I, ASSASSIN

Chapter Seven

Remy gazed out of the passengers seat window of Marius Boudreaux's black 4x4. The sun was still rising, and behind the rows of trees, the sky was a strange mix of violet and blue tinged with the tiniest glow of yellow low-lighting, slim pink clouds already skimmed the sky, the promise of a beautiful day ahead.

He'd thought the first night in the Boudreaux house had been particularly rough, but it was nothing compared to the past few. The next three sleepless nights had been filled with visions of that poor German Shepherd, the way it had looked at him before it had been shot. No matter how many times Remy had scrubbed his knuckles almost until they were raw, he still felt as if the blood splatters were still there, staining his skin. Henri had been right. He couldn't handle blood on his hands.

His eyelids felt heavy and his mind felt oddly numb as the drone of the engine sent him into a near hypnotic state. Marius wouldn't let him put the radio on regardless of how tired he was, and Remy pondered if this was some kind of wicked endurance test. See how long you can stay awake, that's the point. See if you're able to keep yourself alert.

Remy sighed as he thought of their plans for the next two days; he didn't relish it. Hunting for large game had never been an activity that he'd ever been interested in participating in. His father and brother had never been that interested in hunting or camping out in the wild. Their ideas of father-son weekends were going to New Orleans to get drunk and visit strip clubs, not roughing it and bonding over campfires.

"You'll sigh yourself off the face of this Earth one of these days," Marius remarked irritably, he shot Remy a look before turning his attention back to the road.

Taking this opportunity to share his grievance, he turned to Marius, "I just don't see why we gotta take off on a camping trip to go hunt. I'm not a hunter, I've never been a hunter, and I don't even have a permit."

Marius chuckled, "you're concerned about breaking the law? You're joking, right?"

"Breakin' the law when it pertains to my...career path...well that's an occupational requirement. But this...this is just...unnecessary."

"I have a news flash for you, LeBeau," Marius turned the 4x4 down a dirt road leading down to a clearing. "This is your occupation now. And it is necessary."

"If I pass and I'm initiated, then it's my occupation," Remy reminded. "That's what you said. It all depends on if I'm good enough to be an Assassin."

"You are. We wouldn't have chosen you if we didn't think you were capable."

Disgrace and disgust fell over Remy; he knew he wasn't capable of this, he couldn't take the life of the dog and he doubted he would be able to take the life of some innocent animal roaming the forest minding its own business.

Remy stared around at the clearing as Marius parked the car; it struck Remy at once that this wasn't an official hunting area. The lack of any signs, warnings, or proper designated parking signified this was definitely off the beaten track, probably on private land.

"We'll walk the rest of the way," Marius explained.

"Terrific," Remy uttered he as he followed Marius to the back of the car to help unload the camping supplies and rifles. Loaded with most of the heavy equipment on his back – another endurance test, Remy suspected – Remy followed Marius through the woods.

The walking was for hours, and barely a word was said between them. Remy tried to pay attention to the world around him, tried to enjoy the sounds of birds, the cool shade of the canopy of leaves from an otherwise hot summer morning. Instead, he could barely stay awake, trance-like he walked behind the older man, feeling as if he may be on autopilot.

Remy thought it was no wonder he was exhausted. Even if he had gotten a few good nights sleep at the home of the Assassins, it still wouldn't have been enough to leave him with one ounce of energy after the excessive training and lecturing. For the past three mornings, he had awakened feeling groggy and drained; a free run in the woods surrounding the Boudreaux house was enough to get his internal motors running and keep him awake through the day, but his mind was still left half-asleep as he struggled to do his training and the excessive amount of chores that Marius kept finding for him to do.

At least none of those chores had included murdering any more innocent animals.

"Pick up the pace," Marius huffed glancing over his shoulder at Remy, who was some way behind. "Wake up, LeBeau."

Remy frowned, but sped up a little. He tried keeping his mind awake by thinking about the events since his arrival at the Assassin's home. He thought of Bella Donna. Remy still felt slightly shaken by the lack of remorse in her expression as she'd stood there after what she'd done. How could someone take a life and just...be so blasé? Perhaps the shot taken had been a mercy killing, but to do it without showing any sympathy or even sorrow...that to Remy really meant one thing, Bella Donna really was a born Killer, just like the rest of her messed up kin.

"We'll stop here," said Marius; they'd happened upon a nice reasonably level clearing, enough shade to ensure there the air was cool enough to live in, and enough flat surface to pitch a tent. Remy unclipped his backpack and let it slip off, he heard the dull thud it made on the long grass.

Marius found a large rock to sit upon and took his bottle from his backpack to take a slow sip, his expression thoughtful. Remy realised he was expected to pitch the tent alone, and sighed as he began to get to work.

"Stop your sighing," Marius warned.

Remy sighed quietly to himself with his back turned, "why we out here anyway?" he asked as he rolled out the two man tent.

"It's part of your training, I thought you understood that," Marius closed the cap of his water bottle; he went about checking the equipment they'd brought with them, and the supplies in the backpack Remy had been hauling along. "You have the stealth and patience, Remy. But you're weak...I saw weakness in you when you shot the dog. You looked away. I can't have that Hesitance is a weakness and so is the inability to look at your kill. This cannot happen again. You might not be a cold-hearted killer, Remy LeBeau, but you need to convince us that you can act as one."

