Episode 3x06

A/N Wow, thank you so much for all the reviews on the previous chapter. I understand your frustration with the show at this point. The sad reality is that the minute the two leads get together, the show jumps the shark and people stop watching. Quite a catch 22, give people want they want and they don't come back again. But these guys were just plain cruel. I'm actually on the fence about season 4. Do you think they'll let Chuck and Sarah stay happily together? And if so, will you still watch?

Be that as it may, let's continue jumping the shark here. This chapter was really hard to write. There is some angst, couldn't be helped. The next three episodes sucked. But believe it or not, I'm actually working on a humorous piece for "the mask". Still deciding if it's going to work.

I don't own Chuck. Or Batman. Or Vicky Vale. And I don't know how to spell Manush.

Chuck looked away in disgust. She just had to kiss him, didn't she? He didn't know who he should feel sorrier for. Himself or Manush. Don't fall for her, kid. It's just her job. And she's a pro.

[Three years ago]

Chuck didn't fall for Sarah the day she walked into the Buymore. She was just another pretty girl with a broken phone. He was nice to her. He's a nice guy. Yes, she left her card, but he didn't call. Chuck was never one to delude himself. He couldn't believe it when she came back the next day. To ask him out. He should have known something was off. After all, she was Vicky Vale and he was no Batman.

But somewhere between offering to be her very own baggage handler and trying (and failing miserably) to keep up while she was dancing circles around him at the club, Chuck Bartowski fell for Sarah Walker.

Sarah should have known she was in trouble when she stood in the Buymore watching Chuck help a little ballerina recreate her recital so they could film it for her mother, a genuine smile on her face for the first time in years. She should have seen it when she told Chuck she liked him. And meant it. She should have realised it when she grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the club, away from Casey and his reputation as a cold blooded killer. Technically her mission was over. She destroyed the computer containing the intersect and was certain that there was no backup or external drive. He was of no use to the CIA anymore. What happened to Chuck Bartowski was no longer her concern. Yet her first impulse was to protect him and she couldn't swear that it was her spy instinct that kicked in.

[Present day]

"Chuck, you have to help me. I thought you were my friend!"

"I'm not. I'm a spy."

Sarah didn't stop her tears. She couldn't see his face, but the emotionless tone of his voice sent cold shivers down her spine. She knew what it was doing to Chuck to burn his asset, but for that brief moment he was able to turn off his emotions. Like a robot. Like a spy. She felt a twist in her chest. She hated that he was able to do that.

[Section break]

Sarah was watching Chuck on the surveillance monitor as he downed his first scotch.

"Boy's growing up, huh?" Casey zipped up his bag, ready to head home. "When you first met him, did you ever think he'd be able to burn an asset?"

Sarah took a deep breath, quickly swallowing the lump in her throat. "No."

"Yeah, he's turning into a spy. That's a good thing." Casey knew it would take more than that statement to convince Sarah. He turned to leave.

"Is it?" He pretended not to hear. Sarah would have wanted it that way. He didn't have to be in touch with his lady feelings to realise what was going on. They were both trying really hard to act like spies. Chuck was fast becoming one. Today was further proof of that. Walker was still one of the best spies he ever worked with, but underneath all that, she was starting to find her real self again. Was that a good thing? Humming 'Love on the rocks' to himself, he closed the door of the Orange Orange.

[Section break]

Sarah lifted her hand to knock, but hesitated. She grabbed the door handle instead. It was locked. She sighed. Chuck wanted to be alone. Who was she kidding? Chuck was basically alone for the past couple of months. Casey was the only one who supported him in his quest to become a spy. And John Casey was not really the most supportive person she'd ever met. General Beckman was sceptical, given how things turned out in Prague. Shaw was pushing him too fast too soon. All he was interested in was getting the intersect to function as effectively as possible. He didn't care about Chuck. It was time that she stepped up to the plate. She couldn't prevent Chuck from becoming a spy, but she could try to make sure he didn't lose everything that made him great. She pulled out her lock pick kit.

If Chuck was surprised by her presence, he didn't show it. "Care to join me?" he simply asked, tilting his glass in her direction.

"Sure." Sarah couldn't think of anything else to say, so she made her way to kitchen to fetch another glass. She paused in the doorway, studying Chuck. He was changing and she had trouble keeping up. She wasn't ready for this. He depended on her less with each passing day. She offered to burn Manush and he turned her down. Yesterday he saved her life again. The tally was even now. She'd been keeping score. How long before he didn't need her at all?

Sarah sat down next to him and he immediately filled her glass. She took a careful sip.

"It feels like I should make a toast or something," Chuck broke the silence after a while. Sarah just shook her head slightly. "Yeah, probably not."

He refilled his own glass. "So how long do you think before I get a mark to seduce into telling me what her mother's communist affiliation is?" There was no humour in his voice. Sarah turned her eyes to the table. She didn't want to think about everything that still lay ahead before he officially earned his badge. Apart from his red test, she didn't want to think about infiltration and inducement of enemy personnel.

"Chuck..." She didn't know what to say. Saving his life was easy, but how was she supposed to save him from himself?

"You know, I've been thinking..." Chuck said after another moment of silence.

"What?" she asked when he didn't continue.

"Never mind." Great, now he's turning into her. Keeping his feelings to himself.

"Talk to me, Chuck."

He was quiet for a moment. "I've been thinking about...uhm...Lon Kirk...and Cole and...uhm...Manush."

