A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.
Hello everyone ! I would like to thank everyone of you who is currently reading. It means so, so much to me.
Chapter 12
19th, October 2007
Hi Soubi,
I'm afraid Rin doesn't like you. I tried to explain. I told her you were a friend of Seimei. I couldn't very well tell her you are his slave, this wouldn't have gone well. I told her I met you when I was younger and that we used to be close but that you had to leave. I told her we're still in contact. That is not entirely false. It hasn't helped your case strangely. I wonder why. But at least I feel more comfortable talking about you when she's present.
She was also mad at me that I've spent all summer break in Gōra. I told her it was a private school, like cram school. Do you know what's worse? I didn't bat an eye at lying to her. I don't even feel bad about it. What does that say about me? Am I becoming like my brother? Is that alright only because it makes me feel better? But I know if Rin ever learns the truth, it will hurt her. I don't know what to make of it. She won't be happy with me.
I hope you're faring well.
Ritsuka.
30th, November 2007
Hey Soubi,
I've been wondering for some time now. Seimei was part of Septimal Moons. He was one of the heads. And each seat is hereditary. That means someone in my family was either a Fighter or a Sacrifice. Why didn't I know about it? Or maybe I did and that's part of why I don't have any memories left. The more I think about it, the more I believe I haven't lost my memories. They must have been erased or locked away. What did I learn that required I lose my memories? Who decided? Septimal Moons? Seimei? Another entity? And how did they do it? I mean, it's not like there's a button or something. A spell? There should have been some after effects. And I don't believe I've changed that much. My own mother told so once. She said I've always been sultry and cold, with an angry look on my face. Do I really look like that? That's food for thought, for sure...
Ritsuka.
21st, December 2007
Hi Soubi,
I'm seventeen today. I am as old as you were when Seimei carved you. That is so strange. Time really flies. How are you holding up? Seimei called today, like he does every year and obviously he was still pissed I told him off last year. He's been holding a grudge, hasn't he?
So there he was, barely asking about me— not that I care really, and bragging, again. He's been awfully unpleasant, you know. He talked about you for once. Said you were faring well. Said you're as quiet as he wants you to be. Said you were as good as always in a Battle. Said you were so very obedient. Asked if I wanted to talk to you, in that obnoxious sugary tone. You know, the one he uses when he wants to be hurtful. When he knows he's getting the best part of the deal. When he has the power to grant a wish but knows he will not. So there he was, asking all sweetly and saying in the same breath that, too bad, you're in no shape to answer back. What has he done to you this time? Did he call me with you in the same room and let you witness the whole conversation, all the while ordering you into silence? Or did he physically break your jaw so you can't speak? I don't think so, you wouldn't be able to Fight. And what's a Fighter who can't speak?
Anyway. He's a vindictive bastard. One day, that's his jaw I'm going to break. And he should be thankful I don't wish much more harm than that to his own little self.
Ritsuka
8th, February 2008
Happy New Year Soubi !
I hope you're fine. Kio has been talking about you more and more since September. Did something happen that I don't know about? He doesn't seem as bitter as he used to. He joked and talked about good times you had together, before I met you. Not once had he mentioned Seimei nor any of your subsequent quirks, quite a feat let me assure you. I'm glad he seems to have accepted your servitude. It will be easier when you meet again.
I miss you. Don't let Seimei ruin you. Come back to us.
Ritsuka.
20th, March 2008
Hey Soubi,
How are you? Yuiko has been really down lately and I don't know how to cheer her up. Things have been going south with Yayoi and they broke up. It's been hard on them both. It's awkward now to say the least. I can't very well choose a friend over another or meddle in their business. But Yuiko has always been there for me, from the very beginning and I ache for her. She's such a soft heart. Yayoi is not faring any better but he hides it better and suffers in silence. Mostly.
It makes me wonder whether it will be the same for Rin and me. Things are going south for us too. It's been brewing for some time now. I've helplessly witnessed Yuiko's relationship deteriorate. I'm not blind, I recognize the signs in my own. But Yayoi and Yuiko have known each other for longer and Yayoi has been head over heels for her even before I met them. Unfortunately, I've never been that much in love with Rin. She knows it and resents me for it. I can't really blame her. Well, we'll see but I don't have much hope. After all, I'm Loveless.
