I, ASSASSIN

Chapter Thirteen

The next day of their hunting trip was more tedious. They'd had it easy the day before thanks to Marius' upset stomach fiasco but now it was time to get back down to business. They three travelled the woods for several hours silently, stalking deer. In the three hours it took to move from the camp to the spot they eventually found their prey, they did not speak and Remy was glad of it.

He'd been preoccupied for the past few weeks thanks to his initiation, but now...well...he had another problem to contend with. The realisation that he may be developing real feelings for Bella Donna had left him practically reeling. He couldn't understand how he'd let that happen. At what point exactly had the lusty obsession with the girl matured into genuine affection for her?

And it had to be affection...real emotion...feelings. It just had to be. After she'd shot that dog he'd felt like he'd never be able to look at her in quite the same way again, never be able to possibly forgive her, even though the act had been one of mercy, on both the dog and on him. But he found himself somehow impossibly moving towards forgiveness despite in his heart he felt he'd never quite be able to accept what it was that she had done.

You might feel different about her once she's made her first real kill, he fathomed as he followed behind the girl and her father, the hunting rifle heavy on his shoulder, making it ache as much as his legs and feet did. But then hell, she may feel different about you when you have to make yours, he reminded himself solemnly.

How do I handle this? He wondered. Lust he could deal with, but true feelings were a different matter entirely. Jean-Luc had taught him all he knew about wooing girls, and Henri had certainly advised him of how best to get them into bed (and offered tips about the right things to do there to make it the most enjoyable experience he could), but neither father nor brother had ever actually taken the time to advise him about love.

He pushed the thoughts out of his head as Marius halted them, his voice barely a whisper, "there."

Remy glanced over Bella Donna's shoulder to see a pretty little doe grazing in a small clearing; just as every time he saw an animal and had to wield a gun towards it, he felt his stomach knot.

Bella Donna readied her rifle, she lined up the shot just right, her expression determined, her stance exceptional, never a moment of hesitance. Remy felt his guts twist even more. He couldn't bear the thought of watching her kill a third animal in front of him. Silently, he moved behind her just as she was about to pull the trigger he put his hand upon the rifle and made her lower it.

"You want it?" she asked in a whisper, glancing over her shoulder at him. He saw the surprise in her face, it left him feeling ever so slightly emasculated. He gave a vague nod, feeling Marius' eyes on the both of them.

The doe stood grazing still, unsuspecting, even as his rifle slightly clicked as he removed the safety and cocked it towards the beautiful beast. He steadied his aim, drew his breath deeply and held it, remaining still, focused. Every ounce of decency within him said don't do it – it's wrong to kill for the sake of killing. He closed his eyes for just a brief moment, concentrating on trying to numb every part of himself to this. He tried to imagine himself a hunter. Not hunting for sport but for survival.

Self preservation, Remy. Survival 101. Either it dies, or you do. Failure isn't an option.

It was his high regard for self preservation that he supposed gave him the strength to pull the trigger. The doe collapsed quickly, and let out no sound. The blast of the rifle rang out and seemed to echo across the entire forest. All the other animals in the forest would scatter.

Run, run for your lives. I don't want to take any more of you! Remy thought at them silently, his ears ringing. He stared at the still thing, hoping to god it didn't have young that would starve or become prey thanks to his handiwork. The queasiness was returning, but he suppressed it, tried to force it to the back of his mind and took deep quiet breaths. He felt Marius slap him hard on the shoulder, he seemed to be congratulating him, genuinely pleased with how cleanly the kill had been performed. Remy glanced towards Bella Donna, who seemed just as delighed, a tiny smile playing across her rose pink lips.

"Well done," said Marius proudly.

Bella Donna leaned up and pecked Remy's cheek tenderly, much to her father's obvious chagrin, "couldn't have done it better myself."

Remy felt his cheeks flush, his stomach muscles fluttered a little at the gesture, or it may just have been the way Marius was staring at both of them disapprovingly. He coughed a little, and went to step forward to claim and bag his kill; he suddenly felt Marius grab his arm and prevent him from stepping further. Confused, Remy turned back to his mentor, hiding the queasiness as well as he could. "What?" he asked, his ears still ringing and Marius voice seeming incredibly muffled as he responded.

"Leave it."

"Leave it..." Remy repeated, he turned back to look at the thing, "Are you...serious? Just...let it lie there?"

"Yes."

Remy's heart sank. Not only had he been forced to kill this poor thing for what felt to him to be no real reason, but he was actually being made to leave the carcass to rot? He swallowed the taste of sickness in his mouth and turned to look at Bella Donna once again, who only spoke with her eyes, and her eyes told him not to fight this, that there was a point. That there was always a point.

Another damn animal had to unnecessarily die for Marius Boudreaux to make yet another one of his important points. Just another lesson in the school of evil.

They walked on further, guilt eating at Remy all the while. He could almost imagine some little fawn not far away wondering where its mother had gone although he had no proof that the creature had young. I shot Bambi's mother, thought Remy solemnly as he followed his mentor and the girl he was falling unwillingly in love with.

