Episode 3x04
A/N Thank you so much for all your input. I know this chapter is a bit later than promised, but I actually fell asleep in front of the PC last night (good thing I worked in bed). This chapter was difficult to write, seeing as were the show is right now. I decided to go a little AU and reveal something about Sarah's past. Warning: No major humour or fluff ahead. But if you manage to suffer through this one, I'll try to make the next one a little lighter. I don't own Chuck.
"I suppose congratulations are in order, Chuck. Devon's identity has been contained."
"We got lucky this time, Shaw." Casey was disgusted. He didn't trust his superiors anymore. They were all the same. His former sensei betrayed his country. Beckman once ordered him to kill Chuck. And their new 'boss' almost got the intersect killed. I guess the team has a new head moron. What was Beckman thinking? The only people he could count on were his partners, even if their lady feelings were driving him up the wall. At this point it was actually frustrating him. Why couldn't they see how lucky they were? He had no idea where Ilsa was or whether she was still alive. And he would always wonder about Kathleen. Did she manage to get over his 'death' and move on? Was she happy? These two idiots were right here, together, and they wasted precious time sulking about God knows what. Someone needs to smack some sense into them. Casey got up and left in the middle of the briefing. He needed to shoot something.
"Yeah, and risked my family doing it." Sarah stole a glance in Chuck's direction. "There's something you need to know about me, Shaw," Chuck caught Sarah's eyes briefly, "there's nothing in my life that I care about more than my friends and my family. Of course I don't expect you to understand that. Being the spy that you are, I'm sure that you don't care about anybody."
Sarah cringed, but she managed to maintain her composure. Three years ago that was true about her. Of course she cared about her dad, but he was off doing his own thing. Given their chosen professions, they barely made contact. Sarah knew what this mission did to Chuck. That was why she held him so tightly two nights ago after telling him about Devon's disappearance. For the first time in years she felt the need to comfort someone and to her surprise, she was comforted in return. Devon and Ellie meant a lot to her too. Ellie reminded her so much of Allison it was sometimes hard to be in the same room with her. Other times she let the hello hug linger just a fraction longer than necessary. Ally was the reason Sarah didn't allow herself to care about anyone. But the Bartowskis managed to tear down every wall she so carefully constructed since the day she received that little red box. Sarah vowed to herself to do anything in her power to protect them and to keep them together for as long as she could. She owed it to Chuck. And to her sister.
"Families and friends make us vulnerable. Make us unable to pull the trigger. And that puts everyone in even greater danger. Just ask your partner here." Sarah swallowed hard. "She'll tell you the same thing."
Sarah lifted her chin defiantly. "Sometimes it helps to know you've got something to lose."
Shaw was not amused. This went against everything they were taught. Sarah Walker was not the spy he was made to believe. He decided to drop the issue for now and left. He already had a strategy in place to deal with her.
Chuck was still staring at Sarah. He was not expecting her to back him like this. It went against everything she ever told him. Granted, her actions showed that she wasn't the robot he once accused her of being. She was willing to shoot a fellow agent to keep him out of a bunker. She actually committed treason for that same reason. But she never verbally stood up to authority like this.
Sarah caught his eyes again, not saying anything. She didn't have to. She knew he could read her better than anyone she's ever met. I have your back, Chuck. No matter what. Chuck nodded a silent 'thank you'. He saw something else there too, but before he had time to decipher it, Sarah got up and left.
[A/N Section break]
Sarah took a deep breath before lifting her hand to knock. As much as she hated to admit it, she was in need of a Bartowski hug. More specifically, a Chuck Bartowski hug. But that was not likely to happen.
This mission had really taken an emotional toll on Sarah. She was still pissed that Beckman locked them in the van and told them to stand down. To top it off, the new 'boss' pulled his guns on her and Casey when Chuck needed their back up. Beckman and Shaw set him up. He could have been killed. By the time she got to the cage, she was so angry she lost her focus. And got her ass handed to her on a platter. But the anger was quickly replaced by fear when she saw Chuck going after Sydney. The fact that he had a gun was no conciliation. He knew how to use it, but she knew him. He wouldn't shoot. She got to him just in time to see the ring agent double over, right before she could throw her knife at Chuck. Casey was right. They got lucky this time. But spies couldn't afford to rely on luck.
Sarah heard Casey's footsteps behind her as Ellie opened the door. Ellie's hands on her shoulders pulled her in for a quick peck on the cheek. No hug. Not surprising, as she was now Chuck's 'ex-girlfriend', she was probably no longer considered family. The thought stung. She quickly turned her back on the room to compose herself. Family and friends did make you vulnerable, but she stood by what she said. It was a great motivator for keeping them safe.