Ritsuka.
4th, April 2008
Hi Soubi,
This is it: my last year in high school. And still no word from you. You've only been a ghost in my life for so many years now. It's sad really. I'm feeling down today. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't know what to feel. What could I write about? Nothing seems to make sense today. This is not a good day.
We have to think about our next field of study. I'll be heading towards humanities. I think I'll go over to literature. Maybe philosophy. Not a scientist for sure. Not an artist like you either. I still can't draw much more than a stick man. I'm not even interested in it — except for your own painting. And Kio's in my good days.
I haven't anything to add.
Take care.
Ritsuka.
30th, May 2008
Hello Soubi,
Yuiko is still decided to become a primary school teacher. Natsuo and Yōji are tight-lipped about their career choices. Yayoi and Rin are going over hard sciences. Rin wants to do maths at an upper level and I think Yayoi is more concerned with chemistry. Ryohei has chosen humanities, like me. I think he'll train in foreign languages, English most probably. I wonder what will become of our small group once we leave high school and go to our own studies. Will we see each other? Move to other towns and forget each other? I can never forget them. But will they? This is worrying. I don't know what will happen then. I'm not sure I want to know. Have you heard about Schrödinger's cat? That's my dilemma alright. You're also a Schrödinger's cat. It's upsetting.
Ritsuka.
3rd, July 2008
Hi Soubi,
Time flies, it's already July. How's the weather in your town? It's good here. Feeling all warm and nice.
I'd like to see you now. I'm running out of patience.
I'm going to Gōra again next month. I don't think I'll go again next year. I don't believe they can teach me more without a Fighter by my side. And once I've got one, I don't think I'll trust them enough to go there accompanied. Once I've got you, we won't need them to train us. I'm sure we can work it out on our own. I certainly won't bring you back to Minami-sensei. I shudder thinking about it. But maybe I'll go there alone and gloat over you being my Fighter rather than his. Yes, I'd like that very much. Snatch you back from Seimei, break something in his handsome face as a parting gift then head towards Gōra and rub it into Minami-sensei's face. Yes, yes, very enjoyable. Think about it. Don't you find it appealing?
To your silent question, no, I haven't grown up into a soft-hearted, nice young adult. But that's alright, isn't it?
Ritsuka.
30th, August 2008
Hi Soubi,
As expected, my time in Gōra was less than enjoyable. But I'm stronger now. I know my place and role as Sacrifice as well as what I want to obtain and how. With you at my side, we could deal with Seimei. There is no other way, I know now you won't ever do it on your own. If I were by your side, would you be willing to shed this life and join me? Of your own free will this time, without constraint, without order, without any obligation except your own?
Ah Soubi, I won't ever accept any other Fighter. Will you let me be the only Sacrifice without a Fighter? I'm Loveless already. Isn't it wretched enough? Haven't I taken my fair share of pain, hurt and injustice? I will be a good Sacrifice for you. I have trained hard to be worthy of you and your Battle skills. Allow me to be your Sacrifice.
You were blank. Minami-sensei told me once a blank fighter is like an unwritten slate, that he's only the reflection of infinite possibilities. I know he told you too. For once, I agree with him. If you're really blank, then I could be one of these other possibilities. But you have to choose to be mine. Don't you understand? I can back your claim. I can be the support you need but I can't erase his name from you. You're the only one who can. I don't know how, Soubi, that's true and that scares you. That scares you because if you fail, Seimei will not forgive you.
Don't believe I haven't thought this over. Don't believe I've chosen to overlook a displeasing possibility. I can assure you I'm very much aware of how disastrous failing would be. And still I believe you are mine. I believe you're Loveless. Not a blank. Loveless. Taken from me when I was too small. When I was unaware I had a Fighter. When I was unable to protect him. I'm older now. Stronger. Prouder. And much less pliable. And I've had a lot of time and opportunity to think about it. You are mine and I want you back. Fight back alongside me. Fight back with me when I come get you. I cannot do it alone. Nor can you. Fight with me. Together, we will be Loveless and nothing will tear us apart anymore.
Soubi, be mine.
Ritsuka.