The three broke for rest in a clearing, and ate cereal bars and drank their water. Remy said very little, and only observed as Bella Donna interacted with her father. It occurred to Remy that Bella Donna was trying to appease her father subtly; she spoke of how much she knew in and out about her rifle (something that left Remy quite uneasy), and how she was truly enjoying her training and was glad that she'd been initiated and how she'd strive to make him proud. Remy couldn't miss the hint of pride in Marius's eyes; although the girl infuriated and distracted him at times, he was immensely proud and absolutely adored the girl. It was why she got away with more than Remy was sure she should have.

She's tryin' to suck up, make him happy, Remy thought. She's up to somethin'.

Remy watched as Bella Donna went to retrieve her father's water bottle from the backpack he'd left on the forest floor, and listened as she ever so casually brought up the subject of dating. Remy supposed he should have expected that to come up sooner rather than later.

"Daddy," began Bella Donna ever so softly, she passed the bottle over, "when can I start goin' out with boys?"

Marius turned to look at his daughter, the expression of pride was suddenly filled with suspicion. "Have you been doin' somethin' you shouldn't?" he asked suddenly. "Or someone," he added hastily, sounding almost alarmed at the thought.

"Oh, daddy," sighed Bella Donna, she sat cross-legged on the ground and looked at up at him, "you know you can trust me."

Remy almost laughed, thinking of how the girl had come onto him several times under Marius's own roof. No, Marius could definitely not trust his daughter.

Marius raised an eyebrow, but didn't answer her question. Instead, he turned his attention straight to Remy, and for one moment, Remy feared he may about to be accused of something. "I was impressed with how cleanly you killed the doe," he hastily changed the subject; Remy caught the aggravated look on Bella Donna's eyes that her question had not been answered.

Feeling only mildly relieved, Remy picked a dried old dead leaf up and crushed it in his palm. He couldn't find anything to say, and he didn't want to accept this as a compliment. Being complimented on being a good killer wasn't something someone really should take as a compliment, he decided. It wasn't all that admirable.

"So," said Marius after a moment of silence.

"So?" asked Remy, glancing up to his mentor.

"Lesson?"

Remy stared to the crushed leaf in his hand, just as dead as that doe he'd killed. I'm toxic, that's what I've learned. If I weren't in this position, these poor things wouldn't need to die, he thought darkly. "Focus. Kill cleanly. We already established that was why we came out here," he reminded.

"No other lessons learned then?" Marius queried.

Remy shook his head unhappily, he could think of none. He felt too tired and sick and sore to think right now.

"Then you ain't payin' attention."

"I am payin' attention," Remy responded irritably.

"No. If you were paying attention you'd have understood what the lesson was. Come on, LeBeau, you're better than this."

"Daddy, give him a break, he's doin' his best," Bella Donna interjected.

"Quiet," Marius warned her without even looking at her he shooed her off with one hand.

"Will you just quit it?" Bella Donna snapped at her father, "he's tryin' his hardest, you keep him up all damn night, and you get him up at insane hours, have him actin' like a slave! You've never ridden anyone as hard as you have him. He ain't a frickin' horse that you have to break in!" she pointed out.

"You think it ain't necessary?" Marius glared at his daughter, "you think I'm bein' cruel?" he asked.

"Yes!" Bella Donna blurted, eyes wide, "there's trainin' and there's just mistreatment. You shouldn't be overworkin' him the way you are! It ain't fair."

Marius looked sternly at Remy, "do you think it's cruel?"

Remy didn't even need to think about the question, because he'd already learned that when it came to his personal opinions, the right answer was always the answer that opposed his own. "No, sir."

"Tell her why you have to train harder than the others, why you have to endure more," Marius snapped.

He unwillingly shifted his eyes to the beautiful girl, heart sinking, and in a dull tone, he replied, "because I weren't born to this life...he has to push my limits...make sure I'm capable."

Marius seemed content enough with this answer, "Now," he said, "why did I make you leave the doe? Why did it have to remain there?"

"I don't know," Remy sighed, getting more frustrated, he couldn't think, all he could think was that he was so incredibly tired and guilty and sore and stressed out that he might end up having a break down soon.

"Then you need to do it again. And again, until you get it."

Remy glanced up, "what? I did what you damn well asked, I killed cleanly. How is that not gettin' it right?" he suddenly snapped, finding bravery he immediately wished he hadn't.

"It isn't about the killin'," Marius responded.

Bella Donna decided to interrupt once again. "For gods sake, Daddy, just tell him. It's not about the killin', it's about the leavin'."

Remy glanced between the both of them.

Marius stared down at his daughter, and although he was displeased for the interruption, he seemed suddenly quite proud once again, and he gave a nod. "Why, Belle?" he asked.

"Because..." she paused, "it's...about doin' what you're meant to, and then just...walking away."

"I taught you once," began Marius, he sipped from his bottle before continuing, "that the weight of your kill is something you carry with you. But it is also something that you have to learn to detach from. To walk away from the target after your hit."