Chuck watched Sarah approach. She looked...lost. He wished he could pull her in for a hug, make her feel better somehow. He settled for the second best thing and gave her a smile. "It wouldn't have been the same without you, so I'm glad you made it."
"Me too," she replied with a silent sigh. They stared at each other briefly before Sarah walked past him to join the rest of the guests.
Chuck turned around, taking in the people that meant most to him in this world. He would gladly give his life to protect them. His sister, brother-in-law. Best friend. His partners. Though Casey would never admit it out loud, they had formed a friendship. And then there was Sarah.
Sensing his eyes on her, Sarah looked up. She knew what he was thinking. Giving him a small smile she averted her gaze. Things were different now. And she hated it.
[A/N Section break]
Sarah was pushing the food around on her plate. Morgan's teriyaki surprise was surprisingly...awful. She drank more wine to get the taste out of her mouth. That was a bad idea. Alcohol and empty stomachs rarely mixed well. She wasn't drunk, but she was definitely feeling a little light-headed. Around her the conversation flowed easily. No one noticed that she wasn't really taking part.
The evening came to an end and everyone was outside in the courtyard saying their goodbyes. Casey and the Woodcombs headed for their respective apartments. Morgan mumbled something about doing dishes and disappeared into the apartment he shared with Chuck.
There was a moment of awkward silence. "Well, good night, Chuck." Sarah forced a small smile before turning around. She stumbled a little. Cursing herself she hoped he didn't notice. But he was Chuck, of course he noticed. He immediately placed a steadying hand on her elbow.
"Maybe you shouldn't drive." It wasn't really a suggestion.
"I'll be fine. I promise to drive really slowly," she tried, but Chuck didn't buy it.
"You have many talents, Sarah Walker, but driving slowly is definitely not one of them. I'll take you home." Chuck was not taking no for an answer and Sarah had to think fast.
"I need to open the Orange Orange early tomorrow. There won't be time to come back for my car." It was a lame excuse.
"Then stay. One of your outfits is still here from the last time you...uhm...spend the night."
Sarah sighed. "You know I can't do that. What about Morgan? We need to maintain our cover as friends."
"Friends have sleepovers," Chuck shrugged.
"Maybe, but 'exes' don't. It's too weird."
"For normal couples." He just had to bring that up, didn't he? "Wait here." He quickly spun around before she could respond. "Don't move," he mouthed as he closed the door behind him. What was he up to?
"Good night, buddy," she heard Chuck's muffled voice from inside the apartment before he switched on his bedroom light. A few minutes later it went off again. A moment passed before the Morgan door opened. Chuck motioned for her to come closer. He helped her into the dark room and locked the window behind her.
"Don't worry about the bugs," he whispered, "got them on a loop. Courtesy of my dad's last birthday gift." He led her to sit down on the edge of the bed. "Unfortunately I can't turn the light on, it will tip off Casey. Just stay there." Sarah heard Chuck move around. She held her breath, waiting for him to do be Chuck and crash into something. To her surprise everything remained quiet. She heard Morgan's bedroom door close. She was trying to figure out how she got herself into this situation.
"What about Ellie? I don't want her to get the wrong idea. Maybe I should just go." She felt Chuck stuff something soft into her hands.
"We'll get you out of here before anyone wakes up. Put that on and let's get some sleep, okay. It's been a long day." Sarah jumped slightly when she heard a noise from the other side of the apartment. "Relax. I should have warned you, Morgan snores."
Sarah changed quickly into the t-shirt and boxers while Chuck's back was turned. She couldn't help but smile. He insisted, even if it was dark. Quietly she slipped into bed, careful to avoid touching Chuck. She fought hard to keep her emotions in check tonight and knowing he was this close was nearly her undoing.
They were both lying on their backs staring at the ceiling.
"Thanks for backing me up earlier," Chuck spoke quietly.
"You don't have to thank me. I meant what I said." It was quiet for a while. "I had a sister too." Sarah didn't know where that came from. She never told anyone that, but she knew she could trust Chuck. She needed to tell someone and she wanted him to know. She was tired of fighting this.
Chuck was surprised. It was the first time Sarah volunteered anything from her past. He wanted to respond, but he knew how hard it was for her to open up, so he didn't interrupt.
"Her name was Allison." Chuck noticed that she spoke in the past tense and he knew what that meant. He found Sarah's hand in the dark and gave it comforting squeeze.
"We were your average American family until dad was laid off from his job. I was ten and Ally fourteen. Instead of looking for another job, he decided to get even with the fat cats who trampled the little people, as he called it. That was when he became a conman. It was the final straw for mom. She divorced him." Sarah took a deep breath before the continued. "Two years later my mother was killed in a head-on collision. Dad was on the run from the authorities, so we went into the system. They placed me with a foster family and Ally went to a group home."