Sarah cringed a little. Those three names in one sentence could only mean one thing. "What about them?" She was stalling. She took another sip of her drink.

"You used seduction to get...uhm...why didn't you try that on me? I mean, three years ago you needed intel from me and you...forget it, it's stupid."

"I couldn't." The words were out before she could stop them.

"I get it," he said simply. His stoic mask was gone and Sarah could see that he came to the wrong conclusion. In the past she would simply leave it at that. It made the situation less complicated. But no less bearable. For either of them.

"No, Chuck, I don't think you do."

"Then explain it to me, Sarah."

"I..." She was never good at discussing her feelings. Sarah turned her eyes to the table again.

"Damn it!" Chuck slammed his glass down on the table. Sarah jumped at his sudden outburst. "Every time we get remotely close...you do this. You shut me out. I can't do this anymore, Sarah. You need to end it. Tonight." Chuck got up from the table and took a deep breath to calm himself. "I'm going to take a shower. That should give you enough time to decide. Just know, if you walk out that door, that's it. There's no turning back."

In the hallway Chuck turned around and looked at her for a moment. She was sitting with her back to him. "There's something else you should know. I love you. I didn't want to tell you this way...I just wanted you to know." He closed the bathroom door behind him.

Sarah was too stunned to move. The last thing she expected was an ultimatum. As much as she hated to admit it, Chuck was right. They couldn't carry on like this. He made his choice. He admitted that he loved her. A few months ago he told her for the first time and she panicked. She asked for a reassignment (another impulsive decision) and Chuck heard. He didn't bring it up again until tonight.

Now it was up to her. She took a shaky breath and got up from the table. She took the glasses to the kitchen, rinsed them out and placed them in the dishwasher. She knew she was stalling, but she made her choice. She had to follow through. There was no turning back.

Chuck forced himself to stay in the shower a little longer than necessary. All he wanted to do was go back out there and ask Sarah to stay. But he finally got the courage to tell her how he really felt and was determined to see this through. Just seeing her every day at work wasn't enough anymore. He wanted more. Whispering a silent prayer, he shut off the water. After pulling on his sweat pants, he took long strides to the living room. His heart sank. Sarah was gone.

Dejected he locked the front door and switched off the lights before heading to his bedroom. It was a long day and it was going to be an even longer. He was in for a long night of Call of Duty. He preferred Guitar Hero when he was depressed, but he doubted that the neighbours would appreciate it. Stepping into his bedroom, Chuck did a double take.

Pulling the covers down slightly, revealing one of his t-shirts, Sarah added softly "For the record, I'm not trying to seduce you."

Chuck exhaled slowly. It felt like his heart was going to burst. Pulling the covers back, he slipped into bed. He propped himself up on one elbow, facing her. Sarah did the same.

"I never thought you were. You and me...this...this is real, Sarah."

Sarah was sure Chuck could hear her heart racing. She was scared. She sucked at relationships. If she screwed this up, she would lose everything. She couldn't go back to how it was before. Before Chuck. She knew what she had to do. She swallowed.

"It would have been real three years ago, Chuck. That's why I couldn't do it."

"I understand." Chuck smiled as he ran his fingers softly up and down her arm, causing Sarah to shiver. "I'm glad you stayed."

Sarah returned his smile. "Me too."

Chuck turned serious for a moment. "Look, Sarah, I know you think I've changed since I started my training and you're right." Sarah's smile faltered. "I'm not the same guy I was three years ago. Back then I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I was stuck in a dead-end job and pining for a girl that was so not worth it. But now...now I know what I want to do with my life. I want to be a spy. And I want to be with you. Not necessarily in that order."

"I understand, really...it's just...I'm scared, Chuck. I am so scared I'm going to lose you to the spy life. I'm scared you are going to lose all the things that make you great. Most of all, I'm scared that you will feel like less of person. Less real."

"I won't, I promise. Besides," he smiled, "I have you to kick my butt into shape if I ever changed too much."

Sarah's smile returned. "Always."

Chuck's hand moved from her arm and he started drawing circles against her back. It's been so long since he touched her, he couldn't help himself. Sarah's hand snaked up his chest, loving the feel of his now taut muscles under her fingers. She loved the feel of Chuck under her fingers.

"And I'm going to kick your pretty butt if you shut me out again." He turned serious again. "I get that you always had to bury your emotions and it makes it easier to do this job, but you have to let someone in, Sarah. You can't keep everything in all the time. You will only end up hurting yourself. Trust me. Let me be there for you. I will never betray you, Sarah."

She cupped his cheek. "I know. I do trust you, Chuck. I promise I'll try."

"That's all I ask. And now that that's settled..." Chuck gently rolled Sarah over on her back, never breaking eye contact. "I love you, Sarah Walker," he whispered before bending down to give her a tender kiss. "This is how I wanted to tell you."

Sarah smiled. He would always be her Chuck and she'd do whatever it takes to make sure he stayed that way. Her hand moved to the back of his neck, her fingers tangling in his curls. With her other hand she wiped a stray curl from his forehead. "I love you, Chuck Bartowski."

A/N I got to watch the pilot again – awesome! I had to go slightly AU on that episode and forego the first Charah moment for this to work, sorry guys. If the flash back confused you, remember that Sarah was not aware at the club that Chuck was the intersect, she only figured it out a little while later.

Sorry for the late update, my Internet decided to only connect on every 77th attempt and then kick me off after about 34 seconds. Grrrr.