Pausing, Remy glanced down at the tent, "before I left...I had an argument with my big brother, Henri. He told me he doesn't think I have what it takes to do this."

"He's wrong," said Marius.

"I never wanted to be a Thief," Remy admitted quietly as he went about fitting all the poles together, "I always just...played the hand I was dealt. Some people are a lot worse off. I've lived on the streets, I know how life works. Some people just sit and take it, some people just give in, and some...they fight, they survive. I've always told myself...always..." Remy stared into space momentarily as he thought of the darker days of his childhood. "I would do anythin' in order to survive."

"And that..." Marius said softly, "is why I wanted you. I see the fighter, the survivor, the one who will adapt. I see such a potential in you, potential to be truly spectacular, to become someone that in twenty years time will be the template to which our young initiates aspire to be."

Remy stared down to the ground, feeling slightly crestfallen. He didn't doubt that he had the potential to do everything Marius expected of him, but the thought that it would take becoming a cold-hearted murderer to do so left an ache inside of him. Every thought within him screamed that this was all wrong, and there had to be a better way.

There is no better way. I can't fail, I can't mess up the trials or tests. It's all set in stone. I'm an initiate and I will be an Assassin whether I want to or not. Defiance is death.

After pitching the tent and taking a little while to rest his weary bones, Remy was urged to get up and continue. The two gathered the bare essentials of the hunting equipment they had brought. Marius produced an aerosol can from his backpack, and two airtight bags filled with clothes soiled with dirt, bits of tree bark and twigs.

"What is this?" Remy raised an eyebrow at the older man.

"Strip, spray yourself, wear these."

"Why?"

"Just do as you're told," Marius commanded irritably.

After undressing grudgingly in front of the older man – and spraying himself with the strange smelling aerosol, Remy changed into the clothes provided. Remy resented this as they were a poor fit and smelled oddly of cedar. The two went off on their way. A good portion of the hunt was tracking, and tracking was a tediously slow process of finding any dung or animal prints of decent sized game. Remy failed to see the tracks, but Marius was a keen hunter and seemed to know exactly what he was looking for.

Remy had tried to ask if perhaps they could just kill a few rabbits...rabbits weren't too bad, he could live with himself perhaps if he'd killed a couple of rabbits. But Marius was adamant, it had to be large game.

It took several hours to track a deer; being stealthy in the woods wasn't as effortless as it was in a house or a building. The ground was covered in twigs and old dead leaves and even the grass was too dry meaning the sound of it brushing against Remy's boot was loud enough to alarm the first Doe they came across. The skittish animal took off, quickly darting between the trees, the flash of her white tail mocking them. Remy fumbled with his gun, half-heartedly trying to aim for the poor thing before Marius stopped him.

"No," he warned, "You don't take a shot at a running deer. You'll miss and the blast will alert every animal in the area."

Remy sighed as he lowered the rifle, "I'm sorry, I-"

"Be more careful; slow, steady movements. Come on, Remy, you know this. You've spent the last ten years training to move like a shadow."

"Not in the woods," Remy reminded uneasily.

"Then do what you always do and adapt. Now come on."

There were only three times in Remy's life that he could remember ever being so sick he'd vomited so violently.

The first memory was when he was fourteen years old and he and Henri had gate crashed a Kegger full of high school seniors; a bunch of cheerleaders (still in uniform) had dared him to drink two bottles of Jack Daniels in five minutes flat. His prize for doing so was to have a photo taken of the entire team without their tops and bras on. He still had that photo on his bedroom wall, although the memory was somewhat hazy due to his passing out and waking up in an emergency room after having his stomach pumped following his being stricken with alcohol poisoning.

The second memory was of eating some particularly bad Crayfish the afternoon before a date with Traci Ingman. The date had gone well until in the middle of inflagrante delicto, his stomach suddenly started convulsing violently and he unexpectedly puked right onto Traci's breasts. It might have been hilarious had she not cried hysterically and then kicked him in the nuts while he was still naked and vulnerable to the attack.

The third memory...well...that had only been days ago, when Bella Donna had shot that poor dog.

So having very little experience with being as violently sick as this, Remy found it even harder to try and pull himself together as he was leaning over an old fallen tree throwing up. His stomach convulsed angrily and his body shook as if every nerve were being poked and pulled every which way.

"Aren't you done yet?" Marius huffed impatiently from several feet away.

Remy went to wipe his mouth but then thought the better of it. His hands were soaked with the blood of an Elk that Marius had not only made him shoot, but made him skin.

Remy had gone into some kind of strange trance the moment Marius had made him pull the trigger; the noise had been deafening and for a moment, Remy heard a distinct ringing in his ears and the sounds of the birds taking of from the trees sounded oddly muted. The Elk had fallen to the ground with a heavy disturbing thud but it had not died. Instead, it lay, crying in pain, trying to get up and failing miserably. Remy and Marius had approached, and Remy saw that he had caught it in the neck. He realised he'd probably hit some kind of nerve which was causing the poor animal blinding agony.

