trying to get his attention. 'Might as well see what he wants, talk to you in a bit?' Feeling her nod, he turns to his favorite teacher. "What is it Iruka-sensei?"
Seeing as he has got his attention Iruka decides to ask a question that has been bugging him all day. "Naruto, why did you vandalize the monument? Don't you know who the Hokages were?"
Pulling his chopsticks apart and saying "Itadakimasu!" Naruto turns towards his sensei before giving him the 'what are you? Stupid?' look. "Of course I know who they are! They're the most powerful ninja of the village. Hell, three of them gave their lives for the village."
Perplexed, Iruka can't help but to ask. "So why do it then?"
Giving Iruka a foxy grin, Naruto replies. "Because one day my face will be up there and everyone will respect me like they do the others." Looking around, Naruto leans towards Iruka. "Say Sensei, could I try on your headband."
Gulping down a mouthful of ramen, Iruka turns to face him before pointing at his headband. "You mean this old thing?" Seeing Naruto vigorously nod he can't help himself. "Sorry, no can do. You'll get your own tomorrow if you graduate." He begins to chuckle at Naruto's expression.
"That was mean Iruka-sensei." Naruto pouts before turning towards his ramen. Taking a big bite he can't help but smile at Kyubi's squeal of joy. 'You like, Kyubi-chan?'
'Uhhh. Naruto-kun stop teasing me. You know how much I like ramen. Ohhh. So many flavors.' Kyubi tells him in between moans of enjoyment. She begins to blush as Naruto softly laughs at her. 'What?'
'Nothing,' Naruto tells her 'just that you're the only girl I know that likes ramen as much as I do, that's all.'
'What about Hedwig, Row and Sal? They love ramen just as much.' Kyubi reminds him.
'True.' Naruto admits. 'I wonder why we all like ramen so much? I mean we're all obsessed with it.'
'I truly don't know. Kuro thinks that for some reason ramen seems to awaken something within magical beings.' A few seconds pass before Kyubi asks. 'Naruto?' After getting a noncommittal sound, She takes a deep breath before 'KEEP EATING!'
After a half-hour of conversation, Harry and Naruto excuse themselves before leaving. Of course Harry gets glomped by both Hana and Ayame, but that's beside the point. Iruka's also about to leave (after paying) when he notices both Hana and Ayame staring at something. Following their line of sight he sees only Harry. "Er, this maybe rude but… what are you two staring at?"
Giggling, Hana replies. "What else? Harry-kun's cute, little butt."
"Mmmm, And what a butt it is." Ayame states before hearing a choking sound. Turning towards it she sees Iruka looking like he's having a heart attack. "Er, are you ok?"
"Do… don't you two know that he's several years younger and… Wait. Why aren't you two fighting over him?" Iruka asks as he notices there's no ill intent between them. 'I thought that if more then one girl were after the same guy that they would fight?' He jerks as he hears Hana give an unlady-like snort.
"One, the fact that he's five years younger for me, four for Ayame doesn't matter. After all, there's people marrying who have decades between them." Hana states before Ayame continues.
"And two, why fight? It's counterproductive." Ayame shrugs. "I bet you if some of the Uchiha's fan girls dropped their competiveness and united he wouldn't know what hit him. Besides, who can resist two hot girls who don't mind sharing?" As she says this her and Hana get into a pose with their body's tight against each other causing Iruka's nose to drip blood.
Turning towards Ayame's father Iruka asks him how he can go along with it. "Simple, I know he won't be like some guys out there and will treat them like they should be, as princesses." After a pause of a few seconds he continues. "Well, that and the fact that if I said no my daughter would smash me in the head with her frying pan." As he says this said frying pan smacks him in the side of the head knocking him out.
"Opps. Sorry about that." Ayame says not sounding sorry at all. "Anyways, would you mind helping me close up shop Hana?"
"Nope! And while we're at it we can talk about a few more girls who wouldn't mind sharing Harry-kun." At this Iruka's mind shuts down and the two girls leave him standing there opening and closing his mouth. He isn't found until a passing ANBU patrol spots him and takes him home (Though not before trying to dispel the genjutsu he's obviously under).
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Uncutetomboy's bro: (Covered in bandages) Perhaps I should explain why I took so long to update?
Pen-pen: Waaa warrk rk a waar aark. (That might be a good idea.)
Uncutetomboy's bro: In a word: my job sucks. I work mostly nights and unfortunately been unable to bring my laptop with me for the past few months. So to make it up I'll give you a new Omake As the next chapter.
Unit-01: Do you honestly think that will make it up?
Uncutetomboy's bro: No, but it wouldn't hurt… Well, more than it does now anyways. So until next time. See ya! Anyways, new polls up! Oh and for the last poll the winners are...
Naruto:Multi-animagus and Chemiliomagus
Harry: Metamorphmagus and Multi-animagus
Hinata: Each get two? I thought they were only getting one?
Steve: Well... some people thought they should have more then one, and I decided to allow it but they will have limits... Oh and Naruto will be able to change the length of his hair so he can use Hari Jizo, but that's it. So onto the next polls:
Should Naruto have a familier?
Yes: 0
No: 0
If so what?
Fox (Overdone but can't help myself, but I will make it slightly different): 0
Feathered serpent: 0
Hell hound: 0
Other (I will accept ideas): 0
Steve: Well that's all for now! See Ya!