A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.
Chapter 6
15th, July 2005
Hi Soubi,
I'm quite sure you would disapprove but I've decided I will take some crash course over the summer holidays at the Seven-Moons Academy. I think I'll do it next year too since I can't very well leave my home to move there and stay the whole time. What's more, I don't want to. I want to stay with Yuiko and Natsuo and Youji. Yayoi. Ryohei and Rin. Even Kio, for the few times we meet. I want to be able to see them every day. Talk to them. Go out with them. Make memories with them. I need their presence. They anchor me in your absence.
Anyway. I know so little about the world of Sacrifices and Fighters that I feel inadequate. How can I ever expect to reach my goals if I don't know what to expect and how to react? Not mentioning I'm not sure I'm strong enough to sustain any restrain in a Battle. I have to build up strength and whatever I will need. I might even get to understand what you all mean by "control your Fighter." I don't want to control someone. That's immoral. It's sick and cruel. I don't want to. But I want to understand what exactly Seimei holds over you. Because if I understand it, then I can find a way around it. I can find a way to break it.
I don't want to control. I don't like the mere idea of controlling someone. But on the other hand I like breaking things. My mom have broken more bones than I care to count. I've broken my own fingers— not on purpose, I'll give you that. I've broken many things in my room. Or in Seimei's— for what was left in it. I've punched my walls until there were dents in it. I enjoy breaking things. I like the sound of them crashing and shattering. Yes, I like breaking objects. And breaking your chains? That I would relish. I think I'd like to break Seimei's nose too. Yes, he deserves a good punch. And believe me, I intend to deliver.
Ritsuka.
30th, August 2005
The heck? How could you stand him? I've spent a whole month near this man and I utterly despise him. He raised you? No wonder you're so messed up. He's nasty and toxic. And Soubi, he's obsessed with you. The way he talks about you... There's something really wrong. Believe me, I know. What's in his voice is in my mother's eyes. I know I cling to you and some would say it's obsessive too. But him... It's not about care and concern. He wants to possess you. In all ways imaginable. In body, mind, heart and soul. Your actions, your emotions. He wants it all. He believes you're rightfully his. I understand better now why you're so loyal to Seimei. I would choose my brother over him too, even with the knowledge I have.
The day you left, you shared some stories about your childhood with me. You sugar-coated the tamest stories. I know it now. You revealed some of yourself to me, and I'm grateful for it. But you protected me from the truth at the same time. You always have, haven't you? What to say? What to withhold? That's always been your dilemma with me. I'm older now. I've learned some hard truths. I've learned some hard lessons too. Truths and lessons I'd have preferred never to learn. I understand why you turned up your nose when I asked you to bring me to Gōra the first time.
I understand somewhat, that you were disciplined to obey and you don't believe in free will. But despite all I've learned about your past and our world, I still think we all have a choice, especially the Fighters. We, Sacrifices, are nothing without you. We have no real power. We can't wield the words as artfully as you do. You're free to choose to obey. You can choose to be free of your Sacrifice. You can choose to disobey and rebel. You can choose to stop fighting. You can defy your Sacrifice. You can choose to not yield. You can choose to put up a fight. You might lose, I'll give you that. But you can do it. You can try. I know this means nothing to you. I know you don't believe it. You choose not to believe it. But it gives me hope. One day, you will return to me. If you so choose. I will wait for you, Soubi. And that day, I will welcome you back.
2nd, September 2005
Hello,
We have never met but I've heard you could use an unknown address to send mail to. I will deliver any letters that do not concern me should you wish to send a message. Just find a way to mark the envelope so that I understand it's for someone else.
Ryohei