/JADE/

I didn't even need to ask what notification had appeared on TheSlap last night. Tori had been so careful to try and shield it from me but I already knew. The status update which confirmed my worst nightmare. I didn't even bother checking my Slap page but the notifications bled all over it, each red marker another nail in the coffin. I had no fucking idea how long it took to get over long term relationships. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I just knew that I wanted to stop feeling as if my heart was being fed through a paper shredder multiple times.

I shouldn't be feeling so emotional over some guy.

But he wasn't 'some guy' He was Beck. My stupid -now ex-boyfriend -Beck. Beck, who would give me a ride to school sometimes, who would buy me coffee, treat me to dinner or a movie when he decided to be romantic. Beck, who would break my heart into a million fucking pieces and expect me to be okay.

I had to stop. I had to stop thinking about him. It was all over now and I could deal with it.

I had to.

I force myself to sit up. My fingers run through my messed up hair and I wait for my surroundings to swim into focus. It felt strange, waking up somewhere that wasn't my place or Beck's RV, but there was no mistaking where I was. From the purple and silver wallpaper to the various objects plastered in mustache stickers, this was definitely Tori's room.

Yeah, I had poked around here before, but she had made a few changes since then. There were less stuffed animals sitting on the shelves and her books had been carefully separated and organized from novels to science nerd volumes. The desk was covered in a mixture of crumpled paper balls, chewed pens, and empty candy wrappers, and I had an image of Vega sitting there, shoveling candy after candy into her mouth in an attempt to keep herself awake to finish an assignment. My glance falls to the alarm clock. It was just past 6AM. I slip out of the bed, the morning rays slowly beginning to filter through the window.

I pick up my clothes from yesterday and change quickly, discarding the borrowed pajamas at the foot of the bed. I could have gone home in Vega's clothes but I wanted to disassociate myself from her. I didn't want a single reminder. My eyes land on Tori, her hair scattered over her face while she shivers underneath a small, thin blanket. She had let me take all the covers last night. I hesitate before grabbing the other blanket, draping it across her and she instantly stops shaking.

I shouldn't be leaving like this. I should at least wake her up and say thank you or something, hell, even leave a note on the pillow, but my pride wouldn't allow it, so I cast one more look around the bedroom before closing the door quietly behind me.

As soon as I'm outside I reach into my pocket for my phone, snatching it up to skim through my contacts. It wasn't a long walk to get back to my house but with the way that I was feeling right now, I wasn't sure if I could trust myself to head in the right direction. My finger flicks through the list, weighing up each choice: Cat would bring her brother along and that was the last thing I needed, Beck wasn't an option anymore, and there was no way I was asking Robbie for help.

I hit the dial button.

"Hey Andre? It's Jade. I know it's early but I need a ride home. I don't have my car."

"Oh Jade! Yeah, yeah. I'll be right over. Are you still at Tori's?" I freeze with the phone to my ear, and Andre must pick up on my surprise, offering up an explanation. "She texted after she abandoned me last night saying she was with you."

I nod slowly, thankful it was all Vega had told him, then I remember he can't see me. "Yeah, I'm still here."

"Okay. I'll be there soon."

"Thanks." I hit the end call button and decide to hang back underneath a tree to wait. If Tori looked out of her window right now, she wouldn't be able to see me. I wrap my arms tighter around myself. I didn't want her to see me because I was certain that if she did, she'd rush outside and try and coax me back and I wasn't sure if I'd be able to resist that invitation.

A part of me was dying to stay, to climb back into the comfort of Tori's bed and deal with all of these mounting problems later, but I make myself wait until Andre comes around the corner, sliding into the passenger seat.

"So I'm guessing I shouldn't ask about what happened...?" His brow furrows as he eyes me, and I could tell he was waiting for answers. I wasn't in the mood to give them, so I change the topic quickly.

"What are you doing up so early?" He sighs, but doesn't push me.

"My Grandma woke me up screaming." He shrugs it off as if it was nothing unusual. "She thought there was a someone spying outside the house, but it was just the neighbor's cat."

"Makes sense."

"Oh hey." Andre slows to a stop at a red light, turning to me. "Tori didn't mention anything about a number, did she? We went out last night to this diner and I asked her to get this waitress's number. Do you know if she got it?" I snigger quietly, just imagining how deliciously awkward that situation must have been.

"No. She didn't say anything. But where's this diner?"

"Down 18th and Boulevard. Why?"

"No reason." I mumble before we both go quiet.

