Pausing, Harry took in the scene: Voldemort's wraith-like form stretched like a cloud across the dark night, tendrils of blackness enveloping the ground. His head still pounded from the proximity to the Dark Lord, even with the man's diminished form.
Across from him stood Dumbledore, tall and proud, cloak still billowing in the wind. Jacob writhed on the floor, veins black with the contamination of silver. Edward the vampire was buried under several pounds of wolf fur, and Dracy-poo the sparkling faggot was stiff as a board on the ground. He didn't look for Bella because honestly, who the fuck cares about her anyway?
"Tom." Dumbledore intoned gravely. "It is not too late for you, my boy."
Voldemort gave an audacious shrill cackle which reverberated across the clearing. "Redemption? Choke on a pile of dicks, old man. True, I was not expecting to see you here tonight – not so soon – but even so you are too late. I have already obtained the tools necessary to see my own rebirth!"
Suddenly Voldemort's dark cloud exploded forth around them, ice-cold air whipping a maelstrom across the forest clearing. All light was briefly enveloped by the wraith and Harry ducked behind Hagrid, coughing.
Oh, God. Ew. That was disgusting.
He was breathing in pieces of Voldemort.
The smoke coalesced into a thin tendril that slammed into the vampire's prone form, face still covered by the wolf corpse. The vampire lurched up as the black mist collided with him, the wolf slumping to the floor with its tongue lolling out and severed tail still slowly dribbling blood, and Edward lurched as the mist trickled up his nostrils and through his mouth, eyes rolled upwards into his head.
There was a moment of silence. Harry peered out from behind Hagrid, keeping his wand steady and pointed at the vampire's now sitting body.
Edward suddenly smirked. Under his left eye another blinked open, glowing red in the dim light of the clearing. Below that the skin stretched and contorted as if something was squirming beneath it, and another mouth twisted open beside his first mouth.
The grotesque new addition parted its pale lips to speak. "You have lost, Dumbledore." Voldemort's high voice cackled. "With this effeminate vampire body, I am one step closer to achieving true immortality." Harry looked at the abomination in sickened horror.
Fucking hell. And he'd thought Edward was bad before Voldemort had come along. The new additions to his face only made the vampire more horrifying - he was like a sparkly effeminate evil mutant gone wrong.
It was worse than Edward. It was worse than Voldemort.
Edwardmort.
"Stupefy!" he yelled from his spot behind Hagrid, his voice tinged with true terror, but the possessed vampire was too quick. The sparkly creature that now housed Voldemort ducked under the red light with ease and rushed for the still-bound Drakey-poo's body. Voldemort groped the boy for a moment, a dazzling Cullen smile on his face as he did so, and with a maniacal laugh pulled Malfoy's wand from his hand.
"Professor!" Harry gave a desperate look to Dumbledore, who had a slightly dazed look on his face as he watched Voldemort obtain a new wand.
"Why are you just standing there?" he yelled, panic lacing his voice as he shot another stunner at Edwardmort, who easily avoided this too. "Do something!"
Voldemort-possessed Edward gave him a dazzling smile, which was obviously intended to be sinister, and sparkled slowly in the light. "It's useless, boy. The vampire is a perfect weapon against this old fool."
"God damn it," he groaned, running over to try and shake Dumbledore out of his stupor. The wizened old headmaster didn't even seem to notice him, eyes fixed firmly on Voldemort's sparkling chest. "Do something you bastard! Fuck it – Stupefy! Stupefy! Hagrid! Shoot him you twit!"
"Yeh a wizard, 'Arry." Hagrid told him.
"And you're a man with a freaking crossbow! Use it you oaf!"
Edwardmort laughed chillingly as he danced around the stunners, and Hagrid blinked at the vampire confusedly, crossbow puttering slightly as he released a few bolts that the man barely had to move to avoid being hit with. The possessed vampire lifted Malfoy's wand and turned to the sparkling faggot still sprawled on the ground.
"Ennervate." he hissed, and roughly pulled the whimpering shit up by his shirt. Malfoy panted softly against his master, beautiful hair sparkling in the light like a shampoo commercial. "I have use for you yet, Malfoy. You will assist me in the ritual. Bring me Potter's blood."
Drakey-poo nodded obediently, turning towards Harry who was now using the headmaster as a shield. Harry glanced at the old man: Dumbledore licked his lips, eyes still locked on Voldemort's sparkling chest. Hagrid was now trying to use his crossbow as a nose-pick.
Oh for fuck's sake.
Voldemort lifted his pilfered wand to curse him, and Harry knew that he wouldn't last long against the most powerful wizard in the world.
He released the binding spell on Bella, in one last desperate act. At this rate all he would have to place his trust in would be the deus-ex machina powers of the Mary-Sue self-insert.
Voldemort's curse came towards him.
He would have to hope it was enough.
(written by Palindrome)