"Kill it!" Marius had demanded, "kill it now!"

He'd been unable to do anything but stand there and stare at the poor creature, the life he had ruined, the poor thing that had been minding its own business, probably just looking for food or a place to settle. Now...now it was dying slowly, suffering.

"Put it out of it's goddamn misery!" Marius instructed.

And he couldn't. The rifle had fallen from his weak fingers and discharged. Marius pushed him out of the way, swearing angrily; he took a hand gun from a holster at his hip and shot the creature between the eyes.

Remy still saw the mess of blood and bone, he still felt the stickiness of wet blood and the warmth of it's flesh. For the most part, he'd been in so much shock he'd gone through the skinning process with Marius almost as if on auto-pilot, following orders without realising what he was doing, damaging some of the skin in the process through clumsiness and inexperience.

It took some time yet before the vomiting stopped and Remy's stomach felt strong enough to allow him to stand again. Marius had cut a decent piece of meat from the animal and wrapped it up in some plastic he'd brought. Remy hauled the skin of the animal with him, which was already starting to smell. They made their way back to the camp, Remy ever aware of that iron-like smell of blood on his hands, and the dirty gamey smell of the Elk skin.

After they packed the skin in a plastic bag at the camp (and tightly sealed it with duct tape), Marius directed Remy to go to a river not far from the camp and wash the blood away. Remy walked to the river in a dazed state and by the time he got there the sun was already setting and brilliant hues of yellow and orange stained the sky. Remy washed his hands in the crystal clean water, but it was still there under his fingernails, and on the sleeves of his shirt. He sat there by the water and stared at it for a while, trying to come to grips with what he'd done.

Marius had finally done it, he'd turned him into a killer. It might have just been an elk, but the elk had been a living, breathing thing of beauty, just a majestic creature minding its own business and undeserving of such a fate. Remy held onto his shaken nerves as he thought of the look on that poor things face as it lay there suffering at his hand. He could never forgive himself for doing that to any living thing.

After washing his face of any blood splatters Remy returned to the camp just as the orange light of the sun turned the skin to pink and red. Marius had the campfire going, and was already working on cooking the meat via flame from the fire and nothing more than few sticks to support it.

"You look white as a ghost," said Marius as he glanced up at Remy's return.

"I think I caught a bug," Remy lied miserably as he sat down on the log near the campfire. He put a hand against his stomach, which still gave the occasional shudder in protest to his ghastly involvement in the snuffing out of a poor animals life.

"I didn't figure you for this much of a wimp, LeBeau."

"I'm not a wimp," Remy protested, "I just...taking a life isn't something I'm used to. It ain't something I can take lightly."

"Better get used to it. Eventually you're going to need to kill an actual person. You can't be throwing up then. You know you can be traced through DNA in vomit, don't you?"

"You're like my brother. You watch way too many crime shows on TV," Remy remarked; he swallowed hard, his throat hurt terribly from being so sick.

"So...tell me," Marius began, "what'd you learn today?"

Remy faltered. What had he learned? He hadn't learned anything, he'd failed everything he'd been asked to do today. "I don't know," he said tiredly, exhaustion beginning to settle in now that the day was winding down.

"Why'd you think the kill had to be large game, Remy?"

Remy sighed as he considered this. "The bigger it is...the more I'm meant to...identify with taking a life I guess."

Marius nodded, "and why did I make you skin it?"

He needed to think about this. Skinning the thing seemed unnecessary. He didn't want a trophy, and he had no use of the skin. Remy paused and thought about the process, remembering the grisly scene of sinew and blood. The answer was there, it was logical. This just wasn't about steeling him to the sight of blood and gore. There was something more significant about having been made to skin the Elk.

Finally, Remy found an answer, "So that I see what's inside...to see that there was veins and blood and muscle...that it wasn't just...a thing...that it was alive," he shrugged.

"Very good," Marius agreed, impressed, "and why did I have you carry the skin and meat back here?"

Glancing towards the large black plastic bag where the skin now lay, Remy sighed, "speaks for itself. Killing another living thing is something you have to carry around with you. It isn't something you just...leave."

Marius smirked just a little, "I knew I'd made the right decision when I chose you, Remy," he admitted.

Remy fished out his water bottle from his backpack and took a sip, all the while watching the flickering of the fire and the embers rising into the air.

"And finally?" Marius reached for one of the makeshift skewers and raised a piece of slightly charred Elk meat into the air.

Remy forced a weak smile, "the work pays off and puts food in your belly..." he accepted the stick of cooked meat; the smell of the charred meat hit him and nausea rose. His stomach suddenly lurched and he felt the threat of more sickness.

"Not in the camp!" warned Marius sternly.

With an apologetic expression, Remy tossed the meat back to the fire and took off running towards a quiet place in the woods where he could part with what was left in him of last nights dinner while Marius enjoyed tonight's speciality.

End of Chapter Seven

I feel really horrible for writing Remy into these situations, yet, it all feels quite necessary somehow.

Thanks to those who sent in the kind reviews, I'm glad people are giving this a chance despite it isn't a 'Romy' fic :)