It's not a long drive, but the awkward silence makes it stretch on forever, and the closer we get to my house, the more the uncomfortable sharp feeling begins to creep up, tearing at my stomach, as if something inside of me had snapped and my body was still too in shock to process the damage.

Andre pulls up outside my house and I give him a stiff nod of gratitude, his warm smile full of sincerity.

"Hey, Jade?" I turn back to find him leaning over the seats, one hand keeping the passenger door open behind me. I almost dread what he was about to say, expecting some sympathetic response to Beck's Slap update last night, instead, he pins me with an earnest look. "You know you can call me whenever you need to, alright?"

"Yes."

"Oh and if you give me your keys I can go get your car now. That way you'll have it to drive to school today."

I detach my car keys. "Just get it whenever."

"Okay. Will I see you later?"

I just give him a shrug in return, turning my back on him to walk up the driveway to the house. I slide my key into the lock of my front door. It's not until I get inside and into my bedroom that I take a proper look at myself, my nose wrinkling in actual revulsion. My hair was a mess, matted and tangled from the night before. My shirt was creased, my skirt still covered in questionable alleyway stains, and even though I had cleaned myself up at Tori's, I could still see the faint smudges of eye liner that had lingered behind.

Fuck. I was a zombie.

I toss my bag on the chair and turn on the shower, cranking the heat up until it was barely above mildly scalding - the way I loved it. I shed my dirty clothes and step underneath the spray, relishing how the hot water made goosebumps ripple along my skin, the steam rising up quickly to shield me from view. I let the water coat my aching limbs, wanting the liquid to cleanse my body and erase the last few hours, getting lost in the steam as my skin becomes hot to the touch within minutes.

I go through the routine motions of shampooing and conditioning my hair, the monotonous pattern managing to keep the torture at bay. It's not until I reach for my shower cream that I notice it. Beck's stupid expensive hair gel just innocently resting on the side.

Without even thinking about it, I snatch up the small bottle and squeeze it hard in my fist, watching the thick yellow goop swirl around the drain before disappearing from sight.

How fucking satisfying.

I crush the tiny bottle until my hands ache and every last drop is squeezed out, silent, angry tears suddenly rolling hot and fast down my cheeks. I refuse to stop until the bottle is deformed, twisted and ruined, and then I toss it away without care, hearing it land somewhere underneath the sink.

He was yet another disappointment. Yet another person who said they would stay, that they would love me and protect me only to eventually get bored or exhausted from having to actually deal with me. These people only saw one thing in me. Of course they knew I'd never be easy but they at least figured the payout would be worth it.

Apparently, it never was.

'Hey pretty thing. Where do you think you're goin?' I freeze underneath the spray, those voices rising up out of nowhere. My arms wrap around my naked body in protection, before I remembered that I was safe and alone. My lips curl into a snarl and I grab the scrubbing brush.

"It's okay lost little baby. We'll take you back home." I start cleaning my body furiously, scratching out everywhere they had touched, determined to erase it all.

"You're not a bad girl, are you?" I'm vaguely aware that I'm drawing blood, watching it merge with the water.

I keep scrubbing until it hurts, the bristles stained with red. I throw it against the wall and sink to the floor, curling in on myself to stop the violent shaking.

My head tilts back and I lay there for what seems like forever, not even daring to move for fear of triggering myself. The night replays over and over in my mind. I curl my fists, not sure whether to laugh or vomit, listening to the water drumming against the porcelain.

I force everything else from my mind, my fingers trembling as they threaded through my hair.

Beck and I were over.

We were over because things got too difficult for him. We were fighting all the time but it's what I figured all couples did, right? You fight and then you move on. It helps to build the relationship, it helps strengthen it. But I had become too fucking much for him. It had become too much of an effort.

I had become so much of an effort that he had to write himself reminders.

I struggle to sit up and briefly contemplate blocking the plughole, letting the bathtub slowly fill with scalding water. I almost willed for it to burn me up so I wouldn't have to deal with how much I was hurting. I wanted to dip my head below the surface and never come back up, just disappear beneath the water and vanish without a trace.

But no.

Beck wasn't worth ending my life over, but my God, I wasn't sure if I could take much more of this...this pain. The yawning ache that echoed hollowly in my chest. A jagged hole where he'd decided to reach inside and tear out a part of my heart to keep for himself, not even thinking to stitch me back up.

He'd left me open and vulnerable, the remains of my organ still bloody and barely beating behind my rib cage.

He had kept his piece like a souvenir while leaving me to deal with the damage he'd created.

A/N: Absolutely died when I saw the latest Elitoria Halloween pictures. It might have given me some more inspiration...but reviews work just as well for that. (;