Chuck's heart broke for her. It was hard when his parents left, but he and Ellie always had each other. He couldn't imagine how his life would have turned out if it wasn't for Ellie. He turned on his side, shifting closer to Sarah and stroking her arm reassuringly. "What happened then?" he whispered, urging her to continue.
Sarah was still staring at the ceiling in the darkness. "Ally ran away from the home a month later. She came for me and before I knew what was happening, we were on a train heading west. Dad was waiting for us at the station. I never figured out how he knew what happened, but it didn't really matter. I thought everything was going to be okay. Until he handed Ally a fake ID and a box of cash."
"She left?"
"Dad sent her away. She would turn eighteen in two years and he wanted her to have a shot at a normal life. If she became a fugitive, she would be on the run forever. He made arrangements for her to finish school under her assumed name. It took a lot of convincing, but eventually she gave in and got back on the train."
Sarah couldn't believe she was actually talking about this. It wasn't as hard as she thought it would be. She had a feeling it had a lot to do with the gentle fingers softly stroking her skin. She captured his hand in hers and turned towards him.
"We had a rendezvous point. Once a year we met to make sure everyone was still safe. Dad went out of his way to make sure we always made it. Ally finished high school and got accepted to Yale. In her sophomore year, she didn't show up." Sarah swallowed the lump in her throat. "We did a little digging and found out she dropped out of college and took a job at a travel magazine. She was off to some island on the other side of the globe."
"Without saying goodbye?" Chuck's breath brushed against Sarah's cheek, causing her to shiver. He sensed it and pulled her against him. She didn't resist.
"Yeah. We went back the next year, but still no Ally. Shortly after that my dad was incarcerated and I was recruited by the CIA."
Chuck frowned. He did the math again. "You joined the CIA when you were only seventeen?" He couldn't believe it. He'd seen the depths the government would stoop to for the greater good, but this was too much.
"It wasn't as bad as it sounds. I could have been arrested too. In many ways, the CIA saved me." Chuck wasn't entirely convinced. "It's okay, really." He realised it was her way of telling him to drop the subject. He would for now, but they will definitely be discussing this later. He focused again on the topic at hand.
"What about Ally? Did you ever see her again?" Chuck turned on his back, taking Sarah with him.
Sarah swallowed again. This was the hard part. She nestled closer to Chuck, seeking out his warmth. His hand was drawing aimless circles against her back. "Three years after I signed up I was send to Denmark on a mission. On the way to my hotel I spotted her across the street, but when I managed to weave my way through traffic, she was gone. I spent hours searching the area, but she just vanished. I was planning to ask Graham for some time off after the mission to try and track her down, but when I got to the hotel, there was an agent waiting with orders to extract me immediately." Chuck felt her tears soaking through his shirt. "Back at Langley I learned that the mission was a set-up. We lost all the agents assigned to the mission. Seven, if you count the double. He led them into a trap." Sarah took a shuddering breath. She remained quiet for a long time.
"Ally was one of those agents. That's why she left Yale and disappeared. And she requested your extraction from Denmark and ended up saving your life," Chuck concluded. Sarah simply nodded against his chest. It was difficult to relive those memories, but it was a relief to no longer carry that secret.
"Director Graham told me when he handed me her spy will. And then he gave me the same speech Shaw gave earlier."
Chuck cursed silently. When was the government going to stop hurting the people he loved? If he was able to locate Graham's ass, he'd gladly put a converse up it. Instead he pulled Sarah closer and kissed her hair.
"I'm so sorry, Sarah." It was the same words Graham said to her, but coming from Chuck, Sarah knew that it actually meant something. It was in his voice and the way he held her. "I assume your dad doesn't know?"
"I can't tell him without blowing my cover. He thinks Ally's off somewhere writing about beaches and hiking trails. It's better this way."
"Probably, but I'm glad you told me. It must have been hard to keep all that to yourself. You know you can always talk to me, right? It doesn't matter what's going on between us, you can trust me."
"I do," she answered softly. Listening to the soothing sound of Chuck's heartbeat, Sarah closed her eyes. "Thanks, Chuck." He was right that first night they met. He could be her very own baggage handler.
A/N I tried my best to plug all the holes in Sarah's back story. Please let me know if I missed something. I know in the flashbacks she was probably younger than twelve when she was running scams with her dad, but in season 1 she mentioned getting sunburnt on a family holiday when she was nine. As I chose to believe that that was not a cover lie, so this was the timeline that fit.
It was also not all that original to turn Ally into a spy, but face it, nine out of ten people in this show turn out to be spies of some kind. I won't be surprised if it turns out that Beckman is Chuck's grandmother or something...