Author's (though I suppose in this case it's more of an editor's) Note: We've had some friends jump on the bandwagon and join the fun. Two great authors decided to contribute, hopefully more on the way.

Harry's eyes closed a second before the curse struck him, accepting his fate. He felt the rush of air against his face as the curse came within a hair's breadth of striking him when he was suddenly whisked to the floor in a flurry of limbs.

He opened his eyes to see Bella's pale ugly face looking down at him, tears glistening in her eyes.

"I guess we weren't meant to be, Harry," she said, dribbling blood thickly on his face.

"What?" he asked stupidly, an expression of disgust marring his features.

"I knew I loved you from the moment I saw you," she said, making gurgling noises in the back of her throat. She lifted a weak hand to his face and stroked a single finger down his cheek. "Remember me as I was."

Then she swooned dramatically off him and laid still, her eyes open and staring expressionless at the sky above but her chest still swelled as she breathed. Harry rose, wiping blood off his face and looked down at her in complete confusion, Edwardmort came to stand next to him and they both stared at her.

"What the fuck?" asked Edwardmort in a surprisingly normal tone of voice.

"You said it," replied Harry and poked her with his foot; she didn't move.

The loud thunk of Hagrid's crossbow and his subsequent painful scream ruined the moment somewhat. Harry turned to see the half giant running around in small circles with a vast crossbow bolt lodged in his nose and blood streaming from his nostril. Edwardmort made a low noise of bewilderment, and then seemed to return to the spirit of the evening.

"Well I suppose I'm going to have to kill you now anyway," said Edwardmort, then his voice slipped back into his usual overly-dramatic soprano. "STAND STILL POTTER, I'M GOING TO END YOUR SHIT!"

He turned back to Edwardmort to see his wand raised and levelled at him. Harry realised with a shrill pang of terror that he had no more options. Hagrid was busy with his makeshift lobotomy, Dumbledore with lusting over Edwardmort and Bella with playing dead. He was alone at the end of the Dark Lord's wand.

Fortunately, Edwardmort hadn't counted on the severe retardation of his host body and his first attempt to incant the killing curse failed miserably.

"Arvardar Kedarghrar!" cried Edwardmort and a bunch of daffodils burst from the tip of his wand, falling haphazardly to the floor.

Edwardmort frowned, mouthing the syllables again and lifted a hand as though asking Harry to hold on a moment. Then he mouthed the syllables again and smiled triumphantly.

"Avada Kerrang!" he cried and the sickly burst of green light that Harry knew from his dreams flew toward him.

For the second time in five minutes Harry closed his eyes in preparation for the inevitable which never came. Instead there was a loud reverberating clang, as though someone had banged two dustbin lids together. He opened one eye a centimetre to see a giant silver shield floating before him.

He looked around wildly for the source of the magic, before his eyes fell upon a striking figure standing a little behind Edwardmort.

His curly blonde hair was swept slightly across his face, as though caught in a non-existent wind. His cloak, swept stylishly across one shoulder, also rippled menacingly, despite the fact that the branches of the trees remained perfectly still. A large toothy smile was plastered across his handsome face.

"Never fear Harry," he said confidently, striding forward into the light from Edwardmort's sparkly skin. "I'll take care of this sorry excuse for a wizard."

It was Gilderoy Lockhart; they were saved.

(written by enembee)