"Isn't there ever a point where you gotta...do more?" Remy asked. "Hiding evidence? Hiding the body? Not just leavin' it there to rot."

"You are getting ahead of yourself," Marius scoffed, "after you are fully initiated and join the Guild, the hits you would receive would be low profile, simple, and straight forward. You would never be given a high profile target that would require the hiding of evidence and a cadaver. Such hits are only offered to the most prestigious of our guild...which some day I hope to see you a part of, but not until you are properly trained, and have years of experience behind you."

"I see," said Remy, he sighed inwardly and pulled himself up, "I gotta take a leak," he announced. He was sick of the subject of death and needed an escape; a full bladder was good enough for that.

He moved far enough away from the clearing to take care of his ablutions, wondering silently if perhaps the smell of human urine would scare the animals off. He hoped it would. He didn't want to see any other animals unnecessarily killed today and so he whizzed on several trees just in case it might help to deter them from coming near.

As he zipped himself up, he thought to himself that it would perhaps be best for everyone involved if he should disappear into these woods never to be seen again. Were there any bears in these parts? He could always cut his arm with his pocket knife, shed some blood on the nearby ground and trees, rip some clothing up and leave it and then take off as far as his aching legs would allow.

They would assume I got mauled to death and eaten by some kind of animal, and maybe they'd leave my family alone, Remy decided as he stared up at the pale sky, wondering if it would rain during this trip as it had the last. I could...I don't know, disappear...maybe go work for Magneto again, change my identity. Hell, even become one of the X-Men; be completely off the radar, hide out underground. Maybe I don't have to be a killer...maybe I could just save people instead.

He glanced around for any signs of animals like bears; Marius had taught him about tracking, looking for animal hair on trees and rocks but he spied nothing to suggest bear (not that he particularly knew what to look for when it came to bears).

He decided against the plan and began walking towards the clearing. Probably no kind of animals like that here, Marius would have been sure of that before we left. He'd never let his sixteen year old daughter go off into the woods if there were bears or cougars or anythin' roamin' wild.

As Remy had almost approached the clearing again, he heard the raised voice of Bella Donna. It sounded as if she was arguing with her father, and her father spoke in a slightly more desperate hushed tone, harder to make out. Remy stalked silently to the edge of the woods to listen.

"I cannot have you running around with random boys."

"It wouldn't be a random boy."

"Absolutely not."

"But why?!"

"I know what your intentions are, I see the way you look at that LeBeau boy, the way you flutter your eyelashes. That supposed 'innocent' kiss on the cheek. But it can't be."

"But why not?!"

"You know why."

"No, I don't! I don't see why I can't be with him. He's an Assassin now..."

"No, he's a probationary initiate."

"Fine, then he will be some day. Isn't that better than me bein' with a Thief?"

"It's nothin' to do with that."

"Then tell me! I want to know why!"

"Because you're already betrothed to be married to someone else."

Remy leaned against the nearest tree listening. Had he just heard right?

"Betrothed?!" demanded Bella Donna, her voice suddenly quite shrill.

"Yes," responded Marius cooly.

Leaning around the tree a little, mostly obscured by the bushes, Remy spied, watching them both.

"Are you fucking shitting me?!" Bella Donna asked in disbelief. Even from so far away Remy could see how frantic the girl was.

"Language," warned her father. "You've been betrothed since the day of your birth."

"Who the hell to?!"

"A boy from the Paris Guild, your grandfather chose him for you."

"That's not fair! You can't just...just decide that I'm goin' to marry some stranger I ain't even met!" Bella Donna raged, her voice getting more shrill by the word.

"It has already been decided. And you will do it."

"And what if I don't?!" Bella Donna demanded angrily.

"Marryin' Yves Beaufort will make you extremely wealthy, your children will carry the purest Assassin blood from both families. Your children will rule our Guild."

"I won't marry him!" Bella Donna fumed, "and you can't make me."

"Don't be stupid; you know the consequences of goin' against the laws and the rules we put down..." warned Marius icily.

"What? You'll disinherit me? Disown me? I don't need your money!"

Remy watched as Bella Donna capped her water bottle and tossed it into her backpack stubbornly.

"You think this is about money?! This is about honour, and tradition and if you dishonour our family-"

"This isn't the dark ages! I should be able to go out with whomever I choose! I want Remy," she hissed.

Marius snorted. "You go with him, it be the last thing you do."

Remy felt his heart sinking just a little. So this was how it was to be. Bella Donna was betrothed to some rich Parisian Assassin and he was to keep his hands off of her. Maybe this was in the cards, maybe it was time to finally fold and admit defeat. The further away he stayed from the girl the better, he supposed.

It was unfortunate timing; Remy had never believed in fate at all, but he understood when things weren't to be, understood when things were a sign. Bella Donna's betrothal may just be the sign he needed to be sure that he shouldn't consort further with her. He and the girl were never meant to be together.

As he returned to the camp pretending to be none the wiser the very disobedient part of him reminded himself that this had never stopped him before.

End of Chapter Thirteen

Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.